Im actually asking this question for a friend.
Her 6th grade son has another kid in his grade who has hit him twice and is spreading rumors that my daughters son is calling him racial slurs to other kids.
The problem is the school was at first asking her for evidence that the bullying is occuring.
After it happened twice someone finally saw it and reported him. So now the school is punishing him with the max they can in that instance. They wont tell her exactly what his punishment is, or set up an appt so she can meet with the other parents. What can she do

well, is the bullying still occurring?

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

No. But I think my friend thinks she should be able to talk to the other parents. Do you?
She is upset that the school would ask for proof her son was being punched.

No, I don't necessarily think that she should be able to talk to the other parents. What would be her purpose in doing that? What would she hope to accomplish?

The school can't just punish kids with just accusations(ok they sometimes do--but a good school won't). They have to have proof that wrongdoing occurred. I understand that she is upset and wants to do something--but I think she may want to take some deep breathes and look at this situation objectively....

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Unfortunately in this day and age the schools will not in any way encourage communication between parents in an instance like this. I'm sure it's a liability problem, since parents can be looney tunes about these things and end up doing more harm than good for the kids.

I completely understand her frustration, but please let her know this policy of not sharing information is pretty universal. I've seen it in play many times, and it does not seem to matter the severity of the incident being discussed. They will only 'assure' you that they are aware of the problem, the other parents have been informed, and punishment has been dispensed. (Though I bet the word punishment is a problem too! Should call it something more PC, perhaps 'guidance towards more appropriate self-esteem building demonstrations of character'.)

If she really wants to have a discussion with the other parents, she should be able to track down a phone number if she knows this kid's name. I would caution, though that she may be disappointed to find the other parents are uninterested, or see this issue in a completely different way.

Hope it resolves!

It's none of the parents business about what the punishment was. I see no need for the two sets of parents to meet. It's just not the way school business is handled. As another poster stated, there would most likely be no satisfaction in meeting with the other parent as they are probably disinterested.
Since the bullying has stopped for right now, move on.

Thanks everyone for the advice- I think she is just feeling the school let her down because they didnt help her son initially.


I think in talking to the parents she wants to make sure they are aware of the problem since the school keeps saying they havent talked to the parents yet. And probably try to find out why. I think its normal to want to figure out why your child was selected.. I can see why she cant let it go so easily.

Who knows. I havent tallked to her yet today. Im not sure how I would handle it if my kids were being bullied. I feel for her.

I do agree, it should just be settled with the school system. There are too many parents ready to fistfight kids/other parents over problems just like this! (and worse)

I think at that age its almost worse to draw attention to bullies-

Anyways, thanks again for all of your feedback.

My kids are in second grade and preschool, I havent had to deal with these issues yet thankfully! (and hopefully never will)

I feel for your friend. We dealt with bullying issues last year, and had hard time getting the school to do anything at first.

I do not think parents should meet other parents. Unfortunately in this day and age you don't know what to expect. I do not see much good coming from a meeting. Most schools do not divulge parent information, not should they (IMO)

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

My son's school just sent out a flyer, it is for the BULLY HOTLINE. Apparently a few years ago they also required PROOF that a kid is being bullied, nothing was done after several meetings with the principal and the accused bully ended up hurting another child. Not even the child who had reported the bullying. When this happened they came up with a hotline that you can email and your name is left off of it. You have to complete a report of where, when and what happened. Everything is done low key, they have monitors who DO NO STALK, but keep an eye on the kid to justify the tip. If the child has infact been bullying kids, his/her parents are called in and discipline is discussed.

When my son started at this school, we signed an agreement stating that if he bullied anyone then there were punishment levels. each harsher than the next. On your third attempt you were expelled from school. If the child has been determined to be a BUS BULLY, this is in fact putting more than one person's life in danger because of the distraction it causes the driver, the child can no longer ride the bus.

We just moved into this School district and I know that last we were in had completely differant rules. Good Luck with this situation, and maybe your friend should attend a PTA meeting, and they should come up with a program that will discourage this.

Wow, my first post... way to winded... I need to go to happier threads! Again GOOD LUCK and Happy Holidays!

You know, in the old days one could be pretty sure that everyone in town would have the same attitude toward problems. Well, it is 2007 and life has changed. My brother has been the school board President for the past 6 years. Let me tell you, it is the rare bear who wants to accept responsibility for their kid's actions. I will give you a for instance.

A boy and girl "broke up" at school. The boy, in his frustration decided to scream and kick a metal garbage can down the school hall (after hours) narrowly missing a teacher and taking chunks of plaster out of the walls. The teacher tried to calm him down but he just continued to rant. He then went outside, got in his car ,and did wheelies all over the school's front lawn. Unfortunately, it was a wet year and he did MAJOR damage. The punishment? He was expelled, he could not go within 50 feet of school property, and he would have to go to alternative school for his senior year. The parents went NUTS. If they called my brother once they called him a dozen times. You don't understand...he didn't mean it,...they showed up at the school board meetings with the minister,... they peitioned the state senator, ...they sent out a letter to all the other parents in the school,....they did everything except offer to pay for the damage and apologize to the school board.
Anyway, my point is- your friend might want to talk to the other parents but what would she do if one of the parents starting harrassing her and her kid, or screamed at her, or slashed her tires? Life just isn't simple any more. The school is trying to protect her and her child. No, it is not satisfying and no it is not "fair" but she needs to worrying about her own kid and how to protect her kid in the future. If she can not protect her kid in that school system then she has to spend her time looking for alternatives. Life is not always fair.

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Lyn Clarke