I am serious about this topic....

Why do you think that some people in online forums, boards, etc are so darn rude? Mean Spirited?? Etc.

I mean what do you think makes them act this way? Is it for attention, or because they lack proper raising? What????

I would really like to know what some of you think is the reason behind it. I mean I am really getting tired of some of the things that I see going on and am curious to know what makes people act this way online. ALSO, do you think if they act this way online, do u reckon' that they act that rude offline in society as well?

Anyway, this thread isn't to create drama, it is to help me "POSSIBLY" understand what makes people act disrespectful online?

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email is moserlara@yahoo.com

Dalton the only thing I will say on this matter is there are always a few in every group and they need to be ignored. Don't let cyber people hurt your feelings.

Ok I am going to say one more thing....If you don't like a thread then don't post in that thread. We don't need opinions on why you don't like what someone posted.

If your going to disagree that is fine but do not attack the other person there is no need to hurt feelings here.

Kindergarten taught us all if your not going to say something nice don't say it at all.

I think sometimes things are misinterpreted on line. I just read something in the paper about this today, it referred to emails, and how you can't get the "clues" from a face to face discussion, tones, etc. I'm assuming something was posted that offended you??? Just guessing, haven't been checking too many threads lately.

I think some people post rudely on forums because "they can". Seriously, what is going to happen to them??? Maybe they can't get away with that IRL, and need to do it here??? Some, I'm sure, do it for kicks, to stir the pot....who knows??? don't let it bother you, if you can. Some people are just plain a*holes.

Was it me, btw???

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I know sometimes something that is TYPED doesn't come across as well as if someone was actually saying the same thing.

If you are already stressed about a situation and you post about (you in the general sense), then chances are you may take something personal, or focus on one particular sentence--instead of seeing the post as a whole.
I know I have done that...

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

No it was not you.....And I do appreciate your answer to my questions.

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email is moserlara@yahoo.com

I always worry so much about how things that I type will be interpreted. I hope that I have never offended anyone here and if I have, I apologize. Sometimes I get in a hurry and don't type complete sentences. Also, I think that everyone reads things based on their own experiences, etc. and what is rude to one might not be rude to someone else.

Was it me?

Thank you for responding.........Let me clarify, What I am speaking of is PLAIN OLE RUDE REMARKS. Not left to interpretation, but are clearly stated in a rude and attacking manner. Comments that have nothing to do with the topic at hand, but are comments directed at the poster and the comments are rude, mean and are intentionally said to p'$$ people off. AND it usually works!

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email is moserlara@yahoo.com

Okay... I guess I missed whatever post is being referred to.

I think people just do it because they can and think that they can get away with it.

Luckily, we have Addison taking care of us and she does a great job.

I do believe some people are so intent on making their point that they don't care how it comes across.
I also believe as others stated that sometimes we misinterpret because we don't see facial expressions, hear tones, etc. online.
And then you have those who love controversy, love drama, love stirring the pot so that they can sit back and laugh that they've upset someone! Maybe their lives are lacking?
And you know what? Some people are just plain negative, about everything and that comes through in their posts.
I think it's ok to express your opinion, if you can do so tactfully. I think you don't always have to agree with every single thing that every single person posts. And if you want to disagree or state your opinion, that's great but why can't it be done kindly? Some people are always eager to criticize, humiliate or prove someone wrong that maybe they simply don't think that there's anything wrong with what they're saying or how they're saying it.

The same reasons anyone is a bully. They feel powerless in their own life, they have no self respect, they want to make others feel bad so they can feel good.
And the anonymity of the internet allows them to be even ruder.
Don't let it get to you.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Everyone's had some really good theories to this topic. Here's my take on it... I've known people who couldn't be happy unless they made everyone around them miserable. Sometimes I think that's the case with rude people online. The only way they can be happy is if everyone else is upset. As for whether or not these people are like this in real life, I believe most are. But that's just my two cents worth.

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Don't dream it. Be it.

I think sometimes people may offend unknowingly and unwittingly and would not normally dream of hurting people. I also believe that sometimes people purposely post mean attacking things just because they can....99% of the time the poster is fairly anonymous to the board/forum except by their adopted board name. These posters don't care who or how they hurt, and might just be having a bad day and taking it out on faceless people that they really don't have to answer to.

I will personally admit that I am a fairly strong-willed person with strong feelings on many things. I will share my feelings freely, but, I hope I have always been able to do so with respect to others' feelings. While I might disagree with posters...and sometimes strongly disagree...I have never had an intention to, nor knowinglly set out to, offend or attack anyone PERSONALLY. If I ever have, I am truly expressing my apologies. My intentions are to share my beliefs and feelings--but never to hurt someone else.

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

This arm-chair detective believes this is related to the (now gone) post about letting go of grandma or infant and that one or more people said they didn't like this kind of question. I wasn't one who said that but I think there are some of us (self-included) who have abrupt styles when posting that tend to put off others, and you might be surprised to find that we are totally pleasant people in person. If a group were standing around chatting about this subject and one said "ooooohhhhh, i HATE that kind of question because it's sooooo hard for me to answer", it probably would not be a big deal with verbal language and body cues. So, the flip side to these folks - who I believe are being referred to as rude - is that there are others who take posts very personally, when that was not the intent. Such is the way of the internet and chat boards.

Myself, I expect to see disagreement and some tension in the discussions as that is how we learn and grow. I have been on boards where everyone supported everyone else no matter what...it was just yes, yes, yes...and quite frankly it is boring. In everyday life, I see parents support their children no matter what they do and I think that's lacking "proper raising". I do not think it's rude to tell a child or family member or whomever that what they did was wrong.

Lastly, I think there's a difference between attacking a person and questioning a specific action or opinion they may hold. Attacking a person's character or name calling is wrong, in my opinion. But it seems to be allowed here. I remember getting a new a**hole a couple of times.

cj/

I myself thought about the baby and grandmother question and thought..hmmm..what are the chances that will ever happen to me ? so I did not answer because I did not think I would ever be put in that situation..besides, my grandmothers are both gone.

I belong to this one group of woman and there is one person on there that ALWAYS has a smart ass reply to my posts..always...I am sick of it and sorta blew up at her last week and started a big brew ha ha.

I can say something like..my son was disgusted when he could not get a hold of his g.f. on the cell so he threw it down..she would come back saying my son is a stalker ? !

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Live, Love, Laugh

One other thought is that the internet brings together people from all over into one virtual room. Different regions have different character and styles - rude vs. friendly, liberal vs. conservative, etc - and I think that comes into play also. I know when I travel outside of New England that I'm always amazed at how friendly people are in the shopping malls and restaurants, etc.....it's just not like that here.....it can be intimidating to me to have someone be so darned helpful...LOL

cj/

Well I think you are all mean and hateful and I will never understand why you all think you are so perfect!!! JUST KIDDING

Well I could have offended someone easily with my comment about my grandmother. But that's ok because I thought it sounded odd myself.

People are just mean to be mean, as soon as they grow up they WILL realize what a jerk they have been and if not I feel sorry for them. We all make mistakes and we all will have regrets some day.

Karma ya'll.

There is a lot of wisdom in this thread.

I've enjoyed reading the responses just like I was enjoying the grandmother/baby thread responses. I hadn't replied to it but it was because I couldn't make a quick decision like that...

As far as our own message boards, you can report a thread to the mod(red triangle at top right of each post). Probably not something to do a LOT but it is there...

Peace! and have a nice day.

I completely agree 100%.

*Also,
I do NOT think a person should be allowed to be called names such as stupid, dumb, or any other derogatory remarks just because of the topic they posted! They can post their OPINION on the subject at hand, but they should NOT be allowed to attack the poster for starting a thread.

If you don't like the subject, skip the thread and don't post. BUT never call the poster stupid & other names for starting the thread......

AND for the record, what was said WAS NOT an interpretation, the name calling and attack was CLEARLY TYPED on the thread. Nothing was left to interpretation, it was clear, SO clear in fact that the moderator felt it necessary to contact me and apologize for such OFFENSIVE words posted in THIS forum.......

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email is moserlara@yahoo.com

I guess I missed it after I went nighty-night...had a nasty headache last night. Sorry you felt attacked, daltonmama!!

Hugs - cj/

I'm sorry that someone said that to you. Your post was thought-provoking and appreciated by many. Try not to let the words of a small few get to you.

The rest of us are here for you and we need you here -- you taught me how to do my own PEDICURE! My feet thank you too!

It's caring like that which keeps me here Thank you too!

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email is moserlara@yahoo.com

I totally was out of the loop and missed that thread....thank goodness, probably. Don't like it when people get nasty with each other here, and it happens more lately

__________________
"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

Okay, here's my .02.

I know that I've come off rude on a thread before. For me personally, I really feel like when I do come off rude it's because I am being rude. There's no misinterpretation involved. That being said, when I am rude it's because I myself feel attacked or belittled. And trust me.. I would love to let it go and be the bigger person, but then the self defense mechanism kicks in and I lash out.

I try and stick with the tamer posts now. Didn't answer the grandmother thread. (so glad now that I resisted). And for what it's worth.. if I've been rude to you or any other op I'm sorry. I'm genuinely a nice and quiet person most of the time. It's just on the internet I kind of feel like I can be the person I want to be and not take so much crap sometimes. Negativity is a b****either way though..

Well, I saw the first few posts about grandma and the baby but obviously I didn't stay on long enough to see it when the posts got bad and rude.

I agree with the others that some people are rude on here is because they can get away with it and some people you couldn't make happy if the 'happy fairy' actually knocked them in the head!!!

I know sometimes I push my point (like a lot of people do here) but I hope I haven't hurt anyone's feelings by getting personal by calling out a certain person a name or something.

I do think that if everyone agreed with everybody on the board it sure would be a boring board. That's why everyone has different personalities and opinions. I truly enjoy the boards here and enjoy our debates.

I know sometimes I have just ended a disagreement with 'I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree'. We all have strong opinions on some subjects. That will never change. And some people are just more sensitive to what people say than others.

I never got a chance to read all the grandma and baby posts but since I was the only one to hold on to grandma and let baby go, I'm guessing the only thing I missed out was probably getting bashed. I hope nobody took offense ,I know theres a lot of you out there with babys right now and my post was not directed at any of you.I just couldn't bare to see my grandmother die that horrific of a death.

The baby / grandmom thread was hypothetical, I don't think anyone should have gotten their panties in a wad over it, but, they apparently did. It's kind of up there with "if you won a zillion dollars, what would you do with it???" OP, I wouldn't let it bother you, the person that ticked you off is "getting their way" if you let it bother you.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I don't think anyone did get their panties in a wad over it. I saw a couple people ask what was the point of the question, one didn't like those kinds of questions, but I didn't see anyone be anything even the tiniest bit construed as rude or mean. Certainly no name calling.

I think the op must be talking about something else because saying a person doesn't like a question or asking why think about a hypothetical question isn't rude at all. As far as I could see, almost everyone replying was trying to answer it in one way or another.

Mallerie

Hey Mallerie - are you saying my detective work stinks?? JUST KIDDING!!! Yeah, I guess it could have been something else entirely....ooops, sorry to have led y'all down the wrong path!

cj/

THEN you did NOT read the entire thread before I deleted it. I know what I read and I know what was written. As does Addison, the Moderator. AND CERTAINLY there was name calling!

NOT everyone was answering, there WERE at least 3 posters that were being rude and derogatory to ME for posting the thread to start with. AND that is rude.

>

'This post' is regarding the replies on the baby / grandma scenario. And maybe not everyone saw what was said, because I saw it (almost immediately) and deleted the entire thread. But I did see it as well as Addison, and probably some others, So don't anyone try to minimize what was said or state that it was interpreted by me. As stated before it was CLEARLY typed out. And the purpose for this 'post' is to for me to try and see why people are rude and mean spirited.

Thank you all for your replies thus far.

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email is moserlara@yahoo.com

Could you let us know exactly what was said that got you so upset?? I mean, from just reading your post right now, you're still upset about it. So instead of deleting the post, maybe you should let everyone know what upset you so much.

I saw up through the jujubee post and didn't see anything rude or insulting - a little abrasive maybe and could have been left unsaid/uncommented on, but nothing to be taken personally.

OP, do you think there's any chance that you misinterpreted the reply? I know you are pretty adamant about this....but just wondering if you might be seeing something that wasn't intended.....it happens...


cj/

dalton, for what it's worth (and it probably isn't worth too much), I believe that it is often (if not always) hard to determine whether things are said in a mean spirited way or if that was subject to interpretation.

I know that you said that the statements were directly made...for that I am sorry, even though I have no idea what thread you are speaking of.

You can't let words of others bother you too much, you will find that every single internet community bears this burden--not one (well I can think of only one...tlj) is really immune. Eventually all internet communities are faced with what would otherwise be considered bullying.

I am not one to mince words, and at times I have to watch how I type it so that it can't be misconstrued into something unintentional.



I will loan you one of my flame suits if you like....having been here for 4 years I have learned that the flames can get rather high and rather hot quickly...I have also learned to ignore certain posters and to chalk up their charmless ways as being members of the Dee Dee Dee club.

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SPJRNTGADL!

What the heck is the Dee Dee Dee Club???

Carlos Mencia:
A staple of his material is diatribes denouncing the actions of people he considers to be stupid, often using his trademark “DEE-Dee-dee!” He has stated that the phrase does not refer to people “who were born retarded,” but rather people “who were born, and are now retarded.” As said in his "Dee-Dee-Dee" song, "Dee-Dee-Dee doesn't mean mentally retarded,, it means stupid. And all of you stupid people out there are going to find this song hilarious but you don't even know, its about you."

I could take your post here is a little rude.

I honestly didn't see anyone being rude or derogatory. I really thought you were most likely speaking of another thread and/or threads. Can't really fault me on not seeing something, when you deleted it. Your comment "So don't anyone try to minimize what was said or state that it was interpreted by me. " sounds a bit demanding. Is that how you meant it?

With your capitalizations on certain words, you "sound" like you're raising your "voice" on each one like we're children who don't understand you. Is that how you meant it?

I'm going to say I doubt it on both counts, but it's pretty darn easy to misinterpret things and you just provided an example.

There's a hundred reasons why people can be rude and mean spirited. Not all of them are aware of it and some of them are. Some people think folks are rude just because they don't agree or have differing opinions. I couldn't explain that one if my life depended on it lol!

It's also kind of hard to give a generalized explanation on such a broad topic. You'd basically have to "finger-point" at what posts you're talking about, maybe there's a real explanation that no one else but the poster can give.

Typing on the internet can be difficult at best, in regards to getting points across. Giving the benefit of the doubt sometimes is just the better thing to do. Just my opinion.

Mallerie