My sister Jackie is recently engaged to a man with a 6 year old son (Jacob) with autism. They have been together for almost a year. Jacob lives with his Mom and they see him every other weekend (she lives far away). Jackie has been trying to communicate with Jacob for some time and he doesn't talk to her or any other adults besides his Dad. Are there any websites that she could go to or does anyone have any tips, to help her with communicating and reaching out to Jacob? I know Jackie will make an excellent Mom, as she is great with my 3 kids and my brother's 6 kids.

Thank you!

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Jami
*Mommy to three beautiful children and a Pug. Lovehammers Fan!*

Having problems being social is a big part of autism. You didn't mention if he was high functioning so I'll go with what I've lived with personally. I would suggest to your sister to not get frustrated with Jacob. Interactive play is not what the autistic child does. Have your sister play parallel with Jacob....not with him but beside him. The autistic child likes repetition so stacking objects, playing with cars in a line....things like that would be ideal. I wouldn't play anything that is loud or noisy as some are very sensitive to noise. You can visit childbrain.com as a resource. I wouldn't expect that Jacob would have good eye contact so if he doesn't look at her, she shouldn't feel rejected. Just tell her to relax and enjoy him. Just because he doesn't talk with her doesn't mean that he doesn't like having her there. My son really wasn't verbal with anyone but myself and my mother until past age 7. He's now 15 and he's truly amazing! He's my hero! Tell your sister, good luck!

Sandy <--- mom to three great boys!

Autism Speaks, Home Page
It's going to take a very long time for Jacob to get used to your sister.....but it will happen. Just not as quickly as you would all hope. What if your sister just wrote him notes that he could write back? Then they would have something to talk about later. Like I really liked the note you wrote me. Thank you. I would try something less social first and move from there. Hope this helps.

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cmemaloy@yahoo.com


I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

Thank you so much guys for your help! I will relay your tips to her!

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Jami
*Mommy to three beautiful children and a Pug. Lovehammers Fan!*

Unfortunately, she will not be able to force him to be social (that might or might not come in its own time) but she can help him learn to communicate.

My favorite thing to do with that age group because they love it so much is sign language. You always say the word along with the sign (ie more, drink, eat, play, go, stop) and it really can help the child learn to communicate in a different way since verbalizing can be so difficult...

She doesn't even have to tell him that she is doing sign language... If she does a particular sign every time that she says a particular word, eventually, he might start watching and learning the signs. Part of an autistic child's frustration is inability to communicate and so teaching him this alternative can open up a whole new world!

I taught the infant that I babysat daily for a year some simple sign language and she rarely threw tantrums as she went into the difficult 18 month - 2 year old age range. As far as my own son who is in the autism spectrum, using sign language almost completely eliminated tantrums and helped us gain eye contact and communication with him. We started sign language with him when he was about 5 (after his Speech pathologist suggested it) using those signs that communicated his most frustrating feelings and going from there...

There are some good sign language websites. This one is good for simple one word phrases: Born2Sign - Infant Sign Language

Just throwing this out since no one has mentioned.

May I suggest Early Intervention programs and Parenting program? There is a HUGE range of autistic behaviors but it looks like early intervention may be the key. All the parents in this multi-family group need to be on the same page.

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Lyn Clarke

That really is an excellent tip, Lyn. Combining families can be crazy enough.