My husband started playing World of Warcraft a few years ago. He is addicted to it, playing it 95% of his time when he's not working. My kids have just gotten used to talking to the back of his head. He quit & started playing another online game Everquest, then he goes back to World of warcraft after a few months. I get so mad at him, he won't go to family birthday's if he has a "raid" that night.

I'm wondering is it just me...shouldn't I be happy he's Home & not out at bars or who know's where else. I just feel so lonley a lot & hurt that were bottom on his list, I feel like a single parent raising 3 children on her own.
We have been married for going on 17 years in Nov. I'm 35, he's 39 & I have been with him since I was in high school I can't imagine my life without him, but think sometimes it might not hurt as much if we weren't married. That sounds so stupid..ending my marriage for a computer game.... Any thoughts??

Luckily I do not have that problem but I easily could. I put my foot down and basically the DH used to have a time limit on his games, just like the kids. The rule here is, if I am playing my game (Sims2), he can play his (Scarface currently I think...). If I want to spend time with him and talk, etc, then he needs to be tuned in. It got out of control before we set these limits and I thought OMG...are we going to get divorced over this crap? I sat him down and we talked. I was honest about how I was feeling and how the kids related to him how it made THEM feel which I think was really a "lightbulb" moment. Have you talked to him? Told him how his behavior makes you feel? It doesn't sound stupid. People end marriages over less. I caught a Dr Phil that had the same story (probably the only one I"ve seen in the last year). I wish you luck, as with any addiction, it's hard for the addicted person to see the problem. If it's intruding on your personal life and family time, it's a problem in general. I'll be thinking of you

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I am so sorry. How awful. You've probably said all you could to him. Do other ppl know he does this? Maybe making it well known to others wuold maybe embarrass him into cutting back a bit.

I personally think that these types of games change ppl. I love to play bejeweled and have for years, but I know I've played too long when I start feeling physically unwell. I can't imagine he doesn't feel that as well if he plays as long as you say. Sounds like you may need intervention....I will try to remember to pray for you....

Melissa

I would be in your situation if I didn't play those games too. The married guys I know that don't have problems with them, their wives (and sometimes kids if they're old enough) play too. He could find a guild that has a raiding schedule more appropriate or that doesn't "need" him a whole lot, some really big ones actually have a rotation schedule. Big problem is that the higher level instances only let you complete it once every so often. We hardly play WoW right now, been too busy, and it's hard to spend much time in the game at all with my baby getting more mobile and less nappy lol...

My heart goes out to you as I am dealing with the same issues. My DH played Everquest for a few years. We have our own business and he was so addicted that he stopped going to work, and just sat home on computer day and night. Ate at computer and everything. About a year ago we got to a point that I basically threw him out. He stopped playing, saw a shrink, and stopped gaming for about 6 months and slowly started doing different games again.
I have been sick for about a year and then a few months ago someone at work turned him onto Second Life, and he became consumed with that. About two weeks ago, we found WOW installed on the computer and DD who is 16 and I just looked at each other. We knew what this game was, and said, here we go again. It is as addicted as EQ. We have three kids, 21, 18, and 16. They have lost utter respect for their lazy father who just plays computer games all day. It is sad.
I used to belong to a Yahoo Support Group and it was called Everquest Widows..a very popular site..and it is filled with people in our situation, and so so many have divorced their SO over gaming.
It is an addiction, and no, you should be just as alarmed as if he was going out doing some other addictive behavior. My DH even has these games installed at work, and now he sits in his office day and night and plays. I think he stays there because DD gets on his case so bad at home about them.
Me...I don't even say anything. I have been sick, and have had to go through my recovery period alone due to these games, and I have lost every ounce of respect and love I have for this man over this. I will not play second fiddle to a game, so let him have them, and his online "friends". Let him stay up until 4am playing games....he will learn. he has already lost time with his kids, has no relationship with anyone, and this is round 2 for us, so he knows how we feel.
I guess I am just biding my time here, until I am stronger to deal with emotional stress of divorcing this sad excuse for a father.

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Eileen

**Some people are like Slinky's, not really good for anything, but you can't help laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs**

Eileen66
OMG...I remember you sharing your story before. I am so sorry it's on "round 2"

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

My hubby used to play WOW a lot...too much really. We spoke and came to a compromise. He can play when it becomes shower time for the kids in the evening. We have even begun to play together...but only during the late evenings for about an hour. Then we turn it off.

For us, this works well.

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I'm with vorph i would be in the same situation if i didn't play those games. My husband and i play together when the kids are in bed and we don't play the popular WOW we play dark age of camelot aka daoc. Much better pvp combat imho. And not so cartoony. Anyhow We don't play any other time cept when kids in bed for the night.

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SAHM of Bailey 12, Tyler 10 , Emily Ann 6, and Ryan Matthew 4 yrs old.

Eileen....I am hoping and praying that your health improves quickly and permanently. It sounds like you know what you need and want to do so I hope that your health allows you to take the next step when you are ready. It sounds like you're a "prisoner" in a way and that is so sad.

Hugs,
cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

My dh plays Eve (I think it is called), but if he plays that I do whatever it is that I want to do. It is amazing how when he gets tired of the game and I've already found a good book to get into, he wants to spend time together. I just tell him he has to wait on me, because I found something to do other than wait on him to finish his games. He soon gets the point. A lot of his games are on Friday nights and I work late on those evenings so it doesn't affect me too much in that respect.

I used to really get mad and irritated with him, but I have found so many other things for myself to do now, I don't mind as much. When he does start to get on my last nerve though, he better watch out.

Mine too, he prefers that to the other games now, but I hate it, too technical-looking, gives me a headache! Our son loves it though. I'm just sticking to WoW.

Your husband has a serious problem akin to any other addiction such as alcohol or drugs. It is not your fault. No, you should not be happy he is home instead of out in bars, you cannot justify bad behaviour by the fact that it could be worse. Unless he decides he has a problem and takes the steps to change, this is going to be your life with him. You say you cannot imagine your life without him, but can you imagine the rest of your life with him ignoring you, the children and your relationship? If you can then fine, you are accepting the hand you have been dealt. I don't know where you live but I would look into some support groups in the area, this is a very common problem. You would not be ending your marriage because of a computer game, you would be ending it because your husband has checked out and is not participating in the relationship anymore. Put the blame where it is deserved, it is not the game, it is the choices your husband is making and he is not choosing your or his children.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

Very well said Tessa

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"Never loan your car to someone you have given birth too"

I agree with Tessa...I think it is an addiction akin to drugs and whatnot.....but an addiction nonetheless.

I know there is an underlying problem...void in his life or whatever...that causes him to do this...but he refuses to address it, and it's not like he has not been warned. And yes, I do feel like a prisoner. DS #1 said to me a few weeks back that I've got to do something about it...but at this point I have no little "side money" set aside like last time, and I just don't have the ooomph medically and physically to deal with it now. I am trying to concentrate on getting stronger and well, myself, and don't need the added stress right now. So I deal....which I guess, he thinks is acceptance on my part. But I have ALOT of "mental notes" in my head.

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Eileen

**Some people are like Slinky's, not really good for anything, but you can't help laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs**

I can feel for the OP. My SO left me for a lady he met on a computer game, 2 months ago.

It was a game he and I both played, he mostly played while i was sleeping, or napping. I too was sick, I still am recovering actually.
In the span of 3 weeks in August of this year my SO left me, I moved, and my mom died. The stress was/is horrendus!

He moved the girl and her girlfriend (she's bisexual) in with him. I'm not sure what kind of life they are living.
I do know they have been hit with hard times though. At the end of August someone used his debit card online to spend $120 for something he didn't authorize... so he called BOA and informed them. They cancled his cards and said they would send him out new ones in 7 to 10 business days. It's been 6 weeks and no new cards yet.
I think his new girls did it. I took care of his bank account and bought stuff online with it for years and years and never once was it spent on without our knowing. 1 month with them and 120 dollars is gone.

He and the girls still play the computer game.. I do to, and they attack me through the game on their profile. They are so mature. He's 34, they are 28 and 24.. i'm 40. The girls sent me mean nasty letters after my mom died. I tried to be mature, I tried to be an adult before this. I would give him money and food from my own kitchen for him and them, because I still cared about him. Stupid me I know. I never got a thank you, but when he and I see each other and have a few words of argument, they attack me in game on their profile, like school girls passing notes.

I finally stopped. I stopped talking to him, calling him, though I had wanted us to try to remain friends after 17 years of sharing a life together. 2 weeks later he's calling me, contacting me in the game as well.
I feel like I've become their game. I also think he is their game. He works and keeps them at home and all they do is play the computer and probably each other.

Anyway, to the OP. Don't stand for it. I'm happier now he's gone. I have someone new interested in me. I'm free to finally be ME now after all these years. Yeah it was scarey at first. It still gets scary here and there, but it's also making me feel great about myself too!!

Sorry I rambled on and on... guess I needed to vent.

-Susan

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Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

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'Vegetarian' is an old Native American word for bad hunter.

My dh was the same way for about 5 yrs. I told him that I was divorcing him and actually was in the process of leaving w/our 2 kids. I got to the point that I had formed a whole other life without him because he was always too busy with raids. He realized that I was serious and quit playing for awhile.

We went to counseling and worked on our relationship. He started playing again but with my consent. He is a computer geek and loves the computer. He isn't tied to the computer like before. We do things and EQ is not a factor in our decisions. He doesn't do raids or belong to any guilds. Sometimes he will do groups but only if he knows we aren't doing anything. We have a new baby so when he is home he has to be able to help when needed. Before when he was raiding everything was about the game. Now his family is the priority. My dh is the 1st to admit that it can be addicting but like he says it is all in your priorities. He said he needed an adjustment in his priorities or as I call it a reality check.

Anyone that knows us realize that we are much happier now than we have ever been. My ods's play but don't have the patience to play for long periods. They can't play during the week so it is on the weekends but now during soccer season they don't get much time to play.

I give you lots of hugs. I would really try to have a life without him like another poster suggested. I have little kids so I didn't want my boys to grow up knowing that dh behavior was okay. Since you have older children and you aren't financially stable I would just try to have my own life without dh. I know that is horrible but life has to go on. Maybe if you start doing things without dh enough he will wake up.

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Melanie SAHM to my two wonderful boys! Brandon 9yr & Hayden 6 yr & Spencer 4/20/07

Wow susiecat, you have been through alot. I wouldn't be surprised if he comes knocking back on your door. Hope you got the locks changed!!

I am amazed at the number of gals just here at MC who have had this in their life. Sounds like it is a serious epidemic that hasn't fully been exposed.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!