I am so upset. DH got laid off (union pipefitter so no big deal they will call him out again) and now they (the local union here) are calling to see if he wants to travel. He is all excited about it but I am not. We are already fighting about it. He will have to get lodging, food and gas to get there I don't see how it is going to be worth it.

He will be gone all week and only home on the weekends (maybe) for god only knows how long. We have a 4 year old child who will be devastated without him and myself getting pretty lonely. Has anyone ever dealt with this and can any of you give me any advice not to lose my mind if he takes this opportunity? I am about to lose my mind

Your situation might be different, but...I have 3 different friends whose husbands travelled for work for different reasons(laid off, or requirement of their job), and they have all ended up divorced. Two with kids, one w/o - the 2 with kids ran around on their wives and then left. The one w/o kids, wouldn't come off the road- didn't want to give up the money, and his wife wanted him home. I'm sure all 3 of them thought it wouldn't happen to them, but here they are.

If my dh proposed this, I would pitch a fit, too.

If it's going to make you miserable, you'll end up resenting him if he decides to take the job. For situtaitons like these, both parties need to either agree to it OR agree to try it and give it it's fair chance. If you cannot bear to even try it, you're marriage is set to go downhill. Tell him that you worry that if you decides to this against your wishes that you will resent him and that can do no good for your marriage. Be prepared with alternatives because he'll likely say there is nothing else out there, etc. If it's on a NEED basis, do it for a trial and see how you and your child are affected. He needs to take that into account.

I know one family that traveling works out well. The wife has been able to be involved in lots of social activities and charity time while their kids are in school. They family is well adjusted as they make the most out of their weekends. I know another couple who ended up divorced. Luckily, they did not have kids but the wife felt such resentment...like her DH didn't care for her feelings about it that she ended up leaving him.

good luck

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My husband was in the Army for 24 years, and was gone well over half our marriage, you get through it. Now that he is out, I can't wait to get a week to myself! However, you seem upset with him leaving for a week at a time, I don't think you are cut out to live a solo life, some people just don't have it in them, nothing wrong with it. But if he does end up taking this job, you might want to search within yourself, why you are so upset and mad at him for wanting to provide for his family, even if it requires traveling. I personally find it admirable that he is willing to step out of his comfort area and try something new, with the holidays coming up and 4 kids he might just want to make sure there are gift under the tree and food on the table. JMO

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My DH travels all the time and it sucks. We will be married 18 years this weekend with no plans of divorce, but it is hard. My dds are 11 & 13 and he calls nearly every night and talks to all 3 of us before they go to bed. We also email during the day. He makes a real effort to stay in touch and connected to the girls & me when he's gone. He doesn't travel every week, his is more cyclical - he was gone nearly all of September, has been home 2 weeks and just informed me of 2 more trips coming up. I feel like a single mom a lot of the time - DH hates it, too, but it's a requiremet of his job. He's getting a promotion in January and has told me the travel will increase. I tell you it would be worse if I didn't trust him. He doesn't cheat - though he's had opportuntiy to and told me about it when he called that night. As sexysmurf said above, I'm a SAHM and get all the "stuff" done during the week so we do make the most of family time on the weekends. If he didn't have to travel, he wouldn't, but he likes his job for the most part and makes good money, so it goes with the territory.

I think your DH may be excited about the opportunity now, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. I traveled some when I worked (not near as much as DH, though). Lot's of waiting for flights, flight delays, time in the air, being cramped on the plane, lonely nights in hotels, dinner by yourself. Have you seen the movie "Lost in Translation?" It's a good one. It accurately depicts the loneliness felt on business travel (even though he's in Japan).

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

I am in no way mad at him for wanting to provide for us. We only have 1 child that is 4 years old. My husband and I have not spent a night away from each other in the past 6 years that we have known each other. We met one night and never spent another apart. I just don't know what to expect

You may be suprised at yourself at just how 'strong' you can be while he is away. I am another military wife who spends days, weeks & sometimes months holding down the fort (so to speak) while hubby is off doing what he needs to do.

Can you do it for a trial run and see how it goes? It might not be as bad as you think. Also, is the company paying for his room/board so to speak, or giving him a chunk of change doing that so that it's not coming out of the regular budget. (travel money)

Also the stronger you are, the stronger your children will be too (being able to adapt to seperation). If you carry on having a hissy fit (that's what I call crying all the time), then that will make your child react in the same way. If Mom is holding her head up high and dealing with what is dealt, then the kids do the same. (at least for my family it does, anyway).

Don't be so quick to say "no".... when opportunity knocks, sometimes you just got to pull up the boot straps and go for it.

Good luck with your decision.

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If taking the job would benefit the family it would be worth it.
DH went back to college in a different state and came home on weekends, breaks. Yes, it was very tough without him around trying to raise a couple of kids. But it was the best thing financially for us..so we made it work. Of course, I always knew it was not for the long term so that made it easier.
DH hates to travel and would rather be here with me and the kids..but if something happens to his job, I know we could make it again if he had to travel. I hope not...I married him to be around, not to be gone most of the time.

I traveled with my last job and when I got laid off on June 1 Ir ealized how much I enjoy being on the road for work. My husband and I met, dated, and got married while I had a traveling job. While searching for a new job I knew it was something that I really wanted to continue doing. My new job requires me to travel again. It works for us.

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oupiglet...addicted to free stuff!

i traveled for work for the last 4 years, i loved it and we did not fight as much as we would have if i would have been home. We saved a ton of money on gas to get back and forth to work, miles on the car, and food- having all your meals paid for is a big advantage.

I too was only home on the weekends and occasionally a week or two here and there, but it was a great oppertunity to see some places that i never would have seen before.

You and your DH need to sit down and discuss the issue, you don't want to end up resenting him for making a decision to travel. Maybe have him sit down and figure out how cost effective it would be. If he had to cover his own room and board, it may not be worth it. My Dh is Army, and he has been gone over half of our marriage, when he first started leaving for a months at a time, I was scared to death, I hadn't been on my own much, and not with 2 kids and pregnat at the time, and each time he went away it got easier and easier, and now there times when I wish some field time would come up or another school he could go to, so I can get a week or two without him.......I learned how strong I was, and how much I could handle on my own, I have really surprised myself over the years.....

No matter what, you have your DH and to do what is best for your family.......

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O-H-I-O

My husband was a car hauler, traveling all over the eastern part of the U.S. You know, those big trucks with the cars loaded on them. He did this for 24 years. We had one son who was 5 when he started. He called home often and I had family near by to help with the difficult things. We had a good marriage before he started and we still do. I saved the time for him when he was home. In other words I didn't plan anything that wouldn't include him. Also, I didn't hit him with a list of requests as soon as he got home. I let him unwind. He was usually home a day or a day and a half a week.

This doesn't sound like a permanent job for your hubby. You might want to give it a go for awhile. Maybe work out an agreement that you'll try it for a certain period of time and if it is too hard he'll give it up. He might find out that it's not all it's cracked up to be and give it up.

OP, my dad was in the same type of occupation, a union pipefitter. I remember daddy having to leave for a week at a time and come home on the weekends. My mom took over the role of both mom and dad and toughed it out. It wasn't like it was for years at a time. It was only until the local jobs were back. It didn't harm me as a child. I can remember enjoying the evenings with mom because my dad didn't like TV dinners, fish sticks, etc. and when he was out of town for the week, we would kick back and enjoy 'fast food'. Funny but that is something I still remember about daddy being out of town! (Remember this was over 35 years ago!!)

OP, I think your husband should be commended for wanting to provide for his family. You said you and your husband have never been apart. Well, maybe it's time to be apart for a while. This could be a good learning experience for both of you. I've been married 33 years and trust me, there will be times when you and your husband will have to be apart. You will survive!!

Try to look at it in a different light, okay??

When DS#1 was a baby (he's 7 now), my DS worked in Atlanta and we lived in a suburb of Detroit. DH left on Monday morning and came home on Friday night. Sometimes it would be every other week and he would work from our house in Michigan for a week and then go back to Atlanta. It was somewhat difficult, but I got used to it quickly and actually ended up enjoying it. DH did this for about 10 months before he was officially transferred and we moved to Atlanta. Financially, for us it was a great thing. DH's company paid for all his expenses (airfare, hotel, rental car, gas, etc.) and reimbursed for meals. That meant that a lot of day to day expenses out of our pocket (lunches, groceries, gas, wear & tear on his car, etc.) were eliminated since the company was paying for them.

Now he doesn't travel as much (usually only a few days a month, if that). Honestly, the hardest part is adjusting to the change -- either DH being gone all the time or DH working from home. When he did the same thing for a few weeks in a row, it wasn't bad at all. A lot of my friend's DH's travel a lot and they are used to it and have a routine when their DH is gone. Most that I know usually look forward to their DH traveling because they can be messy or eat out or do whatever they want.

If it means the difference of having a job or not, I would at least give it a try. Maybe make an agreement with your DH that he can try it for 6 months and then reevaluate it. Maybe you will learn to love it or maybe he won't like it.

I have a friend whose DH was laid off from his union electrician job. He is now working as a contractor on an army base in Iraq. He & his wife felt that it was the best thing, financially, for their family to do. She misses him deeply but is getting along quite well with him being gone. There is no way he could make the kind of money he is making in Iraq where they live.

Sarah.........mom to Jason & Devin