I was so embarrassed! She wanted Dunkin Donuts and I said no, well she had a fit from the front door all the way through isle one and we left. I could NOT shop like that. SHe was mad and crying and wouldn't get in the cart so I could shop. I tried putting her in the cart and she tried climbing out. SHe was hitting me, pinching, slapping, etc, I could NOT believe her tantrum and the actual physical abuse she was trying to inflict on ME?! We are not spankers, my kids don't get spanked, so I don't know where she got that from, but it was the worst thing I have ever seen and of course the whole store was watching us.

When I finally manage to get her and DS out to the car, she kept trying to get out of the car and go back in to shop, she wouldn't keep her seatbelt on, kept unbuckeling it, she pulled my ponytail, etc. I sat there until she calmed down and buckeled up and then we came home. I put her right in her room and she;s been there for about 10 minutes now.


WHat should I have done? What do I do when she hits ME?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Sounds to me like you did just what you should have done!

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Maybe her body really needed something from the donuts.Thats would I would have thought,either that or she was just sleepy and cranky.Or I might have tried coaxing her into trying having something cheap and healthy,making it sound scrumptious till she can't refuse,At least this way she's getting SOMEthing,so she won't have a fit.

oh boy..brings back memories..one time I took my younger ds to walmart. It was christmastime and they had a row of life sized plastic santas in a row...Ds threw a fit to end all fits and threw himself to the floor, kicked the first santa, and the rest fell like dominoes. I was so embarrassed..had to pick him up and carry him out of the store..spilled my purse ...face red and sweaty...oh boy ! That is all you can do really. My son is 15 now so this too shall pass...good luck ..you are a good mom.

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Live, Love, Laugh

My son did that once in a store when I wouldn't buy him a toy he wanted.He got face flat on the floor and had a temper tamtrum.He would not get up and walk,I had to drag him out of the store practically the way he carried on.It only happened once though ,weird.Maybe he just had a migraine or something that day?

It was lunchtime, so I guess she probably was hungry, but there was no talking to her at that point. SHe was fine just a few minutes before when we stopped at the post office and she has never actaully hit me like she did. I think that's what bothers me the most. She has gotten mad and tried hitting, but this was an all out assault, you should have seen it, I probably have battle wounds.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Maybe she was just having a bad day.Kinda of like when we get mad at our loved ones and say things we don't really mean,except since she is so young her use of vocabulary is limited thus striking out in a physical manner instead.
Hope shes feeling better. If I would have seen her treat you that way I would have stuck my tounge out at her .

We all can relate, and you did the right thing. I just pick up the kicking, screaming kid and leave. All the way home they get a talking to on how to act in a store.

One lady did try to talk to her, but most people just stared at us and they were mostly moms with other kids. I sent her to her room to calm down (so I could too) because she was still being defiant when I tried to unbuckle her to get her out of the car. When she was calm and asking to come out I went and talked to her about it, she said she was hungry and she missed Daddy. She is ALL GIRL, no doubt about that!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

After her big fit,You should have bought her the doughnut ,then accidently drop it on the floor just as your handing it her.HA HA !!
Just kidding.

AWE,daddys little girl. She sounds sweet.

I realize I'm totally off topic here but........DD is 4 yrs. old? OP, you mentioned she unbuckled the seatbelt. Is she in a booster seat of some sort?

Yes. Why?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

My 4 year old can unbuckle himself and he is in a booster seat. I think the idea of a booster seat is to raise the child up high enough so the seatbelt fits correctly, as opposed to a carseat which, in addition to protecting them, helps to restrain them so they can't get out and run around.

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I think I would have a little talk with her now that she's calmed down. Tell her that you understand she was angry, but that it's never, never appropriate to hit, pinch or kick. I told mine that it wasn't safe to thrash about, that his room was a much safer place. I also told him he looked pretty ugly with his face all screwed up and I didn't like looking at him.

There were times when it didn't work out in public. You just have to leave.

I can still remember my friend's advice when I was 5. She told me that the best method for getting what you want was to lie on the floor kicking and screaming and hold your breath. The most important thing you can do is remain totally unimpressed.

This was my concern. At 4 yrs. old some children are small enough to be in a 5 pt. harness booster, not a booster that uses a seatbelt. I simply wondered why she was unbuckling herself.

I think you were right to leave.

I am so glad that you DID NOT get her the donuts after her fit started. Children learn fast and she would have learned that she could get what she wanted by acting up!
That would ruin a lot more shopping trips for you.


It isn't always easy to be a mom,is it?
I can remember that I had days when I loved my kids but didn't like them, LOL. They do grow up and act better!

At least in New Jersey you have to be 40 pounds (age isn't the factor, it's the weight and for me it was the height issue as well, the car seat's belts were not above her shoulder, they were behind them)and she has been that for about a year now. SHe takes after Daddy, she's taller than her brother who is 20 months older than she is. She could always undo her car seat, but never had a reason to, just like she has never unbuckled herself until today. You made me go double check the car seat laws and my seat to make sure she was big enough, I cound't imagine doing it if she wasn't, but you put the doubt in my mind.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I think that you sound like a terrific mom who handled the situation very well.

It seems like even children who live in a non-violent home get angry and physical sometimes.

As another poster said, sometimes it is a matter of not being able to communicate the words because of how young they are. Their frustration leads to anger...

Hopefully, it can be a learning experience for her because you have talked to her about it since she has calmed down.

Hang in there! Yes, those days do pass and then you miss them being little (you never miss the tantrums!).

My ds threw himself on the floor and had a trantrum when he was young. I stood there and told him to let me know when he was done. That everyone in the store was looking at him just seeing a rude bad child. He got up pretty soon. Then I always pointed out the kids in the stores that were actling up. I made sure he looked at the child and the people around in the store that were looking at how the child was behaving and asked what he thought. I never had a problem after that. No he wasn't perfect but if he would just start I would say see how those people are looking at you and he would stop.

I love the Santa story! LOL!

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If you're not living on the edge, you're wasting space.

No way was she getting anything after that fit! I have never left my cart, I actually felt bad just leaving everything there (it was only the produce), but there was no way I was going to do that through the whole store.

I ended up going back to Shoprite tonight before dinner and I brought DD with me, I asked her if she wanted to try again. She was her usual self this time, good enough to get through the store without any problems, just some bruised grapefruit instead of some bruised Mommy.

When does school start?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I think you did an awesome job. I have never had to leave a full cart but I know other moms who have.

The bitting and kicking, that is a tough one. Since she was already aggitated that could have been it. No excuse really but at least it is an explanation. You know how Dr Phil says to find your kid's currency. Well maybe you should start CHARGING her for physical outbreaks. Start removing things from her room and she has to go 24 hours with no aggression to get them back. It might lead to more aggression but you need to find something that hits her where it hurts and at that age it is generally possessions.

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

Oh man I would have had a fit if I couldn't get Dunkin Donuts too Sorry, I just feel her pain.

Good answer!!

Well, you shouldn't. Even a 4 year old shouldn't be launching an all out assault. Wanting Daddy or being hungry wouldn't excuse that behavior for me. Once she calmed down, I'd explain that hitting me isn't accesptable and punish her specifically for that, in addition to the other. I'd make such a huge deal about it, she wouldn't forget it any time soon.

I commend you for leaving the store, rather than allowing your daughter to continue her scene but I wouldn't have let her return to the store that same night. It shows her that all is forgiven and I would have wanted to impress on her that physically attacking me was a very bad thing and better not happen again.

I'd get a handle on this quickly, while you still can. It won't be long until she starts school and in today's world, she'll be charged with assault if she hits the teacher or another student. There's not much they can do to a 5 or 6 year old but they can come after you instead and they will. From your post, I'd guess you don't approve of corporal punishment. If that's the case, you'll have to employ other tactics to change her behavior. I'd certainly enlist Daddy's help. If your daughter sees that both of you are united, she may take it more seriously.

With all due respect, I look at this as 'trying again' plain and simple... This is a 4 year old... Mom had a good talk with her after the incident earlier in the day. I think that it is better to give the child another chance sooner than later and then when she did much better, I'd use that opportunity to praise her and tell her that she did a great job (but no food or other rewards other than praise!).

I am an early childhood teacher with many years of experience and too much schooling on this topic. I believe that the mother did an excellent job of thinking through the situation and handling it correctly. That isn't always easy in the heat of the moment!

Just my two cents for what it's worth.

Think maybe it's something in the water? I'm in NJ too and as I type my 2 year old is throwing a fit all over the floor over cookies, his older brother said I had a cookie for him and I dont have a cookie in the whole house. he's not getting any attention over it so he'll stop in a bit. between me and my hubby I call him my little Jak Jak all sweet and cute but on rare occasions you see the other side <usually only if he knows the nurse coming in to give him a shot>

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I would have tried to talk to her. Right up to the point where she starting hitting, pinching, and slapping. Then I would have taken her outside or to the bathroom and spanked her, taken her home and made her sit in a time-out chair.
I know there are some who think that spanking a child damages them in some way. I believe there is a difference between beating and spanking and spanking doesn't hurt a child.

I have my 2 yr old great nephew every weekend. If he bites me, I bite back. If he pinches, I pinch back. If he hits, I hit back, nothing hard but I will pop him on the rear, legs, or arm. I believe that if your daughter hits you and doesn't suffer the consequences of her action, she is going to realize that she can get away with it and will only get worse.

I think you did the right thing by leaving the store. If you can, tell someone who works there that you have to leave and you have things in your cart that need putting back.

My son did this when he was small. I made him take a time out in a corner of the store. He was yelling but for some reason he did sit. People would come by and look at us. I would say " Don't mind us. We are learning a valuable lesson today". They would smile and nod. They understood. I would have left the store if my son wouldn't have taken a time out in the corner and calmed down. I asked him if he was ready to behave or if we should leave. He behaved.

Store employees understand too when you have to leave because of that. They don't want an out of control yelling child in the store either. It does happen though, and people are more understanding than you think. We've all been there!

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Donna

A friend of mine had a phone with a camera. She took a couple of pictures of the kid on the floor having a temper tantrum. Later she put the pictures on the computer. Her kid was STUNNED that he looked like a complete idiot (his words). She talked to him about using words instead of noise and bad behavior.
From that point forward, he learned to "ask for a minute to think" and then he would talk about what he wanted. I thought she did a good job.

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Lyn Clarke

Mail8d...I 100% agree. With my kids I would have tried to talk, until the first slap came. At four years old they do know proper behavior. Heck they are almost school age. Time is precious and I would never let a child's behavior dictate leaving a store and having to return later to finish my shopping. I also, would not subject others shoppers to my child's meltdown...a quick trip to the bathroom would be in order. I do believe in spanking, by the way, only when warranted and I believe this situation would warrant a swift effective swat on the tush.

It is funny that in one of the post it was mentioned that kids in households who do not spank will sometimes hit in anger or frustration...my kids did get spanked and never...not one time...did they ever hit me or even attempt to. I have three very active boys who are now 16, 12 and 9.

My cousin's daughter threw a fit in a store, the whole fall on the floor screaming banshee fit and my cousin looked at her and walked away and continued to shop...she got about three isles away when little screamer caught up to her with a whole different attitude, yes the people shopping stared at her for walking off and leaving her kid, but Shayla has never done it again either.

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#3 Gone To Race In A Better Place...

I totally agree with you. When our boys were small, they knew they'd get a spanking if they misbehaved and it only took a few times for them to learn that. It hurt their pride more than their hinny! DH and I lived in another state from all our family members so we had no choice but to take our boys with us everywhere, hence they learned to behave quickly. I can remember them as little ones holding to each side of the grocery cart when we went into the store. They never ran through a store or threw a tantrum ever. I believe you teach your children how to act and how to respect you. I remember telling them before we'd go into a store "You embarrass mommy and mommy will embarrass YOU!" They're in their 20's now and still remember those words!! LOL!! They said when they had children, they were going to use the same words on their children!!