My BF's brother has 4 kids, one lives with his mother the other 3 kids, ages 10, 8, 6 my BFs brother has custody of.. long story. Anyways we all know he is having a hard time paying support for his one son who the mother has custody of, while supporting the other 3 so my BF and his other brothers decided that since he is having a hard time and they are the godfathers to the 3 kids he has custody of, each of them would buy their god child school clothes. I told my BF I would shop for his god daughter because I am really good when it comes to clearance shopping so I went to the mall and sears and macys had some really good sales, I knew I was only suppose to get for one child but I also knew his brothers were only buying the other two 3-4 outfits each (not looking for sales just paying full price to get it over with ) so I picked up stuff for the other two as well cause i found some really nice things that were very cheap and I didnt want then to feel bad when their sister got bags of clothes and they only got a few outfits, so $150.00 later (which is what my BF gave me to do his goddaughters shopping) I got over $600 worth of clothes, each kid has 4-5 outfits and some school supplies and is ready to start the first week of school. here is where the problem is... my BF told his brother what I did and how much I spent and his first reaction was... "she didnt buy cheap looking stuff did she and what stores did she get them at" so my BF told him and he said "Oh ok" so we took the clothes over to him, the kids werent home so we left them with their father, that was Saturday and today is Tuesday and we never got a call to say "thank you" or "we didnt like them" etc so I had my BF just call and the oldest and youngest told him "Oh yeah they were ok." His god daughter , the middle child was so excited and said she was making me a card
Then I saw in one of the sale ads (I forgot what store though) that this week they have lunchbags and backpacks buy one get one free and my BF told his brother we would get them and he said "No the kids want backpacks from the GAP and they are only around $40" I told him tell his brother to buy them, for less then $40 we can go get each of them a back pack and lunchbag I dont know if its just me being over sensative but I told him that if someone was doing me a favor to help me and my kids I would not question where the clothes were from, I would not be telling anyone what kind of backpack to buy my child and my kids certainly would have called the person on the day they got the clothes to say thank you. My BF and his one brother agreed but the father of these kids said since it wasnt a gift and he needed the help anyway he didnt see why the kids would have to call and say thank you. Sorry for venting, I love kids,but these kids, I have had nothing but bad experiences with them it seems no matter how hard I try nothing is ever good enough for the oldest and youngest . I always make sure I treat them all the same because I dont want them to say that I treat one better than the other.

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

Yikes! I agree. It seems like they need a refresher in their class on manners....

I would feel just like you. If someone is helping you, whether it's a gift just because or it's being done because you need the help, a thank you is a must!! Also, if he's having a hard time, seems like he would certainly not be picky about where the clothes and supplies came from. Maybe your BF shouldn't have told him how much you spent(not that it should matter) but since you said you've always had bad experiences with them, I think if I bought them anything in the future, I just wouldn't let them know how much it cost or where it came from. And maybe the kids are the way they are because their father is just as ungrateful. He should be saying thank you right along with the kids. It helps him out as much as anyone.
I do applaud you for being so generous and making sure you treat them all the same. Sorry some people are so ungrateful.

Gosh, they sure ought to thank you for your kindness and generosity.

As far as the backpacks are concerned, I can see both sides on this issue. Since it's something that they carry everyday, I look at it as an area where a child should be able to give some input as to styles and features. My boys are somewhat picky about their backpacks and shoes, but far less so about clothing items.... No sense in you spending the money on backpacks that they won't use, no matter what the deal is...ya know?

Oops, forgot to mention, many boys just don't get too excited about clothing......the lack of excitement on their part might be "normal".

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Even though its hard.....and you did a nice thing.......you did a nice thing. Thats it.

Most ppl don't realize what it takes to do that kind of shopping and I know my own DH does have clue how I shop the way I do. Especially a BF's brother who has clearly made some hard choices in his own life. You are just going to have to be happy with the warm and fuzzy you got from yourself for doing something really great for those kids.

I think you did a nice thing!! (((((HUGS for the AOK)))))

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

While you did a really nice thing and yes, your BF's brother should be grateful and have the kids thank you, it wasn't like he asked you to do this -- your family volunteered to take this upon yourself. A lot of parents and their children nowadays have the 'entitlement' bug and think nothing of receiving nice gifts from people and don't bother to thank people. It's not right but we have them in our family, too.

Chalk this up as a lesson learned and spend your money next time on children who are more appreciative. If they can afford GAP backpacks, then he should have been able to afford clothes, especially since your BF's brother was so afraid you had bought 'cheap' clothes. Oh, horrors!!

Grandma used to say "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"

Ungrateful parents will raise ungrateful children!

Isn't anything you give some one for free a gift of sorts?

First of all, think back. Obviously it's a sad situation, or the kids wouldn't be all split up to begin with. No telling what they have been thru or go thru ona daily basis not living with either parent. Also, take into consideration their ages. I went thru a similar situatiion with my exes kids, me bending over backwards and them not appreciating it. But I had to realize, they are JUST KIDS. They can't do what they haven't been taught. Like another poster said, just know that you did a good thing, and that those kids benefitted from you're savvy shopping! Let that be enough. One day they will probably look back and realize anyways. It definantly sounds like the dad has a screw loose, or else he wouldn't have everybody and their brother raising and supporting his children. I wouldn't even consider what he says to be logical. I'm glad they have someone like you to help out! We are all giving you a pat on the back even if the Dad doesn't!!!!

Someday they will appreciate it. Some people (and their kids) do not know how to express gratitude.

Know in your heart that you are a good person for doing this.

We're all proud of you!

I LOVE Cuthie's post!!! She's right. You are a good person!!!

Hugs,

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Donna

Maybe to teach them some manners? It sounds like BF's brother has a severe case of entitlement. Ok, he needs help. Fine, but when you need help and someone helps you, you owe them thanks. He's wrong about it not being a gift, too. What does he call it when someone gives him and his $600 worth of presents? His due? He made all those children and he should be grateful that he has so many people willing to pick up his slack.

Then HE should go buy them himself. I wouldn't be about to let him dictate the quality of charity he's receiving. It seems pretty simple to me. If he wants gifts, then he should learn that the giver determines the gifts. If he has specific items he wants, let him provide his children with them. I think this guy has a lot of nerve but I can see why he thinks his behaviour is OK. After all, his brother offered more gifts even after he behaved so badly about the school clothes!

BF's brother isn't going to change as long as he has people willing to accept his attitude so I think you'll just have to either just accept that there probably won't be much gratitude and continue to help anyway, for the sake of the children or let him support his children all by himself. I bet his $40 backpack standard will drop quick enough then!

This being a shopping site and all , just thought I'd mention that the gap backpacks are on sale with the more expensive roller ones now priced at $29.50. Shipping is $6, but perhaps the B&M has also marked them down. Maybe pass the info on to Dad???

Gap.com: Shop Online for Men's, Women's, Maternity, Kids and Baby Clothes

HTH,
cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Yes, it is annoying as h*ll to have someone so dense that he does not "get" it. But, with that said, if the father turned around and returned everything and took that $150 to buy 3 backpacks you couldn't say a thing. A gift is a gift with no strings attached.

I would reconsider how much effort you expend the next time. Spend your time and energy on the people who appreciate it -like the little girl or your boyfriend.

Why does the brother pay child support for the one kid the mother has if he has three other kids? Different mother?

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Lyn Clarke

Yes the 3 kids are from one mother and the other little boy has a different mother.





CJS thank you for the info, I told my BF who told his brother that he can try there or have the kids mother at least get them their backpacks since she hasn't purchased anything for her kids in months and she recently came into some money

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

Nice thing to do OP! I know how awful you must feel to not get any sort of gratitude. It is not excusable, but almost understandable from children, NOT an adult! If someone did that for me, I would be kissing their butt! That was very nice of you to do.
I have stopped sending things to my SIL in CA because we never even know if she got them. I'm not looking for a pat on the back, just to know it came and they got it would be nice.

op you really did a thoughtful and nice thing in looking out for someone else's kids. Sometimes you have to realize, I guess, how people really are. That was a lot of effort, do you have your own kids so you havea lot of daily practice knowing, getting, etc? Sounds like you were really in tune with their needs

dl

The next time you give them anything, include a package of THANK YOU cards!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

And therin lies the problem. Dad feels he's entitled and so then do the kids. Idiot doesn't seem to realize that he should be MORE thankful for your generosity since he NEEDED it.

You are a doll and did a very nice thing for these folks. Now knock it off!! They don't appreciate your kindness and don't deserve any more of it. Except maybe for the little girl. I'd honestly have no problem buying her stuff since she seems so appreciative.