And it all blew up in my face....

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GO TONY!!!!!!!!!!! # 20!!!

I'm so sorry that it didn't go well.....Hang in there!

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

I am. SHe continues to deny that she has a problem and was REAL QUICK to throw up the fact that I smoke in my face. BUT LIKE I EXPLAINED TO HER my smoking is not putting other people on the road at risk, and since I do not walk around complaining about all my ailments from smoking....
Should be intereting since I am supposed to watch her daughter tomorrow so she can go to a party... Wonder if she will call...

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GO TONY!!!!!!!!!!! # 20!!!

I'm sorry--but anyone of us who have dealt with alcoholics could have told you that 99% that's what would have happened.

Until SHE hits rock bottom and decides she has a problem--then you will not be able to make her confront the issue or make her admit she has a problem.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Also... you might not be the first one that has confronted her.

So sad but sometimes tough love at least plants the seed.

The drinking and driving is a huge concern... when other peoples' lives are put at risk by a person's actions, I believe that they need to be kindly and lovingly called on it but, naturally, expect the friendship to *change*. Sadly...

Hang in there...maybe someday she will realize that you are bing a true friend and that you care about her.

so sorry to hear about this.. maybe one day the truth will set her free from her addiction.

I think you did a good thing even if it did blow up. She does have to be ready to make a change herself, no one can do it for her, but you can do your part to not enable her by not making excuses on her behalf, not having alcohol in your home when she visits, not helping her get to parties, etc (not saying you're doing these things, just giving examples).

Hope it all works out....for those of us who've been around it, it can indeed be a long, hard road that begins with getting through the denial phase...

cj/


ETA: you may want to check out Co-dependents Anonymous (CoDA)

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Remember: No good deed goes unpunished!

... but it's a good thing you tried!

I'm sorry she was angry, but you still did the right thing. No alcoholic/addict likes a mirror in their face, but it does not mean people who care about them should stand by and pretend. Not having her drink in your home, not accompanying her when she is drinking, and being honest about what you are seeing may not make you her favorite person, but it just may move her closer to realizing she needs help.

I'll keep good thoughts for her, and hope she gets some help before she does things she cannot undo.

Iam so sorry to hear this but yes its true thats how they all act I come from a huge family of alcholics & I have tried to help them before only to have it blow up in my face so I gave up on that idea when I was pretty young. Its a real disease & the people who have it dont think its a problem usually. ITs a sad reality that kills & destroys people families friendships & all of that.

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mom of 3 greats girls

You confronted her, it blew up and if it were me I'd distance myself from her and find a new friend.

Luv2save... I told ehr today that is what I intended to do. I am watching her DD tonight because my DD loves to play with her.. HOWEVER I did tell her NO MORE after this!

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GO TONY!!!!!!!!!!! # 20!!!

at least you tried. at some point in time, when she finally hits rock botton (cause that's what it will take) she will realize that you were being a real friend.

don't feel bad. it's better to have tried than to have never tried and regret it.

time will tell. i know first hand that once they hit bottom, they have no where left to go but up. but more than that, it must be her own decision. thats the only way treatment will work.

i will pray for her.
i commend you for trying.

Why punish the girls for her bad behavior? If you do not want her to come to your house and pick her daughter up after she has been drinking, then make a rule that the daughter has to stay the night. But, if the kids enjoy playing together then I would re-think your position. Besides, you do not know what the little girl goes through when her mother is drinking.

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Lyn Clarke

because watching her daughter so she can go out drinking is enabling her to continue her behavior. Julie isn't punishing the girls, the alcoholic mother is by choosing alcohol.

Missy
ACOA (adult child of alcoholic)

You've done all you can do for now. The rest is up to her. I believe that you will be rewarded, even though that's not what you're looking for..

I am on the fence about this one. My daughter has a friend that got hooked on drugs (long story), now the grandmother has custody of the little boy, now she has custody, she has started drinking alot, who are we to judge, She didn't ask for this to happen, she had her daughter raised, now she's having to raise her grandbaby and obviously has her hands full. She's not college educated, makes no money, who are we to judge her> Isn't her life hard enough? When we offer to keep him, it is overnite. If someone is going to drink, they will do it regardless, so baby might as well be here. Plus, you have to remember, if they are a single parent, they NEVER get a break, so why not volunteer to give them one?

Alcoholics will choose alcohol regardless of whether their children are with them or not. Don't ya'll remember the 911 call from the little boy while his mom was driving drunk? I haven't been following the OPs story, but this child may have experienced the same thing. If not, she's probably experienced her mom being intoxicated at home. If the OP can show this child a stable environment, then that would certainly be beneficial to the child since she is probably not seeing one at home. I would second the idea of planning to have her spend the night, though.

I totally disagree with you.

If a grandmother takes on the responsibility of raising her own grandson because her daughter is a drug addict, that grandmother does NOT have the right to "start drinking a lot" What kind of a grandmother takes her grandson out of the frying pan into the fire???

Geez, the poor kid would probably be better off in foster care if the grandmother is just as bad as the mother

As the child of falling-down drunken alcoholic parents, I feel that I can speak for that poor little boy: he deserves better.

I agree that she has to hit rock bottom to stop. My MIL didn't stop drinking through her pregnancies, 3 bouts of cancer or her heart attack. It took liver cancer to stop her, cold turkey.

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I've never lied to you. I've always told you some version the of truth.