At what point do you say to a young woman who has essentially abandoned her children, "alright, enough is enough, give them up or take them back." ?

I am in a postition I never thought I would be in....Faith has been with me since Jan., we just celebrated her first birhday, her mother did not come or send a gift, but when I talk to her she says how much she misses her girls. BUT...whenever she gets time off work she makes no effort to come to see them. She moved 5 hours away in June and has not seen them since. Do I just wait? Or do I start making noise about her making a choice????? We love this little girl, my entire family has taken her in as their own, I never in a milliion years thought it would come to this!!! She no longer has any idea who her mother is.....she only knows me as her "mother". I'm really frustrated about it today.....She had the weekend off, I asked her if she was coming, she made some lame excuse about how her brother, who she lives with is moving, tomorrow, (he has been making noise about moving FOREVER, the story always changes) . THEN went on and on about how much she misses them and can't wait to be with them, SHE DIDN"T EVEN VISIT WHEN SHE LIVED NEARBY!!! AARRGGHHH!!!!

I guess I've come to the conclusion that she really doesn't want them, but can't bring herself to say it.....

Thanks for reading my vent................

get an attorney and start proceedings to assume custody of the children.
Some states have child abandonment statutes, I would think that what this "mother" has done constitutes child abandonment.

You deserve to not live in limbo (she could come and take those children from you and never allow you to see them). Those children deserve to continue living in a stable, loving and caring home.

I can only imagine what your feeling. It's hard to believe that a "mother" would be like this woman is....

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Well, the grandparents have full guardianship. So legally she can't come take them. She has to petition the court to have the guardianship reversed. It actually would have been better for them to get a limited guardianship because she would have had to support and visit according to what the judge ordered. With a full guardianship, the grandparents are fully resposible. I only have the youngest sister, the grandparents have the 2 and half yo. We have power of attorney for Faith. This was done because the grandfather is a Dr. and has excellent medical coverage, or we would be the guardians.

The mother was adopted at 12, so the grandparents are just not as close as they would be to a biological child, or even an adopted younger child. She has been difficult from the onset. They are wonderful people and love the children. I am absolutely honored that they have trusted me with this precious child. It was only supposed to be for a week, but mom just hasn't gotten it together. The situation has just evolved.

I really wish at this point they would have gotten the limited guardianship, but the mom "mistakenly" signed the wrong papers. They had papers for both full and limited. She claims she didn't realize what she was signing, but she was told and also encouraged to read the papers, she did not.

I plan on talking to them soon about adoption. We've discussed the fact that it may come to this, but I just am feeling like it should be dealt with sooner than later.

Start adoption procedures now!
If that baby was taken from you, it would kill you!

GET GOIN' GIRL!!!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

Might I suggest that you just be quiet? Stop talking to the bio-mom and trying to make her be a better person than she is.

I don't know about all states, but in PA, if a year passes with no contact from the bio-parent they can be stripped of their rights.

Bio-mom doesn't deserve the fact that you are trying so hard to help her be a good mom.

Face it....at this point, you're the mom. You deserve to be the mom and that baby deserves to have you as her mom.

Seriously, it's time to stop thinking about the bio-mom at all and start thinking about what's best for that baby. Sounds to me like you are the best thing for that baby so start doing what you have to to make that happen.

Good luck!!!!

I admire you... I have no answers, just admiration!

I remember you posting elsewhere that you had just been empty-nested by your son. I think that it is absolutely wonderful that you feel that you can dedicate yourself as a parent to an unwanted baby as she grows up.

You have an enormous heart!

What do your DH and the grandparents think about this becoming longterm? I guess that I'd just be absolutely certain that all of you are on the same page since you have to live in close proximity with these particular people.

As the others have said, best of luck!

If you are prepared to bring the child into your family long-term, have you let the mom know that? Perhaps laying your cards on the table will be a "relief" to the mom and enable her to say what you think she feels...she may know and be comfortable in the end knowing that she would be doing something better for the child than she is able to do herself...

cj/

We are all prepared for this to be long term. We've all been very open from the start. DH is an over the road truck driver, but we are already looking for alternatives so that he can be home and be a dad again.
The mom does know that we would be willing to keep her. She was around years ago when we prayed for another child, she is aware that is what we wanted. I didn't want to start again after 40, but if that is what God has for us, who am I to complain? The only person who is aprehensive at all is my DS, which I think is sweet because his concern is for me. He knows that I was preparing to go to school and go to work full time. I was kind of looking forward to it, but now that Faith is here that is all on the back burner. I'm ok with it, but it seems to bother him. I think that he hates how selfish the bio mom is being, and doesn't like that she is being enabled to be irresponsible. He has known her since she was adopted. The bio mom's father has asked us if we are prepared to go long term with this and we've told him yes.

Bio mom calls nearly every day. I think she thinks that is good enough, and I asked the probate court clerk about it and she does get "points" for calling. To me, it's not enough, but I'm not the one who will decide. She called to get the paperwork sent to her to have the guardianship reversed about 6 weeks ago, but when I called the court officer to see if she had returned it, she said that it was returned "address unknown" and mom hasn't mentioned that she didn't recieve it. In other words, she's ot that serious about getting them back because the process will take months after she does fill out the papers and she knows that.

Again, thanks for the encouragement and listening to me vent......