Even since school ended, things have been turned upside down with my Dad's situation and our life is just getting back to normal this week. My kids are BIG on routine and rituals and they have been thrown out the window for the last month and it is just hard getting them back to their usual selves. DS said me "misses Pa" and that's why he isn't being a good listener, so maybe i need to bring him for the art therapy class at the hospice center, maybe he's having a harder time than i thought he was?

I know the schedule thing is effecting them, but maybe they really are upset about everything that has happened and they just don't know what to do with that?

I am just tired of telling them NOT to do something only to turn around and seeing them do it anyway! Didn't I just say NOT to?! WHat sort of tricks do you have up your sleeve? Timeout always worked wonders for mine, but this summer they are both out of control.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Your family has been through a lot this summer. Understandably, there will be a time of adjustment. I'd say to try to get into a routine and don't give up. It will happen. I am sure their minds are elsewhere right now but given time and consistency, your lives should slowly get into some sort of routine. It took us a few weeks at the beginning of summer to get established into a routine and that was without the trauma that your family has gone through.

Kids that age are very into visuals... You could work together to write out a daily plan (or even use pictures... ie breakfast, work in the yard, meet Daddy for lunch, etc) for what you will do at certain times throughout the day.

Maybe some one-on-one time together with just you and one child at a time... go for ice cream or a movie. Something fun to let them know that they are special.

Time out is effective but don't forget to also reward them when they are listening... give them a pat on the back, compliment.

The little things mean a lot.



You and your family continue to be in my thoughts.

I'm sure that they do miss their "pa" very much. You are in a difficult position for sure. It's always hard to tell when kids are using a situation, or being genuine and it would be awful to make the wrong call.

Obviously consistency. Give it time, I"m sure things will work themselves out, but I wouldn't allow them to take advantage either, because then it will just be harder later. You've been distracted and they know that, the little stinkers are SO smart!

Tricks........It's been so long since I've had little ones, and I wasn't that good at it when I did....SO, all I have to offer you is empathy.

Can you get away for a couple of days, then try to get back into the routine?

Losing someone is hard and it changes us, it sounds like you all might need a nice break.

Praying for you.....Melissa

Your kids are almost the same age as mine (my oldest just turned 7 and my youngest just turned 4). My oldest is big on routine, but I am not, and although I try to be, it doesn't always work out. He is so much better behaved when there is a good, solid routine.

Anyway, how about a reward system. When you 'catch' your kids doing something good, give them a sticker or a popsicle stick or a smiley face stamp on a chart or something like that. Once they get 5, let them choose a small reward. I have a basket in my bedroom closet that we call the 'treasure box'. I fill it with inexpensive toys (match box cars, coloring books, pencils, markers, small slinky, handmade coupons for special things like going to the park, 15 minutes of computer time, watching a tv show, etc. -- you could tailor it to whatever motivates your kids). Whenever we are trying to work on a behavior, my kids are rewarded with a trip to the treasure box.

We found out long ago that my oldest was much more motivated by rewards than he was by punishment. You could put him in time out over and over and over and it would not change a thing, but the minute you offered a rewared for good behavior, he was all over it.

Good luck!
Sarah.........