We received an invitation for my niece's Graduation/18 Birthday/ Off to College Party. They are having a large party at local reception hall. They have hired a DJ, caterer and are having a video program produced of my nieces first 18 years - which will play on the big screen throughout the evening. I feel this is very "over the top" - esp. since they are having financial woes. ( I know - don't judge) But here is the the part that I need help with! My niece registered for gifts - I couldn't remember where it was that she registered- I called my BIL to find out which store-- he told me--- after telling me the store name he said-- "now be sure to label each gift - we will have three tables set up on for Graduation, birthday and off to college presents - just so you can get each of her gifts on the right table" Am I the only one that feels like -- WHAT THE HECK?? Should everyone feel obligated to buy three gifts?

Tacky! (IMHO) What did you say when he told you that??
I'd get three cards and put $10 in each.


cj/

VERY TACKY!!!! I would give one gift...period or liek cjs216 said, split the gift amount into 3 cards

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If her birthday was in March would you have bought her a gift? Would you have given her a gift for graduation? Would you have given her an off to college gift? Which ever you answer yes to then I would get gifts for those. It is kind of like if your birthday is on Christmas or Christmas eve. Should you only get a present for Chistmas and not your birthday? Personally I would get her a birthday present and of course a graduation gift. Not sure about an off to college gift. I think the graduation gift and off to college gift are sort of the same. So I do think 2 gifts are in order or a larger amount item. For a niece graduation I would give a $50 to $75 gift (check or cash in a card) for a niece for a b-day gift either a $20 to $25 gift card or cash or check. It depends on how close you are and your own financial status as too how much you give for each.

You are so right, ronnang.....but it still is kinda weird to set up seperate tables, I think.

oops, missed the bday part. I would get a bday gift and graduation gift and/or money for both. I don't do "off to college gifts"...isnt' that what the graduation gift is for/???

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I think two tables for gifts is ok. One for birthday and one for graduation. Since there will be a lot of people they would probably need two table anyway. I would not think you would really have to lable the gift since one would have a birthday card and one a graduation card. I think a going away to college gift is too much. That is what the graduation gift is for. I would also give money for both gifts.

I agree that the 3 tables is kinda crazy, and for her to have REGISTERED????????? I don't think that is appropriate. I would get her whatever I wanted and what I thought was a good gift. I would probably not get her an "off to college" gift or if you decide to, something small like a pillow or a diary something cheap.

That's what I thought! My graduation gift from my grandparents was LUGGAGE lol

I don't remember anything else, so it must have been a small amount of cash, and the party from my parents.

I think it's incredibly tacky. If three gifts are desired, three parties should be thrown. You can reasonably expect to receive birthday gifts at a birthday party and graduation gifts at a graduation party. It takes some nerve to request an 'off to school' gift! Off to school? Are they planning on also requesting a graduation gift when they receive their degree? LOL.

I wouldn't bring anyone (including family) three gifts to one party. I think it's in bad taste for them to mention gifts anyway, much less three separate ones.

Egads... I too think it's very tacky. That sounds like one spoiled little girl.

I'd think that one gift for birthday and then an envelope with a card and money... for one of the other tables or like some others have suggested, money split between all.

Boy oh boy.

For her off to college gift by her a clue! Or raid your stockpile for some stuff she'd need at college.

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I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.

1 party =1 gift!!!

that's sums it all!!!!

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By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends

I have never heard of registering for birthday or graduation gifts. Is that common??

cj/

I'm in the 'that's tacky' crowd.
To me, the way it's all set up gives me the impression that this is all gimme gimme.

I think if a guest chose on their own to get 3 gifts for each occasion that would be fine.
As a party giver/host, I think I'd just be content if people bought one gift and grateful that the guests showed up.

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l/ l/ l/
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GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

Tacky on many levels.

Off to college party, what will they think of next??? If I got her something for her bday and graduation I wouldn't get her a gift. Why is going off to college need a gift? I agree with everyone, it's Tacky!

If the bday party and graduation party had been held at the times of bday and graduation I would have bought a gift. Off to college is at the buyer's discretion. When you combine all those events into 1 party sounds like party expense X 1, which to me would = gift X 1.

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

Tacky, tacky......If it were one of my siblings I would have told them so. Good grief, this is just another example as to why so many kids these days are so narcissitic.......unbelievable!!!!

and I was concerned about taking little Faith's birthday cake to the family reunion..............

Good luck with your decision. Personally, I wouldn't go to the party and I wouldn't send a gift unless it was something I would do for every neice/nephew. But, our family doesn't do crap like that. We decided before our kids got big that we would just send cards and enjoy each other's company when we could get together to celebrate special occasions. Too many kids and too much stress at birthdays and christmas to basically just trade around $20 bills.

I didn't let my kids send HS or college graduation announcement to anyone other than their grandparents either. I am amazed at that whole thing.

I'd send a nice card with my regrets. If everyone else is manipulated by this display of tackiness, she'll already be getting enough stuff.

Wow. I agree with the one party equals one gift thing. If you are going to go and bring a few 'gifts', I'd do something like a gas gift card (or a Wal-Mart one, etc.), some towels, maybe a sweatshirt or something to their new college, or a food gift card to their favorite restaurant (even a McDonald's one, etc.).

Of course there is always cash. I'm guessing they are wanting cash at all three tables, and by doing it this way they are thinking they are going to hit the jackpot as they figure no one will give small amounts or chance looking cheap (I'm not saying I think it would be cheap, but I bet that's what they are thinking). You mentioned they were having financial issues, just guessing they figure doing a big party & doing it this way they are going to come out ahead.

I honestly think though that the fact that she registered for gifts would make me just call & decline/be waayyy too busy to attend. I agree with you---waaaayyyy over the top. I think our kids' generation will be called the 'Too Much Stuff/It's All About Me" generation.

NightowlRN,

I admire you for doing this and appreciate your posting it.

My SIL told me that her son (my nephew) had to write 35 thank you cards. I was floored. I imagine that almost everyone sent money -- I sent him $50! -- and I also imagine that a very small handful attended.

It really has gotten out of hand in the generation that is just now growing up and entering the work force. We try to keep thing simple for my kids and teach them the value of a dollar. When it is handed to them like that, I see a change in them... a small sense of entitlement.

We have a few years before my son will graduate but I think that we will put a LOT of thought into sending out the announcements... So, again, thank you for posting what you do in regards to only sending to grandparents!

I think this gives tacky a bad reputation. But, that aside, if you would have normally given the birthday and the graduation gift anyway, then do so, whether you combine it or make it two. If you don't normally give a birthday gift, then I would confine my gift to a graduation gift.

I would also suggest that if you are giving cash, check or gift card that you do not put in on a gift table. Mail it to her a few days before her party so that it arrives perhaps a day or two after the party. Too many people and those cards sitting there unwatched might be a temptation for someone with sticky fingers.

I might be tempted to also put a thank you card in the same envelope, addressed to you with a stamp on it. See if she takes the hint. If she does not return the thank you card, then that would be the last gift I gave her for anything. I have done that for my cousins kids over the years. No thank you's and no more gifts. And frankly this sounds like a family that might not feel the need to write thank you notes without a giant shove in the right direction.