Well, here we go again. DS is repeating kindergarten this year because he was having problems last year, not listening, following the class, etc. Well it's the same thing this year and it's only day 3!

I got a note today saying that he didn't get to go outside at recess because he refused to pick his pencil up and write his name. They were doing 2 worksheets and he refused, would not do them. He IS a very stubborn boy, takes after his fathers side , but I have got to do something about this and quick. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!


He knows the work, he was int he top of the calss last year academically, so that's not the problem, he just wants to do what HE wants to do. WHat can I say to him? I took things away tonight and rewarded the couple of good days, but I can't do this ALL YEAR!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

You may have to do it all year. It is time for you and the teacher to become a united front and you need to know if he participates daily. There needs to be a consequence for each day that he does not comply with the rules. Likewise his reward for now needs to be not having a consequence. Sorry, I do not reward expected behavior, I reward exceptional behavior. Maybe if he does good all week you go out for ice cream on Friday after school but I would not be showering him with goodies daily for doing as told. On the good days I would just say...great, you did a good job now you get to...play outside, watch TV, play your Gameboy, whatever his currency.

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

You must be so frustrated. First I would wonder if he is bored, since he went over this same material last year. Maybe the teacher could give him some enriched work? It sounds like the problems are behavioral, not academic.

How about using something like a star chart system, where every day that he doesn't come home with a note you put a star sticker on a chart and at the end of the week he can trade them in for something he really wants. This worked for my son when he was really into Pokemon cards. The first part of the year we aimed for 4 stars per week, and after Christmas break it was 5 stars.

I think it also might be a good idea to keep in close contact with the teacher, and make sure your child knows that you are a united front, so he doesn't try to manipulate either of you (my son tried this a lot).

Good luck ~ I hope things continue to improve this year for you and your son.

Sounds bored to me, not enough challenge.

I feel your pain....I have notes coming home, too. Teacher has requested a conference after only 7 days of school!

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Mom to a beautiful 15 year old DD and my handsome little man who's 6!

~~~GO DALE JR!!~~~

Flipper,

If he was in the top of his class academically last year, as you say, then retaining him for this year sounds like a potential recipe for disaster.

Is there any chance that you could meet now with the principal and teacher, to reconsider having him placed in 1st grade? Obviously I don't have all the facts, but it sounds like your son needs the challenge that he will NOT get repeating kindergarten - esp if he 'got it' academically the first year.

You obviously have a lot more information than we do on how you all came to the decision, but I would at least look at it again.

It could be that he needs a first grade classroom, and a good behavior plan/behavior management system. I would set up a meeting with the administration and the teacher asap - it's still extremely early in the school year - if you all decide that another year of kindergarten isn't right for your son, he will be able to jump right in - 1st grade has probably been a lot of review at this point, anyways.

Good luck - keep us posted.

That was what I was afraid of when the teacher told me last year she wanted to hold him back. I think he was bored then too! He knows the work, he always did his homework without me, he just hates the busy work and they do a lot of that. Maybe I should have his IQ tested? Could he be some brainiac and I didn't know it?

His currency is the TV, I try to limit it and if I would have thought of it today, I wouldn't have let him watch it. I did tell him that the next time, he would not be allowed to watch it if I had another note sent home, so maybe that'll make a dent. Do you think the teacher should be more firm? When he doesn't do something I want at home, I usually tell him "I didn't ask you if you wanted to, I told you that you needed to do it" sort of reply and that usually moves him. He was given the male teacher this year, his previous teacher and I thought it would be good for him emotionally. I even thought of asking him to send him to the principals office, to scare him, but that seems so not nice and I don't want to scar the poor boy.

DH and his dad both had a hard time in school and I am hoping with all of the support we can figure out a way to help DS before he really gets in trouble.

Pugsly, my DS did AWESOME in preschool, that was no problem and I never expected to be having a problem in kindergarten, especially for the second time around!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Maybe it's time for a child study?

I requested that last year form the school and we all met, principal, teachers, counselors, etc and then they said, sorry we don't do that. WTH? Maybe I need to bring him to his regular doctor? I just don't know what to do.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

If this is a public school the HAVE to do that. They don't have a choice.

I made the appointment last year and everyone got together, I thought it would be to set up an evaluation, see what was going on with him. They heard everything, why the teacher wants to hold him back, why I didn't, what the principal observed, etc. They did nothing, they said "sorry you have to take him to a regular doctor, we don't do any evaluations here"? It was a total waste of time, I got nothing out of it, they did nothing but hold him back a year. No I didn't have to agree with them, but I thought maybe they were right, he's just young? Yes he was young, he'll turn 6 in a week, he was only 4 when he started kindergarten last year, but his preschool teacher said he was ready to go?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

If it is a public school he is attending, they cannot say "NO" to an assessment. There is a difference between assessments and what they are calling evaluations. If the school still refuses, go directly to the superintendent. If the superintendent refuses, tell them you will be calling an ombudsman....also, there are specialty lawyers who take on school districts over things like refusal of required services. The district would end up paying those fees....and they are NOT inexpensive. You need to stay strong and be an advocate for your child!

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Have the courage to be yourself.

Young Kindergarten class. This was new that year. If the kids turned 5 by Dec 31st they could be in this class. Well it was supposed to be Kindergarten but at a slower pace than the regular class. Turns out they held back all but 1 child. After telling me how smart my son was all year and then not want to promote him--I was more than a little disturbed by this. I had him do a summer school class that was to help them transition into 1st grade. After he did this and that teacher said he was ready I called Principal. She said she had to go along with his teachers recommendation but would observe him the first 2 weeks of new year. I couldn't see having him repeat it over. Boys tend to be more of the class clowns when they are bored so I had him tested at one of the charter schools. He tested into 1st grade and has excelled ever since. He is now in 6th grade.
Now along the lines of the school looking into his behavior issues IF it is not affecting his academics they do not test them(at least that is what I have been told about my daughter this year). She is partially deaf in 1 ear and has diagnosed OCD and we have been trying to get her an FM system for classroom and some counseling but they keep telling me as long as her grades are good they will not intervene. Granted this is a charter school so I am not sure how the public school works. She is in 1st grade and has days where she will not participate in charts and has a ticket pulled. Just remember Kindergarten is a lot easier on the kids. The teachers are not nearly as strict as 1st grade. He may need the stricter rules.
I agree with the poster who said do not reward for what is expected. I have a chart for my daughter and there is a place for school tickets. If she had no tickets pulled that day she can put a sticker in that space. She has spaces for homework, getting ready for school(with NO issues), brushing teeth(have to have some easy ones), chores, reading 15 minutes, bedtime(if she goes without issues). This has been working really good for her. She can pick a prize at the end of the week IF she hasn't had 3 x's in any subject(meaning if she loses 3 stickers in any section). I have a box full of little prizes and at end of month she can trade in for big prize. I give her special mommy money for each chart completed and she can use that to buy special prizes(like going to DQ, Chuck e Cheese, rent video game or a new Webkinz).

I still don't understand how holding a kid back to repeat an entire year of academics is a good idea when the kid was at the top of his class the first time.

If this is a behavior problem, why not address the behavior? Tell the school you would like a behavior management system put in place for him. He doesn't even have to have any evaluations/assessments at all for such a plan. Just some willing adults to implement it/oversee it. You can all work on it together - you will monitor your side at home.

And I still don't think it's too late to put him back in 1st grade. He sounds very smart, and I worry that while your son is supposed to grow into a better behavior pattern by redoing kindergarten, he's going to shut down from learning.



Regarding the question of whether or not to reward expected behaviors, that's a tough call for some young kids. Obviously, some kids are NOT intrinsically movitated to do the right things (just for the satisfaction of a job well done, or because it's expected).

It does sound to me that flipper's son would be making better choices if he was more of an intrinsically motivated kid. He IS only five - I think it's a great time too implement a plan where he IS earning rewards on a very frequent basis - such as 2 or 3 short periods of free time per day, or a different special privilege that he can earn during school regularly. For some little kids, keeping their behavior in check all week for the promise of an ice-cream cone on Friday is not realistic. Friday afternoon can seem like a very far away time -- even grownups would have a hard time holding out for a Starbucks coffee five days from now. We've become a little more of an "instant gratification" society than that.

A good behavior management plan would start out a child receiving reward time very frequently, and as the child buys into the system and does better and better, the incentives gradually become farther spaced out. (I'm personally not in favor of food rewards, but that's just me. I prefer very short breaks - free time as rewards). Maybe he could be earn a special role in the class - like class messenger? The teacher might have to create extra little trips for him so that this job really is a payoff to him. He might benefit from getting up and out of his chair several times a day to take a brief walk and to do something for the teacher that feels so "important" at the same time.

Many people have strong opinions against such a reward system, but I think sometimes it's the only way to change the behaviors of a child who is motivated by outside factors (rewards) rather than intrinsic factors (like a good feeling over his sense of accomplishment).

Maybe he has Asperger's syndrome - I'd insist on having him evaluated, either by the school or take him to a psychiatrist. My nephew has Asperger's and acts a lot like you describe your son. My nephew is very bright, but if he doesn't want to do something, no one can make him.

And even with all of the trouble he was in last year, he still managed to be at the top of the class! That was something that bothered me the most. I can control his behavior at home, why can't they get him to do these things at school? I know he is stubborn, he wants to do what he wants to do, but I wouldn't say he's a bad kid.

I was worrying that if he did kindergarten again, he would be totally bored and cause more trouble. The teacher reassured me that if he needed harder work or if he was ready for 1st grade reading, they would put him in there for that. He says kindergarten is hard, I think more because he doesn't lke what they are doing than the fact that he can't do it. He doesn't like the structure which is going to be his downfall when he does go to 1st grade.

He is a very creative boy, he likes to watch Mythbusters and copy what they do for experiments, he draws constantly, does his Legos, PlaDoh, etc. I even looked into a montassouri (sp.) school last year for him, thinking maybe he would enjoy that more.

I thought after our hard year last year, this would be easier and I wouldn't have to worry.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

The teacher should have a BIG paddle laying on her desk,lol.It worked when us kids were in school and at home.There was always a big paddle somewhere,lol.My parents never used it on me though ,maybe thats why I was always a good girl. At school though the teachers would not hesitate to put an unruly child in the corner or use the paddle. I still think if you have a good teacher that catches the childrens interest and makes class exciting that there are much fewer problems .

I'd try to sit back and give it time...

Most kinder-kids don't get into the routine until 2 or 3 weeks into the year. Big strides are made in the second month of Kindergarten. I'm surprised the teacher said anything so early in the school year.

I'd give it time -- but that's me.

Maybe he is feeling left out by the other kids b/c they already have friendships. My daugher had trouble adjusting to a new class full of kids and seeing her friends move on to a higher grade after PreK. She adjusted well and now has made some great friends.

Also, you say that he is stubborn. Sounds like he is trying to find his place in the class, not necessarily bored. Maybe testing the teacher/showing the other kids who is boss?

Rebecca

I would look into Asperger's syndrome. They are very bright child but have issues.


Asperger's Syndrome - Topic Overview - Parenting on Yahoo! Health

You know, I am 51 years old, and I never remember these conversations when I was in school. It seems like now everyone wants to chalk up their child's poor behavior to being bored because they're so smart. If that were the case our test scores in this country would be off the charts--they're not. Come on people, insist that the kid behaves at school or give them some serious consequences at home. The teacher doesn't need to deal with your kid coming into her classroom and acting like an out of control brat and disrupting the learning of the kids who know how to behave.

Everyone wants to blame the teacher or the schools, or their child must have some syndrome that will explain their behavior. Be honest with yourself and start with the basics. A lot of people feel the school should take the responsibility of raising their child and teaching them how to behave. This is up to the parents.

I totally agree with you!!!!!

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By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends

And when you were in school the didn't do fractions in kindergarten, they didn't learn Spanish, or probably even go full day, well things are a little different now. At 5 kids want to play and run around, have fun, not sit in a desk and study. My son is an active boy who would rather be playing and exploring than sitting behind a desk or computer for 7 hours.


He doesn't act this way at home, so don't assume that he is a brat. My child is behaved at home, he does his homework as soon as he's asked, somtimes he does it without even being asked. If I tell him to pick up a pencil he does. If I can get the results then why can't the teacher? They are the authority figure right, take control of the 5 year old!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Flipper,

I agree with what you're saying about the demands of school on children these days, and how that can lead to a child feeling oppositional. I think you are exactly right. And you know that I consider you a great mom!!!

However, the when you added that the teacher as the authority figure needs to "take control of the 5 year old" - well that sounds a little contradictory.

Here you have a class of about 17 to 23 kids - all of whom are being asked to do fractions in kindergarten and learn Spanish, and have a full day. These are a lot of demands on ONE child, but we're now talking about MANY children at once. This teacher seems to want to reach out to you as a united front, and you're opposed to it?

As much as the child's day at school has changed, so has the teacher's. The teacher is allowed very little creativity these days, thus she is not allowed to just "take control of the 5 year old" anymore. She can't give consequences that we used to get - she can't keep him after school, deprive him of snack, she can't give him any work tasks to do around the classroom as punishment. She can only remind him of the rules, give time outs (and can't assist the child to getting there if they refuse), and call home.

I think you would be best served by alligning with her, and working together. There is such a silver lining here in that the teacher is reaching out to you early. If you decide to keep him in kindergarten again this year, I think your best bet is to present a united front with the teacher right from the get-go.

Teachers have an uphill battle in establishing appropriate behavior management for their classes. And studies show that they need to establish order in the class in the 1st two weeks, or it is very unlikely that control will ever be gained. For the sake of your son's success, and for the benefit of all the children, I think the best attitude you could take would be to get on board with her.

D

I do work with the teacher and would talk to him everyday if necessary. He writes notes and I write back, or email. My son knows that I know what he does at school and that I will get a note home if he does something he isn't supposed to and we have firm rules about what will happen if he does. I am sure he will test those rules too and hopefully that will be enough.Last year we rewarded good behavior, and this year I am trying ther opposite like someone suggested taking something away. I don't know what else I can do to sound more united? More suggestions on that?

I would never say that to the teacher about taking control, but if my son needs to be sent to the principal for not listening, if that's what it takes to get the point across that we are not kidding about behaving in school, then send him. There have to be consequences to his not listening at school also. Don't you think?

We do have a united front with the teacher and my whole family is in on the plan (4 elementary school teachers). I need to get him straightened out before he head for the 1st grade, I am afraid things will only get worse. How can I get him to understand and listen to the teacher?

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

fraction in kindergarten? what kind of school is it?lil Harvard in training?

my 5 year old dd just started K this year.and they do not have to sit all day at their desk.they have centers where they play.they have PE everyday.they even go to the playground if it is not too hot.
I know that by the end of the school she will learn how to read and count.but it is still kindergarten where a lot of play and drawing ,singing still takes place.the way it should be.

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By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends

We're in the same boat. DD brings home lots of papers they worked on writing their names, numbers, etc. Lots of coloring, story reading (the teacher to the children). They go to Music, PE,Art, and every day they have recess. I would be talking to the teacher and the principal about the situation, with your DS there. I believe a child needs to know that you support them, but, if they are doing wrong at school, that will not be tolerated at home. Keep in mind, too, you have recently had a lot on your family's plate, and that may very play into as well. Maybe you can get your child in to speak with the guidance counselor, or you can take him to a counselor of some kind. Problems/situations can manifest themselves in many numbers of ways in children, and let's face it, kids aren't the best at telling us what is wrong sometimes.

I would say keep at it, and keep digging. Something is causing these problems. Good Luck.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Sorry you are having so many problems. Haven't read the whole thread but wanted to see why he was kept back. In my school they are only allowed to hold back the child if the parent gives permission. They don't let you know this though. My friend had some problems with her child and they wanted to hold him back. She thought it was going to automatic even though she didn't agree with it. Then a teacher told us that unless she agrees with this they (the school CAN NOT hold back her child). I would check your school rules. This might apply at your school. Maybe you can have him move up to 1st grade. I know that when a child is bored they will get into more trouble.

Good luck!

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Melanie SAHM to my two wonderful boys! Brandon 9yr & Hayden 6 yr & Spencer 4/20/07

Not to get anyone upset but I still can not understand or get my thoughts around Kindergarten being *boring*. I've taught and subbed in Kindergarten and it is far from boring!

My thought is that the child needs to be given time to settle in and mature enough to let go of some of the habits that he developed the first time around. Also, he had a difficult summer with everything that happened in your family. He's still very young.

I think I said it up above (it might have been another Kindergarten thread though?) but in a hurry right now and don't have time to re-read... give him time (my advice).