My sister and I have always gotten along pretty well, a few minor tiffs, but nothing major. I have been working on Dad's estate (and I can 't wait for her to have to do my MOm's) and it is a LOT of work and I really hate it. Anyway, from the first day she has felt that everything is unfair, that she isn't getting what she deserves. Here's the latest example:

When she came to go through Dad's things, he had about 15 guns, rifles, etc. We were just taking them out of the house and bringing them here since no one lived there and we didn't think it would be safe to leave them. SHe got to take whatever she wanted of them, but they only chose 3 to bring home. SHe gets home and immediatly complains to my MOm that she didn't get anything?! WHy didn't she just take more?! SO my mom warned me that she wasn't happy and I tried to make it right and just remind her that we were just bringing them here to store.

So fast forward a couple of months to this week. A guy that DH works with in interested in a couple guns, so I ask her if it's ok to sell a couple & put the money into the estate acount and she agrees. While we are checking them out, DH makes a list of them and we decide to divide them by taking turns picking. She had 3 already and we had taken 2 that needed repair (an ex wife broke 2 of his most sentimental). So we sent the list and then looked up some of them to see what was there ( should have done this before I guess) and found out one was worth a LOT more that the others, thousands. Don't you know that was the one she picked? I know they looked them up, her husband looks everything up my MOm said. Now I feel dooped?


We wouldn't have picked that one first, DH wanted my Dad's muzzleloader he was so proud of, but for her to pick just for $$ it really annoys me. I should have gotten the value first I guess to weed that one out and make it a seperate item since it was worth so much? Or am I just being greedy now thinking she's trying to rip me off?


I have not spoken to them about it, I don't want to cause trouble because as my mom says, my sister hasn't been hersefl lately (they had a huge fight). It's not so much the actual money, but the point that she's trying to get as much as she can because I am ripping them off that annoys me so much. Nothing has been distributed yet, we have just stored everything in our basement and told her to come get what she wants and she hasn't asked for anything.



How can I make her feel like I am not trying to rip her off? I haven't even taken anything yet? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I am sorry I dont really have any advice. I am sorry you are going through this and I can imagine its really hard for your mom.

Years ago, my Grandma, who is still alive today, had us all over one night. She put her antiques etc...out and had everyone pick what they wanted one at a time. She said she was doing this so that in the future there would be no issues. She even divided up alot of the pictures. At the time I thought it was kind of creepy but now I understand.

I just wanted to say that my mom and dad had been divorced for about 30+ years wjen he died. She came to see him and they got along as well as can be expected and she's been the go between with me and my sister these last few months. I just never thought it would be us fighting since we never did before.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I think you are only in the beginning of a huge mess if she's behaving this way already. Tell her you are following his will as executrix for the estate and if she's upset, she should be upset with your dad for his decisions.

With that said, he did have a will, right? you said estate. Additionally, you need to be selling things so that his assets are there to pay off his debts. Then once all assets have been used to pay off his debts, the remainder typically is distributed according to his will.

A death certainly brings out the worst of what has already been there and it is sad. Good luck.

dl

Some people base everything on MONEY! That's sad isn't it?
I heard that Eleanor Roosevelt once said that you really don't know a person until you divide an estate with them.

Sorry you are going thru this.

your not the only one that has been there.. imagine tryingto break it up between 6 girls.. It's a hard thing I know. I would just tell her next thing she complains that she got the guns that were worth more and leave it at that.. I'm sorry to hear about your dad and family fighting. It took us a long time to heal.

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Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers

Sadly families break down over estate divisions... It happened in our family too. I've chosen to be the non-involved which rubs some people the wrong way plus I lost a lot of respect for the ones who *did* get involved. You just can't win...

My thoughts are with you during this time. Hopefully, given time, things will calm down and fall into place.

Well, having seen the other side of it somewhat in DH's family, I can see why your sister would feel that way.....just think about it, she is not the one handling the estate, so she doesn't really know what is going on with the things. Maybe you can call her and say "hey, I sense things aren't quite right with you and me, and I want to see why". Just open the door, and if she steps in, good, if not, well, you tried.

Now, you talk about the worth of items, and being ripped off. The way I see it, you only get the "worth" from an item if you sell it. I have told family members I don't care what/if they give me anything....show me kindness NOW, not in your will.

I also suggest you speak directly with your sister, and do not have your Mom as the middle person.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Perhaps being as open and honest about the process of executing the will would be helpful. Let all the players know what the will called for, layout the financial obligations that need to be cleared up and the value of the remaining assets and the process that you'll go through to disposition them (from both a sentimental and a $$ value point of view) Sometimes when people don't know what's going on, they suspect the worst and their imaginations go wild.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I'm so sorry for you having to go thru so much.
My brother and I had no problems with our mother's things or our uncles's things.
A couple of times I had to bite my tongue but then I decided it wasn't worth a fight and now I can't even remember what it was all about. Things are just things!
My Dh and his brother had no problems with their mother's things either.
We all wanted to get along so we did!

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Square dancing is friendship set to music!

I know with my grandfather and his brother it was greed over memories really, My great grandmother had a quilt she promised my grandfather and my great uncle took it knowing that was her wish, they've not talked since and it's been like 10-15 years.

my maternal and paternals grandparents, my maternal grandparents wanted control over every tiny detail of my mothers funeral, the only reason my paternal grandparents knew funeral date was reading it in the paper. they also picked a plot where it was impossible to have my dad buried next to her out of spite, they never liked my dad. we havent spoken to them since 2002.


My MIL and her brother over their mother, was greed over the money, he was a preacher, he got the land and the house since he lived a coupled houses away, but he wanted the money too

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We had both agreed to let mom be the middle person from the beginning because my sister can't handle all of the little things and I need someone to bounce opinions and ideas off of. My sister has been drinking lately and she is a total BIT*H, to the point that I am afraid to call her and she just had a huge fight with my mom about a computer mouse. She can not handle stress and as you know didn't do much of anything to help me with any of this mess. But now I feel like she is just in it for whatever she can get out of it. We go for the sentimental things, they go for whatever if worth more. They are collectors btw, they have tons of baseball memorabelia, etc. so anything with a value is something they want.



I haven;t talked to her beacuse she'll probably just jump all over me about it anyway and it isn't worth it.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

AHa.....then, yes, best not to speak directly with her. You will just have to carry on the way you and she both agreed, and know that she agreed to it, and now you are following thru.

Did your Dad have specifics spelled out in his will? I have told family members "please, BE SPECIFIC......if you want someone to have a specific thing, PLEASE state that." OH, such a mess....sorry. And, to be dealing with it around the holidays. Maybe you can put things on hold until after the holidays??? They seem to be stressful enuf on their own.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

I, too, am sorry that you're having to go through this. My mother passed away 2 1/2 years ago, and the estate is still not settled. My oldest brother, who did attend my mother's funeral or even send her flowers, contested the will because he was only left $60,000!!! He's had it tied up and said he's going to do whatever he can to make sure it's all spent in legal fees so that my other brother and I won't ever see anything. I'm glad my mom and dad are not having to watch any of this!

Good luck to you.

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If you're not living on the edge, you're wasting space.

I guess I'm a little confused. You got the one that had the most sentimental value, which it seems is most important to you. Your sister got the one that had the most monetary value, which it seems is most important to her. Maybe it would help to think that you each got the one that was most important to you and try to leave it at that.

I can relate to your story. It seemed that my sister waited until after my mother's death to get ugly with me. We inheritated a house that wasn't worth a whole lot of money, and she reccommended giving it to the tenants since they had lived in it so long. A very noble gesture, but when I said that I would rather hold on to it, I had to pay her off (which I would have offered in the end, but she didn't want to see me fare better than her). I set it up so she had to sign for her cashier's check for her half of the house (lives in another state), she actually yelled at me because she had to go to the post office and wait in line to get her check.

Also, with the jewelry,which didn't appeal to her taste, she said that she wanted to get it melted down for the gold. That wold never have crossed my mind.

Anyway, it has been nearly four years, so it has settled down somewhat, but I will never forget some of the misery she put me through.

Stay strong and know that your head is in it for the right reasons.

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

I can so relate when my grandpa died they had my dads guns in the basement well my uncle ran over thier & stole the guns BTW hes so tight he squeaks & we all know dang well he sold them well when my brother asked him about the guns he never spoke to any of us again & that has been about 10yrs ago!!! All over stupid guns my family is now split for good now if those guns were worth thousands which I have no idea I was very very young at that time & dont know much about guns anyways but now its making me wonder. Death always brings out the greed in people

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mom of 3 greats girls