My DD and I went out for a girls lunch today at Bob Evans. She's 8 and needed to go to the bathroom. I'm not concerned about her but it's the other crazies of the world. She knows all about stranger danger, etc. but the bathrooms are right by the To Go doors and you never know. She tells me all her friends moms let them go, blah, blah, blah. I did those same trips on my mom! Today I let her go in the bathroom by herself and I stayed by the cash register. When do you feel is a "safe" age to go to the rest room alone? I told my DD 18 would be here before she knows it!

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Mom to Miss C & Mr. E
Former SAHM now working full time
feboll@neo.rr.com

I have no idea. The way morality is going downhill so fast, in some places even adults aren't safe to go alone. Maybe suggest she use the buddy system??? If she did go alone, I'd stand outside the bathroom and wait for her.

I finally did try to let my DD go alone (same age-ish as yours, Ellenboll), but I first had to go in, check the stalls (there were only 3), and then I stood outside the bathroom and told her to go...as soon as someone went in that wasn't grandmotherly-looking (LOL), I was back in that bathroom, anyways.

She was disgusted w/me when she realized I was in afterall. I did my best, but it's too creepy.

I think I'm even more creeped out by public bathrooms since I viewed a required presentation on pedophiles (I had to view this disturbing informational video prior to being allowed to teach CCD in my church).

So I guess I just sort of reinforce your own worries, but hey --- strength in numbers!!

My son is 16 and I STILL stand outside the restroom door! Particularly if we are at a wayside or an airport, I will open the door just a crack and yell in every couple minutes "his name" and he just goes "yup". I will NEVER forget that boy who was slain in a restroom while his aunt stood right outside the door waiting for him, I think it was in California? Anyway, there are too many weirdos out there and if my standing outside the door puts them on notice that someone is watching who is coming and going out of that restroom, then so be it. I don't do it if my son has friends with him, only if it is just the two of us because I (obviously) can't go in with him. It was nice when he was little enough to come in the women's with me!

Never Ever Ever!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

I saw a woman the other day call into the men's room looking for her son. I did not think that was odd at all. Werido's hang out in the bathrooms. My son, 7, doesn't like going in the restroom with me, too bad. I go with my girls, 9 &11, but most of the time they come with me because I am the one who has to go to the bathroom.

Damn, I must be the worst mom in the world. I have been letting my DD go into bathrooms on her own since she was about 8. I did escort her at like the movies, the mall, etc. McDonalds, restaurnts, etc. I let her go. Now that is not to say I just stopped at some random place and sent her out of the car on her own. I mean if I was somewhere with her and she needed to go I let her go.

I have to say that I can not remember ever seeing anyone in a women's restroom that totally creeped me out. Well there were those few times I went with my Aunt to gay bars but those guys dressed like girls were not interested in girls so mo biggie.

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

I still yell at my son and he will be 11.

He asked me the other day why I STILL do it, it embarrasses him. I told him if it was between embarrassing him and knowing that he is safe, or him being harassed in the bathroom, I would embarrass him every time. He just rolled his eyes at me.

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I still take my almost 9 yo DS in with me. My DH thinks I am over the top protective but I just can't bring myself to let him go in the men's room alone unless it is a one-seater and even then I make sure that nobody is in there before I let him go in. I usually rush him into a stall and rush him out and don't let him linger. Nobody has ever said anything to me.

I let my 10 year old son go by himself. He won't sit on a public restroom seat so I know he will be out quickly. If my daughter (8) has to go too, I will wait outside the door for both of them. She could take 10 minutes so I have gone in to check on her.

Rebecca

I have let my 12 year old take my 8 year old daughter, have been doing it for 3 years. This is at a resturant or park, target etc.

Ok this is good to hear, I thought I was being crazy, My 9 yr old DS still goes with me in the ladies room if my 16 yr old DS or Dh is not with me. Same with the 7 rd old DD she either goes in with me, or with my 15 yr old DD.
Better safe than sorry

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I have OCCD
Obsessive-Compulsive Coupon Disorder!!!

Okay, this may cause some flaming. I don't have boys so maybe if I was the mom of a little boy I might think differently. As the mom of a girl who goes to tbe restroom unattended...I am disturbed that there are going to be 9 & 10 year old boys in the room. I understand they are supervised but my thinking is that my little one might be concerned that some kid who is her age is wandering about waiting for his mom to come out and sneaks a peek into the stall she is in. You know those stalls have big enough cracks in them that it does not take much to see into them unintentionally.

So for the sake of the 10 year old girls who are going into restrooms unattended...please take your older boys into family style restrooms or stand outside the men's room door and wait for them.

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

We haven't thought of a particular age when they can go to the public restroom alone. We have a 12yo girl, 9yo girl and 4yo boy. The 12yo occasionally goes alone, depending on where we are and how close to the restroom we are.
They recently started a new rule at our church that no children under 12 will be allowed to go to the restroom alone. The ushers will send the child back to their seat. I think this is great because the restroom at our church is behind the seats and near an outside door. We always make sure our kids use the bathroom before Mass starts anyway.

peapie

I completely agree with you....at the moment I have a 9 year old DD a 6 year old DD and a 2 year old DS. Haven't thought about what I"ll do when he is older but for the sake of my girls I prefer older boys not be in the restroom. I COMPLETELY appreciate stores that now have the family restrooms... but for the record...I agree with you.

This is kind of off topic, but related, coming from the side of little boys in the bathroom without a parent. My DH was approached by a young boy at a movie theater wanting him to zip/button his pants for him. The kid must have been pretty young... maybe 7 if he was asking for help. Unfortunately in this day and age my husband felt unable to help (he actually sort of panicked) and told him he had to go find his parents. He didn't want to be accused to something just for helping...

He was freaked out about the whole situation when he met me outside, there appeared to be no parent with the boy in the men's bathrom and there was no one "apparently" waiting for the little one outside the bathroom (pretty deserted). Most likely the mom was still on the women's side.. but still...

Clearly the parent's hadn't warned their child about approaching strangers, particularly about helping them in a restroom with their pants.

lol.. When my son was about 9 he would actually hold it instead of going in the womens room, so i let him go in the mens room and waited right outside the door . He was usually in and out in 5 min. Now hes 17, 6'3 and 195 lbs.. I've actually had him wait for me at iffy rest stops

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"Never loan your car to someone you have given birth too"

I have boys and I agree with you. I don't like seeing older boys in the women's bathroom. My two youngest are a 10 year old girl and a 11 year old boy. I think they have both been going into bathrooms by themselves since they were around 7. I would stay by the door but I would let my son go in by himself. Most of the time I have to go too so would go in with my dd. Now that she is 10 if I am shopping in say Target I will let her walk over to the bathroom by herself.

Now a funny story about when my oldest (now 20) was about 4. We were at a medical center at an off time when almost nobody was there. He wanted to use the mens room by himself so I made sure nobody was in it and sent him in. About 5 min later he is still there and he yells at me come and wipe my butt. I said you have to do it yourself because you wanted to go into the mens room. That went on for awhile, and I ended up going in and getting him. Lucky there was nobody else there. He didn't go by himself again for a long time.

My boys are 5 and 8. Most of the time I take them in with me. It is just too dangerous. At some places I will let them go together, like at the skating rink, or McDonald's, or the grocery store. But I am also standing right outside and if I think they've been in too long I open the door and holler in. I'm not sure when I'll feel comfortable letting them go by themselves.

I dont think older boys should be in the restroom with their moms, SO here is my solution ( i only have girls, but i have lots of boy nephews and cousins)


When I have a nephew or a younger (boy of course) cousin with me I ALWAYS stand outside with one foot in the door....that way no perv can lock the door without me knowing!
I did have some old guy say for me to move one time, I told him if he thought he was going to be in there alone with my nephew he had better think again I said "what are you some kind of perv?, wait your freaking turn if you dont like it!, and then by then my nephew was done and I left.....most men don't have a problem with a woman looking in to the restroom or calling out for a kid.


My solution is to wait until the mens room is empty or if there is a door then open it and stick your foot in it! and screw 'em if they say anything...what are they going to call the cops.....let em I would love for them to explain why they needed to be in the bathroom alone with a little boy!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

I have 3 boys ages 13, 11 and 7. Our older 2 go to the restroom together if my hubby is not with us. I have had them with me in the restroom until the last few years. I cannot imagine that a 9 or 10 year old boy would be "trying to sneak a peek" at a child in the restroom....first of all how would they know there wasn't a grown-up in that stall with the door closed anyway??

Our youngest son is in a wheelchair....am I supposed to not take him into the women's restroom when he needs to use it (or if I need to use it, I can't leave him outside by himself) ? At what age would other women be offended while I lift my child out of his wheelchair and onto the toilet?? And quite often we have to leave the door open for both of us to fit because some inconsiderate person is using the handicapped stall that's not handicapped. He often cannot wait for privacy and even at this age it's hard on him to be exposed that way. I guess we should just stay home and never go anywhere in case he needs to go to the bathroom. I guess I'm getting tired of people who have no idea or take into consideration what other families go through to take care of basic daily things. If someone is bringing their son into the women's restroom it is for a reason!!

I'm not sure what to do in our situation but Mom's should be sticking together....not making others feel like their kids are predators for taking them into a women's restroom. We are all just taking care of our kids!!!

My friend and I joke that our boys will get to go to the bathroom on their own as a high school graduation gift. Ds is 8. My girls are 6 and 3. I could care less (sorry that sounds harsh) what others think about having a boy in the girls bathroom. If a family bathroom is available then I will take him in there over the ladies room. He is my child and my job is to protect him. I will never forget about that boy in California whose throat was slashed by the monster in the public bathroom. COURTTV.COM - TRIALS: Calif. v. Wilson

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"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ----Edmund Burke

I know I'll get flamed, but I have 2 ds. My oldest started puberty at 10yrs. as well as a friend of his. They loved looking at the tv shows to see what the women/girls looked like and what they were wearing. There was no way they should be in the ladies bathroom! You can teach your child what is proper, but that doesn't mean they will follow it. I waited outside for them with my foot in the door and kept calling in. They also had to let me know if it was empty also. If there was anyone in there they had to wait (except for an emergency). I started doing this when they were about 7yrs old.
As for a handicap child, that is an exception to the rule. If you need to help them even at 20, it's ok with me, but for everyone's sake I would try to use an empty bathroom. I would ask an employee to help with this.
Judy

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

I think there is a big difference between a child in a wheelchair that needs his mothers help and a 10 year old boy in the ladies room. I don't think anyone would give a second thought to seeing a mom helping her son.

I have 3 d/s and 1d/d. My boys are now 20 (strange, since I'm 28), 17, and 12, d/d is 9. I am very wary of public bathrooms. For the boys, when they became old enough to need to go in the men's room, I never had a problem standing at the door, with my foot in it. If someone funky entered, they knew I was there, and I would call out to my son(s) regularly to make sure everybody knew there was a crazed mother nearby. I will allow the 12 yr old to go in with his brothers obviously, especially since my boys are physically big guys, but if we are out alone, I am nearby. No more foot in the door, but I am right outside the door.

My d/d goes with me. No exceptions. If she is with d/h and the boys, they find either a private bathroom, or a family bathroom.

I don't think I'd be comfortable with boys over 7 or 8 in a women's bathroom, since boys that age can be pretty hormonal, and girls would be very self-conscious. I do have to say I am amazed when we are out and I find little ones in the bathrooms alone. If these kids can't even reach the sink to manage the soap and water, how are they to handle some of the creeps?

Isn't it strange how they just seem to catch up in age!!!!

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Vicki


TLJ Women united in Spirit!

my son (who is 8) is only allowed to go to the bathroom is:

there is only one toilet and the door locks (like most fast food joints). I stand by the door or near the door

we are at a restaurant and DH has made sure the bathroom is "clear" of anyone else in there, we let DS go and watch the door.

DD is only 6 so so way! My brother went to the ladies room with mom and I til he was probably 12 if I remember right. I am thinking that around age 10 is okay most of the time (unless it's a busy concert or something like that). We have the "there are a lot of bad people" talk when they ask why they can't go alone. especially when we have friends who let their 3 and 4 year olds go alone! I can't imagine....

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003