I have a question for everyone. Let me explain the situation. We live on an Island, very small community with hardly any crime. My mother lives about a block and a half down the same street as I. Saturday after work, my mom and I went up to Walmart to do some Xmas shopping and my 13 yr DD and her Best Friend stayed home. My DD was watching the neighbor's (next to my mom) dogs and they walked down there (something they've done a hundred times) to feed and walk the dogs. On their way back, there was a guy standing at the entrance to the park (I live in front of the park). When he saw them he started walking toward them, my DD noticed this and they ran to the house, locked the doors, etc. Nothing like this happens on this Island. Well later they had to walk back down to my mom's house to take care of the dogs again. They felt like they could hear someone walking in the woods, but turning around never seen anyone nor did they see the guy at the park. My DD was at the neighbors house and thought she saw a car pull into her Grandmothers. She was waiting on my 5 yr DD to come home. She dashed across the yard into my Mom's and rounded the corner to the front of the house. There was no car there, as she turned to go back to the neighbor's a sound distracted her and there was THE GUY hiding in my mom's bushes!!!! He was squatted down looking at her. She was SCARED TO DEATH!!! She finally got her bearings and ran as fast as she could (which isn't fast b/c she's had a knee cap that pops out all the time) to the neighbor's. The guy took off across the yard and ran into another neighbor's yard. When we got home they ran to the house and both of them were shaking to death. She was so scared she wouldn't sleep Saturday night and last night I stayed up all night scared to death that he might try to break in the house. She wouldn't sleep in her room, been sleeping in the living room. I know all the cops around here and immediately found the one on duty and we told him about it and he looked all night long. I don't know if this is someone that has wondered on the Island and living in the woods or if this was someone that has moved around here recently. It's starting to take its toll on me. So my question is: How can I help her overcome this fear of him trying to get her. And the Nightmares? She's been having horrible nightmares. Any suggestions/help? I'm a single mom, my kids mean everything to me, and we have honestly NEVER had anything like this happen before on the Island. Any suggestions, ideas, anything would help so much. Thank you.

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Proud Single Mother to 18 year old Twins Ashley/Davey, 14 year old Shawna, 5 year old Emma, and my Boo Bear, "Angel Hope" (1996-1997) RIP Boo.

Oh my, how scary for you DD, and for you

Last year we had someone try to break into our house, I was in the laundry room, and hadn't flipped on the light yet because I thought I knew where the item was that I wanted, couldn't find, it flipped on the light, and accidently flipped on the back light to outiside to, and came face to face with a man in a ski mask.....Scared me sh*tless, before I could move my oldes DD and middle DS walked in a saw him too. After being stunned for a minute grabbed the phone to call 911 but the guy had taken off.....Took me weeks to sleep for any decent amount of time, and it was hard on the the kids, the best thing we did was talk about it, and go through what we should do if it would ever happen again. My oldest DD took a self defense class, which greatly helped her. For the first few days we all slept together in the living room, then the girls and boys grouped off together for a few nights then, each started to sleep in their own bed again......Encourage her to talk about it, make a plan of what do if it happens again, and maybe a self defense class? I hope she is doing better, it's hard to be scared. ((((HUGS))))

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

She needs to learn to be aware of the defenses she has, and how to use them. A woman who's threatened, especially if there are people within hearing distance can shout, throw herself on the ground, and generally make a commotion. When people are around, embarrassment is a powerful tool. I've been pursued by a man who left FAST when I shouted out that I was underage. She can also choose to go walking with friends, rather than alone, to be a good witness, and to pay attention to her surroundings. Recognizing bad situations before they happen, and staying out of them, is so important. You might also look into techniques like using house keys as a weapon, and where to attack someone, if it ever comes to that.

I guess I've learned it's better to have some idea how to fight back, than to pretend that all situations are safe. I'm sure I've avoided problems by not forcing myself to go somewhere that seemed creepy, or choosing to draw attention to myself. I've found comfort in learning some self defense techniques, and learning how to use weapons. I hope to never have to, and certainly, I couldn't at thirteen, but learning that I could do harm, that I wasn't destined to be a victim, really changed my attitude. I wish I'd realised that sooner. Keep her in groups with her friends for now, but let her learn more about how to keep herself safe as becomes appropriate to her age.

make certain all your neighbors are aware of what happened and be certain your daughter knows them all and that they agree she can run to their houses if she needs to.

See if you can host a neighborhood meeting and have a police officer come out and speak to the group about safety issues (trimming bushes, etc)

also, empower her by giving her self defense classes - it does wonders for feeling more secure.

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Bevogal

thank you for all the replies. The whole road is mostly family and friends so I have called everyone to let them know. Word will get around very quickly on this Island. I work at the local/only store and we are considered the "Gossip Center." She's knows some self defense moves, taught to her by her PE teacher a couple years ago. She said everything she's ever been told went right out of her head We've all talked about what do to with strangers, that conversation happen a few years ago also when some guy molested a child, killed her, and proceeded to come down to the Island to throw her body parts alongside the road. So all the kids are aware of the dangers, I was just hoping nothing would ever happen that they had to use those skills

I have been re-arranging her bedroom today, with this arrangement, there is a dresser that went in front of the window so hopefully that will make her feel safer. My dad came up and worked the window so that she would hear if someone was messing around, but it can still be used if there's a fire. Hopfully her friends at school will help her forget soon enough or at least become less aware.

Thanks again.

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Proud Single Mother to 18 year old Twins Ashley/Davey, 14 year old Shawna, 5 year old Emma, and my Boo Bear, "Angel Hope" (1996-1997) RIP Boo.

That is pretty scary Tammy-I hope this gets resolved soon. Would you like to borrow my Great Dane for a few days???? Seeing a big, giant dog would probably frighten him a bit!

get her a loud whistle to blow if she needs to call someone. Something like referees use in ball games, that is a distress call for boaters, when we got a boat one time that was one of the things we had to buy

thanks linnybop You know my mom has two BIG dogs that bark at anyone they don't know and they run loose in the yard. Navaho we have had since he was a pup, so he's about 16 now. He would of protected her with his life but he's been sick for the last week. I actually don't think he'll make it through the night. The other one, Roxy, is scared of her own shadow and I can see her running faster than Shawna during this. I think she's better today, and she even told me that she was going to sleep in her room tonight b/c she thought she was safe. So I"m glad I did do the room. Normally I don't mess with their rooms, let them rearrange them but she liked the layout so I'm not in the doghouse.

My nephew brought me a baseball bat earlier, so I'm thinking I'll pass on your Great Dane...lol. Wonder how hard my head will hurt in the morning if I sleep with it under my pillow tonight...lol Wish me luck tonight

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Proud Single Mother to 18 year old Twins Ashley/Davey, 14 year old Shawna, 5 year old Emma, and my Boo Bear, "Angel Hope" (1996-1997) RIP Boo.

In the self defense classes we take at work we are told to not yell HELP but instead FIRE cause lots of kids playing with each other will yell help and adults dont listen as closely to that as they do FIRE.
I work with clients in very very high crime areas and this is what they tell us to yell if we ever feel threatened.

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What a terrible experience for your daughter! What are the police doing to increase her security? Will they patrol the street often?

I remember being told years ago in a self-defense class to PRACTICE screaming as loud as I could. They said you can be frightened into speechlessness, and practicing letting loose a giant old scream helps keep it from getting stuck when you need it.

Another idea might be a window alarm for her bedroom.

I hope they catch this creep quickly so your little girl can feel safe again.