Have you had the conversation with your significant other as to what each of your thinks "cheating" is? Personally, I think this is VERY important. One person might only think sex is cheating while another might think emailing someone is cheating.

I was thinking about this because DH was at a bachelor party in Vegas this weekend. They went to a strip club (which I knew about and I didn't care) BUT when the other guys started paying over $100 each to get a *private* room to get *dances*, my DH left. Personally, I think going into a private room with a stripper is cheating and DH knows this. So know my perception of these other guys (only one other guy left with DH) is altered because I see them as "cheaters" and wonder what their wives/girlfriends/fiances would think if they knew (and no, I"m not going to tell them....it's not my place). They might think it's okay. So, that got me to wondering if most people have the "what is cheating to you" talk with their SO. Have you?

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Just wondering....What happens when they go into a "private room"?? How far does it actually go? I don't know about emailing, It would all depend.

They *say* you just get a lapdance BUT if they were just getting a lap dance, WHY the need for a private room? From what I've been told by men who have gone into private rooms, more than just dancing happens which is why I do think it's cheating. It all depends on the money. I know that one of guys asked one of the strippers how much more it would cost for more than the dance within earshot of my DH and THAT made him sick to his stomach. I'm not saying that every guy gets more than a dance but I have a hard time believing that dancing is "all" that's happening most of the time or their wouldn't be any need for "privacy".

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

just wanted to add that everyone has their own right to think something is or isn't cheating. I'm not saying that what I believe should be what others believe. I am really just wondering if you know what is cheating to your SO and if they know what cheating is to you?

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

To us, anything that would put someone in a position of either becoming emotionally closer to someone of the opposite gender than we are to one another, or a position of being sexually aroused by anyone besides each other, would qualify as cheating.

Those two things - emotional and sexual connectedness - we have reserved for each other, and to betray that exclusivity would be to cheat.

I don't have male friends.... 'we' do. Sure, I have male acquaintances and co-workers with whom I have contact and whom I respect and hold in high regard, and they're sometimes people he really doesn't know well at all. But insofar as forming any kind of emotionally dependent bond on any of them, where I'd want to run anything personal by them before making a personal decision, etc... that's just not someplace I would go. Nor would he.

We (dh and I) have the same exact stance as you and your DH have.

__________________
Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

I totally agree, also don't think men or women should have friends with the opposite sex if both parties don't have access to that friendship! Example.......Before DH retired from the Army he would send about 50% of his time in Colorado, when we lived in South Dakota. It would not be okay with me for him to have a female friend in Colorado, since I wouldn't have the opportunity to met or socialize with her. But if he wants to make a new friend in South Dakota and invite her over to a BBQ, go right ahead!

__________________
Chicago Bears!!!!
We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

I DO have male friends that DH does not have access to--part of that is because of a prior job that I held. I was extremely close to these men. We worked very closely together--to the point of at times, their lives were literally MY RESPONSIBILITY. I was (and still am) extremely emotionally bonded to those gentlemen. I knew more about some of those men than their wives/girlfriends/mothers did. I loved some of those men dearly (still do!).
So, while I can understand what you are saying, I am of the opinion that some things are situation dependent.

DH trusts me implicitily. He knew that even though I had a close personal bond with several men(some of who DH doesn't like and they certainly don't like DH....), I would have never done anything with any of them. He knows that I cherish what he and I have, what we have created over the last 14 years.

__________________
Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I am with you on this. Most of my friends are men. Some are friends with DH and some aren't. It's always been the case. I have been friends with some of them since high school...and it doesn't bother my DH (but I'm not going out with them all the time or anything)

Thanks so much to all the replies....

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Some people have the talk... and in some relationships, it is just understood -- no conversation needed. We've never had a formal talk about what is cheating, but I know what his boundries are and he knows mine.

Then there are those relationships that require a good screening of Farrah Faucet in "The Burning Bed"...but, we won't go there...

Well, after posting what I posted last night--I found out that my DH has been lying to me about some things for several years. Not necessarily cheating on me, but lying and doing things that he probably shouldn't have--so, I haven't a clue as to what constitutes cheating anymore! All I know is 14 years of marriage is teetering on the brink of destruction because of a couple lies (really big HUGE lies, lies that made me physically ill when I found out).

Have the talk. I thought I knew my husband. I thought I knew him well enough to trust him. That was not nor is not the case. I don't know that I will ever be able to trust him again

__________________
Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

OMG! I am so sorry!

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Awww I am so sorry! I hope things work out, meaning whatever is best for you!

Did this thread prompt you to have a talk with him about cheating?

__________________
Chicago Bears!!!!
We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.