I know I've seen this discussed before, but I need some more encouragement and support to get it together!
How do you handle picky eaters at your home? Even though I KNOW it is wrong...not to mention frustrating... I find myself cooking seperate things for everbody. Grrrr.
I have a 9yo and an 11yo and there is nothing that they BOTH like. I would just love to make one dinner every night and be done with it. Even when I make something as simple as spaghetti, I have to make my son's without the tomato sauce, but then worry that it's not nutritious enough without the tomato so I end up making him an extra vegetable on the side (neither child will eat salad, my daughter will eat some of the salad items in a seperate bowl, like cherry tomatoes, cucumber, chickpeas, olives, so that counts I guess!)It's just all so time consuming, not to mention all the extra dishes to wash afterwards.
I really like to cook, but have surpressed my creativity because of this problem. I have thought of making whatever my husband and I would enjoy and if the kids don't like it they can make themselves a pb&j or a can of soup or something. But my son is so lazy and not that interested in eating anyway, that he just wouldn't bother to eat. I also feel that a pb&j or a can of soup is not enough for a dinner meal. So, I continue to torture myself!!!
Any other ideas out there?

My best advise would be to make one meal for everyone and if the kids don't want to eat....they go to bed hungry. This has been the source of irritation between us and my inlaws who think a separate meal should be made. After a few meals, the kids WILL eat...at least mine did. For salad, I put all the fixins in separate bowls so they can make their own as well. Have the kids pick a night where they plan dinner so at least they are engaged in the process once a week. Have them help you cook maybe. My kids are more prone to eat what they made..

good luck

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my kids ate what was on the table. IMO letting your kids run the way meals are fixed is crazy. I had a friend that had a picky eater, Every meal she would have one thing he liked. If he wanted more he had to fix himself peanut butter and honey sandwiches. I know my kids are grown now, but this nonesense of letting the kids choose all the meals is nuts. I can see someone not liking something, but this is crazy, letting your kids run the house.
OK FLAME ME NOW AND GET IT OVER WITH.

No flames here...you said pretty much what I did

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I do a lot like atey mentioned: I try to have at least one thing per meal that each child will eat. My youngest loves PB&J so when all else fails she'll eat that. But I can normally find something we all agree on. I do NOT fix more than one meal a night.
Last night was a good example. I made chicken chili, which my oldest and I love. My youngest doesn't like chili so she ate pb&j. Personally, there's nothing wrong with your kids eating that once in a while for a meal. If they'll eat carrots, cucumbers or whatever, give them that along with the sandwich.
My oldest sometimes eats sauce on her spaghetti and sometimes not. But she will eat the pasta and if she chooses to not have sauce, I don't worry about it. Many times we do have salad with it though or green beans.

Really, the only suggestions I have is to try to find one thing you can fix that will be eaten by the one child who may not eat the main dish. Also, if they eat pasta with no sauce, don't worry about it. If they eat pb&j for dinner a time or two a week, don't worry about it.
And above all, there's no perfect answer for this. Do what you have to do and if you're worrying about it all because you're afraid friends and family will not agree with you....do what's right for you and your kids!

that is basically what i do...i cook what i cook for dinner, if my picky picky eater doesn't like it they are free to eat a can of soup, a pbj, grilled cheese, whatever....actually my picky eater is old enough to drive to the store now and is very healthy, athletic, about 6 feet tall..so they don't always grow out of it lol but turned out all right...

i will 'adjust' minor stuff. for instance, if i make spaghetti sauce i won't make 2 sauces, but i will set some aside in a pan or bowl before i mix it with peppers or onions because my picky picky person loves spaghetti but cannot bear the appearance of an onion sliver in the sauce :-) basically eat what i cook or you're on your own lol

My 2 are pretty picky and you know what I'm partially at fault now..

Since its just the 3 of us, MOST meals I plan and fix are around what they like...occasionally I'll make something I love, but not very often.....Its not like they get away with eating PB&J and Pizza every night....LOL But spaghetti is something I NEVER make..they dont like the sauce, be a waste to make it just for me (go to my parents for that!!) Also stuff with cheese I never make, since neither really likes it...The kids stepmom was telling me how the youngest one evening would NOT eat his broccoli at dinner and he sat there for hours until he did...AT home he LOVES broccoli, but at his dad's they put CHEESE ON IT!! (Id rather him eating his veggies w/out cheese anyways) I would say we are a sauceless home....I was very picky growing up also, so I dont really make a huge deal about it....

OH basically out meals are simple, and the kids love it....like a piece of meat usually broiled or grilled (fish or chicken usually) veggie, and rice......basically thats a AMAZING meal and the kids will eat it all!!

Do you know that I have a great neice who will only eat "chicken Nuggest Kids cuisine" or "Michelenas Mac and cheese" I told her mom that she was friggin crazy and if it was my kid then she would not eat because I will NOT spend a fortune on the pre packaged stuff that is not the healthiest.
I would never ever let a child dictate what they were eating or not eating.

I was a picky eater myself (only ate bologna and baked beans!) and I can say there is hope for them! My kids are picky eaters so knowing what I went through I don't stress over it. They have to try 3 bites what we are eating. If they don't like it, they can make a PBJ sandwich or wait for DH and I to finish eating if they want grilled cheese. They have become independent in the PBJ making (they are 6 and 8) and clean up after themselves. Not a bad thing! My DD is the older one and many of her 3 bites have turned in to full meals.

As for myself there are still things I don't like and I'm still learning to eat things. I remember being 5 years old and sitting with creamed peas over toast. My dad said to stay there until it was gone...at 9:00 pm he sent me to bed! Who in there right mind thinks creamed peas over toast hits the spot with a 5 year old! My grandma force fed me rice and i threw it up one her...today I love chinese food and I'm sure she turns in her grave when I eat bowls of rice! Like I said, there is hope for picky eaters!

And another point...my DH and I are adventurous eaters and I just don't think some foods are kid friendly. Like sushi with wasabi! and I don't want my kids to like it 'cause that means more for mama!

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Mom to Miss C & Mr. E
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Just want to add that I agree with all of you that think I should not give in to the pickiness! I just have a hard time as a mom letting them go without a meal. I am always concerned that they eat from all the food groups! That's important to me. Also, my 11yo son is very thin and really needs to eat. He has been on meds since he was 4 which suppress his appetite as a side effect. He is picky, but does like some unuaual things (anything HOT, mussels, broccoli... and other things that the average kid may not eat)but the two kids just don't like the same things.
I grew up a somewhat picky eater and in my family, we were forced to eat whatever was prepared. I struggled with that as a kid. So I guess, mostly to avoid unpleasantness at dinnertime and to make sure they eat a nutritious meal, I do tend to cater to their tastes. It really bugs me. I need to get stronger!

I have sort of the same situation, my son will not eat red meat. Nothing, never, won't happen. SO what I do is make the other 3 of us regular dinner and he eats the sides that we eat and then either chicken or just salad. I still feel like I make 2 dinners because he won't eat what we eat, but because I didn't eat meat for years I know what it tastes like and not like it kwim?

I would suggest a salad bar sort of thing too, maybe someone already suggested that I didn't read all the posts word for word. You can prepare the ingredients once or twice a week and let them make their own at dinner.

A friend of mine also has yogurts as a backup if the kids don't like dinner and I use pizza for the once in a while when I make something neither of them like. It happens, they're kids and while I do make them try everything, I want mealtime to be enjoyable for all of us, not just me and DH.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

When I was growing up, if we didn't like what was for dinner, it was too bad. We weren't even allowed to make ourselves a PB&J! I know my Mom didn't make things that kids just hate, like liver, but other than that she didn't cater to us. If we were having beef stew and I didn't like beef stew, then I was welcome to have all the veggies I wanted that she was serving that night or whatever else were side dishes but we weren't allowed to have something completely different from everyone else. Not only that, but we had to have at least bite of the dreaded item that was disliked. I don't think having a less than perfectly balanced meal every night had any long-term health effects on any of us. There were five of us -- she'd have gone nuts if she tried to cater to each of our tastes.
I think it worked out pretty well. None of us are picky eaters as adults. None of us likes lima beans though, LOL!

Kids eat what made and on the table, eat it or dont eat but that's it

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I have 1 VERY picky eater(starting to try more as he is older) and 1 AWESOME eater. My son(almost 11) rarely eats anything good. He loves CRAP!!!! I thought I had the only child in the world who didn't like spaghetti. I had no idea that was so common. He will not eat the sauce and NO sauce on Pizza either. He just recently found Alfredo sauce to be tasty so he uses that when we eat spaghetti. He just started eating veggies(broccoli and cauliflower but he has to have cheese over it). He wants to try anything he sees that is junk but I have to beg him to try the healthy stuff. Now my 6 year old daughter is the complete opposite. She is such a joy to feed. Grandma thinks she is a little strange in the kid dept(I guess since we wouldn't eat veggies growing up and spent many hours sitting at dinner table until we tried the 3 little butter beans or the sour spinach she had put on our plate). Last night she had 3 helpings of brussel sprouts(plain steamed sprouts). She comes home from school and asks for a bowl of spinach(just steamed in microwave with salt and pepper). She loves Asparagus, artichokes, mushrooms, all squash, cucumbers, carrots, brocc and cauliflower(no cheeses on them), salads, red peppers, and green beans(fresh). She RARELY ever asks for anything considered junk. Occasionally she will ask if we have ice cream but not very often. She goes for the bananas or yogurt instead. So refreshing after dealing with picky son(ever since he was baby).

we started watching "honey we're killing the kids" with our kids and it has really helped us in terms of the impact and importance of healthy eating. It's not just mom and dad saying it KWIM? My kids LOVE that show and we record it and watch it as a family and discuss it. It has helped the kids get into label reading with me and they are making good choices when they buy lunch at school. I am lucky my kids don't have a weight problem and neither are terribly picky but this has helped them explore more foods.

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I too have a picky eater or should I say that he just eats differently. He doesn't like any meat with fat on it. If he sees anything resembling fat then he won't even eat it. I make chicken breast and he thinks he sees fat on it so it won't eat it. I make him try it. If he doesn't like it then he doesn't have to eat it. He loves all veggies except for bell peppers so he will usually eat those and rice/pasta that I usually have. He loves white rice or really any kind of rice so I do make alot of it. I don't make a separate meal for him though. I do have another kid that doesn't really like any veggies or fruit. He like cucumbers, lettuce w/dressing, bananas and that is about it. He is the one that prefers the meat doesn't care if it has fat on it

I decided along time ago that I wasn't going to cater to them when they got older. I don't like fish so I had my mom give it to my kids when she had them. Now they love fish, shrimp, octopus, lobster, and lots of other seafood that I can't stand. I really think alot of times our kids mimic our eating habits. My nephew swore he couldn't stand certain types of foods. Well at my house he ate everything and loved it. I just didn't tell him that certain things were in there

Now I saw that your son is on medication. If he has to eat for his meds then I probably would bend a little more but I would still only give him heathly options. I think in general we all cater to our children on some level. I know when I make spaghetti, I keep the sauce separate from the noodles because ods doesn't like sauce on his noodles. He will just eat them with EVOO and fresh parmesan. Whatever! No separate cooking on my part.

Sorry I am rambling lack of sleep with the little one Good luck! I would definately have your son help plan/prepare the meals. That would give him control and would probably help your situation.

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Melanie SAHM to my two wonderful boys! Brandon 9yr & Hayden 6 yr & Spencer 4/20/07

I am not familiar with the show mentioned by sexysmurf... Honey We're Killing the Kids... I will have to find that and check it out!

Thanks for all the responses everyone. It is all helpful to me.