SO is going on a trip this week that I am NOT happy about. In fact I am down right hurt. Arguing for a week has changed nothing. Talking has made him see my side but I am still very hurt and angry over this. He is outside now with the guys getting the camper ready and wants me out there helping and laughing at their stupid jokes...
I just cant do it... But I am trying VERY hard to hide my feelings... If I dont another fight will ensue and I dont want that.. I just have to deal with it I guess...

Why are you angry that he is going on a trip?

Well, I am not very good at hiding my anger when it comes to my DH, cuz why should I hide it? If I can't be open and honest with him I am in trouble. If the reason you are angry is because of who he is going with or because it is that he should not be spending this time and extra $$ ourside of the house and family, then he needs to understand. What I would definitely NOT be doing is helping him pack....

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Huh?? So I'm getting that the reason you don't want him to go is because he's spending money and family time without you? You really sound angry! Maybe if you talked to your DH without the anger, things would go better......

(Not to make you more angry, but probably with the anger you're showing, the guys are probably egging him on to go on the trip because of your attitude!)

Does he go on these trips often? Or is this a once a year thing? I don't really know the situation to know what to tell you.

mom2twins2 - the person you quoted wasn't the OP. She was responding to her.

OP - I agree w/ jeanief - I don't hide my anger at my dh. If I'm mad, I say I'm mad. and that goes both ways.

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"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? " ~Epicurus

Why hide your feelings. You should be able to be open and honest with your signifcant other. Now, that doesn't mean that you have to agree 100% of the time, but it does mean you should be able to COMMUNICATE with your SO/DH.....

I think the bigger issue is WHY you have anger....

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Since I don't believe in seperate vacations I wouldn't hide mine.
Unless it was job related DH never took any trips with out me. I was even invited to go along on most of the business ones.
NO way would I help him pack the camper!

I don't hide them.. The entire neighborhood knows when I'm angry.. let loose hon you'll feel sooooo much better!

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

I dont hide mine either. We dont usually take seperate vacations but last year he couldnt get off work and I have to see my grandparents every year <in upper 80's and never know when they may not be there> So I took the kids and went to see them and he stayed home reading and relaxing which neither he has time for most of the time.

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We have never gone on separate vacations either. In fact this year we didnt go on vacation because the money just wasnt there to do it. Some friends of his were planning a trip to a NASCAR race. They needed a place to sleep so they told SO if he pulled the camper then they would buy his ticket. Now, he KNOWS that I love racing and this is something that he and I talked about doing for the past year but again, the money wasnt there for us to do it. I make three times the money that he does and I sacraficed a vacation this year because of other things that came up and needed to get paid. I just dont see it as fair.
I guess what bothers me is A) the money just isnt there to be doing extra things like this. B) He couldnt stand up to them and tell them that I was going too. C) My feelings were never considered.
I did express my anger, I did tell him I was hurt and upset but it didnt matter, he is still going. Nothing has changed so I guess it is a wasted effort.

I feel that maybe you NEED this time to be alone and sort through your feelings for him... decide if he is worth the effort of a long term commitment or worth waiting it out in hopes that he will change.

I remember some of your past posts about him and I am concerned that maybe you are settling for him because you might not feel that you deserve better? I'm not sure -- I don't know you or him! But, I do believe that maybe when things like this happen (red flags), you need to sit back and reconsider the situation... You need to look out for yourself.

Here's hoping that things work out the best. My advice to you is to release the anger and concentrate on making some constructive decisions while he is gone.

There are good men out there... I'd never give up hope of finding the man of your dreams -- which your current SO very well may be!!!

I agree totally with cuthie.
It sounds like he is not very sensitive to your feelings.
I could never be with an insensitive person who didn't care how I felt!

But would you really want to go with a bunch of guys, being the only female to stay in an RV?
Sounds like resentment building up perhaps because he doesn't contribute what you feel is his fair share financially to the relationship.

Well can't you pack up with your girlfriends for a weekend trip sometime and go do some girlie stuff?

You can't talk to a person that won't listen, he is going and has his mind made up. I say let him go and then when he gets back show him he is in for quite a surprise with a whole new you and new attitude.

I've read your other post about this guy...

You either need to accpet that this is how your relationship is going to work, or you need to let him go. You always post about the "selfish" things he does...like the whole car thing and him not being honest about working....

When is enough going to be enough? Or is this how you want to be treated? You are the only one that can answer that.

While he's gone go do something for yourself...go buy a new outfit, get your hair done, pedi/mani and go out with YOUR friends..it may make you deel better instead of sitting around the house being mad....

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

I pretty much don't hide my anger or any other feelings. If I'm angry, you'll know it. If I like you, you'll know it. If I don't, you'll know it, etc. I don't like trying to read other people, either.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I say get mad! Its unfair what hes doing.Make sure right before he leaves to be a total, bi### ! LOL! Ruin his WHOLE day! Why not,he sure is ruining yours.Since the last thing you and him discussed was a horrible arguement .it might stick on his mind the entire trip making him regret it. I wouldn't even answer the phone while he was gone if you know its him.Be a real stinker! LOL. THATS how I would deal with it. Don't forgive till he comes home and wants to tell you what a crappy trip he had.

I have already decided that I am not answering the phone or texts while he is gone. He asked me last night if he could take my laptop with him in case he could get a wireless signal somewhere and I said no. I am going to take this time and figure out what I want and if this is what it is. He changed as far as the working goes and things were really starting to improve. Then that selfishness came out...
All about him... and what vacation did I go on this summer?? None...

I was in a very similar situation many years ago. Don't even bother with head trips, you'll end up feeling worse that he does.

What you should do is totally reevaluate your relationship. Write down the pros and cons and be completely honest with yourself. Does he enhance your life or hinder it? If there are more cons then pack up all his crap while he's gone, I'm sure one of the "guys" will put him up.

You deserve so much better than someone who has so little regard for you. Sometimes being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't appreciate you.

Good luck!

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Another ditto to what Cuthie wrote. Do heed the red flags...don't play the games...and take care of yourself first. You're worth it!

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I say selfish and childish behaviour swings both ways in your relationship....

Quite frankly, I think you need to grow up and decide what you want out of a relationship. The selfishness didn't just come out---you've posted about it before.

And by you behaving like a child doesn't improve anything. Either suck it up and realize that this is the kind of relationship you are in and learn to deal with it, or get a grip and move on. It's up to you.

Yes, it is hard when you LOVE a person to leave them, but sometimes....it has to be done.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I haven't read previous posts about this relationship, but wanted to say that I think if this happened to DH and I, where he got an invitation to do something we love and I wasn't included in the invite, that I'd be happy for him.

We vacation together, but we're also not so intertwined that we have no ability to take opportunities that come our individual ways. I occasionally go places with the girls... he goes with the guys... I enjoy a few days at home alone to dive into a project that I don't get to when he's around because *we* have plans, *we* need to eat, etc.

It sounds like he's not very responsible, but also sounds like you perhaps have an expectation of self-sacrifice that he doesn't share. That's okay if that is how you feel... but if you feel strongly about SO's not going places if the spouse is not invited to the point that the thought of it makes you this misearble, then you need to decide if the places you and he match up outweigh this apparent mis-match in philosophies, or if it's a deal-breaker.

God, I love it when someone agrees with me!

Exactly what I was thinking!

Yes, I can understand the resentment when one person CONSISTENTLY uses more of the family resources (time and money) then the other. BUT, only you can decide what you want to do about it. The likelihood of a selfish/resource user suddenly "seeing" the light is between nil and zero. So, is this a big enough flaw to throw him overboard or is it a negotiating point? And, what is it specifically that you want- for him to be unselfish?, for him to ask you to go? for him to work overtime to "make" up for the financial loss?, for him to have different friends? for him to not like his hobbies/passions? for him to rather stay at home with you? for him to____? You ned to figure out very specific things you want before you decide on a plan like I won't take his phone calls.

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Lyn Clarke

I agree with most of the other posters. You need to figure out if this is the right guy for you. Not taking his calls won't help you get to that point, and quite frankly, it probably won't ruin his time. He'll probably just think you're being petty and his friends will be quick to agree with him. At this point, being a b*%$# doesn't change anything - it'll just make you more miserable. Take the time to evaluate. When he calls, my recommendation is to take his calls and be nice to him. In reality, that is probably the only thing that will make him feel bad - being rude will only raise your blood pressure and reinforce his decision to go with the guys! Being nice can help calm you down, as well, and help to get rid of the anger you are feeling.

I really hope everything works out for you. I don't know you, but I really hope that you take this time to take a good hard look at your situation.

I understand being frustrated at the lack of consideration your SO is giving you, but I do agree with other posters. If you're mad.. do what you have to to get it out of your system. Either figure out where you are in this relationship or learn to deal with his selfishness. Holding onto anger is just going to bring you down.

Me personally.. I would love for dh to go out of town on vacation without me. WOOO HOOO! I'd be at Starbucks and Target faster than he could pull out of the driveway.

LOL YEP!! DH leaves 4:30 Friday morning for a week of hunting with the guys.....can you say "Shop Til You Drop"?!?! AND I will be painting the bedroom while he gone since it is sooooo much easier to get things done alone. Well my DDs are home but they are teens so it's easier than toddlers