Hi All,

Have my sister-in-laws wedding coming up real soon and not sure of how much money to put in the card??? $250, maybe, or is that not enough. I got married 5 years ago and I know prices have gone way up since then!!

Please let me know what you think is good.

Thanks Alot!!!

I think that sounds very generous! Are you in the wedding? I wouldn't give as much if you were in it because of the other expenses you would have, the shower, dress, that sort of thing. Actually I can't remember what my SIL gave us, probably not much, her and her DH were both in the wedding so that was expense enough.

__________________
"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I think that is very generous.

To me that is alot. We give $100 for close family or friends.

__________________
I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.

That sounds like an amount that the parents would give to their child... it sounds high to me.

I wouldn't go over $100 (and probably more in the $50 range) but that's based on our household income and the area of the country that we live in.

I certainly would not give so much so as to make it a hardship on my own family.

I have to say that I think that money gift amounts fluctuate by region in the U.S.

For example, My DH is from NYC area. His family would typically give $300 if a couple were going. Around here (northern NY) $150 seems the norm - as you go further east (MA, NH, VT) , 50 - 100 seems average. I'm sure outside of the northeast, there are even other ranges.

And I know we're not supposed to do this (ala Ann Landers), but I try to consider how much $ it will cost to feed us (per plate - esp when we bring the kids!)

I happen to think NJ and NY are on the very generous side of gift-giving. Not sure why the difference.

Why not give a nice gift rather than a money amount?

100 dollars

__________________
★♥Caroline★♥

I know on Long Island the "standard" is to cover your meal. The caterers charge a ridiculous amount now - so $300 is probably right.

__________________

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

For relatives that are close to us, we usually give a $100 gift card, as well as something personal for them to have to remember the day. For others, I usually give a nice picture frame. I've found you can never have enough picture frames! There's so many unique and different ones out there now.

Since you're in the NJ area, I would say that $250 is about right. I don't think you can give any less. I'm from NYC and I think the customary amount for NY and NJ is the same - about $100-125 per person.

We normally give $100 to close family but to brothers/sisters we give $200-$250. My SIL is getting married in 3 weeks and we'll be buying her a gift that values around $250. Of coarse I'll try to buy with a coupon and be more around the $200 mark (she's registered at BBB so I know that's 20% I can save at least with coupon). I am also in the wedding but the dress and shoes were about $150 total and I would have gotten her shower gifts anyway. I think $250 check is generous and will be appreciated

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Thanks so much for all the replies!!! No neither my hubby or I are in the wedding. They are having the actaul wedding in St. Thomas and then having a reception here in the states. We are not going to the island, as kids are not welcomed and we have a new little one and another we would never vacation without.....I would miss them WAY too much!!! We did buy a shower gift, spent about $140 on it. I know that when I got married I like receiveing money, as you can do whatever you want with it. And I am sure you know the saying "Give as you would like to recieve".


Thanks for all your help.

Can I ask the income range of these families who are giving $150 to $300? We live in the midwest, outside of St Louis, and I have never heard of anyone giving that kind of money. I wonder if we are just too low income to be invited to shindigs that expensive. Now I have to worry about the shower gift I was going to send to a nephew's wife's baby shower in Delaware. Is 6 Carter baby outfits, a bib, and a bear adequate?

__________________
Lyn Clarke

The tri-state area she is in does weddings very differently than everyone else. My SIL got married in NY Oct 2005 and my inlaws paid $70,000 for her wedding. We got married there in 1996 and it was about $25,000.
I agree, now that I'm not in it, that it's an insane amount of money. My poor inlaws - SIL is already divorced!
I believe it all started with the parents paying for the big wedding then the guests give money as gifts. The gifts are supposed to be the couple's nest egg. So now everyone wants the big wedding to get the big money.
If I had it to do today I'd definitely elope but my wedding was great.

__________________

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

Lyn - Unfortunately I don't think it has anything to do with our income range. I can only speak from experience, but in NYC, Long Island, and New Jersey wedding dinners run around $125 per person and up and usually the general rule is to cover your plate, if possible. When my nephew got married a few months ago, we gave $500 for my Dh, 3 kids (teens) and me. None of us were in the wedding party. I would have given more if I could have. I think the problem is that catering halls are so expensive here and traditionally all weddings include an open bar all night, a cocktail hour, full dinner and some kind of venetian (dessert) hour.

I think that were you are from has the most to do with it. People on the east coast generally make more and weddings are more expensive, so gifts would probably be higher? I was reading about incomes the other day and here's the breakdown by state, just interesting reading, sorry to highjack the thread.



Connecticut $56,409
New Jersey $56,356
Maryland $54,302
Massachusetts $52,713
New Hampshire $52,409
Alaska $52,391
Minnesota $50,750
Virginia $50,028
Colorado $49,248
Delaware $48,770
California $48,440
Hawaii $48,274
Washington $48,185
Illinois $47,367
Utah $46,709
Wisconsin $46,538
Michigan $46,291
Nevada $45,249
Rhode Island $45,006
New York $44,139
Indiana $43,323
United States $43,318
District of Columbia $43,215
Ohio $43,119
Kansas $43,113
Pennsylvania $42,952
Vermont $42,649
Oregon $42,593
Georgia $42,421
Iowa $42,278
Nebraska $41,984
Arizona $41,963
Wyoming $41,554
Missouri $40,870
Texas $39,967
Idaho $39,859
North Carolina $39,438
Maine $39,212
Florida $38,985
North Dakota $38,223
South Dakota $38,008
South Carolina $38,003
Tennessee $37,925
Kentucky $36,663
Alabama $36,131
Oklahoma $35,634
New Mexico $35,091
Montana $34,449
Louisiana $33,792
Arkansas $33,445
West Virginia $32,967
Mississippi $32,397
Source: Census Bureau

__________________
"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

OMIGOSH!! Wayyyy- over my head. Now I have to admit, it has been a while since I have been to a wedding- but I am floored. I will ask around out of curiosity's sake. One of my stepson's friends just married. I will ask him what he gave for a present and how much the wedding cost. Ignorant in IL.

__________________
Lyn Clarke

cover the plate plus extra $$$$$. It is true here in NY plates are at least $125 for a Sat wedding. $250 for a couple sounds normal.

70K on a wedding in my never to be humble opinion is ridiculous. Have a nice, class but small wedding and if you want to spend $70k how about a nice down payment on a house? Yikes. I got married on the beach in Monterey California for less than some people spend on dinner. It was gorgeous and beautiful and just what I wanted.

__________________
"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

I think there is definitely a regional thing with wedding costs. It does seem to be big business in NY (Long Island area) and NJ, and most of CT. But judging from the reactions of most people on this board, it sounds like the rest of the country is much more tame!

Lyn, your gift for the baby sounds VERY generous, and absolutely perfect. They'll love it!

And to everyone else - whatever you think is the right amount in your local area - you're probably correct. Remember that the Northeast, particularly that tri-state area seems very inflated these times - I know this first-hand!

I wonder what drives those insane dollar figures. Is it one-upmanship? People thinking they are extremely high class, or at least pretending to be?

To me, manners would dictate that I *not* put my "guests" in the awkward position of feeling as though they have to "give" a fortune to feel comfortable attending an event that I ocrhestrated that was "all about me."

In places where such extravagance is the expected norm, do people often turn down wedding invitations just because they don't want to shell out $500 for their family of four to attend the wedding of the child of a co-worker?

This is what we do, too.

I figure if the couple cares enough to provide us with a nice dinner in a beautiful place as well as music/dancing all evening, I should care enough to honor them with an appropriate wedding gift. My SIL was complaining the other day about going to a wedding and "having" to give the bridal couple $50. I pointed out to her that she was complaining about $50 for a WEDDING, but she thinks nothing of going out just about every Saturday night for dinner at a nice restaurant and spending $50 .

I'm in western NY and DD is getting married soon. We are paying $30/person for dinner/open bar in a penthouse ballroom in a very nice hotel and will be very happy to get $100 per couple.

I got married 24 years ago next week. We live in CA but my dh was from NJ and still had a lot of friends and family back there. When we got married I could not believe all the money we got from his side. I think most of the friends gave us $100 and aunts and uncles $250. We got mostly gifts from my side and the few who gave money gave between $25 and $50. I had never heard of that much money given at a wedding. I always thought it was a back east thing. They give a nice gift for the shower( like what other people give for a wedding gift) and only cash for the wedding gift. The money is to help get the new couple started out in life. My sister got married a few years later and and sure wished she had married someone from NJ. LOL

$70,000 for a wedding! Oh my gosh, I better figure out a way to start saving/making more dough!!! DH and I have 3 girls (and a son too)! Um, maybe they will stay single?! GEEZ. I agree with the other posters, just think how far that $70,000 would have gone on a down payment for a house. I'm one of those that believe you're just as married with a cheaper wedding as you are with an expensive one though.

It's the same theory that I am teaching my girls now when they see the $300 purses in the stores. I tell them, would you rather be carrying a $300 purse, or carrying a cheaper purse and have $300 cash in it? They get the picture. Nothing wrong with a $300 purse by the way, I'm just using it to get my point across to them (my girls are 11 and under and my 11 year old really wants a Coach bag, ha ha--um, I don't even have a Coach bag!).

By the way, OP, I think your gift is very generous also. Only my parents gave that kind of money for our wedding 13 years ago. They should be very grateful to you.

wow that is a lot of $$$

note to self - turn down invitations from the ny area LOL

do you guys remember one of the mtv true life shows about a couple from nj or ny, a young italian couple who had a huge expensive wedding, lots of people in the wedding party, hundreds of guests in a big ballroom, they spent nearly $100k for this over the top celebration, and could not afford a honeymoon lol i thought that was kind of silly but hey it's not my dime. if people want to spend $50k, 70k, 100k that's their business.

Changing the topic slightly....DS is getting married soon. We already know what we are going to give them as a wedding gift, but I'd like to know what others give their children, or what you received from your parents as a wedding gift. A couple of posters have already shared this information, and it got me thinking. Thanks.

My stepson is talking about getting a house with his girlfriend. He is 26 and he and his girlfriend still live with his mom !!! I have promised him money for the closing costs and to get some stuff he will need. ($5000) If there is a wedding first, he will get a choice --money for the wedding or money for the house but he only gets one lump sum- wedding, house, or whatever- By the way, we did not pay for his AA degree. We felt he made a poor choice (one of thosee TV commercial places) and he had to get college loans ($40,000)which he will be paying off for YEARS to come).
P.S. If we had paid for his college, then we would probably have given him $500 for his wedding present + stuff I manage to squirrel away from clearance racks. We will not pay for groom's family expenses. He is 26!!

__________________
Lyn Clarke

Freer,

When my DH and I got married almost 14 years ago, my parents paid for all of the wedding (I paid for a lot of items too--but it's custom bride's side of family does this, etc. sooooo...), photographer, etc. They also gave us numerous needed gifts, some cash (nothing huge--several hundred), and bought us a smaller freezer. DH's parents rented DH's tux and his dad's (he was his best man), paid for a smaller rehearsal dinner, which (how nice of them) they invited their entire family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc.) to and I only got to invite my immediate family (mom, dad, sister, brother, my maid of honor) as they didn't offer me that option. They only gave us a $50 clock too (they gave us the catalog to pick it from!). They are well off and could totally afford more.

We didn't have much of a honeymoon/didn't go anywhere out of country (not even out of state actually), etc. I felt that my DH's parents should have put some money towards the honeymoon as my side of the family covered the entire wedding. They could have at least offered (I'm not greedy, long story involved there and lots of water under the bridge now; DH was in his last year of college and I had recently graduated from college and had my first 'professional' job, etc., so we didn't have a lot of cash to do much with so we did what we could afford). DH's parents totally could have afforded it, etc. That is the one major regret that I have to this day, is that we didn't get to take a decent honeymoon. Now we have 4 kids and it probably isn't going to ever happen.

You didn't say what you had already planned for your son's wedding, but I totally have decided that I will make sure that when my kids marry (if I can at all that is), they will all have a decent honeymoon. Not extravagant, just nice/an actual trip somewhere. Sometimes that's the one and only real vacation you get (without kids) in your lifetime that's for sure. HTH.

My inlaws didn't spend much on us for our wedding. They had the rehearsal dinner at their house, which was not so bad, but they wanted me to help cook, like I had nothing else to do. They didn't give much of a gift, but they didn't really have a lot of money. I does annoy me that they took out a home equity loan to pay for my SIL's $20,000 wedding though. They could have put a little more effort into it than they did though. I have a son and daughter and I hope I can do equal for them, that is only fair, they are both my kids and I will be proud when they get married.

__________________
"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Wow! Here most weddings don't have a sit down reception with a meal. Most of them just have cake, finger foods, etc. Usually we would only give that amount for a very close relative (sister, brother, etc.).

When I got married 24 years ago my parents and I more or less split the cost of the wedding. I paid for my dress, flowers, and photographer, and they the rest. At the time it was probably less then $3,000 total. LOL The ONLY thing my dh mother did was the rehearsal dinner, but didn't even have it after the rehearsal. It was the week before and they also invited everyone on dh side. So my poor parents had a get together after the rehearsal too. For a gift my parents gave us a microwave oven. After paying part of the wedding I wasn't expecting anything from them. My MIL gave us $250 and a month later borrowed $200 from us. LOL I think that the brides family paying for the wedding is ridiculous. I think it would be better if the brides parents, the grooms parents, and the couple getting married split the cost. Also it was funny but my mom and dad never said anything about what I planned for my wedding even though they were paying for half . My future MIL who was not paying for anything complained to my dh about everything. She didn't like the flowers, food, etc... It took me years to get over the stress she put me under.

Depending on how close we are to the couple $50-$100

__________________


"Never loan your car to someone you have given birth too"