I was speaking to a wonderful woman that runs the local shelter and she said that battered women and children get the press but that there is a huge problem with men being battered.

She indicated that she felt that it needed be brought out... our society has tended toward keeping this a secret.

'Society' isn't keeping it a secret, the men are. There's nothing stopping them from pressing charges except their pride. The 'wonderful woman that runs the local shelter' must want funding. Lots of luck but it's ridiculous to claim that there's 'a huge problem with men being battered'. Percentage wise, women battering men is a very small problem and you can't help someone who won't even admit they have a problem.

This was honestly not the first time that I had heard about it. Several people (men included) in the counseling field had told me about this in the past and they were not looking for funding...

Just curious (and because I'm too lazy to do a search right now!), are there statistics somewhere that you can link to in support of your comment on it being a "very small" problem?

Not wanting an argument just wanting to bring this to light because many of us (me included) do not realize what goes on behind closed doors.

Women beat up men. Same-sex couples beat up each other. It's not something where men are always the aggressors, and women always the victims. I've known of enough emergency calls where claimed violent husbands were involved in mutual combat, or even self defense, but it's common to assume the police won't care. I know more of an effort's now being made to get both sides of the story, and place the charges appropriately.

Physically, men are in a better position to fight back than women, but may have been taught not to do so, or may fear being charged with battery. It's probably safer and easier to leave a violent woman than a violent man, but the men who stay really aren't in a good position.

There aren't any reliable statistics on battered husbands. The battered women's shelters keep some but as I said, they're seeking funding so you can't rely on those. The police keep some but their's are also unreliable, as some departments don't want their violent crime ratio raised. Most of all, there aren't any reliable statistics anywhere because most battered men are too embarrassed to tell.

All that aside, my comment was in response to your's that your friend claims that there's 'a huge problem with men being battered'. Percentage wise, there isn't. First of all, the term 'battered' implies that it's an ongoing problem. There are women out there that physically attack men. However, to be considered 'battered', the man also has to be losing these fights or at least, have blows repeatedly rained down upon them and only a small ratio of men are physically weaker than the woman they chose as a partner. There are men who refuse to fight back and allow women to hurt them because of the way they were raised or because they're afraid of being arrested. There's others who allow it because they're afraid of losing custody of their children. It's a pretty small percentage though, because most men will just leave or file assault charges.

Battered men definitely exist (I knew one) but percentage wise, the problem is very small. It does happen but it's not a 'huge problem. It's not a problem that anyone can do anything about either if these men refuse to file charges.

Here's some figures and sites I found about Battered men , it does exist and if 835,000 men are battered as one site said I would consider it a huge problem. There are other sites that show there isnt any problem at all so its like it is woth battered woman many are afraid to admit it happens and stay to safe face.

MenWeb-Domestic violence. 835,000 battered men each year, silent too Long...

Battered Men? Battered Facts

Male Depression - Battered Men

Help for Battered Men

There are more, but it all shows there is a problem that they keep hidden

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I didn't see anything that convinced me that the woman with whom Cuthie spoke was seeking funding.

Even if she was, so what? Is there something untoward about that?

I assume she works at her job because she cares, not because of the high pay.

I assume that she probably not only has to run the place, but has to help find the money to keep the doors open. She may even be a director who is entirely in charge of both ensuring enough money comes in AND running the day to day operations.

It's a very rare thing to see someone who works at the hands-on level of a non-profit of this type to be making the big bucks.

If she's seeking funding, it's because at the ground level, she sees an unanswered need and feels compelled to respond to it. It's probably not so she can to go Maui.

Or, it may simply be that she was lamenting the lack of resources available to address a problem she encounters on a somewhat regular basis.... both in terms of money, personnel, and facilities.

That doesn't mean she has the time or inclination to do something about it - just that she recognizes it is a problem that exists.

Personally, I cannot imagine that it is a huge problem. I imagine that it is huge for those to whom it happens, but I cannot imagine that it is as widespread as it is with women who are battered. I would assume that a woman would be more likely to resort to being rude, demeaning, and uncaring *verbally* before she'd do so physically. And we can call that verbal abuse, I guess, but that takes two - one to be naggy, rude, and demeaning, and the other to - in an equally dysfunctional way - absorb those comments like a sponge, rather than having a backbone and not letting the insults define him.

All speculation on my part, of course. I'm sure there are some men who are beaten by their wives, but that reverse is more much common.

I imagine some of the men are elderly and/or disabled men who are beaten by their caregivers. I think it is unwise and unkind to jump to the conclusion that battered men can speak for themselves and defend themselves. I have no idea whether it is a huge problem or not. I don't have the data. Besides, what's the definition of huge? Maybe what the woman running the shelter thinks is huge, you don't. So what? Why the rancor against this woman who is running a shelter?

Vocab word of the day: RANCOR

Main Entry: ran·cor
Pronunciation: ˈraŋ-kər, -ˌkȯr
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English rancour, from Anglo-French rancur, from Late Latin rancor rancidity, rancor, from Latin rancēre
Date: 14th century
: bitter deep-seated ill will