Kelly may be calling off her October 6 wedding

Since the wedding is less than 30 days away, we will lose every penny the wedding is costing.

Construction has already started on the home they were building and they have put down a huge down payment. Fortunately, the builder is a family friend so I'm sure they will be able to get their money back, but I don't know what they will do about all the furniture and appliances they bought and have currently in lay-away. Kelly still lives at home, but Luke has to be out of his mobile home by the end of the month. Neither one of them could afford the house on their own right now.

We are all absolutely devastated by this turn of events

Has anybody ever had to cancel a wedding? Did it turn out to be the right thing to do -- or was it a mistake?

I haven't been in the situation of canceling a wedding but if there are warning signs...I wouldn't do it just to not lose money.

I did have a friend who wanted to cancel...something wasn't "right" but she thought it was cold feet. Turns out, she would have been better off canceling the wedding. Everyone is different though. It really depends on circumstances

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I didn't cancel a wedding on a big part for the reason in bold. I was afraid of making my parents angry at the money they'd lose. We ended up spending a great deal of time together about 3 weeks before the wedding, and I was seeing things I didn't like at all. But because it was so close to the wedding, I kept my mouth shut. Then I spent the worst 5 years of my life, emotionally, mentally and physically.

(He was my high school sweetheart, but right into the military after H.S. He changed a lot, or at least a lot came out, but we weren't together enough on his leaves for me to see it.)

The fact that she, he or both are addressing this is a good thing. It seems like "doubts" rarely seem to be just about "cold feet" any more. As sexysmurf said, each situation is going to be so very different, but better now than to end up years later with a boat load of regrets. Money can be replaced, time and feelings cannot.

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My sister and her fiancee called off their wedding years ago. It was to be a July wedding, and the engagenment was broken in April. He instigated the break-up ( he was cheating on her) but it was the best thing that ever happened to my sister. He has alot of issues and is now on his third marriage.She lost the money spent on her dress, my mom lost the deposit on reception hall and on the bridesmaid dresses. Not nearly as bad as your situation.
I remember how stressful and heart rending the situation was, so I can sympathize with you.

KellyJef,
I have never been in the position you describe. I just wanted to say I felt so bad for you and your DD reading this. It doesn't matter the "whys" and "how comes"--obviously SOMETHING has occurred to make your DD question her committing herself, her love and her life to this man. And that has to be devastating to her. I hope that your DD makes the right decision for herself and for her future. Money comes and goes--love, happiness and fulfillment are the important things now.

I'm so sorry that you guys are having to make this decision! I know that you have been excited about this wedding (as most mothers would be ). Just offer your DD the only thing you can--love and support of her MOMMY!

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

a close friend of mine's daughter cancelled their wedding. about 2 weeks before it was to happen. they had had a big fuss over something stupid and she cancelled everything. the parents lost tons of money over it . about 6 months later, they eloped. her parents wanted to kill her. they have been married about 8 yrs now.

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Thanks for this kind post (and the other responses as well).

Money will not be the issue to determine whether or not to call off the wedding (even though the financial strain will be significant to our family).

Only Kelly can decide what she needs to do

It is just killing DH and I to see her so crushed

It would be heartbreaking to see your child in such a position. I did hear of a family who went ahead and held the reception anyway and used it as a charity benefit instead. Something good came out of it.

I've heard of that too, it must have been hard for the bride or groom, but if you already paid for the whole thing, might as well use it for something.


I agree with Marilyn. The more expensive and emotionally devastating later on would be a divorce if things just weren't meant to be. It's better to find out now than years down the road when kids and lots of joint property was involved.


Good luck to you all.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Cathy, I'm so sorry that Kelly is having a rough time. I'm hurting for both of you, from thinking back about the posts of their relationship and all.

Lots of love and hugs and prayers.

A co-worker's niece had her fiance tell her on Monday that he didn't love her enough to marry her Saturday (5 days) before the large wedding. They were lucky to get back money on flowers that had yet to be ordered froma wholesaler from the florist, some food from the reception, etc. The girls asked the guy to return the money they paid for their dresses..he did, but wanted the dresses.
I think he could have come to his conclusion much sooner...they had dated 5 years.
I am glad we had a little different story. My daughter dated a guy for 8 1/2 years and asked if the relationship was moving to the next level for marriage. He told her he wasn't ready....we advised her to tell him she was going to start dating others. That was eight months ago. She is seeing others, but no one special. It takes time to unlove someone you've spent so much time with.

So sorry to hear of this challenge, but as others have said, if there is that much doubt, it is the right thing to do. This does not necessarily mean that this has to be a permanent ending....sometimes time and the taking seriously whatever is causing the doubt can be worked out; sometimes not. But, I know that you will all make the right decision in the end .... it is just hard to let go of the dream, I imagine....

Hugs and kind thoughts to you and yours.

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

I have not called off a wedding but several years back a friend was going to get married. Her parents had planned a huge Italian wedding. The invitations were sent out and about two weeks before the wedding I received a letter letting me know that the wedding was being "postponed" and I would receive a new invitation if the wedding was going to take place.

She ended up marrying someone else six years later and was always thankful she made the right decision canceling her wedding.

I did. On Monday I called off a wedding to be held on that Friday. Well the groom called it off. It was absolutely devastating at the time. My mother being the smart woman she is, told me to just write all of my feelings on a piece of paper and place them in a sealed envelope and put it away. She told me that eventually this guy would come back with his tail between his legs and be sorry for what he had lost. Sure enough 6 months later the phone rang and it happened just as mom had said. Then as I was feeling that maybe we could make it work, she brought out the letter and had me read what I had written. That note brought all of the devastating feelings right back up to the surface and made me so strong. What I went through that year made me a much stronger woman. It also was the best thing. I met my husband less than a year after my dumping. I am still married to the man who is the love of my life. If there is any doubt, don't do it. She will survive. We are a much stronger gender than you know. The more heat we get into the stronger we get. The best thing that man ever did for me was to call the wedding off.

Oh what a difficult decision. I have only heard stories of this happening, never knew anyone personally. The money will be gone either way (and probably more if they actually got married, because I am sure not all the final bills have been paid) so your daughter's happiness is most important. I wonder if you have put deposits down, if the vendors will agree to a refund, full or partial, if they end up being booked for the same date.

As far as the layaways, they can be cancelled for a penalty fee. Still, will ultimately cost less than purchasing the items.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

My sil did not call off the wedding.But she only stayed married a few weeks. She and her "husband" had bought a house together. Within days of the wedding, he started hitting her. She moved out and was afraid to tell her parents. Finally, she did. My dh and bil went to the house to get the remainer of her things and then taught him it was not nice to hit a woman.

I am so proud of her for calling the wedding off if the relationship is/was not right. Hopefully, women will figure out that a loss of face is far less damaging overall then a disasterous marriage. I should have backed out of my first marriage. My intended was "high strung" but I carried through and found myself married to a nut. It took me three years to get rid of him. Give her a high 5 for courage and foresight.

The money is a bummer but if someone asked you to pay $5000 to ensure your daughter's happiness and safety- you would pay it in a heart beat! Good luck to you, both. I do agree with the mom who said to journal the daughter's feelings RIGHT NOW while everything is so hurtful and disruptive. A journal will be a great learning tool for her later. IMHO

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Lyn Clarke

I heard of something similar - it wasn't a charity event - they just went ahead and had a huge party. Family & friends had already made plans to be there, so they had a great party instead of the wedding and without the groom.

I am sure everything will turn out just as it's supposed to - even if it's not how they thought it might. Good luck to your whole family as I am sure it is not easy.

I cancelled an engagement, but the wedding was not planned yet. Only the church was reserved. Best decision I EVER made!

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

I'm so sorry your daughter is in this position. As others have pointed out, sometimes couples do end up married after a wedding postponement--but better to wait and be absolutely certain.

The idea of a charity event might be a way to recoup some of the money. If you do decide to go that route, perhaps you could contact some of the vendors--the venue, the caterer, etc.--and see if they will reduce their fees, or use the event as a public relations function and take a tax break on the cost.

Best of luck to your family.

My fiance at the time decided to postpone our wedding 3 months to the day of the wedding. We had just received our invitations. My parents lost a bunch of money on deposits, wedding dress had already been purchased, bridesmaid dresses my mom bought all of them. I decided that if he didn't want to marry me then we shouldn't be together. I broke up with him. I met my dh about 4 yrs later. We have been married for over 11yrs and I am glad that I made that choice.

My mom told me that she would prefer that she lose a little bit of money then for me to have major heartbreak later on. It was worth it to her. She has been married and divorced 3 times. So it was important to her that I been happy. Gotta love my mom!

It was definately the best decision I have ever made in my life. I found out later that he ended up having a child with a gal not more than 10months after we broke up. So maybe he had been seeing someone all along. Who knows. He didn't marry her but something obviously was going on.

You are a great mom for not letting the finances be a worry for her. I know that I was really worried that my parents would lose a ton of money. But like I said my mom told me to take that out of the equasion.

Tell your daughter to go with her gut!

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Melanie SAHM to my two wonderful boys! Brandon 9yr & Hayden 6 yr & Spencer 4/20/07

Well, Kelly and Luke finally talked yesterday (for over 10 hours!), but no decision has been made yet.

It is soooo hard NOT to pray that the wedding will take place - I am praying simply that she makes the right decision.

Please keep us all in your prayers.

It sounds like Kelly has a pretty good head on her shoulders, and will make the right decision-whatever is is. I wish them the best. Hang in there Mom!

I wish them both the best, too, and pray that she makes the right decision - whatever that decision is for her. Be proud that you raised a strong enough daughter to even bring up the idea of cancelling a wedding.

Calling off a wedding will seem like a small thing when you are watching your daughter go through a divorce...I will pray your dd makes the right decision. Hang in there....

You said that the financial strain will be significant for your family, but wouldn't it be more so if they actually went through with the wedding? I know you will loose your deposits and stuff, but you wouldn't have to pay the FULL amount? Maybe I'm just confused here, but I would assume it would be more $$ to actually go through with the wedding. I understand the part about the house they are building. Did they do a construction loan, or is it something they can back out of? When we built our house, we could back out until we closed, but we would loose our Earnest money we put down.