Well I was going to the store to buy a gift for my in-laws and found out from DH that my mother n law said no gift swapping. Money isn't an issue and this isn't a case of give to a charity which I fully would support. She isn't old only 67 I just can't figure.
I feel kinda funny saying to the kids Gramms doesn't want to do gifts. Anyone else experience this. I could understand if she worked or was handicapped but I think this is a bit scroogy. Maybe I am just PMS...ing LOL. My 16 yr old says give her a gift anyway but I don't think thats a good idea seeing that she is making this a point.

__________________

Without Health you have no Wealth!

Sometimes you just have too much stuff and it gets to you. As long as she still wants to celebrate the holidays in other ways, I wouldn't worry about it at all.

several years ago, I told my sisters that I didn't want to exchage gifts any longer. Just get together and celebrate each other. Each family had 4 peole and $20 each(that was the limit) that was $160 we each had to spend. I said for us to spend it on our families instead of on each other. It has worked out very well. We got to spend time with each other and not worry if the gift was the right thing. I used to stress over this from year to year. Now it is NO hassle. JUST FUN

So does this mean MIL isn't buying for your children or is it just the adults she's not buying for? My mom did this 5-6 yrs. ago. It's not a money issue and we draw names. At first there was just the 6 adults as gifts were still bought for the grandkids. Now my nephews are 23 and 25 with one being married. They're in the draw now. The decision disappointed me then and it still does somewhat now. My husbands side of the family is huge and we have never attempted to buy gifts for his siblings and their families. We have always bought for his parents though. That being said, his mom quit buying for her adult children about 5 years ago. With 5 children, 2-3 spouses, at least 12 grandchildren and now several great grands it was just too much. So now at Christmas DH and I are down to buying for each other and receiving one gift each from my side of the family and that's it and it bites majorly. As you can tell, I love getting presents because presents at Christmas were just for me not something for the house.
Okay, I'm through. Maybe. I could always tell you how Christmas Eve dinner is done at my inlaws. But that's a whole 'nother story.

We have already said no more gifts for adults amongst brothers and sisters but I find it hard to say no gifts to kids grandparents or Grandchildren. We do buy for Godparents. She doesn't want to buy for the Grandkids either which I don't understand.

__________________

Without Health you have no Wealth!

we did this with my grandparents . they had so much stuff and didnt want anything. after they were gone, we had to get rid of all that STUFF and alot of the stuff we had given them was packed up in a huge box, never used. they didnt want nor need anything. maybe that is the case with her.

__________________
·´`·.(*·.¸(`·.¸ ¸.·´)¸.·*).·´`·
«·´¨*·.¸¸. Jo ¸¸.·*¨`·»
«·´`·.(¸.·´(¸.·* *·.¸)`·.¸).·´`·»


Please leave feedback for me here.
http://www.mycoupons.com/boards/g-l/...-littlejo.html



gretchengirl@gmail.com

http://lifewithlittlejo.blogspot.com/

I can understand that but having 3 daughters I could never not buy for my future Grandchildren. I have more fun giving myself personally. We always gave her a gift certificate to a favorite store.

__________________

Without Health you have no Wealth!

I shouldn't say this but I wish my MIL would halt exchanging gifts - because she and I do not have the same tastes at all so it's a pain in my butt. I don't have the same tastes as sister-in-laws or brother-in-law either so if we stopped exchanging gifts with them, I would not be upset in the least bit! I would be JOYOUS!

A card and pics of the grandkids should be enough anyway? That's all I send my grandparents, and I'm getting that way with my parents. My mother actually complained on the phone the other day about buying gifts, she never knows what to get, it's too stressful, etc... every year she asks me what I want and I say NOTHING but she buys stuff anyway. I'd be much happier if I didn't feel obligated to buy gifts... a little something for the kids maybe.

ah, the gift exchange....... IMO, it's not a cut and dry kind of thing. Here is my take on gift exchanging, and card giving. Even if I receive a card or gift from someone, that, to me, does NOT mean they care. I have gotten cards from family members, and I know it's just a formality, so they can say they sent one. Same with gifts. I'm telling you, some years, my kids have gotten some downright cheesey gifts from people. But, I try (very hard) not to be too judgemental, but, I'm pretty good at reading between the lines. So, gifts/cards are nice, but, what I appreciate much more is to clearly know how someone feels about me.

Now, OTOH......if your children, or even you and DH, still want to GIVE a gift, no one can stop you. If that is what you like to do, go for it. Remember the saying "'tis far better to give than receive....". I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to give gifts to people I care about. Not so concerned if I get one in exchange, for reasons stated above. I don't give a gift with the expectation of receiving one in return.

It's a fine line, but, try not to be overly concerned about it, and if your desire is to express your love of MIL/Grandmom to your children, with a gift, then so be it. She can't stop you.

Hope that made sense.

__________________
Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

We also don't buy for the adults so that part sounds fine. I find it funny that she does not want to buy for her grandkids. My MIL spends $20 on each grandchild and she only has 5 (money is not a problem for her). If she stopped giving them a gift I think they would be very hurt, and I would think of her as being very cheap.

How about opting to go with giving a gift of service instead. Maybe offering to paint a room in her house, plant some flowers for her in the spring, weed a flower bed, trim the bushes, bake a cake when she has company coming, etc. I would much rather receive a gift of service than a material gift...since as adults we usually get the things we really want when we want them.

I always bring a basket or bake when we go over. I myself don't need anything either. I like the above poster find it cold to not want to acknowlege the Grandchildren on this Holiday. If I were Grandma I would say please just an updated picture maybe and we have a beautiful family portrait that I will be giving her anyhow but I couldn't not give to the Grandchildren. If they were toddlers they wouldn't know the difference but they are at the school age of understanding. No need to spend a lot also although money not really an issue here but maybe a small token to say Granny is thinking of you. Heck it could be a 5 dollar gift certificate and my 10yr old will jump. I don't know it just irked me.

__________________

Without Health you have no Wealth!

We use to do the whole gift exchange/draw names and all that stuff. But THEN it go ridiculous. I am talking about a huge family (DH side) and it would end up costing us $40 for the drawings, plus taking a dish and plus putting up with the hassle of relatives This was just Christmas Eve. People started getting greedy and petty and I had just had enough so we quit going. I have enjoyed my Christmas Eve's ever since. Plus now we go see family in Florida for Christmas and it is so much more enjoyable. I love my SIL she feels like a sister to me I love going to stay with them.

I only wish my family would do this! I would like to have only the "kids" under 18 (or students) getting gifts. I have so much stuff I already don't need and xmas only adds to the problem. I say "get me a GC" but nope...they like shopping so it's always a gift. Buying for inlaws is hard enough...a dream come true would be no gift buying

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

My mother and my siblings have all stopped buying gifts for each other because it got to a point where we exchanged names and ended up buying each other gift cards. One year we all kinad looked at each other and said whats the point? We still celebrate the holidays and spend time with each other. That being said the kids still all get gifts.

I agree we used to do a grab 200.00 per couple and I said one year we all have kids and this is just spending wasteful money. We decided to do a fun Yankee Swap which is a blast. Boy people kill for the Dunkin Coffee. But I say the kids still should get gifts from the Grandparents. God the magic of Christmas is when your that age.

__________________

Without Health you have no Wealth!

this would be a blessing for us-we never know what to get either side of parents-they all have so much, and when you ask them what they want, and they only ask for gift certificates-hmmm-buy them yourself-you have a way more lot of cash than we do. Now, is she still going to buy for the kids, or is she "done", given that she no longer expects to receive gifts?

Hey, oraf7, I'll trade MILs with ya!

__________________
Mary

The way I look at it Parents should buy for their own kids and Not the aunts and uncles and grandparents as of a certain age or Never if they so wish. I used to buy for all my nieces and nephews and sisters and brothers and Inlaws etc. Now My husband and I buy only for Whomever we are spending Christmas with with the exception of ALWAYS buying for DH's Godson and our parents and grandparents. We just cannot afford buying for EVERYONE anymore. Nor do I think it should look bad on us if we don't. As it is we still have to spend a good chunk because we spend christmas with too many as is LOL. We don't spend near as much as we used to though.

__________________
~*~Live life to the fullest*~*

She is a wonderful women otherwise so I won't trade LOL

__________________

Without Health you have no Wealth!

She is completely done

__________________

Without Health you have no Wealth!

I'm about to do the same thing. We have so many things and do not need more (including my three teen girls). Honestly I'm sick of trying to find the perfect gift for those that already have everything.

I wish we could revamp our Christmas with DH's family. I don't want to not exchange gifts, but the gifts people buy are just getting out of hand. With DH's family there is his:

Mom & Dad
Sister 1 and BIL with 3 kids at home and 1 with a SO and a kid of his own
Sister 2 and BIL with 3 kids at home

So, we have 15 people to buy for. Now, I really enjoy shopping and buying for everyone, but just last year we knocked the limit DOWN to $50 per person. Everyone had been spending around $100 each which is just crazy if you ask me. Now, the limit doesn't include my MIL - she still buys a ton for everyone.

DH's mom has always loved Christmas and always buys practical things like clothes, etc, but she goes way over board. For example, she usually has around 10-12 packages for each person. Usually about 7-8 outfits for each kid, sheets, socks & underware and 1 or 2 fun things. Now, don't get me wrong. I really appreciate all of her generosity, but the only bad thing is that everyone has to sit in a big circle around the room and open 1 pacakge at a time from youngest to oldest. We are there for hours and hours and she and one of my SIL's can't understand my the kids get cranky and impatient.

Anyway, I was very glad that last year there was at least a defined limit, but I still think it's too much. When spending that much money you really want to get something that the other person will like and use, but you really never know. Also, as the family is going to continue to grow, the chain is going to have to end somewhere. I would love it if the adults (anyone out of high school) would draw names and then we could each get one gift for the kids. But, being the In-law, I can't suggest something like that and my DH loves it the way it is (because he doesn't have to stress about all of the shopping)!

I don't like to sound like a scrooge, but the way the evening is set up when we exchange gifts is just downright stressful to me. But, I guess it's just 1 night a year and as my kids get older they can handle the waiting better and better each year. At least now I don't have to stress as much about them misbehaving!

Ours was much the same way, except my In Laws DID do the Chinese grab bag thing. Anyone old enuf was in it. It didn't really eliminate the gift buying for everyone, tho. It actually ADDED one more gift, since you had to bring a gift for the grab bag.

IMO, Christmas should not be a stressfull break the bank time of year.

__________________
Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

LOL! I feel exactly the same way.....I try very hard to get DH's family things that I know they like, and if I don't know they get a gift card, so they can get what they want.......but when things get reversed DH and I have many things from his family saved in the shed, so when they visit they can make their way into the house....Thankfully they live in Ohio, and we are now in Texas, so they don't visit very often at all......

__________________
"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

God I am laughing reading these replies as I think about a shaving kit that was a definite re-gift sitting in my closet along with several other non needed items stashed in the attic. I won't regift them because I dislike them so much.... But I feel guilty getting rid of them go figure me out

__________________

Without Health you have no Wealth!

I don't regift the items (I could never remember who gave what) - after a while they just quietly go to the St. Vincent Depaul box. And I don't feel guilty in the least bit - it is helping someone else down the line.

Hmmm, this has me thinking...

Can I re-gift my mother-in-law?

Talk about a "white elephant" gift from hell....

__________________
I'm the kind of woman when my feet hit the floor in each morning, the devil says "Oh crap, she's up."

our nearest family is over 1000 miles away, I havent felt like having Christmas for a few years now, the kids fight every waking moment of every day. I pick them up from school and they've started in by the time we get back to the steps going into the house. I lost my mom 4 years ago, my dad is a recluse he goes to work and that's it, he doesnt talk to anyone except my uncle. Just doesnt seem like Christmas anymore and then this year a ton of toys are recalled take forever to find something not made in china

__________________
Books just wanna be FREE! See what I mean at:
http://bookcrossing.com

My other favorites
www.paperbackswap.com
www.wheresgeorge.com
www.geocaching.com

Goodness I wish we coulld do that in my family without people's feelings getting hurt. I don't believe my kids would even care if gma or aunt or uncles did not get them something. If they did, I'm certain they'd get past it.

I'd love to go through one holiday where I could just buy for our household.

__________________
@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

We don't exchange with my family as far as brothers and sisters. We do a gift exchange w/ all the neices and nephews though. I have three kids, and I pick three names..and there is a 50.00 limit on each kid. So we do this around Thanksgiving and then supply the one w/ a name a suggestion for the kids. We always all buy something for a baby who is having a first Christmas and then the name gets put into the gift exchange for the next coming year. It's been working for us. But I always buy for my sister who is divorced and works her butt off, so I always buy her something from her kids to open on Christmas morning under the tree. One year I got her a set of dishes she was dying for and wouldn't buy for herself..she was so surprised. I love to do that. Another year I bought her tickets to an Irish Band in Radio City..just her and I. And dinner and the show..and she was soooooo excited.

__________________
Eileen

**Some people are like Slinky's, not really good for anything, but you can't help laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs**

My mother in law wil exchange gifts. In fact, if you give her a list of ideas, she will buy everything on it. She usually doesn't like anything she receives though. I am willing to exchange her with one of you for another mother-in-law.....anyone interested?

cj/

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Wait a minute! I thought I just read that you were going to be marrying soon and you're already wanting to re-gift your soon-to-be MIL??? Oh boy!

cj/

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I usually send photos and little things that the kids make to the grandparents as well as a book and/or DVD. Also, we give to a few charities in their names.

We still do gifts for all of the kids until they are no longer students (ie high school/college).

My DH's family does a drawing amongst the adult siblings and we spend in the $20 range on that.

Yup - getting married in 6 weeks and I'm already wanting to trade her in. Sad, but true.

__________________
I'm the kind of woman when my feet hit the floor in each morning, the devil says "Oh crap, she's up."

omg thank your mil i would be so stoked to not have to do the gift exchange lol




------------
AUSTAFG?

Boy that sounds like me - before we got married I was ready to KILL my mil - still am but just don't let her get to me anymore. Not worth my blood pressure skyrocketing. I just shake my head and walk away.

My MIL doesnt shop for us she hands me a $100 for each family member and tells me to buy what I want us to have. 9 out of 10 times we buy her something she doesnt like it I bought her a Vera Bradley for her birthday and surprisingly she loved it so she is getting another one in a different pattern for her Christmas We buy for 15 family members each year. We also have 7 teachers to buy for this year. I shop all yr long to be able to afford it all

I would be jumping for joy at the "get out of jail free" card myself! I wish I could get both sides of the family onboard with the 'no gift' policy.

If it were me, I would probably buy gift cards and put them in envelopes & keep them in my purse, just in case your MIL pulls the old gift giving at the last minute thing. That way you don't end up feeling like a heel for having nothing if she does that to you (and if she's serious about no gifts, you can use the giftcards yourself--no return hassles). It sounds like she really wants it all to stop though. You say they aren't having money issues, maybe they are and just haven't said anything to anyone. Maybe they have realized what it's going to take to retire and are in financial shock and lock-down, ya know? Maybe they just realize the crazyness of everyone having 'so much stuff' nowadays. I'm there too. We are on 'stuff overload' here. I'm about to the point of hating the holiday myself due to all of the expense involved in gifts. It shouldn't be that way and that's not 'the reason for the season'. I'm hoping to cut ours waaaayyyy back this year too.