I have an appt. at noon today for a free consult from a divorce lawyer. My friend just used him and referred me to him. I want to get the most out of my consult...is there any questions that I should ask, that I might not think of?

A little background....DH and I married for 20 years, live in New York, own (for the past seven years) our own ambulance service in New Jersey. He is addicted to online gaming and I can't stand it anymore. Last year he was addicted to a different one...and I threw hiim out after 2 years of his not going to the office, and me running the whole show at the business and home, while he sat on his duff and did squat. He went to a dr. got on some depression meds, changed immensely so I took him back in. He was good for about 6 months, then found another game. I have been very sick for a year, and for the past six months have been homebound on TPN, and suffering malnutrition and had several hospitalizations from complications from my gastric bypass...I had it reversed in June, and have been recouping since. I was in bad shape, malnourished, I have nerve damage throughout my body...he stays at the office now, so he says, "I am at work if I am needed.." but coops himself up in his office playing the game day and night. He doesn't come home for 4-5 days at a time, and doesn't even call to see if I am alive or dead. Needless to say, it hasn't been a good summer for my 16 y/o daughter who has been a godsend to help care for me.

I still try to work from home, through the internet, and still am forced to deal with the home situation..while he is still on his duff, doing nothing. He even painted our office to resemble a "cave" (or so I hear), so it mimics his online game atmosphere, with medival statues and dark paint and such..he is truly addicted, and I have had enough......

Thanks for any advice..

I have a 21 y/o who lives home and works f/t at our business, a 19 y/o enrolled in a technical automotive/mechanic 15 month program..and DD who is 16. and we do own our home.

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Eileen

**Some people are like Slinky's, not really good for anything, but you can't help laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs**

I am sorry but I don't have any advice to offer...but I did want to let you know that I have been thinking about you and your situation since the last time you wrote about the situation with the online gaming addiction. What a tremendous load you are carrying...and my hat is off to you.

Hugs,
cj/

P.S. I love your signature line!!

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

from what I've been told keep track of the days he doesn't come home or call. Keep a journal of everything like that. Keep your head up!!

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

Thanks guys for the well wishes...it's been a real rough year and a half...at this point I don't care if we had to sell the house, it's so much to upkeep when you can't even do anything for yourself..I'll keep you posted on what the lawyer says.

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Eileen

**Some people are like Slinky's, not really good for anything, but you can't help laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs**

Good luck Eileen. I'm almost at the end of my divorce journey(very long process)and by next week at the latest I should be a FREEEEEEEE woman, woohoo!!!

My advise is to ask anything you want answered even if it seems silly. A good lawyer will think nothing you ask is silly.
As for the house, if you don't want it, you don't have to stay there. You'll have 2 choices: if dh wants the house, he'll have to buy out your half of the equity(same if you want the house, you'll buy out his half of the equity)or the house can be sold and each of you would get half of the equity. It all seems overwhelming at first but there will be light at the end of the tunnel. For me, the way I "bought" out the soon to be ex's half of equity was by giving him other things. For example, he took his vehicle which was worth $10,000 more than mine. He had a 4 wheeler, tools, camping supplies and he will be taking the camper we own. I keep the house and everything in the house. So I don't technically owe him money for his half of the house.

I do wish you and your kids the very best. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me or email me at tag1114@yahoo.com anytime!

I dont' have any advice either but I wanted to give you this. I know this can't be easy for you.

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I don't have any advice either, but I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My sister is also going through a divorce, so I know how it affects the whole family. Stay strong for your kids, and lean on the people who love you.

My only advice would be to try not to talk about your almost ex in front of his kids. He is their father nomatter what else happens in life. They may know he is worthless but just do not let them hear it from you.

Now for questions- how do you figure the business' value, who will pay for your 19 year old's education, how much child support can you get, are you on disability or are you applying?- how will that affect your moneys from your ex-, can you leagally take some operating cash from the family accounts, if he is non-functioning can you force him out of the business? what about health insurance if the business disolves? what happens if he runs the business into the ground? can you get him out of the house, legally once you serve him papers? Does NY still require divorce "counselling"? Does NY disallow divorce if one partner is crazy? (I went through that - years ago- I divorced him BEFORE he was legally found incompetant- do you need two lawyers in NY, can you submit a division of property list, and can he forced the 16 year old to go on "visitations"? Take a list of questions with you and take notes. If you can take another pair of ears with you - not one of the kids. IMHO

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Lyn Clarke

I'll be thinking of you!!!

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Hope it went well for you! Any update that you'd like to share?

c/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I hope things went well for you.

Thanks for the advice guys. I did go to the consult, but unfortunately even though the lawyers were great, and did have a NY state license, they had not had much experience in NY and advised me to find someone up here. I will do that. They said if I do get the same advice from a NY state lawyer, as far as the laws not being that far off from NJ, they would gladly represent me.

So I will go on another consult, but upshot is what you guys said, business is 50/50, house 50/50. Child support for DD and DS who is in school. And I could buy him out of the business or house if I choose...my major decision I must make right now is whether I would want the business bad enough to fight him for it. It is ALOT of work, and don't know if I am up to it, although I could get help with that part. Or do I want to find out how much it's worth and take the money and run. If he doesn't want the house, then I will stay until DD finishes school, she is starting her junior year now, just so she wouldn't have to change schools. Just need to decide on the business before I start. He might put up a fight about the business, but I know I am not totally 100% sure I do.

I'm calling someone on Monday about another consult anyway.

to answer a few questions, No, I am not currently on disability. and as far as talking bad about him, my kids say far more than I do about him. My boys feel that he does not constitute father material and detest him, and DD is saddened that her father chooses a computer game over life with us...

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Eileen

**Some people are like Slinky's, not really good for anything, but you can't help laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs**

Congrats to your first step to a new life. It will get easier.

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Lyn Clarke

I'm not sure about laws in other states but I know here if the 2 parties are "fighting" over part of the marital assets, whether it's the house, furnishings, a business, etc., it has to be sold and the equity split between the 2. So if you want the business and your husband also wants it, more than likely it would have to be sold and the money split.

I'm glad you went and have taken that first step. Step 1 is the HARDEST! It will get better even when you think it can't or won't. There will be good days and bad, some days will feel impossible but just remember it will all work out so don't give up.