After 6 weeks in the ICU, the doctors decided that my dad wasn't going to make it after all (so many ups and downs - there were two very distinct times that the doctors believed he would make a full recovery).

It was a very agonizing day last week that all of my dad's children and my mom went in to be w/my dad as he passed. I'm never going to get over it - the last several weeks did little to prepare me, since much of the time we had so much HOPE.

Thanks to so many of you who kept us in your thoughts and/or prayers. I know that these got us through the last several weeks. I don't know how else I would have survived them.

Kelliiii, I want to mention something to you that I hope brings you comfort. Somehow, your dad, and his loved ones, and even you -- received some amazing unexpected gifts at your wedding. Because of your wedding, your dad had the chance to make great final memories and connections with so many loved ones. And he was there for your big day!!

When you're feeling alone in your new surroundings after all that suddenly happened, please try to take comfort in what was so RIGHT about your timing.

Our family spent two of the three days all together - before my dad got suddenly sick. We believe that those days, which were fun, joyful occasions were gifts, too. It's sometimes amazing how things work out. I'm absolutely devastated, but I feel blessed at the very same time.

Has anyone ever lost someone over the holidays who can tell me how they coped? I want it to be special for my children, and I want to be able to overcome my sorrow somewhat. It's more likely that I can pull it off for my kids than for myself, I can see that already.

My sympathy is with you.

I also just lost my Dad, at the end of October.

All I can say is that there are going to be good days and bad ones.

But for me, each day it does get easier to deal with.

I'm so very sorry you're going through this now. I lost my dad a decade ago at roughly the same time of year, and roughly the same way - four weeks in ICU shortly after having been diagnosed with an incurable disease and had been told he'd probably live about seven years (unless he got a transplant). During that four weeks, there were two times when he also seemed to be on the road to recovery... and then his lungs would collapse and things would get bleak again. It's an awful rollercoaster.

There really isn't a way to make the cloud over your head and heart go away any sooner in my experience. You'll go through the motions with your kids, and hopefully they will be none the wiser about the heaviness you feel. When I look back over my own childhood and think about the fact that I lost a grandparent or two - which means my own parents lost parents when I was a child - it's surprising to me that I don't remember them grieving. I am sure they did - how could they not? And yet, there is no memory of "The Awful Christmas" when my dad couldn't function, etc.

Somehow, I guess if parents put on a happy face, even if what's behind it isn't happy at all, the children don't question it's authenticity and enjoy the spirit of the holidays. When I look back at photos of my own children right after my dad's death (at Christmas) they look happy... and *we* look happy (even my mom) even though we were all in shambles. When my kids see those pictures, they just say things like, "Oh, I remember that shirt! That's the year Grandma gave me..." I see those pictures and feel like I got kicked in the stomach because to me they represent such an empty time and I know the smiles are plastered on and not real at all. And yet... the kids haven't a clue at all, and probably never will.

It may take you a very long time to feel comfortable in your "new normal." You'll probably never embrace it, but you will come to accept it and find a strange sense of peace you never knew you were missing. Every morning when you wake up, you'll lay there with a heavy heart not wanting to open your eyes... but then one day, you'll wake up with the thought of something you must do that day as the primary thing on your mind, and it won't hit you until later in the day that you've reached a stage of peaceful acceptance and not frantic disbelief.

It's a painful journey and not one that can be rushed, but you'll come out of it a stronger person if you allow yourself to work through the stages at the right place. It's like nothing you can really describe. I'm so, so very sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry!!

My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on Christmas Eve day in 2001 and died January 14th of 2002. The holidays have never been the same for me. My aunt (his sister) sent me a bunch of very old Christmas ornaments a year ago and there was a tattered trumpet that had chew marks all over it. I mean, it was a wreck. She told me it was his favorite growing up so this ornament will always be on my tree. I miss him so bad it actually hurts. I thought time was supposed to ease the pain but for me, it hasn't. The only thing that has been easier is we can all talk about him and smile (instead of cry).

Bless you sweetie! I totally know what you are going thru. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

((((((HUGS))))) So sorry to hear about your dad!

keep on with the activies you would usually do.
my father passed on new years day.

googd luck and happy holidays...

I understand your sorrow and pain..I lost my second to oldest sister 6 years ago on Easter Sunday morning...She had two dd that were very close to there mom...We had so much fun together in the last few months of her life here on earth .When I look at both of her dd ,They remind me so much of there mom....we still have a piece of her,each time I look at her dd.

A few months ago I lose my Grandmother and Second to the oldest brother in the same week My mom lose a mother and a son.. it will take sometime..Don't rush it, and crying really help sometime ,I will keep you in my prayer..Because I do understand what you're going through when you lose a love one,that you love so much.
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Oh, devinmom...I am so sorry to hear that your father has passed. {{{HUGS}}}} I know that you will take comfort that he has gone on to a better place. Having been in a similar place (Dad died 12/8/83), yes, the holidays are very tough, but also a demonstration that life goes on for the family and that there is still joy to be found. I know that you will be strong for your children, and in doing so, will get yourself through. Take time to cry or be angry or whatever emotion needs to be let out......again, I'm sorry for your loss.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I'm so very sorry for your loss. As wowitsdark stated so perfectly, the heaviness will pass when it's the right time. This is my first Christmas without my dad so I don't know what it will be like when my whole family is together without him. I know we'll have a great time being together but there will be a great sadness as well. The raw pain and sadness you feel are a testament to your love for him. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Cecilia

"We must love them both--those whose opinions we share and those whose opinions we reject. For both have labored in the search for truth, and both have helped us in the finding of it."
Saint Thomas Aquinas

devinmom,
I'm so sorry!

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l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

I'm so sorry.

So sorry for your loss.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad close to a holiday as well-he died the day after Father's Day when I was 9.

Lots of love, hugs and prayers to you and your family.

So sorry for your loss, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

I lost Mom 5 years ago, my son was born in Nov a couple weeks later mom passed then couple weeks after that was Christmas. I still think about Mom alot but not just at Christmas.

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My other favorites
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Sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss (((HUGS)))

Will we be keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

Wayne Woodrow “Woody” Hayes

O-H-I-O

I'm so sorry for your loss.

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"Why must you speak, when you have nothing to say." Horatio Hornblower

I am also sorry for your loss, I lost my Mom on Dec. 21st - it will be 2 years this year. I still have a very hard time with it. She was a wonderful person.

I also lost my 22 year old brother almost 20 years ago on Christmas Day. He had been hit by a drunk driver we were told, but never proved to this day. He had been hit by the car 9 months before and in a coma until than. I remember his funeral a few days after Christmas and the cars going from the funeral home to the cemetery and all those Christmas lights - it made me angry but I understood now.

Dianne

I'm so sorry

I am so sorry for your loss....10 years ago, the day before THanksgiving I lost my sister...the pain was unbearable...and Thanksgivings are still hard at times....some years worse than others....I remember people telling me that it would take time...I didnt want to hear that....but it does take time...YOu never get over it or forget it...but time does ease the pain......By God's grace I can get through Thanksgiving and even laugh and have fun and be thankful for my family...but theres not a day or a holiday that my sister doesnt enter my mind....The pain has eased and it will for you....I will pray for you...Sherri

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"It isn't that liberals are ignorant, it's just that they know so much that isn't so."
- Ronald Reagan

I am so sorry -- had been missing you and wondered how things have been going. My thoughts remain with you and your family.

I also know how you feel. I just lost my Mom in Sept. and miss her dearly. My prayers are with you and your family. I am just going through the days with a smile on my face and pain in my heart. Someday it will be better but we all need that time to grieve. Just take your time.

I'm so sorry.. I lost my dad 4 years ago thanksgiving.. I miss him every year at this time the most.. your family will be in my thoughts..

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