This is simply a vent. I dropped off a few boxes of health and beauty items, along with some groceries at the local food bank yesterday. When I'd finished unloading everything from the car into their grocery cart, the staff member looked at me and said, "Thanks. Do you have any more? You know, we take school supplies, too." My mouth dropped to the ground.

Maybe I'm being petty, but we're on one income and because of mycoupons, I've been able to help charity a LOT more than I would without the deals and discussions here. The retail amount on the items I bought was significant (to me, anyway) but I was just floored to think I was being asked for even more.

DH and I discussed it last night and he's hearing things on the radio about drop off places for kids to get free school supplies. One of the ads DH heard said "it takes $125 to supply a child for school." Where the heck are these people shopping? My son has been using the same backpack and lunchbox for three years and it's still like new. The stores are full of good deals. There was a drop box at the mall this week too, with a posting for school supply donations. I don't mind helping where I can, but this borders on ridiculous.

Are people really that poor, lazy or what? Even yesterday, one of my coworkers asked me to pay his overtime on a separate check in order to lie about his income in order to avoid paying medical bills. GEEZ!
I politely refused.

Some people.

I would probably find somewhere else to take my donations. I take mine to a women's shelter. I also send a big box with DH to work every month, or two. His coworkers really look forward to the surprise. You never know what you're going to find in the mystery boxes.

As far as school supplies go, I've noticed an increasing amount of bins at stores asking for donations. A lot of kids (and adults) think you need a new backpack, binder, etc. every year. I'm a middle/high school teacher, and am appalled at the stuff I see thrown in the trash cans at the end of the year. I rescue some, and dole it out the next fall.

I only pay $15-$20 for the kids school supplies. The school offers a box kit. Everything they need.

They do get a new backpack every year though, but I don't pay more than $20 on those either. They eat lunch at school, so they have had the same lunch box now for 3-4 yrs.

I can't believe that it cost $125 to get one child ready for school....

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I think that giving "poor kids" new things every year just makes them expect it every year.
They don't have to work for anything and or earn it in any way and neither do their parents.
So why should they grow up ambitious and wanting to get an education and a good job.
If ya just sit around someone will give you everything you need and want!
In the mean time, teachers work their butts off and use their own money to halp buy supplies also.
I have bought a lot of school supplies on great sales and give them to my grandsons (both parents work, but they are not rich) and to my Sis-in-law, who is a teacher.

I do know that there are a lot of deserving people out there who are just down on there luck for one reason or another and I don't mind helping them out. I just don't know of away to make sure that the deserving ones get stuff. And with kids it's a tough call.

It's a big problem for sure!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

Middle School DS -- about $20 because he needs the latest and greatest binder, paper, and pencils.
4th Grade DS -- nothing at all!

They might both bring home a small list on the first day of school but it depends on the teacher that they get and everything is optional.

We are lucky that the schools supply everything here but I still hear about parents spending a wad on school supplies in this area, egads.

I run their backpacks through the washing machine on gentle, and then spray them with scotchguard every few months and will be doing it before school starts. I do the same with their lunch bags... They last a long time!!! SUCH WASTE to get new every year!!!

Food Bank had no right to ask for more. A simple 'thank you' would have been more appropriate. Good for you for your generosity! Keep on giving... Don't let one person spoil it for the people who need it.

I have to disagree with you. For someone who already feels like they are different than the other kids not having new school supplies just makes it that much harder to be successful. Many live in homes of drugs and/or abuse and neglect. Helping kds (who have no choice about their lives) with something like new school supplies simply teaches them that there are people out there who care about them. It means that yes they too are worthy of the things other kids get.

I appreciate that people have to learn about the virtues of hard work but children are children and should not suffer simply because of the financial circumstances of the parents. When I hear someone needs something I don't stop to judge them or decide if they are worthy. I either can afford to give or not.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I think that's a terribly rash generalization.
My husband was a 'poor kid' and is the most giving person I know. He is also an extremely hard worker and incredibly ambitious. He has been working since he was a kid - most notably mowing lawns for neighbors. If you could see where he came from and where he is today, you'd be amazed.

Having new crayons and new folders every year does not make one want to just sit around. There are some rich and well off kids that are given everything and can still be ungrateful and lazy.

So, does that mean since you have purchased school supplies for your grandkids that they will not be ambitious or want to get an education? Perhaps the kids who are receiving the supplies have parents that are in the same boat as your grandson's parents or your sis in law?

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@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

I have to agree with Annadrose. Kids can be cruel. When a child comes from an family that is having financial difficulties and dresses different or has a different (or old) type of backpack, used supplies or no supplies, other students can be mean and often make fun of them. Even though my school has uniforms, kids make fun of each other's shoes, where they bought their uniform-type clothing, etc...and yes, even their backpacks. I don't see giving other children more ammunition. I wish that every student in my class would purchase the packaged school supplies sold by our PTA...then everyone, at least as far as school supplies, would be on the same page. Oh, when we have students that we know won't have supplies or might have trouble getting supplies, we give them the school pack--I call their name out just as if their folks ordered it earlier. School is supposed to be a place where you feel safe, loved, and like part of a family. It's sure doesn't hurt trying to put everyone on the same playing field. I don't mean to ramble, but this is an issue I discuss constantly with my fifth graders. In fact, I make a point to let them know that I live in a 1300 square foot house (I teach in an area where most, not all, of the familes live in huge, fancy homes...), that I buy things on sale, I drive a used car (that they think is great anyhow just because it's a Mustang and they know I love it!) and that I have to watch my money...but, I'm STILL a good person, have incredible talents, and live my life to the fullest. When they ask what David does, I tell him them he mows the greens at the golf course (some of them are horrified because their dads OWN golf courses! LOL) ...and that he's an amazing golf who was in the PGA for 14 years...and that he is really happy mowing the greens and setting up tee boxes! We talk so much about looking at the whole person...not just how much their mom/dad make, where they live, the car their parents have, or how much they paid for their shoes...but who they are, what they believe, what they can do to make a difference... It's hard being a kid; if we can make it just a little easier for them, then that's what we are supposed to do! Sorry...off on a tangent! :-)

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If you're not living on the edge, you're wasting space.

IMO, it's up to parents to help them understand and appreciate whatever they receive via donations.

Working and being acquainted with enough people that blatantly cheat the system, I can see where children would assume the entitlement attitude. It's always easier to spend another's money or take what is free. I just don't want to walk away feeling my donation didn't help somebody who really needed it.

Most of us are able to provide what our children need and show by example, that taking care of our belongings is important. Thank you to Cuthie for the idea on care/maintenance of the backpacks; much easier than what I was doing!

And no, I won't stop giving, but I might change the place of donation. The need will never end. For teacher's Christmas gifts, I usually fill a tote with school supplies, cleaning supplies & misc. office supplies I accumulate through the year; either on sale or thru rebates. The reactions have been nothing but enthusiastic. That way, it helps the teachers and I needn't be so judgmental about who deserves help and who doesn't.

Could they have meant like "do you have anything else as in anything in the front seat/backseat?" instead of as in "that all you didnt bring anymore than that?"

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Books just wanna be FREE! See what I mean at:
http://bookcrossing.com

My other favorites
www.paperbackswap.com
www.wheresgeorge.com
www.geocaching.com

I tend to agree with you. It might just be the mood I'm in lately, tho.....helped a friend, and she is trying to hose me over. Another story for another time. Anyway....I, am getting a bit sick of hearing "give this, give that...." um, everyone here is feeling the tax increases, housing increases,etc. On our news, they are promoting a Back To School clothing drive. They are saying "while you're out shopping for you child's clothes, why not pick up another shirt for a child less fortunate....?" Um, because I'm tired to seeing lazy people mooch off the tax rolls, that's why!!! Granted, I know not EVERYONE does this, but, when you go to the store, and the lady behind you is buying milk and bread with her EBT card, and then asks for 2 packs of Ma*****o lights, and smells to the high Heavens of smoke......what are you supposed to feel. You just get to the point where enuf is ENUF!!! There are SO many programs for the poor, it would make your head spin!! WEll, where are the programs for the middle class??? What do THEY get??? I manage to get to the stores for the ten cent pack of pencils, and folders. Why can't they????

Teachers, last year, I believe, got a $250 Tax Credit for supplies they purchased themselves. I'm sure that is not enuf to cover what they buy, so I always help out when I can.

I got DD a back pack by JanSport , at Target, on clearance for $6.24. It's called plan ahead, and let's get back to PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!!!

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I think parents need to learn to be responsible for the kids they have. I do believe kids cannot help the situation they're in, that their parents put them in. I think helping a child, who can't help themself is wonderful. I think however, too many people expect to be given anything they need and are ungrateful.....NOT ALL people, just some. I know some!
As for having new every year.....this is just MY OPINION and doesn't have to be yours, lol.....if I can afford it, my girls get a new backpack and lunch box. The ones they have from last year are worn out. Could they take better care of them? Probably. I wash the lunch boxes every day that they're used with Dawn but they're simply worn out and still dirty looking. A new lunch box costs me less than $10. My kids also are hard on their backpacks. They're crammed in little tiny areas with 15 or 20 other backpacks, they fall on the floor and come home black and they end up with pencil, crayon and markers on them. We wipe them down but only so much comes off. I applaud those of you who can use a backpack for 2 or 3 years or more. I really do! My girls simply can't. But their backpacks are only costing $10 at most. I buy a new one for the beginning of school, at full price(gasp). This year it was from Walmart and cost $9.96. Then when the school supplies go on sale, I will buy another one for usually less than $5. Yes, my girls actually go through 2 backpacks a year. Probably because I'm buying cheap. But like I said, even with purchasing 2, I'm spending less than $20 a year per child.
But, OP, I'm taking it that the center you donated to really expected more. How sad. They should have been very appreciative of all that you did give. I'm really unsure why others can't buy some school supplies for their own children. Crayons are 20 cents a box, pencils are about the same, paper is cheap. If people are trying to help themselves and at leasting buying what they can, then I'd see no problem in helping but to expect to have EVERYTHING handed to you for free is ridiculous to me.

No, their meaning was crystal clear. They wanted more stuff and disappointed there weren't any school supplies.


allinaugust hit the nail on the head. This is all about personal responsibility, or in this case, lack of.

I would rather give with a cheerful heart and take the chance it will go to a needy child, Than to not give all because I know there are some that can afford but chose not to buy the supplies and a child would not get what is needed.

There's ALWAYS going to be somone somewhere thats cheating the system, However, Since I can't control what s1 else does , I'll keep taking the chance that what I can give will fall into the right hands.

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MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

I probably would have been appalled when he said that, and I would probably choose another charity. As far as school supplies go, yes, they do get very expensive-especially if you have several kids. I have always budgeted, and thought we had a very nice lifestyle. Then Patrick (our 16yr. old) was diagnosed w/ cancer. And all of our $$$ went fast. We live in a 3600sq. ft. home w/ 6 bedrooms (which we are now trying to sell to downsize and pay off the bills). So, when our counselor at the hospital called to ask if we wanted a school backpack for our son, we said, "Yes." I felt a little guilty. The backpack was coming from a group called "Lee's Friends-for those LIVING with cancer." I tell you, when Patrick received that backpack, it was like Christmas. Even at 16, he just couldn't resist digging in and checking everything out. It was pretty cool. And while he did not need all of the supplies, it was nice to have the contents to distribute btwn the other boys. I cried-it was just all so thoughtful. And when we got the call from Make-A-Wish (what a shock that was!) and got that offer, again, I felt guilty. But I had to remind myself, it was not for me, but for my kid. We encouraged him to do something that $$ could not buy-he chose to go to Fenway to meet Tim Wakefield. The smile never left that kids' face all night long! So, to make a VERY long story short-look around and see where your donations might make the biggest impact. Perhaps a women's shelter, a handicapped camp, I don't know-just someplace where ppl will actually appreciate and not expect the donation-KWIM?

Sing it sister!

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

OH. MY. GAWD!!
That has got to be the most jaded and hard hearted thing I've read in a while.
"POOR KIDS" shouldn't get new because then they learn to "expect" it! So, they should be punished because their parents are "poor", down on their luck, or made some bad life decisions!??

I got news for ya', sometimes the only new things these kids get are school supplies. How better to give them a sense of dignity and self worth than to provide these children with the tools necessary to learn and get and education?

You do realize that you are being a hypocrite when you say you buy and give to your grandkids? Although both parents work. Why can't the parents afford it themselves? Why should you help them out? What makes your grandchild any better than any other child, except for the fact that he is YOURS?

Either give to charity with all your heart, without any sort of resentment for the people who MIGHT be abusing the charitiable services, or don't give at all!

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Jesus love me--you he only tolerates!

When you are a child and your parents cannot or DO not provide the basics to get you through life, you cannot be held responsible. I teach at an ELEM. school in an urban area and we have lots of children living in poverty. Many don't have appropriate clothing, shoes, supplies, etc. I beg hand me downs from everyone I know and I keep a clothing closet in my classroom where the kids can come when they want to and choose what they want to have. I also shop yard sales, Goodwill etc for shoes and coats. I buy all the cheap, cheap school supply specials and keep in my room for the kids too have if needed. When things are given with a good heart, they are generally received with thanks. All the kids at my school know that they are always welcome to come to my room and if I have it and they need it: it's theirs. We have lots of foster kids and I swear if I win the lottery, I am taking them all home. Lots of them are just getting the bare minimum from their caregivers. We had one little boy last year who only had a pink backpack and it was falling apart. I found a Scooby Doo pack at Goodwill for $1 and the kids stopped teasing him. I know there are plenty of people out there trying to "work" the system but the bottom line is the kids suffer.

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Terri...mom to drama queen and the monkey-boy

Blessed are the parents who make their peace with spilled milk
and mud, for of such is the kingdom of childhood.

Gosh, I hope this is not what we will be feeling in 2 years since my husband was told Friday his job will no longer be there...He has worked for this family for 29 years this coming Sept, there's no benefits, retirement plans , Probably no here hope this can help carry you over till someone gives you a job.

I hope that all my helping in the years pass will come back to me with the same giving heart I had when I gave.

Unless you have a crystal ball that can tell you what you will be facing from one day till the next, this might be the same kind of talk YOU will be getting when it comes down to buying supplies or paying your light bill.

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MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

Maybe the food bank was asking for more in exasperation of the demand outweighing the supply. Perhaps they were looking at your quality and quantity of your donation and thinking that if you knew they accepted school supplies, you would probably bring those too? (Trying to keep the glass half full here)

As for the $125 to outfit a child for back to school, my guess is that includes more than the school supplies but also underwear, socks, shoes, and an outfit. And that's where I think jm19's comment fits in. I agree in the sense that the truly needy really ought to be able to accept any giving with open arms. Instead, the programs that I am familiar with locally have gotten quite choosy about the specifications of their back-to-school programs whereby now we have to provide a $50-75 gift certificate so they can choose their own clothing. That's where I think "we" (charity) are not necessarily setting these kids up for success because we are setting their expectations a little too high - maybe even higher than what the average working joe does for his back-to-school child.

It's hard to find the right balance.....but I do not think that if only those people who could give with all their heart did so and any others did not give at all is the answer.....I think that would be disaster for these programs! I think there's a lot of us with good intentions and big hears who also would like to see some accountability....take away our donations and I'm guessing there'd be a negative impact.

cj/

you are joking correct??

Children, like adults first of should learn to live within their means--period. The sooner children learn this hard lesson of life, the better off they will be as adults!

Not every child gets all new school supplies every single year, to include backpacks, clothes, etc. If you teach frugality to a child, it will change his life forever...and for the better.

"not having new school supplies just much harder to be successful" this is something you would hear retail establishments preach. The rulers and protractors they got last year or 10 years ago are the same as today.

Our daughter has been using the bookbag I bought when I was in college because it is like brand new (and we have used it for everything including overnight trips!)

Want to "help them succeed"? Give them LOTS of paper and ink pens and pencils...encourage them to succeed through their grades, not their physical possessions.


I, too, have seen the buckets for school supplies donations...it's like Toys for Tots or something. ..and the simplest school supplies are CHEAP, so I can't understand why people can't afford them.

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SPJRNTGADL!

there's a song out now,on the country stations.....something along the lines of "It was a different time.....". I think we have gotten to the point of coddling children to the point that we are raising an "all me" society. I am usually the first one to offer help, but, I expect people to help themselves, as well. As for jm19 being a hypocrit, NO, I do NOT agree. Why not buy your FAMILY things they need??? Keeps them from going to the public doles. Charity begins at home.

I think more than school supplies what a lot of these kids need are good mentors. Self worth has a lot more to do with YOU than your school supplies.

I didn't always get new shoes, clothes,etc. and I turned out very well....college educated, raising my children to be self-confident, independent, caring citizens. And, they are also taught that if you want something, you have to work for it. My DS mows lawns, and my DD pet sits. Sorry, I've just had it with the people looking to sit back and piss and moan about things, but, not do anything about it, or very little.

Don't even get me started about the drug situation......

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I don't even want to touch the main argument here, but when a volunteer or employee of a charity is turning away donors with their attitude, that's a huge problem. In this case, I'd consider contacting someone higher in the chain, and letting them know what's going on. Learning to say 'thank you,' and leaving it at that would help so much.

I was going to try to stay out of this one, but I can't. Thank you to the teachers that take their time and money to provide things for the kids who can't afford it! Having worked with the indigent in the past and my DH currently works with indigent clients, the answer to whether some people can afford school supplies or not is NO, many cannot afford school supplies. Yes, sales on them make them cheap, but when you do not have a vehicle to get there then you cannot buy them (even if you had the money) if you can't afford the bus fare then you can't get there. Many people can't even afford to feed their families (even with food stamps it's not enough sometimes) until the end of the month. Most of these kids do not get new clothing or shoes, some barely have something to wear or shoes that fit, many get used donations from Goodwill or Salvation Army if they are lucky enough to be able to get a referral from their worker. I recently went to Staples and got some of the cheap school supplies, came to .87 total for quite a few things which is not much. But have you ever been in the situation of not having even .87 in your pocket? Many people are in this type situation on a daily basis. Yes, some work the system, but the majority do not, the kids of parents in prison need school supplies, foster kids need school supplies, the kids of parents who have lost their jobs need school supplies, kids with parents on disability need school supplies, kids who have parents with mental problems need school supplies, I could go on and on. I am the Youth Director for our church and see it everyday (especially at the holidays), the working working poor who work sometimes work a full time job and more, earning minimum wage, these people are hard workers, could be single parents or couples and they can't afford food, much less school supplies. So please keep an open mind and realize there are people out theere just down on their luck, not everyone is trying to "work the system".

You really should have a higher opinion of yourself.

Please clarify exactly what you mean, so I can decide wether or not I need to rip you a new one.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I was just thinking maybe the guy thought he was being funny. I don't know some people are like that. Is that possible? I could see someone doing that.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

This is the best suggestion made in this thread, in my opinion. OP, do let someone know what happened and how it made you feel....

cj/

I was implying that you have a very high opinion of yourself. You said you turned out VERY well. Nothing wrong with having a healthy self-esteem, this just struck me as a funny thing to say. I have heard people say "look how well I turned out" and it it usually self-depricating.

If you want to rip me a new one, I don't mind.

Rebecca