I was at a kids birthday party today and us adults were talking about wearing bicycle helmets and how you don't have to wear a helmet when riding a motorcycle and you do when riding a bike in PA. Then a good friend said "you don't have to wear a helmet on a motorcycle in NJ" and I said "yes you do". (My husband has been riding for probably 20 years, so I felt like I really knew the subject.) So she calls her husband over and I start asking him and she says right in front of everyone "be quiet and let him talk", really loud and pretty rudely. Maybe I am being sensitive, but they pounded me with no you don't you don't know what you're talking about, etc. I felt like I was on trial, I could almost cry about how embarassed she made me feel and she has done this before, just not in front of a croud ( I would say 5 or 6 people).


What would you do? I don't really care if I was wrong or right, but it felt like she was scolding me in front of everyone. I didn't really talk to her much after that, but I usually ride with her to a parents meeting on MOnday and I will feel really awkward. Should I call her to talk about it? Just let it go and think I am just sensitive? HELP!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I do have a friend who would let me pick her up, so I can tell this friend I have to help someone else out and that way I would postpone the situation. She has done this to me before, I can't be right about anything with her, she either knows it already, she has already cooked every meal I tell her about, does everything better than I do. She is very forceful when she talks and I just shut down and don't say anything. I told DH that I wish he was there to back me up like her DH did for her, but he had to work.

He wants me to email her the link showing the law in NJ, but I am to chicken. She probably looked it up as soon as she got home anyway and found out she was wrong.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Honestly, I would have handled it the same way you did. I would not have said anything at the party, but the more I think and stew about it the angrier I will get. I will think of all of the things that I could have or should have said, but didn't.

It sounds like she is a toxic person for you to be around. I would quietly make other plans to go the the parent's meeting with someone else. I would be civil to her at meetings and at other sites, but I would not go to a party at her house and would not invite her to a social gathering at my house, unless I am hosting something for a club or group in which we both belong. I hope that this makes sense to you.

I would email her the link and just put something like "FYI, thought you might like to know, and then the link."

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

oh I'd email her the link allright and outline the law in bright bold red colors!!

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

I am sure she must have looked it up when she got home, I couldn't imagine she wouldn't try to prove herself right.

It's just that the more I think about it, the more aggrivated I get. Like her DH says as he was walking away "well is your husbands helmet DOT approved?" And no, it's not and he just said well there you go. To me, it's more about how they treated me than if I was right or wrong?



Even though I am right na na na na na.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I can say with much certainty that noone standing there watching her attempt to 'put you in your place" was thinking badly of you. First of all, they probably know her and were just glad it wasn't them this time, and then they felt badly for you, and badly OF her. She made a fool of herself, not you. I don't blame you for being embarrassed, but I would let it roll right of my back... probably. lol

You are right about her too, very toxic. I try to be sympathetic and she can really use the help. She really ticked me off last summer and I didn't talk to her much for a month or so, but now we see each other a few times a week at school and at meetings. She is a hard person to get along with.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Let it go and, more importantly, let her go. Stop driving with her, but be cooly civil with her when you see her. Cut conversations short with "something" you have to do. Don't put yourself up to be insulted by her anymore---that is obviously her weapon of choice. The only way, apparently, she can feel good about herself is to try and make someone else feel bad about themselves.

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"Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich


"Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous

"Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity

Have the courage to be yourself.

I guess I am confrontational, judging my the previous responses!

I personally would have said "Excuse me? I'm sure you didn't mean that remark the way it sounded!" Put the spotlight back on her and see what she says then. If she continued to speak to you like that, I would have walked away and possibly even left. As for riding with her - no way. There is absolutely no way I would continue in a relationship with someone who acts like this, and to have done it more than once - I won't allow people treat me like that. People will treat you in the manner you allow them to. You've already let her get away with it twice now. Ready for the third time?

I guess I am confrontational

I would have told her she did not need to speak to me that way and I would have let it go from there.

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Dawnie
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If there is a will there is a way!

I guess she shocked me when she said it, I didn't know what to say. DO you think I should say something now? SHe has done it before and I just ignore it and get over it and then she does it again. I would love to tell her, but then I feel bad. SHe can not handle stress AT ALL and everything stresses her out, drives me nuts. I just think she would get more pissed and lash out at me.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I understand what you are going through to some extent. I'm frequently around a woman that is terribly negative. She hasn't done what your acquaintance did to you - her diatribes are rarely aimed *at* me. But, they are rude and rather embarassing to me.

As a "for instance", a group of us was at Applebees celebrating a mutual friend's birthday. Someone mentioned the high school musical that's currently playing. This woman has lived here a couple of years and is always telling us how things where where they used to live, how much better things were, how much more impressive they were, etc. That she would pick a high school activity to compare is odd to me, because she is a homeschooler, but I digress...

She said, from the opposite end of the table, "Well, you won't catch me going to a musical at the local high school. My daughter and I went to the one the first year we moved here and it was just AWFUL! I mean AWFUL! When we lived in Texas there were three high schools nearby and we'd go to all their musicals, so we were used to seeing quality, and had NO idea how AWFUL it would be here. My daughter just looked at me and said, 'This is a joke, right? Or do all the talented people just happen to live in Texas?' I'd never seen anything to BAD!"

I was rather livid. They were kids. Kids I know, kids I like, and kids that I'd say did quite a nice job. I don't know what her threshhold is, but it must be pretty high, because those kids had nothing to be ashamed of.

She's always doing this sort of thing, and in the past, I've always found her intimidating, but somehow, that last rant just hit my nerve the wrong way and I laid into her from the other end of the table. I said, "I think they did a fine job. You work with what you have and that teacher had a very good group of kids. I think they deserve credit and a pat on the back. I'd never call something a group of kids worked very hard on and were pleased about 'AWFUL.' It sounds mean and they certainly don't deserve anything but appreciation."

It rather shocked her. She didn't have anything to say back at me.

It made me wish I'd just had the guts to give it right back to her two years ago!

I wouldn't bring it back up w/that lady, but I also would be sitting in wait, anticipating her next such event, just so I could put it right back on her.

For instance, if you could replay the incident at the party, I'd suggest saying firmly but not angrily, "That is very interesting information that you have. However, I'm sure it's not correct. I will be more than happy to email you the link to the NJ website that lists those official rules. Thanks for playin' the game."

I completely agree with that! OP, you said she was a good friend, but you don't need good friends that behave like that. She was just ugly and nasty and I'd just let that friendship go.

But I would send her the link.

I would send her the link and drop her like a hot potato,
I had a friend that everything was either so much better than mine or so much worse than mine. I never could get a work in edgewise. Finally I just stopped hanging out with her. I am much happier without her in my life. She was dragging me down.
Find ways to avoid even speaking to her. Like she was person you did not know and didn't care to know. Just look right past her.

E#veryone that was standing there secretly rolled thei eyes in their heads when she said that...because I imagine the same has happened to most in her little circle...
Then I would e-mail her the link....

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"Cast upon this globe without physical strength or innate ideas, incapable in himself of obeying fundamental laws of this nature which call him to the supreme place in the universe, it is only in the heart of society that man can attain the pre-eminent position which is his natural destiny. Without the aide of civilization he would be one of the feeblest and least intelligent of animals.."
Jean-Marc-Gaspard Itard

if she has done it before and you didnt say anything, she knows she can get away with it. I would shut her down and I would also find some other ride. I am not going to spend time with someone who wants to make her friends look bad . all she is doing is trying to make her self look good and really in the end she is making herself look stupid.

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«·´¨*·.¸¸. Jo ¸¸.·*¨`·»
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gretchengirl@gmail.com

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I've had a "frined" like that in the past...she's now just someone I know. Life is too short to consider her on your friends list. Take her off the list and move on...she won't change.

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Mom to Miss C & Mr. E
Former SAHM now working full time
feboll@neo.rr.com

Well-said... I can't be around anyone that is toxic to me. I have aunt and a mother like that. What happens when I am with them is that I completely clam up -- they have both managed to break my spirit when I am in their presence.

Well, I saw her today at school and I pretty much just blew her off. She looked at me, and I gave a quick wave from across the room, but I didn't walk out talking to her even though she was right behind me and I saw her in her van and I didn't wave, just kept walking. That was all pretty hard, I felt like I was so nasty and that is just not like me. I have to see her again at 1:00 when we pick the kids up, not looking forward to that.


ETA that the 2 people I have talked to about this who also know her said that she does that to them also, it's not just me. DH doesn't want me doing her any more favors and you all are right, just move on to other people, I don't need this from her, it only makes ME feel bad.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

op that person is not a friend, she's one of those energy vampires...someone to be ignored and avoided

I would send her the link, and then drop her because she is not really a friend. Here is a link for every state, just to let her know that she is WRONG!

http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0geu_PqOw...t_current.html

She has called twice today, the first time I didn't answer, just didn't feel like talking to her. The second time I picked up and she offered me some fresh bread she just got from the bakery, I think she's feeling guilty She asked if I was going to the parents meeting tonight and I said yes, but I didn't offer to pick her up and she didn't ask me if I wanted a ride.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer