Our son has never had a friend live close by, so we were pretty surprised when on Monday the doorbell rang and a classmate of his was on the porch. Turns out the kid lives the next street over and wanted to come play. We were shocked, and very pleased, as our son is an only child and is constantly bored, wanting someone to play with.

The child played for 3 hours, had dinner with us, and I walked him home and introduced myself.

Tuesday, the same child was with my son immediately after school, and wanted to know if he could come over and play. I had him call home on my cell phone to ask his family (he lives with his grandma and his dad) if it was okay. It was okayed, so he went to our house for an hour.

45-minutes later he was back at our door, ready to play again. I was in the middle of making dinner, so he stayed for an hour and ate with us again. As I walked him home he mentioned that he hoped his grandma and dad were back home. RED FLAG HERE. I asked where they were and he said that his grandma had to take a relative somewhere and his dad was gone. I guess I should mention the child is 10 years old. (Now at this point I wonder if I was an unknown last minute babysitter.....)

Now it is Wednesday.

I told my son that there was to be no company, as he needed to get his homework done (normally he would have it done on Monday, which would change the entire set of events, but he thought he lost it on Monday, Tuesday he had a substitute teacher, and on Wednesday I went with him to school to ensure he got his homework - turns out it was in his cubby and he just forgot to take it out on Monday). He had 5 sheets of spelling homework to do, plus a re-write of a rough draft for a reading assignment.

We were home for 15 minutes when the child called our house wanting to know if he could come over. My son begged, but we said "no" because of the homework issue.

A half hour later, the child called to see if my son had completed his homework. I said he had not and he said okay.

Fifteen minutes later the phone rings again. Taking the easy out, I let the machine pick up.

Five minutes later the phone rings yet again. Being a weenie, the machine answered the phone call.

Five minutes later, there is a knock at the door and said child is on the porch.

He comes in and my son begs to let him stay. I held strong and said that there was no company tonight (homework was halfway done at this point - I don't make him do it all at once, but spread it out with breaks in-between, and I was in the middle of making dinner) and told the child that maybe tomorrow he could come over.

DH and I had a discussion and while we feel badly for the child, I just am not sure about company on a school night.

We almost felt like we were being stalked by this child. I am sure he meant no harm, and him and our son have played very well, video games, legos, etc. while he was here. But we value our family time, and need time alone too. I think we need to nip this as early as possible and come up with some sort of schedule or something (as cheesy as it sounds) for friends on a school night.

I know some people don't allow friends over or phone calls on a school day. Just trying to figure out how any of you would handle this situation.

We had our first knock on the door yesterday from a kid a couple streets away asking it my son wanted to come out and play We were on our way out so they just chatted outside until I was ready to leave.....


What I think I'll do is kinda of have days set ahead of time...like Tuesdays and Thursdays for 1-2 hours at these times....kinda thing...That way they can still see each other and play but not everyday all day at unexpected times. Kids will know exactly when!! No other times dont bug me about it!! My kids aren't allowed to play any video games during the school week, so they can't just sit around playing games or watching tv........so no friends come over for video games!! play outside!!

We don't have time for friends on school days. DD (11) has several hours worth of homework each night and by the time she does homework, eats dinner, does more homework, takes a shower it's 10:00-10:30 at night. I would maybe limit the play time to an hour if he has no homework or until dinner, that would give you some family time after DH gets home, but still give your son time to play with his friend.

DH works early morning and is home by 1pm. DS gets home from school at 3pm.

Our kids friends all know that my kids come home, have a snack then do homework, and then if there is time they may play.....and once dinner time hits, it's family time for the rest of the night. Plus they all call first

I understand you wanting to let your son play with him being an only child....I am an only child and grew up in a neighborhood without kids and it can be boring and lonely, but if you don't set standards now for when this child can come over, he will always be on your doorstep.

I have let our answering machine answer many a friends phone call, because sometimes its just easier

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mine come home, finish homework then it's a we'll see how it goes type ordeal, if theres time yeah but if it's dark and we've not ate then no, there's weekends where they can play all day. we've boxed up and padlocked the video games here, they was eat and sleeping video games so into the box they wentwhen their all in school someday I'll get them back out and plkay them, though the house will be so quiet I'll not really know what to do

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[quote=mabear74;2881070]

I understand you wanting to let your son play with him being an only child....I am an only child and grew up in a neighborhood without kids and it can be boring and lonely, but if you don't set standards now for when this child can come over, he will always be on your doorstep.

QUOTE]

Exactly! DH and I realized last night that we need to figure out some ground rules NOW because things could very easily get way out of hand with the visits.

My DD is 10 (almost 11) and DS is 8. If they want to have a friend over (usually the kids want to come to our house, which I prefer), it needs to be arranged to day before. They can have a friend ride the bus home with them and stay about an hour. This gives them time ot do homework while I finish dinner and then family time after dinner. Weekends and summer time is a little more laid back...no need to make plans the day before.

HTH

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we only have friends over on Wed's because we get out at 2:10 instead of nearly 4:00. No friends on school nights unless other kids are riding bikes outside and then the kids can ride for 30 minutes or so if it's light out. If you let this kid over all the time, you WILL be the babysitter every day. I would set a schedule like 2 days a week and they go home before dinner (unless you like the extra headcount at dinner).

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I guess I'm different. When my 2 ds where in school (now being home schooled), they had to do their homework 1st & then they could have friends over to play. At dinner time the friends had to go home. It kept the kids out of my hair and from fighting. My DH works an odd schedule so we built family time around that. A lot of the times we even included the kids friends in whatever we were doing. We (DH & I ) don't have a problem with it. In the summer we always have a house full of kids. I'm a sahm and most of my ds friends parents work full time. I don't mind the confusion. All the parents seem grateful and even help supply food.
Judy

We do the same as Addison. The boys play (1 is usually at bball practice til 5pm) till supper which is 6 - 7 somewhere in there. Then they do homework, they very rarely have more than 15 minutes of homework. The school just doesn't give it out. After homework we have family time and bathtime. They are older so they get to stay up til 10pm. Which gives us time to play a game or watch a movie or whatever.

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I am concerned that this 10 yr old is being left alone. Don't know about your state, but that is illegal here, and it's dangerous. This little boy is roaming around, knocking on doors, and nobody knows where he is, or is expecting him back? I would want to have a conversation with whomever is supposed to be taking care of this child--father, grandmother--to make certain that there is supervision when he arrives home from school. This also would allow the opportunity to lay out your ground rules, i.e. homework before playtime, only call ONCE and wait for a return call, etc.

If this boy is being neglected, I'd call for some assistance.

When my boys were younger they almost always had a friend who practically "lived" at our house. If the child is nice and they got along well it didn't bother me. We have enough money feeding an extra is no problem. In some cases I know it was help to an overextended parent, and that was fine. I think it showed that my boys cared about others that they befriended these kids. I also like having the home where kids like to hang out. You know so much more about what is going on in their lives. As far as the homework goes, my daughter and her friend sometimes do their homework together. If you feel uncomfortable about it, by all means put a stop to it. But if you just feel like you have to be following some sort of social rule....I wouldn't shut the kid out for that reason.

No, nothing to do with any social rule. I was just curious as to what other people allowed/didn't allow.

I don't mind the child coming over, but I don't want him to be over all day, every day. A few times a week is fine. But not from sunup to sundown.

I would call the grandma and/or dad and set up regular days/times that the children can play together. Ask them to please not call or stop by except during the agreed upon times.

We have lots of kids in our neighborhood and they all play together. Most of the kids can't play until 4:30pm (bus gets here at 2:30pm and then everyone has a snack & does homework). All the kids know not to knock on doors until after 4:30pm. If they are done earlier, they will come outside.

In my old neighborhood, we did it by days of the week. The kids played at our house on Tuesdays & the friends house on Thursdays from after school until dinner time (we did homework after dinner on those days, although DS was in kindergarten, so there wasn't very much to do -- just reading or listening to stories which was part of our bedtime routine anyway).

You need to come up with something that works for you and then ask the other parents to comply.

Sarah.........mom to Jason & Devin

As a new home owner in an actual neighborhood, I can feel for you. The neighborhood kids are over here all the time. When we have no after school activities, my son will usually round them up and get a game of kickball or basketball going. My daughter would rather play one on one with the neighbor girl. I will let them play and get their energy out so they don't mind sitting down to do their homework. When we have activities, they do their homework as soon as they come home and have a snack.

About the unwanted neighborhood kids: I can comisserate with you. There's one who will ask "why?" when I tell her to go home and avoids cleaning up. At this point, I treat her as one my own, say "because I said so" and stick my tongue at her. Just kidding...I tell her the consequeses for arguing/not cleaning up. After they are at your house for a month strait, the politeness does wear off.


Rebecca

I second don't get it started unless you're prepared to be the babysitter of this child and half the neighborhood. Been there. In our old neighborhood (we built a new house and moved here 3 years ago) our house was the kid hangout. We would even be gone, drive up and there were kids in our yard playing. My DH thought it was super cool of course, but he wasn't the one home dealing with it all. I was the only stay home mom on the block and boy did the other parents take advantage of me. It's very hard to end it once it starts. I would have kids peeking through the oval glass in the front door, ringing the bell, etc. I swear we were the only one on the block with any playground equipment in the back too. I actually had a mom across the street that would leave her 10 year old daughter alone after school for hours 'as she knew that I was right across the road if she needed me'. I told her point blank that I had 3 kids of my own (one was a baby at the time) and I was not responsible for her kid, etc. That sort of thing will start if you let it get too far. Prime example that the little boy's dad and grandma left him with you (hello they barely know you). I had another little girl around the curve of the block (and her mom was a school teacher even) that would just let this little 8 year old girl go door to door looking for playmates; I would watch her every single day do this after I turned her away from our house. Who knows where the mom was. That little girl was all over our neighborhood and others too. Anyone could have just picked her up.

I was very adamant when we moved here that all that was not going to start again. We live down a long driveway now on a few acres, so we aren't visible too much from the road. My rule now is that kids do not just come over unless they are invited or call first and it is ok'd by me. I have 4 kids now (one is a baby) and no way do we have time (and I don't have the energy) for all that. I am super busy raising my own kids to babysit the neighborhood. We are busy 3 nights out of the week with activities and then of course there is dinner, homework, baths, etc. We basically have no family time the way it is. You'll generally notice that the other parents will not return the 'favor' of having your kid over either (there are exceptions of course--I'm talking about the majority). I'm not saying you should never have the child over of course, but he's already set the scene for what's to come if you don't put your foot down now. Sorry this is so long, it's one of my pet peeves I suppose.