There is a family in our neighborhood whose 7 year old died suddenly. I offered to help and so now my name is on a list of some sort that a moms group set up. I got an email letting me know a local restaurant is doing a fundraiser to raise money to go towards the college funds of the 7 year old's siblings. I find that odd and have never heard of that. If a parent or parents die, having a fundraiser for the children of those parent(s)...I have heard of that and it makes sense to me.

Am I just in the dark when it comes to things like this? Is this common?

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I would think that the Mom's group might want to provide meals for the family or perhaps babysitting. Or maybe the fundraiser to help defray the funeral expenses. But to set up a college fund for the siblings? Never heard of anything like that.

That is strange, never heard of such a thing. I am with you...if the parents died then maybe money to put away for the kids. Or maybe if the family had spent all their money on medical expenses, but this was a sudden death. Not sure what to say but I guess go if you want to help even though you think it strange.

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

The moms group provided dinner for the family for a month and our neighborhood did another month and I helped with that. I didn't even KNOW the family but I just couldn't imagine going thru that. The child died months ago so the timing is odd as well. I'm sure there were funeral expenses but no medical expenses really that I would imagine because of the nature of his death (he choked to death ). I would think that his college fund would be split among his siblings?

In any case, I don't mind that they are doing the fundraiser and I hope it helps them out. I just had never heard of such a thing and so it's good to know I'm not alone.

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I've never heard of that. At the risk of being flamed, I don't think that's appropriate for the situation. To me, it feels like benefiting from the loss of a child and that feels weird.

Like all communities, we have unfortunately lost a few children to illnesses and accidents. It is so sad to lose a child. Often what I've seen done after the initial family support with meals and such, is fundraisers to benefit the local school or medical research for the illness that afflicted the child....a tree planting, a memorial bench at the park, somethign related to an interest/passion of the child.....that kind of thing.

Just curious, who had the idea for the fundraiser - the parents or the group?


cj/

To me, it's a little like all the money pouring into Virginia Tech after the tragedy this year. I understand people want to do something, but I get the feeling that Tech is benefiting financially from the tragedy and I find that disturbing. I've heard of college funds for the kids if a parent dies, which makes sense, but not when a sibling dies.

I've never heard of such a thing -- I'd probably steer clear of that.

I think that providing the food and helping with funeral expenses would be all that the parents would need help with and that time has probably passed if it has been over two months.

Maybe you could respond and ask more questions? Maybe they've had another tragedy that you are unaware of???

Very sad. I can't imagine being in their shoes.

The only thing I can figure is maybe they set us this fund because the family might have been drained financially after the cost of a funeral and burial......Money could have come from a college fund they had set up for the kids so those that were close to family thought this would be a good way to help.....

It's the only thing I could think of that would make any kind of sense.....

Not to sound horrible here, but 2 months of meals seems like a bit much....as hard as it is to face life again, it only gets harder if it keeps getting put off.....

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

They did the tree planting thing already cj/ and I donated money for that.

The idea was the moms group I am sure. They are also doing the same type of benefit for another member of their group on another weekend. THAT member died in an accident leaving her 2 year old parentless (no dad I guess....don't know all the details). THAT situation I get...money for the kid due to the loss of it's parent.

Thanks for the replies. I would like to email the gal from the group back and tell them I don't feel it's appropriate BUT you never who that info will get back to and many of the people on that group live in my area and I don't want to be blacklisted KWIM?

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I thought it was a lot too BUT I KNOW the parents didn't ask for it. Their mom group did one month (which I would think is good). I know they had family in from out of state for 2 weeks. Our HOA pres (who is their friend), asked the neighborhood to help and had so many responses that they got another month of meals. I did a party platter of sandwiches so they could use them when all the family was in town and the parents were extremely grateful. When I did talk to them (after I brought the sandwiches), they didn't seem like the kind of folks who would push for more....they just know a lot of people and many wanted to help (which is rare now-a-days I think)

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

By the way, KUDOS to your community for being so willing and generous at pitching in!!

cj/

I didn't want to sound horrible and I really wasn't suggesting that they had asked for all the help....and I do think it's wonderful that so many people wanted to do things to help this family....this is really rare in this day and age. It's good to hear you live in a such giving community.

I have found from experience that sometimes too much help turns out to be a bad thing and the families, even when not asking for the help, start to depend on the help, and it makes it hard to fully move on.....As hard and as harsh as it sounds life moves on, and sometimes it takes just doing your own daily routine on your own to help start this process....(I'm really not a mean-spirited person)

BRAVO to your community to the outreach to this family, I really wish there was more of this in the world.

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

I in no way thought you sounded horrible! Sorry if I made it sound that way. Honestly, I was thinking people would think *I* am horrible because I thought this whole thing was weird...

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I'm with the others on this one. I've heard of setting up funds for kids if their parents are killed, but never a college fund for the siblings of a child who died. It sounds like your community has certainly done a lot for the family. You must live in a great community!

Well I don't think you are horrible either.......there is nothing wrong with questioning this.....it is definitely outside the norm....If no one ever questioned things in this world, it would be a very scary place....

I do think it's terrific that you and your community have helped this family. I wish we had a little more of that here.

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

There was something similar to this in our community, except the money in the scholarship fund went to a classmate of the child, It was a way that honor the child and was named after him. I think one of the stipulations to apply for the scholarship was that you had to have gone to the same elementary school (at the time there were 5) in the district.