I have had it with DS's mouth, the 13 year old. Honestly at times I would like to pop him in his mouth. I haven't and won't considering that is how I was raised and know what it does to a child. Literally nothing I have done is working. If he doesn't have something smart ass to say then he has a smart ass smirk. About everything!!

Anyways, I'm having trouble coming up with a consequence for some of his actions. I know I should be able to come up with something but I'm all outta ideas. I've took his phone, kept him inside, took video games, tv... you get the idea.

Here is what I have so far:

Smart mouth - ??

Talking back - ??

Trash (water bottles/pop cans & candy/snack wrappers) thrown down outside - ??

Dirty clothes not downstairs by noon on Sunday - Your clothes WILL NOT be washed until the next laundry day (Wednesday).

Dirty clothes not downstairs by 7:30am Wednesday - Your clothes WILL NOT be washes until the next laundry day (Sunday).

Talking negatively about any race or sexual preference - 2 page report on the significance of that race to our culture.

Talking negatively about any illness I (or anyone else) has - 2 page report on that illness.




These are the main ones that are grating on my nerves. I'm sure there are others but I just can't think right now from being so mad at him. Actually at myself for not knowing what to do with him. Let me give some speicifics on the behaviors above.

The trash thing - it's not just a piece or two. It's literally anything they carry outside they just throw it down. I've tried not letting them take anything out the door. They sneak it out.

Dirty clothes if I wash them daily they will wear the same outfit every day. I figure twice a week is plenty.

Negatively talking about any race or sexual preference - It's not 1 race in particular they are doing this about. It is any including their own. I have got to be getting this from school. I know for certain this isn't coming from home. There is not doubt about that. DS started about a car load of people that passed us on the interstate this weekend. I told him that next summer he was going to spend 1 day a week with someone of that race. He came unglued. I had to pull over till he would calm down, it was bad. I honestly think it will help, I was going to take him to the nursing home and let him spend a little time with a couple of different elderlly people. Maybe he would see they are no different than him.

Talking about my illness - I have severe depression and take meds daily for it. I have finally found a med that works really well for me and feel better than I have in years. Anyway, If I say something about his smart mouth or something like that or even something he doesn't like he will say, "Have you took you medicine today? Go take somemore!" This hurts me so much, but I don't know how to get that across to him. I have come straight out an told him but it's not getting through.


Anyone have any ideas? Even about the ones I have consequences for. If you feel I could improve them somehow let me know. I'm all ears.

Laura

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For the trash, I would make him pick up trash in your entire yard. Second offense, the entire street??

Smart mouth, we don't have much of that, but, the eye rolling.....OMG!!! I politely remind DD that "you don't need to roll your eyes at me young lady". I think it is more of a habit, than anything else.

Maybe have a firm discussion with your DS and lay out all the rules and consequences.

How about making him do some volunteer work in the community...soup kitchen, etc.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

You could go drastic and take everything out of his room but his bed, blankets, pillows, plus a few ugly outfits. Make him earn them back.

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I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.

First of all, make him wash his own clothes. Don't just tell him to wash them. Show him how to use the washing machine, how to sort his clothes and how to use the dryer. Give him a basket to put them in and it's up to him after that. Tell him you'll provide the detergent but the rest is up to him.

Smart mouth? Hmmm.... having raised two sons, that was never an issue in our house because my husband wouldn't allow it.

Respect for the elderly - I think the idea of visiting a nursing home is a great idea. Talk to a local home and find him a 'grandparent' that your family can adopt. You can take him to visit the person, buy them small gifts, etc., spend time with the person so your son realizes they're humans and have feelings too.

When our boys were growing up, we'd sit down with them and actually let them help in figuring out punishments for certain things. At the age your son is, he's wanting to be an adult and a kid. Maybe letting him decide his punishment for certain things would help. It seemed to go along well with our boys. And then when they screwed up, they knew the consequences and accepted them. Add in when you talk about the consequences, talk to him about your illness and make sure you cover the consequences for that one. But let him have a decision (within reason, of course) of the punishments.

Not long ago I was talking to one of my sons about punishments when they were growing up and he told me that the punishments that hit the hardest were the ones where he had to do something he absolutely hated to do. If we took away the TV or computer time, he said that never bothered him. But actually making him DO something physical, like mopping the floor, vacuuming, raking the leaves were the punishments that actually got his attention. So maybe start out with physical labor instead of taking away things.

Hope this helps.

I agree with the clothes washing: he is old enough to do his own. Show him how, write it down and leave out the soap...end of story. He wears dirty clothes if they aren't washed and you shouldn't worry about it

I have found what works best with my son is not negative reimforcement but positive. If we take things away for bad behavior, we get no where (actually, it gets worse). We reward his for good behavior. If the behavior for the day is bad, not screen time. You start back from scratch the next day.

You need to find out what holds value to your son. Screen time (tv, video games, computer), phone, friends, etc. Once you find what he values, it's easier to get the behavior you want (at least so far for us but we haven't hit teens yet). My mom would punish me to my room with no screen time. I could have cared less. I would read all day and be just fine. Take away my brothers friend and whoa...you hit his hot button. I didn't really have one (so I really pissed her off LOL).

Hopefully it gets better.As for the trash, I would probably pick it up and dump it in his room since it's his trash

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I agree with heatherr.

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I'm the kind of woman when my feet hit the floor in each morning, the devil says "Oh crap, she's up."

that if he mouths off to me I am sending an envelope to the yearbook committee with all my photos of him in a tutu when he was 3. **I would too!**

Make him stand outside on the corner with a sign that says "I don't know how to talk to my mother." If he was my 3 yr old, he may get a taste of soap in his mouth. Potty mouth is my pet peeve, can ya tell

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Terri...mom to drama queen and the monkey-boy

Blessed are the parents who make their peace with spilled milk
and mud, for of such is the kingdom of childhood.

My 14 year old son has hit the "teenage testing" mode as well. What I have found that works for us is instead of giving consequences for his actions (he took these in stride), we use the reward system.

Examples:
Mycokereward movie tickets (one for him and a friend)
A video game rental
Friend sleeping over (or he sleeping at a friends)
Friday night high school football game
etc...

He enjoys these "goodies" so much, that his behavior has improved by "earning" a special treat. He has three "grace periods"; meaning, 3 warnings before the special reward is lost.

We've also in the past (was successful for us at one time with our older boys when they were younger) deducting allowance. Example: Smart mouth/comment = .25 deduction, (your trash on the ground could = .50 off the allowance that week. We also had "extra" chores or tasks that could turn that deduction around. No more smart mouth the rest of the day will = +.25, etc...

ETA: I explained the losing (deductions) of the allowance like receiving a speeding ticket as an adult. If I break the law, I have to pay a fine. Breaking the laws in our home (i.e. not following the rules, sassy mouths, not doing expected work) require a fine.

I'm sure I'm going to get flamed for this, but it works at keeping me sane in my home.

I was going to suggest something like this as well. I don't have teenagers, but my 4 yo dd has quite the mouth on her, and can be quite mean with it. We started trying to find EVERY CONCEIVABLE thing to compliment her on and her behavior has improved trememdously. We did this starting in August, and it's been the best 2 months with her. She honestly has done a complete turn around, she listens to us and is obedient. She still has her ocassional tantrums, but now it's more normal as to the frequency. Perhaps your son doesn't take well to criticism (most of us don't) and that's how he reacts. It's hard at first trying to find anything nice when they make you so crazy, but try it. It just might work, and it changes the mood of the house.