I just recently found out today that my son, who is 17, has been carrying on with a 32 year old lady from KY. (We are in Cleveland) I called this woman who told me that she thought my son was 18. I asked her at that point what in GODS NAME could she have in common with even an 18 year old??? SHe then said to me, AND I QUOTE THIS "Havent you ever talked with someone on the phone and just fell head over heals in love with them??" I almost DIED!!!!!
My concern comes in because my son, who got kicked out of school today for good, is now talking about wanting to "move out of this state and get the hell out of ohio".
What would you do????????????????????????????

Dr. Phil did a bit on a similar situation last Friday: Dr. Phil.com - Shows - Does Age Matter? - the age difference was slightly wider (38YO woman, 18YO boy)

He was quite clear that this kind of relationship was "so wrong on so many levels".

cj/

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I don't have a problem with the age difference but I do have a problem with your son being under 18. Maybe the woman will leave him alone now that she knows he is 17. As for your son wanting to move and leave Ohio I don't blame him one bit!!! BUT he is underage and I don't know the details of why he was expelled from school. #1 if your supporting him he can't leave can he? #2 Make him get his GED. #3 How does he expect to support himself with no education? #4 Once he reaches 18 you can't stop him from leaving. You either get hard nosed (no money support yourself) or help him out.

Good luck

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This is child abuse. I'm sure your son has been made to feel like he is so special and a "woman" finds him facinating, entertaining, contempory, exhilirating, interesting, handsome, and sexy. This young man has obviously not been feeling good about himself from the hint of the situation he is in right now. This sexual predator is definately taking advantage of him, even if it is only emotionally at this time. He is at the age where his hormones are raging, his behavior needs reined in, and noone he has contact with understands or is impressed with what he is doing except her.
I feel for you because if he stays by force his behavior will excalate as to try to control you and show you he can only be happy with her. I feel for him because, just for the sake of argument, if she is only half crazy; the fun of a boy toy will wear off in a couple months and she'll get tired of his hanging around always wanting and not contributing around her place. This leaves him in the position of coming home with his tail between his legs, that act admitting Mom was right, or is he still a stubborn rockhead and not come back and find out how cruel this big world can be to someone with no education and a chip on their shoulder.
I'm sorry this sounds so cruel, but I am a certified behavior specialists educator and I have dealt with young people from 6 - 18. He has the best thing going for him that many of those I worked with didn't have....a family member who cares and believes an education is his answer to happiness right now.
Good Luck! I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

This lady is an idiot. She sounds like someone trying to act like she is a teenage girl again. Has your son even seen this lady?

I don't know if this is dumb or not but can you have this lady investigated? I am 33 yrs old and someone that young does not even appeal to me. This lady can't be in her right mind. What would a woman have in common with someone that young?

Age differences don't bother me, since DH is eleven years older then I am. However, I met him after I was 21 years old, and to tell you the truth I still find it disturbing when someone that much older dates anyone under 21. Just because they become legal at 18 doesn't make it right. They have just graduated from high school, never been out in the real world, still lives with parents, which makes them immature. A lot of people might disagree with me, but I wish they would raise the marriage age to 21, and from 18 to 21 need parents consent.

As far as your situation, I would take away cell phone if he has one, and maybe disconnect my home phone and only use my cell phone. Yeah doesn't mean he won't talk to her, but make it as hard as possible for me. What kind of person falls in love with a 17 yr old over the phone? This woman has issues that I wouldn't want my son involved with, no matter what his age.

Good luck

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If he was 21 and had lived a little then I would understna dhowever this is a CHILD, sad confused lost child.
She told me that she was in love with him which floored me since they had never met face to face. The scary part is what kind of person does these things or acts this way?

At 17 I would end their relationship. No phone...and have her number blocked from yours. No internet without supervision. It's wrong at that age. The age difference may not matter in 5 more years but it does NOW! I would probably contact authorities as well since technically, he's a minor

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Ok I have to be honest here but my first instinct told me I would want to find her and beat the snot out of her, but I tried to go with the more logical approach in my answer above, but I still can't shake the whole beating the snot out of her thing going through my head.


I know violence is never the answer lol.

This is so frightening as he really is a child and probably very gullible. She probably tells him what he wants to hear and he eats it up. This woman could ruin his life if he ever got a wild hair and decided to run away to meet her. This is tough since you need to be firm but not overbearing as he may decide to runaway. He desperately needs to somehow get back on track with school. I can understand that he probably feels inadequate if he's not doing well at school. Will he be able to earn his diploma?
Could a new part-time job with kids his age help him to refocus? Try to think of something.

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I would call the police and report her for potential sexual child abuse, just as I would if it was a 32 year old man and my 17 year old daughter. This is against the law.

that was my thought too-what if the tables were turned? She has probably done this before and will do it again. I would threaten her w/ legal action to cease all contact w/ your son. If that doesn't work, I too would beat the snot out of her. I also have a 17yr. old son. That's not right!!!!

OH geesh. I'd call the cops and see what your options are..Then I would lock him in his room !
please keep us updated... and if you need someone to drive you down from ohio to beat the snot out of her..I have plenty of room!!

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

We have the opposite issue here. My stepdaughter who is 17 is most likey involved with a 40 something man. We have no proof and she denies it, but the signs are all saying she lies. Even worse is he is her ex step-dad and the father of her little sister. Her mom totally thinks we are nuts and even encourages the relationship. (Mostly because he takes care of the younger daughter when mom works or parties) It is a sick situation but there is not a whole lot we can do. One thing is, think back to when you were 17. If you were seeing someone your parents hated what would you do. I know what I did. I hid it from my parents. I'm afraid she will do the same. I just wish we had some proof so we could lock this s.o.b. away.

Could you sue for statatory rape?

Lisa

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I just turned 31 yesterday & IMO this is sick age dont bother me either but now that I am older I know that young kids just dont know what life is about yet even 19yr olds & when I was 19 I dated a 30yr old now I look back & think he was one step away from statuatory rape only one thing I can think of that someone that much older would want

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my brother in law fathered a child with 34 year old when he was 17 and the state made him pay them back for her hospital care when having the baby

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I don't think that she could sue for statuatory rape as they have not been sexual. I agree with making it more difficult for him to have contact with her and I would try and see what you could do from the law standpoint but I would not be suprised if you stopping him from having contact with her would make him do everything he could to have the contact. Chidren who are stopped from doing something they want to do end up hating the parents and they usually find a way to get around it. Maybe you could talk to his friends and get them to get it through his head. Hope all goes well for you.

I agree with cajmom that you need to get his friends to talk him out of it. If that doesn't work, we Ohioans have to stick together. I'll help you knock the snot out of her. By the way, does he even know what she looks like? Have they met? She could be a 50 year old transexual.

Rebecca

This sounds so wrong. How could a minor be financial responsible for something like this? Were there no statuatory rape laws back then?

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make sure she's not already on the sex offenders list, they just caught some goofball in SC having sex with minors and some of them kids she taught. I'd ask a police friend what his thoguhts was but he's canadian so that wouldnt help

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I don't have enough information to tell you what I'd do. I'd need to know:

1. How old was your son when this relationship began?
2. Does "carrying on" include sex?
3. Will your son admit to a sexual relationship with this woman to authorities or lie?
4. Why was your son permanently expelled from school?
5. How does your son feel about this woman? Fun & games? Love?
6. How will your son react if you interfere in his relationship?
7. What is the state of your relationship with your son?

And even if I knew all that, it would still be unimportant if acting would cause you to ultimately lose your child. Going only on your post, it's safe to assume that your son is already troubled. Expulsion from school, a secret relationship with an older woman, who knows what else he's doing?

The fact that he's 17 means your options are very limited, anyway. In less than a year, he can do whatever he wants. You're in Ohio and Ohio statuary rape laws don't even apply if your son was 17 when the sexual relationship began. Same for Kentucky so charging her with statuary rape isn't even an option. If a sexual relationship began at 16, they may or may not pursue a case. Probably not since she lives in another state. Definitely not if your son denies it.

He's technically a minor but it doesn't really matter. He's so close to adulthood that If he leaves the state, there's not much you can do. A judge is not going to sign an interstate warrant for a 17 year old. They know it's a waste of time and money because he'll just leave again in a few months, free and clear to do so.

I think what you need to do is try to talk him out of it. You may be able to do it. It's really your only option unless you want to pay her off or cause her so much trouble that she backs off. Even so, he'd probably just replace her. Would your son agree to counseling? If he could come to terms with whatever's bothering him, he might dump her and solve the problem himself!

I have nothing to add really. Because the situation is a tough one. But I will say that if I were the mother, I would be appalled too. I wish you luck in resolving this in a manner that will not harm your son or your relationship with him. This would be a tough call.....

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I tried to explain to him that she could be anyone. I did call her and made it PERFECTLY CLEAR that if I saw ONE MORE PHONE CALL or TEXT MESSAGE I was going to the police. That scared her because she called me back and said she would make sure that there were no more. I can check his bill and since then there have not been any more.
I just dont get people. I really dont...

I tried to explain to him that she could be anyone. I did call her and made it PERFECTLY CLEAR that if I saw ONE MORE PHONE CALL or TEXT MESSAGE I was going to the police. That scared her because she called me back and said she would make sure that there were no more. I can check his bill and since then there have not been any more.
I just dont get people. I really dont...

Is there consistency in regards to punishment with your son? I ask because a month ago you said you had the cell phone turned off.
This may be a big reason your son is so defiant and does not seem to listen to anyone. There may not be consequences, so he feels he can do what he want, how he wants.

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No Flames Please! Just another point of view...

I met my husband when I was 18, he is 13 years older (31 at the time). Ten plus years later, we are still together and very much in love.

Now, the caviats were that:
1. I met him in person - he wasn't searching out for me.
2. Neither of us knew of the age differance until we had begun dating.
3. I was 18 and out of my parents house.
4. This may be sexist - but the guy was the older one (they tend to be less mature, just kidding!)

I would be nervous that "love" happened over the phone. But, I can say that we had alot in common, plus (and this is true to this day) he matures me while I keep him young at heart.

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Ok... heres another opinion. As of right now I think that its wrong since your son is only 17, but.. if he was over the age of 18 but closer to 20 or 21, I would have to dissagree. I personally know through experience. I met my husband when I was 20, he grew to love me and my son (the real dad was a deadbeat). He is 21 yrs older than I am. So when we married, i was almost 21 and he was almost 42. We have been happily married for just over 3 years. We even have a beautiful set of 10 month old twins. You cant help who you fall for. But do talk with your son and the women since he is underage. he hasnt even started his life yet. he needs to explore the world before settling down. shes not going to want to try the things he does since she has been through them. he needs to be able to live a little!!! ~katrina~

I personally would check into getting a restraining order against her....that way if there was any more contact you could press charges.

and what will stop her from using someone else's phone, calling from a pay phone., chatting online? There is just to many ways for them to talk without you knowing it . There really isnt much you can do unless you get really tough and take the pc and cell and watch him ever minute of the day. And if they are really determined to talk, they will find a way around you .
Just like a teen age girl who is not allowed to date someone. makes her want to date him more since the parents dont approve.
a phone call to the police is the best bet but I dont know if it would help or not. And if he is 18. I think it is pretty much outa your hands.

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She told you that she was in love with him ? Is she crazy? Even if she was in love why on earth would she admit it when she could get into so much trouble.Did she really think you would approve?She must know now that you DON'T approve and is scared out of her wits.You would think anyway.You would have to be really stupid to continue a relationship with a minor knowing the parents disapprove.I'd be willing to bet that shes not going to go much further than playful chatting with your son and even if she goes that far will probably be so parenoid that eventually she will stop talking to him all together.

How old was your son when this relationship began? It began about, according to phone records, a month ago
Does "carrying on" include sex? As far as I know, there has been no sex
Will your son admit to a sexual relationship with this woman to authorities or lie? He lies all the time so who knows if anyone can believe him.
Why was your son permanently expelled from school? "insuboridnation" over and over again.
How does your son feel about this woman? Fun & games? Love? According to BOTH OF THEM, this is love and they met on My space.
How will your son react if you interfere in his relationship? He snapped and began to tell me how wrong I was about this lady and he loved her and she was important to him.
What is the state of your relationship with your son? Things are a little rocky. He lives with his dad because he was violent and out of control with me however I am still involved with his life. He sees me as a bad guy at times.

The part that scared me was when she asked me straight out "havent you ever met someone, talked to them on the phone and fell head over heals in love with them?" THat was scary as hell...

Julie~ I highy suggest since they met online at Myspace you contact cybertipline.org... he is still a minor techinically and she is a adult predator, they can guide you.

I had to report my own son when he took up with a 14 yr old and he was an adult he has multiple warrants for his arrest for among other things attempted sexual relationship with a minor and I do not once regret making the phone call. Also visit Pervertedjustice.com. they have lots of information about things like this how to handle it etc and they will say the same thing cybertipline.org. click on the make a report icon and be as detailed as possible, dates, myspace names, cell phone numbers etc they will call you back.

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The lady is obviously very immature. If she discovered indeed that your son was 17yrs old, she should have informed you that all ties would be broken. Carrying on with a minor is not legal. Maybe a call to her local police force would nip the situation in the bud.

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I'd give the police a call. No matter what the emotional side is, your son is under the age of 18, so this "relationship" is illegal.

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I'm going to give a contrarian view and probably somewhat harsh, but I think that's what's needed sometimes. I believe that from all I've read here and in your other posts, you need to reign this son in somehow. I don't think that the answer is to blame or control the behavior of others.

'Course I have no idea how to get through to this boy, but I think that's what's needed. He is looking to this older woman for something - what is it? what is missing in his life and relationships? As was posted earlier, I would focus on consistency and follow-through of punishment - by both mom and dad. I would also try to find a few positive things that he does and focus on those....bring out and develop his strengths.

cj/

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