My dd's are very open about sex and issues with me, but the older one confided that 2 of my younger dd's friends have had sex with the same boy--they are 15! I know his mom slightly, known her for years, but not a 'friend' of mine.....she was a teen parent herself and has had a tough time raising this kid.

So far this summer, two girls have been to PP for the 'morning after pill', so I know they are having unprotected sex. Would you call the boy's Mom? I know she would freak out, after having been a teen mom herself, but this boy is really on the edge of impregnating young teen girls!

I am really torn by this.......should I mind my own biz or call the boy's mama? Would you want to know if you were his mama?

Really, what would come of it? She can't really put a clothespin on him..........

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

I dont have a teen son yet..he's a tween, but I would for sure want to know if he was having sex. I don't know how to tell her, but I'm thinking, do it like a band aid...rip it off quick & just tell her flat out.

I am a firm believer in staying out of others business but this one you may want to stick your nose in before innocent babies are brought into this world if nothing else offer the kid some condoms maybe that seems bad but its better than nothing & may stop PG

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mom of 3 greats girls

What about your DD's friends? They are involved also. Are you going to talk to their parents about the unprotected sex?

I would say it's as much the 2 girls problem as it is the boys, talk to them or their mothers if you know them any better? I would let their mothers know and let them deal with the boy that's doing it, literally. It seems more appropriate to me to handle it that way, they are all being irresponsible, not just the boy.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I agree wholeheartedly with flipper. My instinct would be to inform the girls' mothers so that they can help protect their daugthers. The girls are the ones that will likely bear most of the consequences, sad to say. And by protect, I mean from several different angles - self esteem, STDs, birthcontrol, etc.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Yes, I'd want to know but I think you should mind your own business and worry more about the company your own child is keeping. If two of my daughter's 15 year old friends had sex with the same boy, I'd try to find my daughter more suitable friends.

Would it be weird to compose a short carefully written annonymous note to the 3 (2 girls and 1 boy) kids' parents?

I think if it was simply worded to say that there is some discussion among peers that your adolescent is having intimate relations with another adolescent, and that you thought the parent would want to know, so that they can take whatever action they feel appropriate (such as talk about unprotected sex, other conversations, etc).

Really - this would be my inclination - probably because my name would stay out of it, but the parents who need this information would have it...what do you think?

My concern is that the parents could offer some missing help in the form of their opinion, and possibly contraceptive.

Thanks for the replies.....

My dd thinks the boy is a skank and wouldnt date him ever.......she does have lots of friends, but one involved is a best friend, the other a soccer teammate.

I have thought about calling the girls mothers but can't think how to start that call. I just do not want any more unwanted babies in this world. Or for these teens to get stds that will scar them for life.

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

Maybe talk to the teens themselves before going to the parent. Just let them know that you are an ear to listen to if they are uncomfortable going to their parent or offer to go to their parent with them. I would stay away from actually offering any type of advice about contraceptives - that might not go over well with the parent.

Sometimes kids feel they have no one to turn to and are scared or embarrassed to talk to their own parents but are really struggling for some advice and guidance.

Or depending on how comfortable your daughter is with talking about it, maybe offer her some suggestions on what to say to her friends so that the advice isn't "coming from an adult" but rather their friend.

Good luck

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I was born free, but now I'm expensive!

Yeah but IF you talk to the kids/girls involved, they might take it out on her daughter for telling her mom, IF she does write a letter from "someone who cares" No one will know who told who.
I wouldn't want to involve my children if at all possible, I know 1st hand how mean kids can be
~Just my thoughts~

This is how I would handle this situation.

I think that idea is well-intended, but I as a parent of one of the kids involved would prefer the opportunity to know this information, rather than have an outside parent who is willing to listen, but not to dispense advice.

Also, as one of the parents, I would want MY advise given, not the other parent - it's a "slippery slope" for the outside parent to offer to the kids to be involved in any way. If something happens, and it comes out that you were a confidante, could you be liaable in some way? If you don't have the same set of principles as the other parent who is unaware this is even going on, then whatever you might have to offer the teens might not be in keeping with what their parents'/family's beliefs are.

Just my 2 cents...

From someone who went through something similiar and got hurt physically I say stay out of it.

I tried to protect a just turned 14 yr old girl from my then almost 19 yr old son, he was forbidden to see her and she was forbidden to see him, they were having sex. I went to the guardians we had a meeting and my son physically attacked me and I am now over a year later facing surgery on my ankle from him attacking me. I was also verbally attacked by the girl and she continues to attack me on Myspace and I do nothing to her I am blamed for her horrible life etc. she can keep it up its only words yes they hurt, but I know the truth.

If I had to do it all over again I would have kept my nose out of it and my son would have faced the consequences of his actions alone, just as he is now alone, homeless and disowned by every member of his family.

So stay out of it, you could get hurt in more than one way and your DD"s could even get hurt by being so called tattle tales telling about the others business and kids are cruel these days and they dont need that stigma attached to being the ones who told their paretn and the parent who told the other, because trust me it will come out it always does.

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~ Christine ~
Grammie to Trinity Lorayne Jean Keens Born June 9, 2011 Loving my awesome guitar picking 100% Country Boy boyfriend Kenny !
RIP Daddy~ 01/24/1930-06/01/2007 I miss you !
Dont Think you Can .. know you can ~ Jeff Hardy

What about confiding to the school nurse and have her talk to the other parents? SHe wouldn't have to say who told her, but it might be a more official way of handling it and offering advice?

Something should be done, but I think you should do your best to keep your name out of everything, it could effect your DD in the long run if ANY sort of word got out that she told.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I guess I was looking at it more as someone to listen to the teen but I do agree with you about the advice part - could come back to bite you.

Very tricky situation. Ramifications from all actions whether you do something or not do something.

I guess I was hoping that by talking to the teen you could convice them to go to their parent without actually having to give any advice on what to do regarding the boy - know what I mean.

Gosh, my kids are 11 and 7 and I am not looking forward to any of this at all.

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I was born free, but now I'm expensive!

I was just thinking....the boy's mother may already know about his extracurricular activites. She may not be able to control her son or "get through" to her son. Teens are secretive for the most part. I would focus on your daughters and attempt to keep them away from the bad elements. One never knows how the other parents would react to learning about their children's newly found experimentation. Denial seems to enter my mind. Keep your daughters educated, stay on top of them, and offer open communication lines for them & their friends.

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We're off to never never land

That's a hard question to answer. Part of me says stay out of it and another part of me says you need to say something to someone. The idea of talking to the school nurse or maybe the school counselor is a good idea. That way it wouldn't be coming directly from you.

Plus if these girls he's messing with decide they're not willing participants or one gets pregnant, the boy could be charged with statutory rape.

GOSH, I know this will go off as sounding mean, But this is what I would feel if you came to me and told me something like this.
1ST I would be telling you to mind YOUR own business and till you can bring me FACTS that my girl was sleeping around you are nothing but a Nosy Busy Body.
2nd, If my child was such a "Horror" for doing this "Sleeping around bit" then WHY are you the perfect parent and allowing YOUR Daughter and mine to remain friends.

I say this because something like this happen with my DD last Year at school.
One of her friends wanted to be "Special" and her way of thinking this would happen was going around telling all the girls she was having 'Sex" with a boy at school, Mind ya these are all 9 and 10 year olds. My DD classroom was a all same gender class, So this little girl told this to the other girls to which my DD told me and my DH about it. I then told DD she could no longer be friends with X. well X gets mad at my DD because they can';t be friends any longer and X starts telling everyone my DD is now having sex with this boy, Of course DD is totally crush and upset over the lies. She tells the Teacher, Teacher calls X's Mother and long story short WE ALL GET CALLED TO THE SCHOOL over this.

Even tho X was the one going around telling this lie to all the girls in the room it got all out of hand and many feelings got hurt, Friendships were removed for each other and made for a TERRIBLE LONG YEAR to them all.

My personal take is you need to stay out of this, Mainly because you ONLY have the word of the girls telling your DD they did this and you can't say it's true or false.
Last thing you want to go do is tell a parent their DD is sleeping around with boys.
Kids talk stupid stuff all the time to make them selfs look "Cool" and there's not 1 oz of true in it.

BUT If it's true because you know they went to the PP for a morning after pill, how do you know this ? do you work there ? ?

I'm not for sure what you mean when you say the 2 girls went to the PP for the morning after pill., If you are working there and you tell this info to the girls parents, Dint be surprise if you lose your job for revealing confidant information. Thats not your place to tell this to ANYONE at all. KWIM ?

So I don't know how you will go about telling this to the girls parents w/o being Sued or losing your job. Might want to rethink that part.because if they ask you how YOU know this what will you say to them ?

I came back to add why I would feel this way in more details for you.
You said you know the Mother, But are not friends right ?, Well I know alot of people and one way I wouldn't want to get to know them better would be going to them with something like this, Excuse me Know we are not friendly, but do you know your DD is having unprotected sex with boys ?,
Since this Mother doesn't know you on a "Friendship bases" I'm willing to bet this will all go in 1 ear and out the other and you will carry the label as a "Nosy Busy Body " Thats how I would label you myself if you were to tell me this. I understand your concerns and I agree Underage teens having unprotected sex is not healthy for anyone, However, something we just have to walk away from ESP if we are not friends with the offenders Parents and close enough to share our concerns
on the matter. KWIM ?

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MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

I'm not for sure what you mean when you say the 2 girls went to the PP for the morning after pill., If you are working there and you tell this info to the girls parents, Dint be surprise if you lose your job for revealing confidant information. Thats not your place to tell this to ANYONE at all. KWIM ?

I don't work for PP, but I am in the health insurance business, and that is part of why this is bothering me so much! I fully understand HIPPA regulations, but my older daughter, who had a baby as a senior in H.S. is the one who drove the one girl there. They feel comfortable talking to her, so I told her to encourage them to talk to their own family (parent, sister, aunt) or PP counselor and get on reliable BC!

Part of me fully supports PP and their mission to make every child a wanted child.....confidential, low cost health care. But the MOM in me, says to tell!

I really dont want to see babies having babies if there is anything I can do to prevent it!

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"It's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity."

Wow! That's a bad scene, period. I have gotten myself in some fixes with my DD's friends and parents because of similar situations. However, I myself would want to be clued in if it was my kids. The anonymous letter or the school counselor would be the route I would choose. Somehow, keep your kids names out of it, they will go thru h*ll for it if you don't. Good luck!

If your daughter's trusted enough for these girls to talk to, could she have a chat with them about condom use? I do know that, especially among more cautious educators, it's not unusual to recommend the morning after pill if a condom may have slipped a bit, or if a pill was possibly taken a bit too late. There's a lot of fear out there.

I'm pretty sure that if you try to tell their parents, you'll either be ignored or ostracized. Also, the girls may feel that they made a mistake in confiding in someone they saw as older and wiser. Silence is golden -- but if you can help someone the girls trust convey a message, do it.

Just my 2 cents...I would absolutely want to know. I would rather have a concerned mother knock on my door and share the information she had about my child in a non-accusatory way. It is one thing to say "your child is sleeping around" and another to say "hey, I'm a mom too. I'm hearing some things that have me concerned for your child's well-being. I felt obligated to share this, and would not be comfortable trying to discern on my own what is truth, what is gossip, or what is or is not important to you as a parent."
I would toss any anonymous letter I received about anything.

That said, I know parents I wouldn't approach if I saw their child licking a live wire because I know for sure the information would not be welcomed!!

I don't envy you this difficult position, and I hope somehow it works out.

Good advice, momshops! Love your suggested phrasing/approach.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I don't think it would do any good telling the parents.If a kid wants to have sex whether protected or unprotected they will find a way reguardless of what their parents say or do.

Are you suggesting that folks quit parenting at a certain age? Just let whatever happens happen without attempting to impart the wisdom of our years on them??

No offense, but that strategy just doesn't work for me. I would at the very least be sure that my boys had condoms.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

First of all, do you know if these kids are on birth control? Did they go to PP because they forgot one pill or the boy said he has super sperm? Girls of this age and boys of all ages have ridiculous ideas about sex and pregnancy.

I think I would call/visit PP and ask them how much counseling the kids receive once they go for a morning after pill. If the kids get "the speech" then you or your daughter repeating it is not going to make a difference.

I would go to your daughter's best friend's mother. I would approach it that "hey, listen, I over heard the kids taking at a basketball game or at the movies or whatever and the rumor has it your daughter went to PP for the after pill." Really, that is the part of the story that you know by your daughter's admission that she drove the friend there. (I definitely wouldn't repeat that part) You do not really know who she had sex with or if she had sex. Kids will do and say the damnest things for attention. You have the perfect opening because you have been through it will your oldest daughter. I would leave the soccer girl and the boy to someone else. IMHO

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Lyn Clarke

I would just have a huge box of condoms available in the bathroom cupboards , so if my son needed them they would be there.You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.The OP said the girls were taking PP,but as far as the dangers of catching a disease I'm sure most teens are already aware of this and you really can't force them to use condoms,only make them available like I said with a huge box in a bathroom cupboard.You just have to hope they will make the right desicion.
I don't see any where in my post that I said to quit parenting at a certain age.
I also don't feel its my responsibility to make sure other parents have condoms for their kids,but their kids are more then welcome to come to my house and swipe some from the cupboard!

Wondering what you ended up doing with your situation, Jeeplady. How did it turn out?

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips