Im not sure where to post this..........but, my heart is breaking. DH is in the reserve Nat'l Guard. He's been told Jan 6 he'll be headed off to Kuwait for 1 year. We have a 6yr old & 8yr old. We haven't told them. I was/am in complete shock. His unit was prepared to go, but they initially said he wouldnt go because he was in officer school. NOW he's going too. I just wasn't expecting it. Guess I had my head in the sand (no pun intended). I was definitely living in denial. I realize him being in the guard is the "right" thing to do. I've just never been a big fan of my husband doing this, especially since we have kids now. I am soooooooooooooo scared. I hate being away from him for a year and I am worried sick about him getting hurt & never coming home. Any advice from those who have been through this?? Any suggestions on telling the kids? I cry everytime I think about it. This sucks. My best friends husband did the military thing. He's since died in a motorcycle accident. She loved military life. Though, she lived on a base. She was military all the time. She knew going in her husband would be gone most of the time. I did not choose this. I am sad, angry, frustrated and heartbroken. Im trying to "suck it up".......but its hard.
Thanks for listening. Please let me know if youve "been there, done that."

My first husband was in 'Nam. in the laste 60's. It was hard, but just suck up and try to have the faith to know you will be able to do this. I was scared crazy, but lots of others were also. Unfortunately this is part of our world. Now there are lots of suport groups. Get involved and know that your man is doing his part for our freedom, and know all of us are so grateful that men and women are willing to give their time and put their lives in danger for us.
Hang in there and get involved that will help you past the time while he is away.

My Dh is currently in Iraq. If you need anything at all please PM me. It is hard, especially if it was unexpected.

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O-H-I-O

I'm so sorry your family is going through this--and that so many families are going through it.

No advice, just prayers for your husband's safety, and for strength for you and your children.

My DH just retired 5 months ago after being in the Army for 24 yrs so we have lived through quite a few deployments, especially in the last 5 years. My first advice is don't tell the kids until you stop crying! If you are a mess about DH going, your kids will be a bigger mess. Kids have a hard enough time with dads leaving, but your fears will just compound it. Second, go ahead and miss him, 1 yr is a lot of time....but on the other hand don't miss him so much you don't have a life for that year. I am sure your DH doesn't want to not live while he is gone. Once you find a routine time will go faster....I always thought the first and last month are the hardest. First month you are missing him, and the last month doesn't go by fast enough to see him.

I am sorry for your family, I'll keep your family in my prayers. Have a memorable holiday!

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We're not here to start no trouble.
We're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

I have no advice either, I will keep your DH and your family in my prayers.

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Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

my thoughts and prayers will be with you all.

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I too have been through the same thing. Its not easy and theres not much you can do. But you will make it through. he kids will be fine jus make sure you have yourself together when you tell them. Its ok for them to see you upset but not out of control. We told them straight out what was going on and that daddy didnt want to go but he had a job to do, and that it was ok to be sad and miss him. My dh was in iraq/kuwait twice a year each ime, and both times I thought i wouldnt make it through but i did and am stronger for it. Faith, family and friends will get you through a whole lot. Find a military wifes boards or e-mail me and i will direct you to one. Also try to find some others in your area that are good supporters not just people to sit around and cry with. Good Luck and be proud of what he's doing!

I agree with the above posters. Stay strong and both you and hubby need to sit down with the kids and be honest with them...when you aren't crying.

One thing that I haven't seen posted yet and not sure how to word it so that it comes out nice...try not to "freak" out. Your hubby wants to do his job, and at the same time does not want to be away from his wife and kids. The more he sees you upset, the harder it is for him to go and do his job. I am not saying that you need to be happy that he is leaving...just try to be supportive of him. It will be a lot easier on him.

That's just my opinion tho...you need to do what is right for you and your family...

((((hugs))))

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This is great advice.......!

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

Just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this. I can totally understand your worries, fears and the fact that you will miss your husband.

Great advice already given.
Sending good thoughts your way.

PS Hope you will find support . Polve and mabear74 are two posters here that strike me as great ladies to talk with concerning your feelings.

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Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

I've never had a family member who had to go to overseas so I cannot really imagine your pain,
but you have been given great advice by those who have.
Put your faith in God and be so proud of your husband for doing his part in protecting our country.
Maybe you and your kids can do research on the geography of Kuwait to see where daddy is at.
They can write him and draw pictures for him to make sure he gets lots of love by mail.
You will have to be strong and supportive for his sake and for your kids and that will help you too.
I am praying that the time will pass by quickly for you and that you will stay strong.

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I have been through a bajillion deployments. The best advice I can give is for you to act capable and strong even if you do not feel that . When he calls, etc, DO NOT cry and complain, etc. That just makes him worry and takes his head out of the game. It can get him killed if he is not focused. Plus, you hang up the phone and feel better in an hour, he might not talk to you again for a month and that whole time he is worried about home and how you are handling it. Make a list of stuff to talk about, funny stories about the kids, etc. Let him know you love and miss him but you all are fine and doing well and are waiting with open arms to welcome him home. This will give him such peace to be able to focus on his job and know he has you back home taking care of things.
PM if you have any questions.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

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I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say thank you to your family for your sacrifice. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Ditto that. Thank you!

Trying to look on the bright side here, but if he isn't deployed running convoys into Iraq or something similar, I believe that locations in Kuwait are safer (relatively speaking) and more comfortable (relatively speaking) than some of the alternatives in the region. Perhaps that can be of some comfort...

This is a big group of helpers, let us know how we can....

cj/

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I want to thank you all. I am actually starting to accept this. It is scary. Your prayers & thoughts mean sooo much. I may be contacting some of you once he leaves. Is there anything you can think of I need him to do before deployment. He did the POA papers, etc. Should I open a certain type of checking acct./with debt card just for him overseas? Like USAA? Im sure there are things Im not thinking of.
I think he's going to wait 'til after Christmas to tell the kids. That will give them 11 or 12 days to say "good-bye". Thanks again!

Hi There!
Delurking because 17 months ago I was in almost the same exact situation. My DH is also with the National Guard. He left for Kuwait in July 2006. He returned home 3 weeks ago. When I married DH, he was in the National Guard and I was told over and over again that his job was to defend the homeland. At home. That is what I signed up for. Not for 15 month deployments. But I did everything I could to support my DH and make the deployment as easy as possible for him.

I can tell you that you will get through this. It is ok to cry. It is ok to feel sad and scared. It will be o.k. I learned many things while DH was deployed. The first and most important one was to lean on my friends and family. I couldn't have done it without them.
The second is that I rarely complained to DH about stuff happening at home (and at times there was a lot) while he was gone. He was under enough stress. I tried to keep every short conversation light and happy. I knew that he was worried about us but I didn't want to cause him any more worry then necessary.
Finally, the day that he leaves. I was a wreck that day. I serious wreck. I needed time by myself to feel sad and scared. Have your friends and family, anyone help you.

I sent lots of fun care packages and emails. If you ever need any ideas let me know. If you need someone to vent to, cry to, scream at, let me know.

The POA is important to have. We didn't open up any other account or anything. Just make sure you have all important paperwork together. POA, health insurance, car insurance, Bank info, bills. Being organized now will help later on.

You are in my thought and prayers.

Nothing to add I think everyone who has been there has given you great advice. and you will have a great group of people here to support you through this. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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Regarding the financials, you need to be in control of the checkbook and he needs to have a separate account. He can't be withdrawing money from the household account or you will run into problems. Opening him a checking with USAA is a good idea because he can be reimbursed up to 6 or so ATM withdraws a month. Or find out what bank ATMs are where he is going to be, Navy Federal Credit Union or whoever. Then decide on an amount you will put into his account each payday. That way you can maintain the family budget and pay bills. If you are both taking money out of the same account you will run the risk of overdrawing. You can set up the USAA account so you can transfer from your regular bank account.

Plan something for the day he leaves. If he is leaving early in the morning maybe a day at a local theme park or something. Arrange to have a potluck with a neighbor or friend that evening.

There is tons of info online about ways to help kids with deployments. One is to videotape their dad reading them a book. Then at night put one in before bed and let them watch and/or follow along as their dad reads to them. You could do this with a bunch of different books. Hershey Kisses in a jar, one for each day he will be gone, eat one every night before bed. Make deployment countdown packages. Just wrap some little toys/books/games and have dad write a letter for each month he will be gone. Give the package to your kids at the end of each month.

What I used to do to help me was have a few things I looked forward to every week. Nice pleasant things which were peaceful and cozy for me. For example, Sunday night I would go to bed with a cup of tea and the crossword puzzle from the paper. Another night I would always get take out and eat it sitting on the couch watching my favorite tv show. Maybe you can afford to hire a cleaning service while he is gone so one night a week you get to come home to a clean house, that is such a nice feeling. Start to read the Janet Evanovich series about Stephanie Plum. You can save the reading for bedtime each night so you can do that until you get drowsy and then turn out the light. During one deployment I started going to the beach with my dog every Saturday morning and walking, I lost a ton of weight! During my last deployment DH left when I was seven weeks pregnant and came home 10 hours before my daughter was born. So I treated myself to prenatal massages. I guess my point is to actively plan nice things throughout your week that you can look forward to.

Start planning HOMECOMING!!! I start planning mine right away. What signs will I make, what will they say. I usually make my signs using twin flat sheets so they are big. Where will I hang them from. I plan my yard and car decorations.

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Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!!

All the cool babies are wearing cloth!

Oh my GOSH, Mommytolu, I can't even iminagine what you're going through. I've never been there or done that. All I can really say is I APPRECIATE YOUR HUSBAND SO MUCH for supporting our country. Take comfort in all the thoughts that I believe most people have, and lean on those (especially here) that can help you with the day-to-day things you have to deal with. Take care, and take care of the little ones!!

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Linda

Kuwait is much safer than Iraq.My DS was deployed to Kuwait for a year.
One of the wives from DS's battallion started a family support group,and the people that joined that group(about 20 of us)became good friends.We have had a few deployment,and post deployment baby showers,and we still try to get toghether once a month.
Also join the FRG,if there is one started.We were involved in both groups,often running things together,funded by both groups.These two groups are what helped me through the deployment,without always being nervous,and down.

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Thank you again. You will never know how much the support Ive gotten here helps. Information is power......hearing Kuwait is safer does make it a little easier. However, there is always that chance he'll be sent into Iraq. I tend to worry a lot about the unknown... and its all the little things around the house & the kids too. The things he normally does or "rescues" me from doing. The "safety" he provides, emotional & physical. I do appreciate all your advice and especially the prayers. I just want him to be safe and the dread of telling our children is still there. Our little girl is going to be crushed. It breaks my heart to think about it. uggh.
As for the FRG, we live over 2hours away from his unit. I don't normally drive that far. Im not a very good driver (according to those who know me best.) and I get lost easily. So I haven't gotten involved in it. I am going to check into military websites for forums with others in the same position.
Please continue posting advice & tips. Things to send him, things not to send him, stories you've heard from your deployed family. I want to hear it all! Like I said knowlege is power. I want to know everything I can about what is happening & will happen.
Thank you again so very much!

What is your DH's specialty?
You can always start your own forum.If you go throught the military site,you are required to do what they say you can.A private forum,you don't have to have them approve everything.You can show pics of them.the military however,won't let you post any pictures of the soldiers that show names.
Our forum was started just by word of mouth before deployment.You do need to be careful who you let in,and olny let members post.Our fourm also has a wives and girl friends hidden forum,to discuss things that only wives and girlfriends would experience.
No matter what you do,always remember OPSEC,it keeps our soldiers safe.

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People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life. - Faith Resnick