My dh and I have been married 5 years. We have 2 young children and I babysit 3 more out of our tiny home. We decided that I would stay at home when ds #1 (now 4) was born. I never had a high paying job,nor have I ever really wanted a career. I knew early on I wanted to be a mom and nothing more, and that was always ok with him. He's a workaholic anyway and I couldn't get a job now if I tried around his jobs.
His married no children friends pretty much quit talking to us once we had our kids, and when we do see them they have 2 new vehicles, gambling vacations where they lose hundreds of dollars, modest homes, and it really bothers him at times.
He keeps making these remarks such as " well since x works they have double incomes isn't that nice?" " if we had 2 incomes we could have a bigger house as well"
needless to say I got angry and now I feel bad because I do work. I have 5 kids all day long, sell on ebay and mystery shop on top of that. I'm so hurt right now that I really don't want to be around him and his remarks.. has anyone elses dh expressed a jealousy over friends for this reason?

__________________
Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

You should add up all the money you make with your jobs and show it to him. POint out that you have no expenses for special clothing or transporation for what you do and that if you did have an outside job, how much the daycare costs would be.

And if he keeps it up, I'd be tempted to say "Well, Mr. X has a job paying double what yous does -- if you made more money we could have a bigger house as well"! I'd have to be pretty angry and hurt to go that far, though.

That's a great idea.

LOL, or tell him to get another job. Then you'd have that two income that he keeps talking about. *wink*

OP, what do you say to him whe he makes these remarks? Do you call him on it or ask him to clarify? Or do you seethe, keeping your feelings inward?

I can only imagine the stress a person that works outside the home (sorry Tammy! ) must have to deal with only to find - compared to his peers - that you are not doing as well as you'd like. It must be frustrating. He sees you as a person that can help out more, income wise, to achieve certain goals (i.e. bigger home). I can understand his side, to a degree. But he needs to see yours too, and realize that your contributions to the household are just as valuable, and deserves some recognition and appreciation. He may just be having a 'grass is greener' outlook right now and maybe a reality check is in order. Either way, you need to get it out in the open else this wound will fester.

__________________
@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

I could understand his comments if you had no children, or once yours are all in school, but full time daycare is EXPENSIVE! Even if you worked full time at a decent salary I don't think it would be worth it. I was planning on going to school or working once my now-middle child started school, and instead once that happened, I was due with another baby just a couple months into the school year

We have plenty of friends with expensive new cars who take fancy vacations, some with kids, some without. The nice thing is we pay CASH for what we want/need. Most of those folks are so deep in debt that it is insane. Our house is paid for, our car is paid for, dh drives a company vehicle with free gas. We are so thankful for what we do have that we don't really regret what we don't have. Our children even understand that we don't take long expensive vacations because we don't want to have to work to pay it off until the next vacation.

Maybe it is time to sit down and talk about what is most important as far as a financial goal. It might be time to start setting aside a little more for a bigger house, new car, etc. I know we tend to burn up a lot of money because we are set for now. When we need/want something large we have to make a point to set aside the money and be better at saving than spending.

Just a thought...turn your hurt around and start working towards a goal together.

__________________
TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

I have always believed that jealousy or envy is THE biggest waste of emotion.

Even with two incomes I am willing to bet that most of the people he is pointing out with their nice life style have some serious money issues. Unfortunately the lenders have made it very easy for people to have more credit than they can realistically handle. And some people don't know how to stop once they start accumulating things.
You mentioned the gambling trips where they lose hundreds of dollars. I work in a casino and just love to see them visit us and leave a months salary with us. Job security for me. And I have also seen the bitter fights between couples because of the money issues. Gambling is a whole 'nuther thread.

All that said, I think it's time that you sat down and talked this out with hubby. I think this is on his mind and he may not know how to approach it with you. Maybe it's time to go over the old budget again. Maybe he just needs a little extra for himself. But the only way to find out is to talk about it.

__________________

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

Thank hiim for all he does and then tell him the grass is always greener on the other side. You really don't know what goes on behind closed doors with this couple because money does not buy happiness but family does! Remind him that you are working and that your being able to stay home with your kids is PRICELESS. It's time that can never be replaced. Vacations, new cars you can get later if it's still important but for now the children growing up loved, safe, well cared for and happy is his/your priority.
I hope he can see that. Just support him and tell him what a great FATHER and provider he is and that makes him fullfill all his role as a man. And if he doesn't reciprocate WE appreciate what YOU are doing!!!!

My dh is the same way so I can relate I work pt now but when I was exculisvely at home all I heard was so & so has this & that. Well eventually as time passed I would see so & so has had thier phones shut off apperntly not paying the bills & so & so's name is in the paper because they are BK or having thier houses foreclosed on. I thought that would hit him that it wasnt worth it but I dont think it has yet he still works like a dog & just bought a brand new harley I would much rather have saved the money to eventually move to a nicer neighborhood. APperently him & I dont have the same goals & probably never will.

Anyways point being if you are on two differnet pages its hard to get on the same page but as time goes by & these friends are drowning in debt & the whole world knows it because Like I said its in the paper & all maybe he will see and even the ones I thought were actually doing ok fell in the hole life took them for a ride & they couldnt get out. At least I know I have my rainy day fund & like you I have some of my own income now so I have more say in what I buy for the kids & such.

__________________
mom of 3 greats girls

EXACTLY!!! It is hard to see other with such great "things" and I think if we weren't jealous sometimes, we wouldn't work as hard, we'd have no drive, kwim? And yeah, thos ethings are probably all on CREDIT!!

I am in the same situation as you are, I stay at home with the kids, sell on Ebay for our extra money, although it pays bills in the winter. Maybe DH isn't so much mad at you, or saying you should get a "job", but maybe he feels like he could be doing more? Or should be doing more? Even though it isn't necessary, maybe he thinks if he just works harder, or yes if you did get a job, he could have those things too? Maybe he just needs to be reminded about what a good job he's doing? Dont' know, just thinking out loud here.

It's hard not to bring a paycheck home, but i make up for it in my Ebay, couponing, refunding, general thriftiness to way make up what i would get in a paycheck and our life isn't crazy!

__________________
"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I had always worked part-time jobs when the kids were smaller so I could be home for them. Then about 12 years ago we knew my DH was going to be losing his job and I needed to find a job that came with health insurance in case he didn't find one right away. I was able to find one that offered flexible hours and came with insurance.

While the extra money has been nice, DH has told me several times it isn't the money as much as the worry that came from him being the only person working outside the home. Now that I have health insurance and retirement, some of the stress is off of him in providing for us.

While it could be about the money, I know in our case it was the stress of being the only breadwinner and provider more than it was about the money.

__________________


MyCoupons is #1 for holiday shopping!

Maybe you should do some research on what you'd be able to make in a job you could get now, and what daycare costs. A second income tends to pale when you realise what it's really costing you.