There is a little boy in my DD's preschool class who is autistic, they just found out within the last 6 months. He just stopped talking one day in school and they took him to the Dr and he was diagnosed with autism.

He is a sweet boy, my DD loves to play with him, she just says he's quiet, he needs a girl to play with. Anyway we were at a party together and they were all having a really fun time. The parents and I got a chance to talk a lot about autism and how he was diagnosed, etc, it was a really nice day. He had a couple of meltdowns about giving up a toy, or sharing, but honestly if you didn't know he was autistic, you couldn't tell.

Is there anything I should say, or shouldn't say? Like we were talking about the fits and I said "my DD just had a fit about the swing, don't worry they all have them" and after I said it I felt like maybe I shouldn't have. And maybe I asked stupid questions? This is all new to me, I don't want to say the wrong thing.

At the end of the day, they were afraid to leave because he would have a meltdown, so we all left together and DD and him held hands and he was just perfect, no problem at all.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I don't think there is really a stupid question. Just ask them politely and they will answer them. Just don't ever give them ideas for "curing" him. With ds's skin condition I got that every single time I went somewhere with him.

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I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.

I think that what you said was perfect! Parents of children with special needs like to know that they are not alone.

The main importance of having a diagnosis for the little boy will be that he will now qualify for extra help at school -- also known as No Child Left Behind (NCLB). The diagnosis will go into his IEP at school and they can not ever drop the IEP (Individualized Education Plan) since he has a 'medical diagnosis'.

I will not allow my son to use his diagnosis as a crutch. He has no idea that he has a diagnosis! Life goes on as usual and we adjust our lives in order to make his life less stressful for him (which in turn makes our lives less stressful). It does get somewhat easier as he gets older...

I believe that the two best things that we have done for our son are to enroll him in self defense classes (ie Kung Fu, Karate, etc., not only is he learning to defend himself but he is also learning self-control) and get him a dog -- they are best buddies and communicate with one another in a way that he can not communicate with anyone else.

Be there for these parents. They will appreciate it if you do not treat them differently or not include them because their son is different. That makes me sad for my son... he never gets invited anywhere. But I guess he likes it that way to a point as he certainly is a loner who prefers to be left alone.

Sorry so long but maybe this will help answer your questions?

Jenny McCarthy was on Larry King last night, along with Holly Robinson Peete and a doctor who specializes in autism - Jenny wrote a book which I plan to read. It was a very informative show

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Bevogal

Boy do I wish you lived near me! I know how hard it is to have an autisic child who has meltdowns. You made it much easier for them. I have a 9yr old son and even people who know (my family) give me "looks when he "acts up"

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I have OCCD
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We were talking about that! They mentioned being in a store and he had a meltdown and how people looked at them so funny. I would never look at anyone funny for that, autism or not. We have all been there and every kid at one time or another has a meltdown, yes autistic kids more so I see, but we should feel sorry for any parent going through that because you never know the circumstances?!


We did discussed the different things they are going to try, diet change, homeopathic stuff, that sort of thing, I read a lot of what you guys write about even though I don't have an autistic child, it doesn't hurt to learn about something.


I would love to ask them over for a play date or something, I am not really good friends with them, but it must be so hard for them and my DD just loves their son. I wouldn't want it to be uncomfortable for them (parents or the son) though.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I would invite them over. After all your DD an this boy get along and I'm sure the parents would love it. Treat him like you would any other new friend of your DD's. They probably feel isolated and would love for a chance to socialize. Ask the other parents what they would like to do. They would know where their son would feel most comfortable. Maybe meet a park the first time for a picnic?
Judy

I have an 18 year old son with Asperger's. DId anyone here see Jenny's interview? I bought the People magazine with her in it. I have to say, I'm a little appalled at what she is out there saying. What I have heard about her is that she is saying she drew her son out of Autism or basically "cured" him. There is NO CURE for autism. There are things that help with it, but they will always have it. My son was diagnosed late, at the age of 12. he has done remarkably well considering so many years went my without my knowing. GOsh I wish I'd known. But as a mom, I had instinct and learned what triggered "meltdowns" and tried to avoid them even when he was little. Now he has them MUCH LESS frequently, but when he does have them now, they sometimes catch me off guard. It is WONDERFUL that your DD takes to him. She can be a great friend for him and they really need friends!! Invite him over and have fun! Check with the parents and find out what he really likes to do so that he will be more comfortable. Just being around your DD who he already knows will help considerably! I personally would try a playdate at your house. It is apt to be much quieter and less likely to produce a meltdown. Public places always were too stimulating for my son. I am sure they didn't mind your questions at all. I actually love to talk about my son and feel like I am educating the public when people ask questions.

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I think what you said was perfectly fine. The only thing that gets to me is when I am talking to other parents and they use the word "normal child"! I still gets under my skin 4 yrs later after his diagnoses, people are always shocked when they find out that he is autistic, since he is high functioning. Then they say something stupid like "Well you would never know he looks like a normal child" UGH!!!! Like my child having autism makes him an less normal then your 6 year old picking his nose and eating it!

The fact that you are concerned about what you say, and how what you say can be interrupted says A LOT I would love my son to have a friend who's mother was as caring as you!

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Those looks you get when your kid has a meltdown in a public can be harsh, I have actually had people tell me to control my child.....mind you DS is now 11, but is not now and never has been violent, he just cries and repeats whatever has caused the meltdown to himself, and sometimes drops to the floor in a W sit. This can be loud, and hard to deal with, but it drives me crazy to have someone tell me to control him! I got to the point that I actually printed out cards on my computer, on one side they say Don't judge a book by the cover and on the other side it has the definition of autism and the statistics of how many kids are affected. When I get those looks, or comments I just reach into my purse and hand them one of these......I don't mean to embarrass people, but I also don't like people judging the situation without all the facts.

flipper, I really think it's great that you asked the question, I see nothing wrong with any of it, but in all honesty everyone is different so just talk to your friend about it.........


I don't see my son as "autistic DS" I see him as my DS who happens to have autism and treat him accordingly....there are many things that I use with him that come from my other kids, or from ideas from friends who have had the issues with their children.....

I just think it's great that you care enough to have even asked.........I'm applauding your from Texas!

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

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My 8 year old (step)DD is being evaluated at Children Hospital's Neurodevelopemental clinic in Nov. for possible aspergers. I just hope they can give us a definative diagnosis and tell us how to handle her better. I feel like such a failure cause I do NOT know how to handle her behavior/social problems. We've had her to a therapist and the therapist recommended she be evaluated for aspergers and neuro problems. She also recommended we have her evaluated for attachment disorder (her biological mom died when she was only 11 months old). However, when I research aspergers and attachment disorder on the internet, DD sure does fit the aspergers symptoms!

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Melissa
SAHM--the toughest job I will ever love

You should email the Dr Phil show and tell them how you feel about what she is saying and that you would like to take her on during a show. He often has shows like that. It would be interesting.

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Carrie,
I am SO GLAD to hear I am not the only one out here with that impression. I REFUSE to watch her talk about it. I was thinking maybe I was mixed up on my facts of what she was saying, but after reading her article in People, I figured she was going around bragging that her son was "cured". If there was such a thing, we would have been all over it YEARS ago. She also tried stating it was working because she found out early. I did NOT have that luxury as my son is very high-functioning and NOT diagnosed until the age of 12. Yes, it would be great to get early diagnosis. I think the sooner the child gets help, the better they do, but we haven't all been as fortunate. I have to say that People did post in their article that there was no medical proof that Jenny's methods even work and that it is different for EVERY child!! I am so glad that so many here are interested in learning more about it and being helpful instead of hurtful with those who are afflicted with this condition.

WIsh me luck everyone. I have been summoned to the high school for yet another IEP. Ours isn't actually due until January, but because of problems we are having one early. I had to call in reinforcements from Pilot Parents to get things straight with the school. They don't want to listen to my suggestions and they have been singling out my child. We will see how it goes. It is never fun trying to deal with schools when it comes to Autism. You would think by now the schools would be better at this.

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Dance like you do when nobody's watching.

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It's funny that this topic (Jenny McCarthy's son being *cured*) has come up! I thought about posting this about a week ago but hadn't read the book and so really only was going on what I had heard on the TV and internet regarding her saying this.

Has anyone read the book? Does she really think that her son is *cured*?

Sorry to go off-topic but it is along the Autism line of thought...

These are EXACTLY my concerns after hearing what I think she is saying...

I haven't even watched a full interview with her but have seen headlines saying that her son is *cured*. Yikes. I am surprised Pediatric Neurologists aren't coming out of the woodwork on this one.

I'd say that her son was misdiagnosed in the first place (if I could have my say)!

I think you've already showed them how understanding you can be. Believe me i think having a play date would be a GREAT idea. Autistic kids (like "regular" kids) are all different. My son has gotten better at actually playing with someone else, when he was younger his version of playing with another child was just them in the same room, or rideing a bike . I hate to say this but I think it would be not just benifit the children but the parents I'm sure they would be thrilled! Like I said my son has gotten a lot better since he was younger but having someone who does not think ill of them when the child does have a meltdown is great for them. I still get the "that kid is fine he just needs to be beat" kind of comments. My DS is high functioning (PDD-NOS) so in some ways he seems "normal" which can be a "problem" sometimes. As much as I regret thinking it, there are times I wish if he was going to be different that you would be able to tell by looking at him. I know a family who has a son like mine but hes a little older, he once has a meltdown on a public bus. People were staring and giving them dirty looks, the just turned around and said. "thats right keep staring at the autistic kid" When it happens you feel embarssed and helpless.
In my world, your a saint. I hope your children learn from you

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I have OCCD
Obsessive-Compulsive Coupon Disorder!!!

I woud love to hear what you have to say about the book........I think it fills people with false hope when they hear someone say their child has been "cured".

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

Addison,
Would you mind giving a brief summary of the book? Personally, I don't know if I could continue reading it if I thought it was a bunch of crap. I would think a person that is somewhat of a celebrity (I say that lightly) wouldn't want to take a position that might anger others, leave them with false hope or possibly hurt them in some way through future legislation related to autism.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I am so glad you ladies are telling me what you think of Jenny's opinion. I watched her on the Oprah show and I was impressed with what she was saying-----because my DD is high functioning aspergers (I think----she gets evaluated in Nov. for an official diagnosis!). I don't have the experience that you moms have. I had a lot of false hope from watching that show!! It just goes to show you how people like Jenny can affect the general population who don't know as much as you ladies do. I am glad you ladies started this autism topic! It sure has helped me!

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Melissa
SAHM--the toughest job I will ever love

Sort of off topic, but on this seasons "America's Top Model" (comes on tonight at 8 pm) one of the models is a high functioning autistic girl, her name is Heather...some of you may want to check it out

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

Addison, I really do not know about a diet? Is it the gluten-free diet (we didn't do it with our son as there would have been very little left for him to eat with his food allergies)? As far as therapy, we provide what we can and do not get outside help (except for Kung Fu class and a great team at school). I do have a lot of background in early childhood education and so that helps.

This may sound really weird but every time my son has had an extremely rough patch in his life, it has been because of teeth coming in... Has anyone else noticed this with their children? a pattern for the mountains and valleys?

Our son's Pediatric Neurologist said that latest research shows that PDD is a genetic 'defect' and that it is triggered in a child by one or more of a multitude of stresses in babyhood (ie immunizations, or other... in my son's case, it was triggered by a severe allergic reaction to peanuts at age 2). I like his explanation but know that there are quite a few who believe differently out there...

I personally have stopped trying to figure out WHY? and become more proactive in the moment... looking forward instead of back.

I love that... No one in the world (yea, except MC and schools and our doctor and close friends and family and ???) knows that our son has a label AND we rarely talk about it with anyone. It is nice to be able to do it here and now.

I also love your trip analogy! Good job.

With regards to MMR shot... We skipped that one in the series because of egg allergies -- MMR is in an egg base. Guess what??? It wouldn't have made a difference (in our case). So, relax about that one. He got measles on the first day of school last year -- not a big deal. He pulled through with a mild case. Thankfully.

Will do! That is a cute story.

Puberty is coming in a few years... whoo-boy.

After our son was diagnosed, a ped at the time suggested we hold of on the other childrens immunizations until we had researched everything. He wanted us to be completely comfortable with our decisions. The research can be really confusing, because you find numbers and studies to support either way, so if you already feel that they are a danger you will easily find research to support it. In my case, the next 4 children have all gotten their shots or are in the process of getting them, just on a different schedule, one that I am comfortable with....

The Gluten Free/Casein Free diet was tried in our house for a whole minute....That is how we found out or DS has a horrible allergy to Soy (lips and tongue swelled, etc.!) I have known some people who have had success with it, but it by no means a fix all or a cure.

When you were talking about the avsersion to noise, it made me think of my DS, he has trouble with noise, but loves music.......so we purchased him a set of noise cancelling headphones.....this has helped more then I can say.....Many times I cannot leave him at home (and our house is noisy too!) I just keep his MP3 player charged at all times( he really has 2, but hasnt' figured that one out yet) When we are out I just make sure he always has a hand on the cart, or stroller or my hand, since he can't hear me say what direction we are going....

I think a lot of parents might be reading her book and enjoying because they don't feel so alone....I know when DS was first diagnosed I felt like no one understood, and it was a very lonely place to be.

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

There is no such thing as normal but there is such thing as being ignorant

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"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ----Edmund Burke

I've been dealing with my son's autism for MANY years now. I am watching America's Top Model. It is on Wednesdays at 7pm central time. I think it is also repeated on Sundays. It is on CW channel. I am rooting for Heather. She is doing really good. Her Asperger's is hardly noticiably. But some of the girls on their are totally rude about everything!!! Thanks for the info on the book. I don't think I will bother to buy the book myself. I've probably heard it all already. The thing with the shots has to do with the thermasel that was used as a presevative. I do NOT believe it is still being used, yet autism is still on the rise. So I'm not sure immunizations has anything to do with it. There was a theory that these individuals already had a predisposition to lead poisoning which is what the symptoms mimic. Then when they recieved the vaccines it put them into symptoms of lead poisoning. There have been genetic tests done for many years and they can not prove it is genetic either. There have been sets of twins where one has it and the other does not. I have a friend who has identical twins, BOTH with autism. I don't know what the answers are, but more funding needs to be raised to help figure this out!!!

And Melodymom there is an AWFUL LOT of ingorance out there. I have seen it for myself!!!

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I just wanted to give a quick update and say that I spoke to the little boy's Mo this morning and she wants us to come for a play date! She told me that her doctor has recommended that she works on getting him to talk to other people. He did talk until last year, but he has stopped and now he only talks at home, nothing in public? She thinks the best bet to get him to talk would be my daughter since he likes her so much. I feel really honored to try to help out. We are trying to get a day when we have time for them to play together after school.

So the new question is should I explain anything to DD(she's only 4)? I just told her that he's quiet, but he really likes playing with her, so we are going to go to his house for a play date. Should I encourage her to try and get him to talk or just let the play date go on like any other?


Thanks so much for all of the encouragement.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

You might get different responses from people here....but here's my take. At their age, I would just let the kids play like they normally would, especially if this isn't the first time that they have interacted. I don't know at 4 that your DD would be able to understand Autism.....I know at 32 I still don't quite "get it" all the time.......



edited to add.......if you daughter asks, then of course explain

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

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O-H-I-O