Well from previous posts some of you know that my Daughter has been really ill and spent a lot of her 16th year in the hospital 5 times within the past 7 weeks. It is a very difficult time and we are very thankful for the support from family and friends.
Well long story short last March when my daughter was in the Hospital ER my Sister called my 9 yr old and accused her of stealing her sons stuff from his webkins site and my DD called me in the ER very upset over the whole situation. I really couldn't focus on this ridiculous situation but felt that my sister knowing the sitauation shouldn't have been yelling at the kid while I wasn't home. Well after once my daughter was admitted I explained that we should really let the kids resolve the situation and she got crazy and said she will not. She called my daughter a sneaky lying brat and told my Mom that I don't monitor my kids on the computer. Now she proceeded to pick on how my husband held his arms crossed at the hospital and that he didn't walk her to her car as he usually does. It goes on and on and she is always suspecting that people are out to get her. Well I will not bore anyone with all the incidents that have followed but we are sadly not speaking.
Well DD has been in Hospital and she hasn't came once to visit and she has been critically ill. She knows this first hand because my Mom keeps her informed play by play i'm sure. She called my DD once on her personal cell phone but it's hard because she is so exhausted that she doesn't really feel up to talking. Why can't she be a big person and call me up and say I know we have our differences but how is my neice.
Now DD is home and the Holidays are coming and I feel very disgusted at how shallow she is and feel there is no excuse for this behavior and honestly I don't want to ruin my familys holiday by being around her and her family and be on Pins and Needles.
Is there any excuse for not once in 5 hosptilizations that are serious and now surgery is in 1 month??!!

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

My sister and i are very close so i can't even imagine a situation like that but I would say no there is no excuse. Families need to pull together at times like these. The only thing perhaps in her favor is that she can't cope or doesn't know how to deal with someone being so ill. You need to do whats best for your family and hopefully things will take a turn for the better.

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"Never loan your car to someone you have given birth too"

I know from your other posts that things have not been great between you and your sister because of what happened with your daughter and her.

I don't know specifics, but can say that a lot of people have a hard time putting themselves into other's shoes. Could it be that she feels that she was in the right and doesn't see it from your side?

Maybe she is being optimistic in hoping that your other daughter will pull through ok? And maybe that is why she hasn't come by?

If I were in a similar position, I know that I would probably have a hard time coming and facing "the other person". I am not saying that you did anything wrong, just trying to offer a different perspective. I don't think I have done a good job though...the words are having a hard time coming from my head to the keyboard this morning.

Off topic a small bit...but hoping that your daughter gets well!

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Think about helping out with cancer...
Join the Relay for Life

Sorry. Sadly family can hurt us the most sometimes. I try to remember to be the bigger person, and act in a way that I won't regret. I know you're upset, understandably so. Try to channel all that energy on DD and the rest of your immediate family. Maybe your sister just doesn't know where or how to step back in??? Do you feel up to being the bigger person and making the first move???

Again, sorry, these are tough situations at best.

Hope things get better all the way around.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I have tried. I went to her sons communion and gave her and her husband a kiss and said Thanks and everthing was excellent. She was passing out the favors and passed right over me and gave one to everyone. Believe me I want what is right because it really stinks for the kids as well. As for her not having any words to offer beleive me it's never a problem for her. It's just so sad.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

similar story with us and we haven't talked to my aunt (mom's sister) in over 7 years and we live in the same town. Sometimes being the bigger person doesn't work...sadly.

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I don't really any good advice for you, sometimes people, especially family can really hurt us, and for what seems like no good reason. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, you shouldn't be made to stress over a situation when you are already dealing with your daughter's health issues. I hope all works out, and you can enjoy the holidays with your family, and that your daughter is ok......

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

Thanks I am planning on enjoyin my 3 beautiful daughters and husband and of course my parents etc. It's sad because my parents are who I really feel bad for because we are her only 2 daughters and I know if one of my girls act like this some day it will be very painful. I try to use this stinkey situation as an example.
I just feel she has no excuse for being so coldhearted and I feel really angry over this and don't know if I can ever get over this.
What is hard is that my Mom wants to have Thanksgiving my Families favorite holiday over her house and I want to go but leave at Dessert which is when she will come over. I know some will disagree but I just feel that there will be too much tension for all. My Daughter will be going for surgery the following week with a painful recovery and I just want to do what is relaxing and best for us. Am I wrong?

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

I think you have to do ultimately what is best for you and your family......Holidays with tension are no fun for anyone, especially when it's right before a surgery for your daughter. If it will be as uncomfortable as you think it will be then I see nothing wrong with leaving at dessert.....

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

It's sad because I think my mom thinks this will force us to get together but this already didn't work at Easter time. I want to have my parents and in-laws to my house seeing that sis goes to her inlaws everyear anyhow but I don't want to start a commotion between her and my parents.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

Life is too short to spend time in situations like this. If it were me, I would say the heck wif her and concentrate on my husband and children. I know that it must be hard, since she is your sister and I am certain that it is hard on all the children involved. But I do believe when all is said and done, it will be the sister who has missed out on something great. I know that's probably not much comfort to you right now. Hold your head high, love your babies. You can also love your nieces/nephews from afar (it's hard). THere is NO relationship that will work if there is only one party working towards it.

I wish your family the best and I will continue to pray for your daughter. My thoughts are with you. I know first hand what it's like to live with a sick child.

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email is moserlara@yahoo.com

I wish there was any easy answer to make everything ok again......I guess just try talking to your Mom, and explain why you want to do the way you do, and hopefully she'll understand. I'm sorry that you are going through all of this. I will keep you and your family in our prayers.

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

Why is it her responsibility to call you? It can just as easily be asked "Why can't you be a big person and call her up and say I know we have our differences but let's see if we can't resolve the theft issue?" Your attitude is that stealing from family is a trifling matter and hey, let the kids work it out themselves. I can see why that reaction irritated your sister. If your daughter did steal from her cousin, it's a big deal, not 'a ridiculous situation'. Clearly, your sister considers it a very important matter and if you value your relationship with her, you'll take care of the situation. Seven months is a long time to wait but better late than not at all.

Well, it doesn't have to be a question of 'an excuse'. It sounds more like 'a reason'. It sounds like your sister is emotionally and physically separating from you and yours. It's quite possible that her outlook has changed and she has stopped seeing your daughter as a person in her own right and begun viewing her simply as your child. It sounds like she's ready to cut you loose and if your sister doesn't want to be around you, she may have extended that attitude to your family.

I know from your many, many posts that you have your hands full but this has been going on for months and let's face it, if you have time to make all these posts at My Coupons, you have time to call your sister. Whether you care enough to bother or whether you think that your relationship with her is worth saving is a matter for you to decide.

Well first of all my daughter didn't steal any virtual toys from the site that you need a password to access. I feel sometimes the parents as in this case get caught up in kids trivial issues like neighborhood spats etc and the kids end up fine which in this case is true because they now communicate and the parents hold the grudges.
Kids do need to learn to work things out just like 2yr olds over a toy as long as nobody is getting hurt. It is us adults that should be trying to set an example but it takes two sides. Also in telling her to let the kids work it out that is saying this is crazy and let's not get involved. The part that is ridiculous is that someone can get crazy over a virtual cartoon toy which can't be accesed without a password.
I appreciate everyones input because sometimes it can shed some new light on a situation but honestly there are bigger things to get crazy over. Nitpicking at how my husband stands it's all just crazy to me.
I'm more curious if anyone thinks that a grudge over a ridiculous situation comes before a niece whose life was seriously in danger.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

coming from a family of 5 sisters I hear ya.. I've learned to take so much then blow up and tear them a new one.. it works for me but not everyone.. keep us posted. and I'll be thinking of your lil girl..

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

Sounds to me like you and YOUR family need to spend the holidays at your house on your terms. With your daughter being ill let them come to you or not, you decide. HOPEFULLY your daughter will be feeling better by then. Let her spend this holiday with those she loves and those who love her. Invite all her friends over for Xmas Eve. Do what is right for you and for her and for your family....sister/aunt or not.

In regards to the Webkins thing...OMG, sounds like someone needs to grow up. If the kids are sharing passwords, codes, etc. then they can duke it out on their own or get over that too.

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TLJ ~ Women United in Spirit

I totally agree with this post. 100%.
Well said.

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l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

DITTO! Exactly my feelings. If they share passwords they learn really quick not to do so. A good lesson. I am spending the Holidays with those who care enough about being with one another. Thanks for the support and for not lettin me feel like I am losing my mind.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

I feel for you. I have been very sick for almost a year. I have a sister who lives 1/2 hour away. She is pleasant when I call, but would never call me first. I spoke w/ her frequently though, and last February I was admitted for insertion of a Hickman catheter and to start my TPN. She was there at the hospital the first day I went in, all was well, and I haven't heard from her since.

She lives 1/2 hour away! Since then, I have had numerous emergency hospitalizations for infections, and had my big gastric bypass reversal surgery in June. She knows none of this, as I refused to call. Maybe I am being a baby but I felt that she knew I wasn't well, and if she cared then, she would check in on me, or call my other sister to see how I was or something. When I went in for my reversal I told my older sister not to call her, and tell her.

There is absolutely no excuse for her not to acknowledge your DD, her neice at this time. But some people just don't get it.

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Eileen

**Some people are like Slinky's, not really good for anything, but you can't help laugh when you see one tumble down the stairs**

I am only reading the op's post here and have no history. While, admittedly, it was not a convenient time for all of this to come up, I do think theft, or alledged theft, is a serious thing. I suspect your sister feels that you have not taken this seriously (and haven't for the past 7 months) and is frustrated. No matter what the theft, it is important to address this so a child knows it's not acceptable ( and thus hopefully nip any future incidents now) and have a serious discussion. I don't know if your child is guilty or not, and am not really sure how you can know. Kids have a way of sometimes being very clever, yet at other times giving themselves up without knowing it.

As for your husband's arms being crossed, that is a huge body language indicator of I am not interested, keep your distance from me, I am not open to interaction with you. Coupled with him not walking her to the car, as was usual, she perhaps has a valid point there.

Words in a post about so many emotions. I leave you with trying to look at the situation again a little more objectively and make sure your attention is on more than only your sick daughter. While she needs the most of it, others are involved. Hopeful for resolution.

dl

Bear with me on this..I do not know the whole history here, but seems your sister and you have not always been on good terms to begin with...
Having been around many many discussions on disablity lists I have heard of this trend before...it is stupid and is petty but it happens so many many times, sometimes a sister, sometimes a Mother, sometimes a Grandmother..
The one who ends up showing their tail ends have always been high maintance to begin with..then you mix in a serious illness or sick child on someone elses part, not theirs and things spiral out of common sense land... the *Me Me Me* one will actually get jealous and start all kinds of crap, they will take a small thing and blow it up to Godzilla size..in some cases they become down right hateful to the parent of the sick child and in some cases to the child..
IMHO I have always thought of it as the attention grabber..You have the comments well IF you stopped carrying her she would walk on her own...YOU just think she is sick...etc. etc...
Is it the fear/flight thing going on, in some cases yes, they distant themselves from possible hurt down the road...in most cases it is just jealousy...i.e. MY drama is more important..
Learn to ignore it and go on with things..
Big hint to me..her complaint about your DH..I would guess of course he is not all wrapped up in HER but his daughter and most people would pick up on this as honest worry about his daughter....NOT a insult to them needing to be catered too...
My two cents anyway.

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"Cast upon this globe without physical strength or innate ideas, incapable in himself of obeying fundamental laws of this nature which call him to the supreme place in the universe, it is only in the heart of society that man can attain the pre-eminent position which is his natural destiny. Without the aide of civilization he would be one of the feeblest and least intelligent of animals.."
Jean-Marc-Gaspard Itard

No - I don't think you are wrong. Seems to me that at this time your focus naturally needs to be on what your family needs and what is best for all of you. Added stress will not help. I would talk to your Mom, let her know you would love to share dinner, but will be leaving before your sister arrives. If she is uncomfortable with that, then I wouldn't go, I'd do our own dinner and invite her over to share part of your day.

You have tried being the bigger person in this, but sometimes that doesn't work. Your sisters actions seem petty and mean to me and I would not be trying to work through this with her now with all that is going on in your family.

My 2cents worth.

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

The part with the arms blows me away also because he always stands with his arms crossed. Honestly to the doubters we weren't thinking about a trivial 8 and 9 yr olds minor problem. As for the 1 or 2 people here that say stealing is a serious crime yes I agreee and the worst part is my other kids are suffering throught their sisters ilness as well and I had to not only console a kid with a serious infection but on my cell in the ER my 9yr old because she was so distraught that her Aunt/GODMOTHER would accuse her of this. She has no proof and I do beleive there is a major jealousy problem because she feels that my parents favor my girls over her boys another long ridiculous insecure story. I just feel she should have called me and said the kids are having a problem and then sat them down and worked this out. Not wait until I am tied up at Childrens ER to ransack my kid. I am not saying my Children are perfect but this is way over the top. My husband had pulled me into the corner of the room to discuss my daughter and we were accused of conspiring against her. Sorry doubters but why when you have a sick kid would your focus be on how to piss people off. We were discussing issues that were serious and critical. We had a room full of people and didn't want to panic other caring relatives and grandparents. One final note is that I have spent so much time teaching my Children from when they were little about not taking whats not yours etc. and my husband and I are always praised at their polite and excellent behavior so please don't think I was blowing off any situation. I have just hit my wits end that human life doesn;t come first. Do you wait until that life is gone to start crying? I have tried but without getting into my whole life story there is a lot of jealousy that stems from way back and as far as the husbands she has written letters to my parents saying mine gets better gifts etc. It's nuts but never ends. Thanks to all for your kind support and words on this thread as my head is spinning lately.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

I would not take it seriously either, as it is not an actual toy, it is a virtual toy. I would, however send her a virtual webkinz flower basket in the virtual mail to apologize.

Rebecca

rebecca lol on the virtual flowers and virtual apology

and op, i think your sister sounds like one of the energy vampires i have posted about before. i know we're only hearing one side of the story, but good grief...i could not imagine ever ever calling my sister or her kid (or anyone else) while my sis is in the hospital with a very sick kid - to whine about a virtual toy on a website? what!? she's mad about it still, months later? good grief charlie brown!

i also wonder why your sis has not ever asked you about your child during multiple hospital stays? i would be on the phone every day if my niece/nephew were at the hospital. at least she should inquire once in awhile.

an energy vampire...will suck the energy and the life right out of you, if you let them. good luck to you and i hope i am wrong about her being one of the EVs

Not saying its a good excuse, but sometimes people just can't cope with more than is going on in their own lives. It's nothing personal, they just have all they can handle emotionally....some are cut out to carry more than their fair share, some are not. Just a thought....

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Sounds like your sister is my Mom. I am sorry you are going through this. Just focus on your DD. She needs you right now.