The thread about DS driving wife crazy got me thinking.
Do you buy all gifts, cards, etc for your families and friends? If so, why?
Do you get you husband "ready" in the morning? If so, why?
I do buy all the gifts, etc. But, do you think men are very pampered?
Sometimes I just don't know why it is our responsibility to do this stuff. Maybe I'm jealous, and wish someone would do all this for me.

In our house, I pretty much do it all.....why, well mostly because I see it as my job since I stay at home, and the other part is because we are a military family and DH is always away, so I just get used to doing it all.

The night before I lay out DH's things so he can find them in the morning, I do this mostly because he is not a morning person, and stumbles around and wakes me up when he can't find something....If it's all there then I get to sleep for 30 more minutes.....

Household responsibilities are all mine.....even the typical "guy" things like trash and the yard. It's this mostly out of habit over the years, I'm just used to doing it, and when he deploys again it doesn't feel like I'm on overload.

Gifts, Cards, etc. I handle too. Mostly because he can't keep track of it all....

I do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. I have learned to repair many things over the years, and what I can't fix myself I call in someone to do it. I handle all our finances too.

Are there times that I complain about it....YES! Are there times I wish he would do more.....YES! Would I ever really let it change......NO!

This is what works for us........

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I'm a SAHM also, and I feel that it is my job to do all of those things. I do make the boys do the mowing/weedeating and taking garbage out but just because I think they should be doing something. kwim
DH would has no idea what bill gets paid when and so forth. He knows/sees where I keep them until I pay them but that's it.
I make the majority of the decisions about the kids also. I'm not sure why jus the way it's always been. I'm sure a lot of it is I "need" to be in control. He lets me.
As for gifts and cards, well if he did everyone would end up with giftcards from Bass Pro/Gander Mountain. I quit letting him guess about what to get me, I make a list throughout the year of things I would like to have. Example: for birthdays he buys me a cake (white with white frosting) why, because he loves birthday cake white with white frosting. LOL
I do the grocery shopping, although he does love Sams Club. If I need something specific I will send him to the store. If I do though he will come back with a bunch of junk. In other words it's easier/cheaper if I do it.
Like mabear, sure there are times I get fed up and tired of doing it "all". But I really wouldn't change it.

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absolutley. I'm a stay at home .. It's my job! I love being able to cook and clean for dh.. He works 2 sometimes 3 jobs. He's absolutley not pampered. He works so hard for the everything we have. After the flood he never once complained.. he woke up and went right back to work so we wouldnt' have to rent.. He bought us our first house at 23 years old.. I appreciate what he does.

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

Do I buy all the gifts.....Yes Because otherwise family and friends would be getting jumbo size candy bars or whatever else they sell on the counter at the gas station!

Do I get husband ready......Yes Because he is a reflection of me, he would wear navy blue shirt with a black pinstriped trouser.....basically I am helping the What Not To Wear TV budget!

Do I think DH is pampered.....No Because we take care of each other, maybe in different ways, but its a partnership. I only became a stay at home mom 3 months ago, once we moved. DH works very hard so I able to be home during this transitional period for our son who has autism, and while I stay home he is also paying my tuition to go back to school to get my masters. Plus I can't even tell you the last time I pumped my own gas, right now the gas light is on, but I know DH will take my vehicle and fill it with gas as soon as he gets home from work(without complaining) ..the smell of gas makes my nauseas.

So if he is spoiled then I am too.

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I do about 95% of it all. DH usually mows the lawn (once in a while I'll do it just because I feel like it or want to make his weekend easier), he also takes out the trash and recycling and gives our youngest a nightly bath. He puts away his own clothes except for the hanging stuff which I do so I don't have to iron it. I don't get up with him in the morning so he gets his own breakfast. I make things run smoothly -- he wouldn't have a clue if he had to pay the bills, dress the girls, buy the kids clothes, get the kids to their appropriate school at the appropriate time, remember a birthday, buy a gift for anyone but me, plan a holiday and make it happen, send Christmas cards, do the laundry without shrinking something, meet the teachers, etc, etc, etc.... These things are all part of my job as a SAHM. When I go back to work, I'll expect him to share some of my duties, but for now, it works well the way it is.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

Do you buy all gifts, cards, etc for your families and friends? Yes. I do all the shopping, it only make sense for me to do it.

Do you get you husband "ready" in the morning? If so, why? Yes, I iron his clothes and hang out his slacks, shirt, and tie the night before. I've told him to pick out his clothes and I would make sure they were ironed, but he doesn't really care what he wears and he is color blind so he would probably choose things that clash.

Do you think men are very pampered? My DH is, but it is because I love him and it is the least I can do for him since he works 50+ hours a week and is still a great husband and father when he comes home.

I do everything around the house--laundry, dishes, cleaning up, grocery shopping, clothes shopping, cooking, paying bills, make appointments for doctor, dentist, and haircuts, etc. He does the "dirty" work--taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, changing the oil on the cars, washing the cars, etc. If I feel overwhelmed by all of my responsibilities, he will turn on his i pod and clean away...if he can listen to music while he does stuff, he's fine. Also, on his days off, he changes all the diapers for me, watches the kids so I can have some "Me" time, etc.

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I've had a Foreman Grill for about six years. I've done about 85% of my cooking on it, but I've never burnt myself. Probably because I don't use it as a pillow.

I buy the gifts for my family, he buys them for his. There is no way I would ever "get him ready" in the morning. He's a big boy and can dress and feed himself.

I think I do more of the housework and yardwork than him, but he tends to cook more involved dinners and he does more of the home maintenance stuff.

I do about 95% of our household requirements, as well. I do the grocery shopping, gift buying (although DH goes with me at Christmas time when we do the bulk of it), cooking, cleaning, laundry, trash, etc. More often than not, I also do the yard. Oh yes, I also set my alarm 30 minutes earlier than I need to get up to wake DH up for a morning conference call because he can't seem to get himself up. I stopped working about 6 months ago due to medical reasons and have taken on all of these chores since then. Prior to that, I still did most of it. I do not lay out DH's clothes, but I do provide guidance, as needed. I do it because I feel it's my job, I know it wouldn't get done if I didn't do it, and because I know I'm better at it. (My DH has obviously studied Bill Cosby and doesn't do anything well so I will do it all!!!!)

I do feel sometimes that there is a discrepancy, though. It seems like, in a lot of households, that the expectation is that the woman is the primary caregiver. I know that is my own expectation of myself, even when I'm working fulltime. Maybe because I grew up with a SAHM? When I worked, I still felt like it was my responsibility to do the laundry, keep the house clean, cook, take care of the kids, etc. I've often wondered how it would feel to be a man and have someone remind me to take my medicine, iron my clothes, fix my lunch, take care of the family's gift obligations so I never even had to think about it, etc. all while laying on the couch because I was tired from my hard day at work.....

I'm in no way saying that I don't appreciate my husband. I absolutely do. But, I do understand what the OP was saying. Sometimes I do get frustrated and have to remind my family that we don't have a live-in maid who looks remarkably like mom.

I also "do it all". I think I got myself into this mess by enjoying doing the "wifey" thing when first married, and it was "fun" playing house. I also grew up watching mom ask dad if he would like lunch, and make him a sandwich and whatnot. When I was a SAHM, I did all DH laundry, uniforms were hung together. I got up everyday and actually walked him to the car, with hot breakfast and travel mug of coffee in hand, and got his lunch together everyday. GAG....

Now that I have been sick for over a year, and basically bed bound for the last 6 months, I am still doing it ALL. But our marriage is suffering now, he is spending more and more nights at work, I think he can't stand to be around me anymore, is sick of looking at my illness, and my weakness...so I am still doing it ALL. I do not do his laundry when he "decides" to come home. I do however, end up carting DD around, and handling all the "house" duties cause he is not here. He would never know how to pay a bill, doesn't care when the house is messy, laundry overflowing, dirty dishes everywhere, dog hair everywhere, he doesn't care...or is it that he knows it will eventually drive me nuts and I will do it? LOL. I even had to get a cleaning lady in, cause I am too weak to clean my own house other than "picking up".

But I still food shop, although DD will go with me, or I get a few things at a time, which is all I can handle. Kids are helping out so at least I have them. They are what keeps me from giving up.

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Eileen

**Some people are like Slinky's, not really good for anything, but you can't help laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs**

For the most part I do all the shopping for gifts, groceries, etc. I enjoy it much more than DH. He shops for all my gifts himself.

DH gets himself ready in the morning, but, I do offer to make him breakfast. Sometimes he wants breakfast, sometimes not.

DH and I love each other and our children very much. Neither of us look at it as being taken advantage of when we do something nice for the other, wether it's helping someone get ready in the morning or whatever. We both love taking care of our family, and are teaching our children that you do nice things for the people you care about.

That's what works in our house.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I do gifts (well, we mostly send our relatives paypal for their birthday - Christmas is gift cards).
DH gets himself ready in the morning.
I keep track of finances, bills, birthdays, make appointments, and household chores. I do not kill spiders, plunge the toilet, or take out the trash - unless he is not home and it really needs to be done.

The one time I got REALLY angry was when he didn't renew his drivers license and ended up getting a ticket for driving without a valid license. It is not MY responsibility to find out when HIS license expires. We got in an argument about that. I think it was mostly because he was embarassed that he didn't get it renewed on time (it was 2 months past due). He tried to tell me it was MY responsibility to look in his wallet and make sure I knew when it expired so he could be reminded.

This is very funny. My DH tells me he would fall apart without me and would have no idea where anything was, how to find his keys, when he's supposed to go somewhere, etc. He even says that he knows he made it just fine before me, but doesn't have any idea HOW! I can certainly see my DH doing the same thing. Your story made me smile. Thanks for sharing.

I used to, but I don't anymore. I finally decided that it wasn't quite fair to schlep to work every day, make 2x DH's salary and still do everything to run the household and take care of the kids and husband, so I quit doing a lot of things that were nice but not essential. This imbalance is definitely a sore spot for me....

cj

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I do everything, and I work part-time. I think I do it all because I feel bad if I don't. If my DH asks me for something and I tell him no I dwell on it for hours. I don't do the "man" things like mow the lawn or take out the trash, EVER and I do always make him come shopping with me whether or not he wants to. I was very upset the other night when I posted , but I love my husband and like to spend time together no matter what we are doing as long as he's awake with me I'm fine. And as far as the on the computer the whole time went, it was an hour, but it was an hour that could have been spent enjoying each others company. I like to keep my house clean and know that if I don't do it, it won't get done, so I suck it up and do it all. But when my husband was laid off a couple of years ago, he went back to school and I was working full time to take care of the bills, so he took care of the kids and my house was always clean so I know that if he didnt work so much (he has been working 12 day stretches -- nights and then national guard which is early mornings) so I know that he is tired but so am I. He does wake up early on the weekends so we can take the kids to the parks and do things with them but I would like a day that we could just go out alone together, but that hasn't happened in a while, since he's been working so much and works every weekend so the only night we would be able to do anything it's hard because the kids have school in the morning and have to be in bed so there is no one to watch them. well he has a weeks vacation coming up towards halloween (his favorite holiday) so we will be getting out together then and doing the haunted hayrides and all that fun stuff. It still seems so far from now though. But he worked this week Weds. night Thurs night til 7 am on Friday and came home got 3hrs sleep and had to go to drill for the weekend so I won't see him again until Sunday night and then he has to go into work plus work both of his days off (mon & tues) so hopefully I will be able to get him to use one of his SICK DAYS!!

Yes, and it's about to kill me trying to keep it all done. I'm on overload all the time and flat out exhausted. We have 4 kids (one is 10 months old and he will not play by himself for 5 seconds so I can accomplish anything in the house, etc., so that's a constant and I'm getting so behind on everything). It is a major sore spot in our marriage as of course my DH thinks he is doing his fair share around the house (um in 14 years of marriage he has cleaned the tub twice only after a fight each time--I'm having back problems and kidney infections a lot so I'm struggling and have been on bedrest for up to two months at a time, etc.). I do stay home full time and I do the work that gets done during the day without a complaint as I feel that is of course 'my job' as I'm here all day, etc. Our issues are that when my DH comes home, he thinks he's on vacation, wants to sit in front of the tv all night or on the computer, same deal on the weekends while I'm still going 100%. He doesn't get that I do not get to 'quit' at 6:30 pm; my job does not end. Kids still need food, constant picking up/cleaning up messes, homework, running kids to extras, etc. I do a lot of the mowing (pushing and riding we have several acres) as well as taking care of the finances and all housework. I plan all gifts, birthdays, holidays, etc. Last year I did stop buying the gifts for his side of the family. We are each in charge now of purchasing for our own parents; he decided that he wasn't going to buy for his parents last Christmas, so he didn't and I did not come to his rescue. I believe he was seeing if I was bluffing; I wasn't. He's a big boy. He will go to the store whenever I need something extra and he does take care of all of the household 'maintenance' (major stuff that does not involve cleaning anything) and vehicle maintenance, etc. I also paint inside and outside anything that needs painted (my DH has never even picked up a paintbrush in the years we've been married). Throw in taking care of all of the photo albums and all 4 kids' baby books, the grocery shopping, I'm dropping on a daily basis.

I'm like you guys, I love my husband dearly, but somewhere along this road I have to get everyone else on board in the teamwork. Right now it feels like a one woman show and it does infuriate me to no end (can you tell I'm bitter?!!!). It's starting to cause some health issues for me to be going non-stop. Too much stress for sure. I used to work full time and I was still doing all of the housework, so I doubt anything will change when I do go back to work. I've already announced though that I will be hiring a house cleaner when I return to work and possibly yard care too. Enough's enough. It will be money well spent I'm sure. I'd do it now but we can't afford it. All that being said though, I am soooo thankful that I have a DH that gets up every single day and goes to work without complaining about it ever. He's always looking and willing to take on a promotion, etc. for more money for us too. He is really a great guy, I just can't figure out what's going on in the help area?! I'm like some of you that said that maybe we just spoiled them early on. I'm very very good at domestication (I think it's my only talent actually) and I think I make it look easy (which we all know it's totally NOT). I don't know how many more years I can keep up the charade before I totally need to be committed

To those of you that have husbands that actually pull their share in the house (I try to explain it to my DH and kids that, "Hey, we all live here right? We all need to be responsible for cleaning/taking care of the house then right?!"), give the rest of us some pointers in what might motivate ours. PLEASE!

Do you buy all gifts, cards, etc for your families and friends? Yes because I like doing it

Do you get your husband "ready" in the morning? My husband does shift work so "morning" could be midnight, so no he has always done his own stuff.

My husband is 11 yrs older and was very self sufficient when i met him. He does all house maintenance,yard work-lol with help from my 16 yr old on occasion, I usually do the housework but i actually dont mind, he will mop the floors though because i have back problems. On nights when hes home at dinner we share cooking duties, i do dishwasher loading though because he does it wrong After a horrible first marriage I thank god all the time for my husband.

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"Never loan your car to someone you have given birth too"

Do you buy all gifts, cards, etc for your families and friends? If so, why?
He does the cards and Christmas 'form letter' -- it would NOT get done if I was in charge! We help each other with labeling, stamping, and mailing cards but he gets it all ready -- we do less then 30. The only gifts that he does are for one of his siblings that he chooses in our gift drawing and for me! I do the rest because I love to shop and wrap! He is in charge of shopping for and loading up the stockings. It works for us.

Do you get you husband "ready" in the morning? If so, why?
No, he wakes up promptly at 6:00 and I wake up between 3:30 and 5:30... Wish I could sleep better. He takes a shower and makes his own breakfast. He always asks me if I'd like him to make breakfast for me too. I work on school lunches and get the kids going while he is cooking breakfast. He drives oldest to school on his way to work every morning. He helps me get started on dinner if he gets home and I've not started it (I usually have and if I don't, it's because I am exhausted -- he pitches in then). Then, after dinner, he helps with homework. My kids think he's smarter... LOL.

Is he spoiled?
We are BOTH spoiled... Anything that we do for each other is because we do love one another and are best friends. Thankfully, we are both very sensitive to each other's level of weariness... He was a bachelor until age 28 which I think makes a huge difference.

Husband Training Tip:
I find that it works best for me if I ask him to do specific things instead of complaining... I learned early on that saying "I do everything" makes him throw up his hands. I had to specifically ask him to be in charge of the Christmas stockings and not make comments about what he buys! Same technique works for a lot of things.

Training the KIDS to be GOOD Husbands!!!
My kids also have chores and things that they are responsible for and they are boys. They will make good husbands someday as they fold clothes, unload the dishwasher, clean bathrooms... etc.

I used to follow flylady.net There are many good pointers on there, and one thing she says is to NOT be a martyr. In our house we teach by example (not always easy, for sure). We INSIST that everyone pull the load, they're not staying in a hotel,they are not guests, we are a family, and we all work together. Maybe a weekly discussion of how everyone feels about things?? A chore chart??? It can be a constant battle, and I know how much easier it is to just do it yourself, but, give it a chance to work. It's a lot like parenting, it takes YEARS of setting the example.

Good Luck.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.