My son just got home from school about 30 minutes ago, I was making dinner and he comes in all upset. I asked what was wrong and he didn't say anything, so I switched the subject and I said go get me your book bag so I can go thru it. He starts balling, mind you he is 6 and high functioning autism, he hands me his book, and on the back part of it written in some sort of paint pen...says SHUT UP F****** Butt Head with a smiley face after it! He said that a girl in a black shirt told him to give her his book bag or she would lick his neck. So he did, and then she vandalized his bag and gave it back to him. I tried calling the school but only got a recording, so I will have to call in the morning. Should I call? go in? what? I don't know what to do right now. School just started last week, we just moved here, so DS has no new friends yet. I asked him he if wants me to drive him, and he got upset, saying how else is he going to make friends. I don't know what to do, we aren't over bearing parents...we let him have his space, but these are not the kind of friends I want him to have. Help???????? Advice???????


Update**** So I go into school today with book bag in hand, I told the front office that I needed to see the Principal, and explained the situation. They paged her immediately. So she comes in a few minutes later, after the first bell rung, and I begin to tell her what happened. She was extremely apologetic and said that she wanted to talk to my son and if I had a problem with that, I of course said no. So they call Jax to the front office, he comes in the office looking all scared until he sees me then sits down. The principal asks him a few questions, and asks if he could identify the girl, he says yes. So she calls down a girl from 5th grade, asks Jax if that is the girl that wrote the stuff on his backpack. He says yes, so the principal tells me to go home and they will contact me once they reach her parents. So their vice principal just called and said that the contacted her parents and they were really sorry that their daughter had done that, however, they were in no position to replace a $40 backpack due to financial issues. However, the school is willing to get Jax a new book bag, but it will be no where close to quality he had. So I told them, that we really want the same book bag he had, since we matched it to his new coat, lunch box, and snow pants. (yes, I am one of THOSE mothers...lol) The vice principal apologized again, and said unfortunately the school doesn't have the budget to replace expensive book bags, and they don't think the other family is willing/able to replace it. On the punishment side, I didn't feel it was handled well either, vice principal said that this student is not a bully, but has low self esteem and tries to impress other kids and doesn't feel kicking her off the bus for the year would help. So all that happened was they emptied her dolphin dollar account (school reward program) and leaving the rest of the punishment to her parents. They did say they would rearrange my sons seating on the bus, but he doesn't qualify special transportation unless I want to drive him. MY main complaint other then them not replacing the book bag, is that when they called the girl up she was standing right there when they made DS identify her. I'm now afraid he will get teased on the bus for being a tattle tale. So I will be picking him up from school today. DH who works at a different school in the district, is going to see if other people think this was handled the best as it could of been, then we will decide if we are going to drop it. I just wish I still wasn't so angry about it. I'm normally the kind of person after a few hours, will let something go.

__________________
Chicago Bears!!!!
We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

I would call and perhaps go in with the book bag and talk to the principal. Make an appointment, so you know that you will be able to be seen that day.

Your son is only 6 years old, right? This girl is probably not in his class, if she knows how to spell that well already. She needs to have some consequences for her actions. For starters, her family should replace the book bag. Why did she have a paint pen at school?

I would let the school know. This is probably not the first time in trouble for this girl.

__________________
Donna

My behind would be parked squarely in the middle of the principal's office first thing in the morning w/ book bag in hand! There is just no call for that kind of behaviour being allowed.

I might not drive him to school but I would certainly be there first thing to discuss this matter. And there would be some sort of resolution by the end of the week or I would move up the chain of command!

This is one of those cases that it doesn't matter that your child is high functioning autistic--He was being bullied for the sake of being bullied! Who knows whether that girl even realized he had any sort of developmental delay?

__________________
Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

OH my goodness, Polve. I feel so bad for your son. Poor little guy.

Definitely take it up with the school.

And what is up with the 'licking the neck' comment. Ew.

__________________
@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

Yep, I would do as suggested already. That girl has issues if she threatens to lick someones neck.

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I would take DS in to school tomorrow, and go right to the office. Was there anyone else that saw it happen??? It might be difficult to track this girl down, but, if I had to take my child in EVERY class in the school, I'd do it.

On a side note, I was in DD's school today picking her up early. I heard the office ladies discussing a student who was in the office, saying "he was choking another student". OMG!!!! This is elementary school, too. I tried to peak around the corner, and all I could see were little ones, like K or 1st grade.

Be pro-active. Let your son know he did not do anything wrong.

__________________
Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

They have assigned seats on the bus, so DS knows she sits in row 22, cause he is in row 21. My DS told me she wrote on another kids army back pack who sits in row 23, so this wasn't a limited just to my son. I am just dumb founded that this would happen in elementary school, I thought I had a few more years until Middle School before this started happening.

I think I am going to let my son ride the bus in the morning, and drive myself so I can discuss this face to face, with the backpack. Do you think I should ask them to replace the backpack? I don't know the financial situation with the parents and this wasn't a cheap backpack, its a Columbia and ran around $40

The more I think about the my disgusted I get, I hate that I have to brew over it all night. DH is more considered with her threatening the licking more then the backpack itself. Where I am mad about the backpack. I see his point, that we can always buy a new backpack, but what she wrote on there was just foul.

__________________
Chicago Bears!!!!
We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

Yes she should replace the book and backpack. I'm sure she'll be having a nice chat with the principal, and some school consequences too (for destruction of property). Also they will call her parents. Most decent schools won't let her get away with this.

A kid in dd's class last year put dd's name on a slip that said she owed money for a school lunch. Teacher and I freaked since dd has life threatening food allergies. When I inspected the note in the light I saw he didn't erase his name very well. Sent a note to the teacher, his mom got called. A visit to the principal too since he was in there words committing fraud against the school. Never happened again.

__________________
I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.

A six year old should not be in row 22! I would demand that the driver place him closer to the front of the bus in the first place. The girl that did this needs to find another way to school, she should be banned from riding the bus for quite awhile for doing this. Good luck!

__________________
"Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way."
Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)

ITA!!!! I would definitely demand the parents pay for an equal replacement of the back pack, too. Their financial circumstances is their problem, not yours. Don't worry about that. May sound harsh, but, I don't go for allowing people to get away with things because of something like that. No, there should be definite consequenses.

__________________
Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Yeah, go get her! What a bu**head, oops, I mean BULLY!


I would really think your DS would be in the front of the bus too? My DS is scared of all of the big kids and they are really loud back there.

__________________
"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Is your son in a special program at school? If he has autism, does he ride a bus for children with special needs? If so, there should be an attendant on the bus and I would definitely have him moved. I'm wondering if the girl who threatened him is possibly emotionally handicapped...or maybe just mean! I would reinforce to him that he did the right thing by telling you and that she is a bully. At my school we have zero tolerance for bullying of any kind. If you let it go, it will only get worse and he needs to know that you are going to stick up for him. I have had kids who were lickers in my classes before, it's gross

__________________
Terri...mom to drama queen and the monkey-boy

Blessed are the parents who make their peace with spilled milk
and mud, for of such is the kingdom of childhood.

Poor baby, he probably thought he was going to get in trouble for the writing on the backpack. I agree that the younger children should be in the front of the bus.

I was just going to ask same thing. My high functioning son always rode the special ed bus up until 5th grade (when we moved to another school). I went ahead and let him ride the regular bus with his younger brother for 5th grade. I figured that he would be the older student and plus he had his brother. I also requested that he sit near the front of the bus. Now we are in middle school, and I do not want him riding the bus so I take him to and from school. At his age, there is just too much trouble to get in with bullies and whoever else on the bus.

BTW, how old was this girl?

__________________
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I wanted to add to this.

Check to see if the bus had Video cams, In case the child more from her reg seat to this one. Just in case your son might not know her too well and get confused over who she really is.

I just had my son taken off the reg school bus last week ONLY TOOK ME 2 YEARS TO GET THIS DONE Very long story as to WHY he couldn't get back on one. ( CAN WE ALL SAY NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ACT, Yes believe it or not it has a part in busing children with special needs )

If this was me I would DEMAND they place him closer to the driver, but yet in the cam's view. ( Most cams don't cover the seat right behind the bus driver, make sure you ask about this ).

I would also demand a follow up on action taken to the girl doing this.

Make sure your son tells you EVERY SINGLE DAY, whether or not he's sitting in the seat assigned to him. ( No If And's or Buts about this, DEMAND that his seat be changed and placed in the 1st 5 rolls of the bus, But not the seat right behind the driver ). If he's not sitting in the right seat, call the school board and let them know .

I know just what you are going thu, I viewed a tape last week of my son and what took place on the bus. Granted he did things that he should not have done with the bus driver, and we did address this problem,. However, In that same tape we saw the older kids ( Buses have kids from K-5 To 12 grade ) telling my son to do some of the things he was doing, They gathered around him like a bunch of NUTS.. it was unreal to us what took place on the bus that day. Needless to say, The next day my son was granted the Special Needs Bus.

Like your son mine has autism too. And because of this he's a target on the bus. However, Not any more.
I took my case all the way to the School Board . I had tried for 2 years to get him back on the Special Needs Bus to which every year I was told because he's attends a Reg Classroom for more than 50% of the day he didn't meet the requirements of riding a Special Needs Bus

Don;'t take no for an answer as I promise you, this will not go away on its own. Since the bus driver can't see every single thing on the bus this leaves your son wide open for the bullies that have made him their personal target.

Good Luck and my heart goes out to you and him.

__________________
MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

My son is mainstreamed in school and only has resources 1 day a week for 45 minutes for social settings, outside the classroom. I'm not even sure if this school has a special ed bus, we only moved here about a 6 weeks ago, and he has only been in school for about a week. We didn't even think he was going to go to this elementary school, we thought he was going to go to the Sussex elem. Consortium, but was told the week prior to school starting, that since he had such an earlier diagnoses, they felt the SD program had made great strides with him back in his old school, and they didn't feel he would gain anything from being in a classroom with children with more serve autism, and that being in a mainstream classroom would help develop his social skills. At the time I thought it was a great idea, since my son is academically is about 2-3rd grader, but socially a pre-schooler. I know this all happened on the bus, but makes me wonder how the school day is for him. I'm going to the school in a little bit, I'll update once I talk to the principal.

__________________
Chicago Bears!!!!
We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

I'd get down to the office as quickly as possible and report it ASAP -- let them know the date, time, bus number, seat number, the fact that she did it to the other child's backpack as well, and any names of any witnesses (get some info before you go in, maybe even speak with the bus driver this morning).

That's awful... NO ONE ever deserves bullying like that. Poor little fellow.

I have nothing to add but just wanted to say how sad for your little guy. I'm sorry he's going through this.

__________________
Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

I don't have anything more to add either, except OMG!!!! What a nightmare for you and your family. I hope the school is receptive and able to help. Please keep us updated. I would be a basketcase.

Please let us know how this turns out, No child should have to endure this....

__________________
"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

I am sorry your son had to go through that. Yes i would find out how to get in touch with the parents and make them replace the backpack. Wether the backpack was 40 dollars or 5 dollars their child ruined it and they need to step up and replace it. Let us know how it goes from the principle today. Again im sorry your son had to go through that. What a bully.

__________________
SAHM of Bailey 12, Tyler 10 , Emily Ann 6, and Ryan Matthew 4 yrs old.

Polve-
I am assuming that your son has an IEP? With that, he does have a right to transportation. So, if you request, they have to provide him a special ed bus. It is up to you whether you want to use the regular or special ed bus. When I decided to use the regular bus when ds was in 5th grade, I had to pay (they charge here for bus service). But I never paid with the special ed bus.

Also, being that your son is only in 1st grade, make sure that he has a para/aide to help him throughout the day. (make sure it's in his iep).


Good luck.

__________________
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

DS does have a IEP, but we were told today that he didn't qualify for special transportation. As far as the para, we actually refused it last year, and he did wonderfully. His academics are incredible, he just doesn't quite get social settings, which I believe he is only going to learn by doing it himself. I know some parents might not agree with it, but we must be doing something right. Because the son I had 3 1/2 years ago is not the same son I have now, and I am very proud of the strides and obstacles he has overcome. We are actually hoping when he gets re-evaluated in 2 1/2 years he will test out of the autism spectrum

__________________
Chicago Bears!!!!
We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

When my son destroyed a schoolbook they made him stay after school and work it off, they knew we didnt have the money to replace it, he emptied garbage cans and swept for the janitor, she's in 5th she can do that stuff, or even if the parents paid you $5 a week or so til it was paid off. If she just gets swatted on the wrist for that now she'll just do it again later

__________________
Books just wanna be FREE! See what I mean at:
http://bookcrossing.com

My other favorites
www.paperbackswap.com
www.wheresgeorge.com
www.geocaching.com

I agree. That must have been uncomfortable for yor son. Please be sure he tells you of any future problems he he may have with her.

A fifth grader writing on a 6 year old's backpack and they don't consider her a bully? What about the other kid's backpack? Didn't they take that into consideration?

I'm hoping your son has a smooth year from here on. (((HUGS)))

__________________
@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

They should replace the backpack like another poster said even if its 5 bucks a week until its paid for. Your the one that paid 40 dollars for it and she ruined it why should you and him suffer for that. I hope the rest of the year goes good for him.

__________________
SAHM of Bailey 12, Tyler 10 , Emily Ann 6, and Ryan Matthew 4 yrs old.

That is just so messed up A fifth grader who vandalizes a 6 yr old is NOT a bully???? I would be wondering what planet this principal is on Do they not realize that it is a crime to destroy/vandalize someone's property?? They would have replace the backpack with one of equal value

On the flip side If the school called to tell me that my child had destroyed/vandalized someone's backpack/property, I would replace it immediately AND offer up my child to do some work for them on the side(raking leaves,mopping the sidewalk in front of their house, picking up pebbles out of the yard,cutting the grass with a pair of scissors) ANYTHING to teach my child that they cannot destroy/vandalize someone's property without consequences. Maybe going to the police station for a quick lesson in vandalism 101 would be required too.(I'm can be mean mom when I have to be) How is the 5th grader supposed to learn to be a responsible adult If no one has taught her to be???

I read your update and I am glad that you handled it immediately and sent a message to the girl that this will not be tolerated. I too question whether they should have had your son identify her in the office like that. (He must have been scared and embarrassed). I also would be thinking that she might retaliate. On the other hand though, she knows that you mean business and will not take this kind of crap from her. Another incident with her, and she should be suspended for a couple of days.

As far as the family not having money to replace, would you be willing to suggest that the girl can work after school to clean classrooms or something to earn some of the money back? If it were my child that did this, I would make them go over to the family's home and rake leaves, mow grass, whatever to repay the money.

__________________
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

This is sure a lenient school - can the parents come up with half the cost of the book bag and the school district the other half? I think the parents of the girl who did this are 100% responsible to replace the book bag - wether they can afford it or not!

They should have kicked her off the bus for a few days or a week. Schools around here do it all the time. The kid should have got ISS also for a couple of days to make her think about her actions. The AP didn't do enough for punishment!

I can't believe the girl's family said they could not afford to replace your son's bookbag . They should have been embarrased by their child's behavior and FOUND the money to pay for it...I just don't understand people!

__________________
TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

I would not be satisfied at all about the way the handled the whole situation. Like a few others said, if they can't afford to replace the backpack then let her "work" it off. Whether it be working for you or doing volunteer work somewhere. She needs to be shown this is not acceptable. Taking away reward points for a 5th graded just wouldn't work for me.

__________________
My MySpace Page

To Leave Me FeedBack Click HERE

Well DH talked to the dean at his school, which is a high school, and the dean suggested that we go and buy the back pack and then take in the receipt tomorrow and tell them that I am not satisfied in the resolution of the situation, and that I feel at the very least they should do is replace the book bag. And thats what I am going to do, as soon as I got get DS from school, I am taking him shopping for a new book bag, the more and more I think of it THEY need to replace his book bag. This book bag is then 2 weeks ago, its not like he has used it all year and its beat up. They will need to figure out how to come up with the money.

__________________
Chicago Bears!!!!
We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

When you refer to "they", who are you talking about ? The parents of the child, not the school, correct?

No way is the school responsible for this incident and I would not appreciate finding out that a school is making that type of payment. I agree, what you got already when you went there, is weak. Perhaps upon reflection, the school will make a more suitable judgement in regard to the girl. While having your property damaged is awful, it's not the school's responsibility to pay for a backpack.

I think the responsibility for replacement of the back pack lies on the shoulder of the person (and her family) that vandalized it. What if they had gotten in a car wreck and damaged someone's property??? Nope, I would persue this further. Look in your child's student handbook and see what the rules are. I would go all the way to the SuperIntendent's office, if need be. Of course the family is going to say they don't have the money to replace the back pack. Now look, they are basically off the hook. BS!!!

I know this is harsh, but, small claims court is always an option, too. This girl is going to grow up and be a holy terror. Wonder what her parents are like????

__________________
Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I love allinaugusts thinking!! small claims court sounds like exactly what this little girl needs. Maybe that will wake the parents up! let us know what happens.. there's no reason for your boy to be out a book bag because her family wants to take the easy way out.

__________________
Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

I totally agree with this. When my now 13 year old was in kindergarten, she got kicked off the bus for three days because she ate a cracker on the bus.

OP, I think that you are entitled to have the backpack replaced. Maybe they can have a conference w/you and the other parents. Let THEM tell you that they can't afford to replace it or try to work something out. I don't think you should have to foot the bill to replace a backpack that was ruined by a 5th grader.

__________________
Amy
Mom to Lauren, Eryn, Naysa
and announcing......
Gavin Michael Chase, 9 lbs 10 ozs
and 21 3/4 inches long on 10/13/09!

I don't understand why this girl has no real consequences???? She vandalized two childrens backpacks and is getting away with it???? Why is she still allowed to ride the bus???? She should be the one sitting up by the bus driver. A 5th grader would not like that at all. Her parents should have to come and pick her up and be inconvienced. And they should have to pay for both backpacks.

__________________
Donna

I agree that the perpetrator is being coddled in this situation. She at minimum, should be suspended from the bus for at least two weeks. And the parents should be on a payment schedule to reimburse you for the book bag.

Last year, DD's Ipod was stolen at school by a classmate of hers (who is also in her CCD class LOL) It was recovered, and I agreed by phone before seeing it to abide by the school's request that we handle it within the school, no police report. The girl was suspended for three days. When we got the Ipod back, we found that her engraved name had been scratched off. We were never reimbursed for this damage. DD has to look at his everyday. Not a big deal I know, but it still bugs me. I would press for a resolution that you can live with.

I cannot remember the circumstances at all, but I remember on one of the court shows once where a kid took someone to court over some $6 batteries. Like I said, I do not remember the circumstances, but the kid won. The parents wanted to teach the child about standing up for youself in a situation when you are right.

I don't know much at all about autism, but could you help your son take this girl to small claims court? I think they'd both learn a lot!

Lisa

__________________
"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

This is why I am sooooo glad Daniel is in a autism private school, and they run a seperate bus for them...and I got it arranged so that Michael is on the same bus so thank goodness not on a regular high school bus, I can only imagine what that bunch of jackels would be....
She should pay for the backpack if she has to pay for it 50 cents a week the rest of the school year..*SURELY* her parents can afford that..

__________________
"Cast upon this globe without physical strength or innate ideas, incapable in himself of obeying fundamental laws of this nature which call him to the supreme place in the universe, it is only in the heart of society that man can attain the pre-eminent position which is his natural destiny. Without the aide of civilization he would be one of the feeblest and least intelligent of animals.."
Jean-Marc-Gaspard Itard

Noooooooo - not acceptable. The parents can't swing the replacement cost of the book bag? There's no option for not being able to afford it - didn't they ever see the signs at the stores "YOU BREAK IT, YOU BUY IT" - it's now their responsibility! Affordable or not.

It will be a REAL lesson to the girl if she has to deal with parents who had to replace an expensive book bag. Otherwise, the lesson to the offending girl is "These rules don't apply to you. You're 'special.'"

What a lesson.

As an option, I'm all for having the family work out a deal with the school where the girl goes in and does chores to work off the cost of a replacement bag -- then the school could cover it, because the girl would have worked off the costs. What do you think?

I would go right back in there tomorrow and say your family discussed it and you are not happy with the punishment. You should not be out any money and they could give you $5 or $10 a week until the backpack is replaced with the SAME one SHE destroyed, no doubt about it.

If it was my daughter, she would be buying it and wrapping it herself, why aren't people responsible for their kids?


Make a fuss, don't let it go. What about the other kid that had their backpack destroyed, did she get away with that one too? I would talk to those parents as well if you can. The principal needs to wake up and realize that this is bullying and it is not to be tolerated.

__________________
"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I am going to go into tomorrow with a receipt of the new back pack we bought tonight, and explained that we aren't happy with punishment and the least the girls parents can do it pay for the replacement.

As far as the others boys backpack, it was only mentioned briefly with me by the VP, who said the girl did say she wrote on another back pack but the boys parents haven't contacted the school or the bus company about the matter. So I'm not sure what she wrote or drew on his back pack, but my son says he was a second grader, so once again it was someone much younger then her.

__________________
Chicago Bears!!!!
We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would.
You know we're just struttin' for fun
Struttin' our stuff for everyone.
We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

Polve
Do not accept this as the final solution. I do believe that you need to take this further...and that would be to the school board. Go to the next school board meeting and speak at the public comments period. Make them aware IN A PUBLIC FORUM SO THEY CANNOT IGNORE THE ISSUE of the incident and that the solution is not acceptable. Once the matter is aired in a public forum, it cannot be swept under the rug. It will be in the public forum forever in the board minutes. They will not act on it that night, as things brought up in public comments cannot be acted upon at that meeting. However, they will have to answer you in another public meeting format. I can guarantee if you do this, this WILL go further.

I work in my kids' school district. When my son had a problem with a child at school (who, because I work at the same school where he used to attend) who has been a bully since K and was then in 8th grade, this other boy had been suspended at least 2 times each and every school year for fights, vandalism, etc. However, when he went after my son, because I worked in the district they thought I would let it pass. Yeah, right!!! So when the middle school let it go, I went to a Board meeting, with no notification in advance for them to come up with some canned response. When they heard my report, my son spoke before the board (so proud of him...I NEVER would have had the cajones to do that at 13), my other daughter and my husband spoke, everything was on the record. The outcome came at the very next board meeting and things were then handled CORRECTLY. AND, to top it off, official rules of the school were changed in the rules of the school and they were published as such.
Now, so many of my colleagues told me I was crazy to go after the administration of the school where I work (and where my son was then going to school). My answer was, "I love my job and I really really like the kids I work with/for, BUT I love my own children more and I need to show them where my rubber meets the road."

Come on Mama Bear, go get 'em!

__________________
"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

I also agree that the girl's parents should step up and pay for the book bag. However, I also believe the VP is telling the truth when she states the family can't afford to replace it. There are people out there that do not have even $5 a week extra. $5. nowadays is a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread, if you're fortunate to find milk and bread priced that cheap.
I believe the school punishment should have been more severe. One day ISS and kicked off the bus for one week would be sufficient.

I thought about small claims court too. And I would also write a sternly worded letter to the district stating you feel this was handled inappropriately, that a 6th grader picking on a 6 year old is clearly bullying and the consequences should have been harsher. So sorry your little guy is going through this Mama.

__________________
Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

I really don't understand the school's response to this. I've been told numerous times by my son's schools that bullying will NOT be tolerated!!!! My son is also autistic, he is picked on quite a bit. This bully of a girl NEEDS to be reprimanded. It sounds like the parents won't be doing it, so the school will have to force it. I really believe the girl needs to pay for the backpack in some way, shape, or form! If she does not learn now to be responsible for her actions and suffer the consequences, she will only become worse as she becomes a teenager (YIKES)! She destroyed your son's property and is responsible for replacing it.

__________________
Work like you don't need the money,
Love like you've never been hurt, and
Dance like you do when nobody's watching.

MyCoupons Is #1 for Holiday Shopping

Have not read all the replies so this may have been suggested already......I personally would not focus on the replacement of the backpack. IMO, $40 is nothing compared to the damage that this girl is inflicting on other children's spirit and self-image. By focusing on the backpack, I think that you lose sight of the real issue which is setting and enforcing appropriate behavior standards and punishing when they aren't met. Having the parents pay to replace the backpack may not impact the behavior of the child at all. Detention, loss of recess, community/school service, lunch table duty, etc might....whatever is her currency. I would not rest on this until I felt that the child had paid for her behavior with an appropriate punishment.

The other thing that I would probably do is take it up with the bus driver directly. Wait for the bus drop off and tell him/her what you need to have him/her do to correct this problem. They can't usually talk for long, so show him/her the backpack, tell who did it and say you want them seated so that this can't happen again.

cj/

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I agree with the others. I wouldn't be happy and I wouldn't let it go. The girl needs to pay to replace the back pack, ISS, and kicked off the bus for a week. A written apology to your son would be good too (I'd say verbal but I'm sure if would make your son unccomfortable, but having her give you a verbal apology would be good).

If her parents can't afford to pay them the girl needs to pay for it. She's old enoguh to rake leaves, mow, and when it gets cold scoop snow, until she earns enough to pay it off. If she can't do that then I'd work it out with her, she does so many hours of comunity service in exchange for you paying for the backpack yourself. I'd make sure she learns she can't destroy someone property and treat another person the way she did and get off with a little slap on the wrist, she's going to have to work hard to pay for a replacement. The school needs to step up and give her an actual punishment like ISS, or atleast missing recess for a week or more, along with being kicked off the bus for a while. Emptiing her reward account doesn't cut it, if she did this already it sounds like she would of lost it anyway for less serious things(and it's only been a week, how much did she really lose?). And she not only did this to 1 kid, she did it to 2. How many more does she get to treat this way before they really do something about it?

It sounds like the school is just sweeping the matter under the rug. This girl and her parents need to be held accountable. It also sounds like the principal just made a quick phone call to them, rather than calling them to come into the school. I would request a meeting at the school, with the principal and the girl's parents. They need to SEE the backpack and know how angry you are at the situation. Hopefully they will be embarrassed enough that #1, they discipline their daughter appropriately, and #2, they work w/ you to find a solution to pay back the $$, and #3, they make the little heathen apologize to you guys.