let me first say I've lurked here for a long long time and enjoy reading everyones posts. My 13 year old daughter came to my husband and I today asking permission to go to the highschool football game this weekend with her friends. My husband and I do not enjoy football (I know how unamerican of us). We've gone to several games with her but just have never really enjoyed it enough to do on a regular basis. My husband and I have debated this back and forth and finally agreed we'd come here and ask for thoughts. Now, as I have stated my daughter is 13 but she is very mature for her age. She is also fairly responsible (she does still have occasional lapses in common sense). She has been in Tae Kwon Do for five years and is an assistant instructor at her school. (this took 3 years of extra classes and studying plus she needed to prove to the board at the martial arts school she was responsible enough for this position). My problem is that none of her friends parents are going to be at the game either. Her school does a special section in the bleachers for middle school students who will be attending without their parents. My husband says we have to trust that we've raised her well enough to know right from wrong but I still am concerned that this could lead to trouble. What do you all think?

edited to answer your questions.

Yes she would have her cell phone. I wouldn't allow her to go without making sure she had that. She wants to go with a group of friends from school (ages are 13-15). I know all the kids and for the most part they are good kids. The games that we went to there was some problems with kids getting into fights, and carrying on. Some of it was just mischief that wasn't harmful. but that is why the school created the section of bleachers for students that didn't have parents with them. I guess I just worry that within a group of kids without any real supervision they could decide to do something stupid without considering the consequences. I trust my daughter but like I said she does have moments where she seems to lack some common sense and I worry that since I've never left her do anything like this without us being there (at least in the background to supervise) that she may just get swept up in the moment if something mischevious (SP) were to happen.

Is she going with friends? How did you find the atmosphere at the games when you went? does she have a cell phone? I've been to many games and overall i've never seen any trouble.

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"Never loan your car to someone you have given birth too"

not yet...
It sounds like she is only in middle school. I would think w/o adult supervision, the high school crowd is a whole different ballgame (no pun intended). I would probably wait until she was a student in h.s. before she could attend a h.s. game w/o supervision. Buuut, as much as you and DH don't enjoy football, perhaps there would be a way that one of you could just suck it up and go to a game? I don't mean to sound harsh, but if it's that important to her, perhaps on occasion, one of you could make it a point to take her to a game. Trust me, I do a lot of things I can't stand-lol...

I think it depends too on your town. I live in a relatively small town where there would always be people there that my DD would know (even if I didn't go with her). My oldest DD is 10 (5th grade), so we don't have to worry about this yet, but I don't think I'd have a problem letting her do this in 3 years. But, like I said there would definately be people there that she knows (like from our church, relatives, etc) - so if she needed help she could get it quickly and at the same time she'd know that she couldn't get away with bad stuff if she was thinking of doing something that she shouldn't.

I just asked my 17yr old son this question - he said, "NO WAY! Mom, come on, little kids don't need to be around kids my age."

I was leaning toward suggesting you let her go since they have the special section and all. But I guess more goes on at the games than I'm privy to.

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Mary

I would let her go. Provided that she is being dropped off and picked up right after the game. As hard as it is she is going to have to be given some freedom. It will not be long and she will be facing bigger challenges.

Even though you and your husband don't like football, now is the time to 'try' to like it, just for your daughter's sake. There's things as parents we don't want to do but need to do such as this. Tell your daughter you and DH will go with her but she doesn't have to sit with you. That way you can keep an eye on her and she'll still be able to enjoy hanging out with her friends. You and DH bring along a nice big blanket to snuggle under, buy some hot chocolate or coffee and maybe you'll actually enjoy the evening!!

But I wouldn't let her go at her age without adult supervision.

I agree that it completely depends on the size of your school. I grew up in a very small town, and could've easily gone to a football game in 3rd grade alone, except that my own parents never missed a game. Had only high school kids shown up, it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun. In fact, we were so small that our band wasn't just the high school band. 6th - 8th graders also did field marching with the HS band kids.

I graduated in a class of 19 students. My brother, who was two years behind me, graduated with 14. K-12 are in the same building, though 6-12 have a different hallway.

I'm sure things would've been very different had we been in a large school.

For that reason, I don't know that there is a right answer unless we know more about your circumstance.

Can you be sure that's where she'll actually be?

I went around that age but it's because I was in band and had to play the halftime shows.

A bit older, I went places that weren't exactly where I told my parents I'd be so that really makes me want to be SURE (well, as much as we can...) my kids are where they say.

Who's going to be driving her to and from? I think I'd be more ok with letting my kids go if we did the driving.

Does your daughter go to the middle school games at her school? Why does she want to go to a high school game? Is this a homecoming game? IF so, sometimes those games can get a little bit more rowdy. I would talk to one of her friend's parents to see how they feel about their middle schooler going to a h.s. game.
If you let her go, I would establish some ground rules about sticking with her groups of friends and not wandering off. Make sure her cell phone is on and that she needs to check in with you. Are you taking her and picking her up? THat might be a good idea to see how the crowd is behaving or even stay for part of the game.

I would let my DD go under your circumstances. Is she in 7th or 8th grade?

I would let my 13yr old go. The first time, I would stay and watch the football game but I wouldnt sit with them or anything like that. I would just want to be available if there was something he needed. After I saw how the crowd acts and what the environment is like then I would make my decision for future games .

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Sell crazy some place else, we are all stocked up here.

I agree with the above poster on it depends on the size of your town. We come from a smaller town and we attend every HS football game (we have a 10th grader on the team). I find the atmosphere very clean and exciting. There are plenty of police officer and school personnel patrolling the grounds making sure the kids are seated and not roaming around. I have never heard of any trouble at the ballgames. I would let my son (if he were 13) go in a heartbeat. BUT....if we lived in a bigger city it would be a whole different story.
I also thnk maybe you should give it another try. My mom just moved down here to live by us and she always said she didn't like football and had no interest in it. Well she came to my son's first football game and now she is hooked. She is even watching it on tv by herself now and has gone to the library to get a book on football so she can understand all the rules and the calls that the refs are making. She is 62 years old....so you are never to old to start enjoying something new.

no way is she old enough to go with just friends.
will she actually be there watching the game or go off with someone else who is there and bring her back when the game is over?
will she be under the bleachers with a older teen who may take advantage of her.?
will she be safe from the perverts that go to the games just to find kids dropped off unsupervised?
no way would I let her go alone. she is a kid and you said she sometimes didnt use good common sense so that would make the decision right there.
its not the trusting her, its the others that are there you cant trust.

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I have a 14 year old DD and I would not let her go with a group of friends to a HS football game without a parent being there "just in case". My DD is a straight A student and in all weighted/advanced classes and is very trustworthy but....putting her with older kids in an unsupervised environment is not something I would do quite yet. She'll be 15 in February and I probably would let her go w/just a cell phone (and no parental supervision).

I have to agree w/one of the above posts. If no parents of these kids are going to this game and this is something that your DD really wants to do....suck it up (and I know if you don't like football it will be a boring night!) and give HS football a shot--for her. Been there...done that! She doesn't have to sit with you or hang out with you but....you are there if she needs you or anything should happen. What we do for our kids!!

Good luck with your decision! I have been going through decisions like this for about a year now. It's hard! I just always go with the "better to be safe than sorry" approach and usually she gives in a little and I give in a little. There is usually a happy medium...ya just gotta find it!

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Mom to a beautiful 15 year old DD and my handsome little man who's 6!

~~~GO DALE JR!!~~~

Nope, too young.

No, not after reading Buttercup's post. Keep her home with you.

Rebecca

We live in a small town and my DS, 13, started going last year by himself. We have called certain people that we know is there an ask if they have saw them and if they were into anything they shouldn't be. We have also peeked in ourselves on them. As a matter of fact we live in such a small town that I'm sure if they were doing anything they shouldn't someone, that we know which is pretty much everyone in town, would straighten them right up. Yes, they have had it done. At least once that I know of, a friend of ours was there and saw him up roaming the gym instead of watching the game. She grabbed him by the elbow, firmly, and told him that his mom, me, wouldn't like him doing that. She called me when she got home and told me she had gotten on to him. Of course I told her it was perfectly fine.

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If there was some other family there to watch after her, then ok but otherwise, NO!

Wow.....that's awesome that they do that!

What we do for our oldest DD who has just started going to games this year, to be with friends, more then for the game, each parent takes a turn at going to the game. It's a group of 8 that she hangs with so we don't have to do more then one football game a year. We drop her off and pick her up and she has to check in with the parent every 30 minutes. The last parent who went sent us a text that all was well a couple of times during the game, and when the game was almost over, maybe you could set something like this up? It also helps that the Police who works the games are really good friends with my neighbor and now know my children so they keep on eye on the gates to make sure they don't leave.......

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O-H-I-O

I would say no. Kids grow into things and this is something that will come to her, but not yet. I know from personal experience (not my kids but me!) that this is probably not a good idea. I don't know what kind of area you live in, but there are some bad things that can go on and no matter how mature for 13 she is, are you sure you want her to deal with something she may not be ready for? And a phone only works if she is willing to use it.

I had a very mature 13 yo also, and she just wasnt' ready at 13. And like I said before, if you allow this at this age she won't have anything to look forward to! ;0)

Just wanted to add my experience- I just went to our HS football game last week for the first time.(to hear dd in band) I could not believe the number of kids I could smell alcohol on as we walked about in crowded conditions. My almost 13 yr old goes to the games with my DH. He walks around with his friends, but DH is there just in case.

In our area, I would say yes. Again, we live in a small town where everyone attends. When we do go to the game, I know most of the other people who are there. They would definitely look after my kids - especially the teachers I work with.

My 13yo will be IN high school, so assuming it is the one she attends, then I would allow it. She knows many of the kids there now, since she knew them last year when they were in 8th grade.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

NO way my daughter is 12 years old and i really am a great mom but untill the day she is 18 im responsoible for her and any bad choices she makes they affect our family till shes 18 not to meanchion i just found out in the state of georiga...you all ready for this at the age of 13 you can get married with out your parents premishion as long as your daughter is pregnant....can you belive that we moved out of florida to a small town in georiga to get our kids out of the bussy florida live and this is what i found out .no my daughter would not be going to any football game unleass with us.

In reference to the Middle school play pen...I think it sounds like a great idea, but was just wondering....what if they need to go to the bathroom or the concession stand? How do they handle that?

Rebecca

I wondered that and also if there was some kind of posse on the grounds searching out middle schoolers and rounding them up to LOCK them up? This makes me wonder if the kids aren't considered safe at a school function and if we keep "protecting" them in all of their formative years, how will they be prepared to handle themselves in the event something does happen that needs quick thinking, rationalization, best judgement and/or perhaps could be based on previous experience? When do you quit overprotecting kids? I am not so sure a kiddie corral at a school function is a good idea !

dl

We live in a small town (6,000). My husband does coach also. My kids have been going since they were in car seats. I have a 17 year DS (plays) 11 and 8. My other ones go and hang out with their friends and play football in the baseball fields or are on the football field watching. I have never had a problem with this. Everyone knows who are family is so I am very comfortable with this. I would not trade a small town for a large town just because of this reason being I can let my kids have fun and not worry about them.

Where did you get this information? It is not correct.

GA allows minors to get married without parental consent if they have a statement from their doctor saying that the minor is pregnant.it on the internet just look it up belive me i was suprised myself i found out couse my mother works for dc and she got a fax on it .as long as the mom can proved that she is pregaunt that can be done no matter of age and couse of that we moved here 4 months ago from floirda and as soon as scholl gets out this year we are moving back to nort florida couse i do not belive thats the way it shoulb be

you can get married without your parents’ permission if the female is pregnant or has given birth, which means you take on the expenses not just for yourself, but for a child as well. To be married w/o parental consent, whether pregnant or not, the minor still needs a court order in EVERY state in order to marry.

The kids love it. All their friends are in one place. They have a bathroom there and a concession stand in the area.

That is an EXCELLENT idea and I think all schools should have something like this! You are so lucky that your school district has this, Addison! I would probably feel very safe dropping off my daughter w/her friends w/something like this in place at the games!

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Mom to a beautiful 15 year old DD and my handsome little man who's 6!

~~~GO DALE JR!!~~~

I think that it is wonderful that you are being proactive in your child's life. If more parents were as active, we might have less issues. But.... before I went moving from place to place to find the best laws to govern my child's behavior, I would simple take the reins at home and do everything in my power to raise my son or daughter in a way that hopefully marrying because of pregnancy (as a teen) does not become an issue. I do know that parents can't predict what their child's behavior is going to be but I do believe that parenting can make a huge difference in the choices that children make.

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Sell crazy some place else, we are all stocked up here.

You might want to do a little more research before moving again....the law in Georgia was changed in July 2006 to close the loophole that allowed minors to marry without consent (even if they are pregnant or already parent to a child ). 16 is the minimum age to marry in Georgia (under any circumstances). 18 is the age to marry without parental consent. 16 & 17 year olds can marry in Georgia WITH parental consent. Pregnant 16 & 17 year olds can marry without parental consent... but only with doctor's proof of pregnancy, and court approval.


Here is info directly from the clarke county, ga courthouse website (but updated info can be found on tons of other websites...unfortunately, many websites have not been updated with the new info after the law was changed in 2006):

Underage Marriages: Effective July 1, 2006, minors under the age of 16 will no longer be allowed to marry under any circumstances, even if the bride is pregnant, or the applicants are the parents of a child born out of wedlock.

And a newspaper article about the law change: AccessNorthGa.com - News Articles: North Georgia's Sporting News Weather and News



I wouldn't be in any rush to head back to Florida.....the law in FLORIDA allows Judges to grant marriage licenses to minors of ANY AGE in the case of pregnancy or if they already have a child : Statutes & Constitution :View Statutes :->2000->Ch0741->Section 0405 : Online Sunshine