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12-29-2007, 07:54 AM
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| Babysitting dilemma, WWYD?
DH's niece (his sister's daughter) is babysitting our kids a few days over Christmas break as we both have to work. She is a junior in high school and 16 1/2. This is the first time she's ever babysat for us before. Now granted she is here for 9 hours a day, until I get home. She is giving the kids breakfast and lunch. (nothing extreme: pop-tarts for breakfast and PB&J for lunch.) However, my kids (12 and 7 yr old twins) told me last night she is on the phone ALOT during the day (her cell) and by checking the history on the PC, I can see she is on Facebook and Myspace ALOT during the day as well. Then the twins told me also that she is mostly playing Guitar Hero w/ my 12 yr old and only once in a while will do something with the twins.  How should this be handled? Should I say something and if so, to who? It's already a touchy situation since DH feels I'm not giving her enough $$ ($40 per day, which is more than what the kids afterschool program charges when they are open for the entire day - but I can't use that b/c it's not open this week). And now after hearing about her being on the phone and the PC, I'm really irritated.  WWYD? Thanks....
__________________ Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like. - Lemony Snicket  |
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12-29-2007, 07:56 AM
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I don't know what you could do about the phone, but could you disconnect the internet or pc?
__________________ Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!! All the cool babies are wearing cloth! |
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12-29-2007, 08:22 AM
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I guess it wouldn't really bother me with kids the ages of your kids if she occasionally talked on the phone, surfed the internet, and played video games. Heck, I do those things when I'm with my kids.  Personally, to keep yourself and your kids out of a potential mess, I'd let it go for the few days that you have hired her to sit for you. Instead, I'd ask her to do a few things to increase her play time and interaction with the kids (i.e. keep it on the positive)....perhaps ask her to play a board game or do a craft with them and set something up for each day. If you haven't set expectations, it's hard to call her on them. As for the money, you just can't compare a program with lots of kids running on a regular basis to someone coming into your home.... <$5/hour isn't a whole lot....so I kinda agree with your husband. cj/
__________________ I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips Last edited by cjs216; 12-29-2007 at 08:26 AM. Reason: clarified something |
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12-29-2007, 09:27 AM
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Personally, I wouldn't let her get near my computer. Period. I don't care how reliable she is, giving a teenager 9 hours of uninterrupted time on a computer that you're responsible for takes a great deal of trust and you might not really know what she's doing. Are you SURE that you know her level of expertise? I could figure out how to get around any block or program that you installed to safeguard it. Can she? Does she want to? You don't really know what she's doing if she has that much time to play so I'd pull the plug on that. Her interest may be solely limited to browsing My Space and Facebook. Or it may not. I don't know and I bet you don't either, even if you think you do. As for the phone, I'd tell her to limit her calls and that's it. I think it's nice that she plays with the 12 year old and I can't imagine why you're rolling your eyes at her only occasionally playing with the twins. I certainly wouldn't mention that part to her. You hired a teen to watch your children for 9 hours a day, not be an available playmate for them. If you want somebody to entertain them, you'll have to shell out more than $4.45 an hour. A better way to handle it would be to have your twins ask her to play a game that she can tolerate and is still at their level, something like Monopoly. Or make an art or craft project. You could make some cupcakes and let them decorate them while you're gone. There's lots of stuff they can do together, just find something fun for all of them and that problem is solved. It's only for a few days, anyway. It'll pass quickly. I'd let the small stuff slide and next time, (if there is one), I'd get the ground rules straight before she started babysitting. |
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12-29-2007, 10:12 AM
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Doesn't sound to different than when I am at home with my kids. I work from so I am on the PC a good portion of the day and the phone and then I'll play Wii with the kids but mostly, they play on their own. The rate of pay sounds good to me. I would actually probably be paying more (I pay about $5-6 an hour for 2 kids). As mentioned above, I don't think of a babysitter as a playmate. In regards to the computer. Can't you simply put a screen saver on that requires a password? Then she can't access it period. I would NEVER allow a babysitter (or any other member of my family besides DH) access to my computer. A password is easy to put on and won't that be a nice shock when she tries to get on and oops...there's a password
__________________ Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003 |
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12-29-2007, 10:20 AM
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You can configure your firewall to block social networking sites like Facebook and Myspace if this is a problem for you or like smurf says, completely block internet access but setting up a screensaver password then oops, forgetting to turn it off when you go to work. I wouldn't expect a teen babysitter to play with my kids, especially when there are TWO the same age. If they were toddlers then yes but school age? |
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12-29-2007, 10:47 AM
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I think $40 a day is ok for a teenager. This is all profit for her. Tax free.  I don't think she should be on your computer though. |
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12-29-2007, 11:37 AM
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I personally think the $40/day is fair, she isn't even cleaning up after meals as I asked her to! Basically she's getting paid to surf the PC and talk on the phone. Don't forget, these aren't some random kids, these are her cousins.Thanks for everyone's input....
__________________ Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like. - Lemony Snicket |
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12-29-2007, 11:55 AM
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I think $40 is fair, but I also think she could get more if she marketed herself to other families needing winter break daycare. And, she is getting paid to make sure your kids don't kill themselves or each other and to call 911 if the house catches on fire (IMHO). If she can do those things while talking on the phone and playing on the PC, then more power to her. When my kids were that age, that is about what I did along with cleaning, etc. I rarely "played" with my kids except at night when we played scrabble or some thinking game (at our insistence) before bed. They are plenty old enough to entertain themselves. What does being related have to do with anything? Siblings wouldn't feel compelled to play with their little brothers or sisters if they were getting paid to watch them, would they? I would suggest what others have suggested, put a password on the PC and make the effort to have activities planned - cupcakes, thank you notes for Christmas, cleaning their rooms, etc. |
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12-29-2007, 12:19 PM
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Seems like OP is/was pretty firm in her position on this subject. Good luck to you! cj/
__________________ I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips |
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12-29-2007, 12:22 PM
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Hey ,she wants the job ,reguardless whether its family or not ,let her earn her $40.00 Give her a list of activities that you would like her to do with the children or around the house.Just don't make it too boring for her .If your twins are playing with each other constantly then maybe she feels they are already entertained.Being a babysitter can be really boring if the children are well behaved kids and are usually busy playing,I think I would be on the computer too. |
I had to give lots of piggyback rides to keep my job,lol.
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12-29-2007, 01:08 PM
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How close were the cousins(?) before this babysitting job was offered? Could make a difference. I do, personally, think that $40 a day for 3 kids is way too little....but if she accepted it, then that should be the end of that discussion. Luckily it is only for a few days, and you know for a fact that if she does something she shouldn'e be doing, you will hear about it. Count it up as a learning experience.
__________________ "Well-Behaved Women SELDOM make history."Laurel Thatcher Ulrich "Yesterday is but a vision, and tomorrow is only a dream. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a dream of hope." Anonymous "Your candle does not lose it's light by lighting another candle" Generosity Have the courage to be yourself. |
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12-29-2007, 01:38 PM
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Maybe you could just say something like, "the kids were hinting that they would like to spend more time with you so if you don't mind I made a list of a few activities to do with them.I'm sure she would have no problems with that.I think $40 is fine.I wouldn't mind getting paid $40 to have someone to play with for 9 hrs. Being 16 can be pretty boring like I said in my other post.
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12-29-2007, 04:21 PM
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12-29-2007, 04:37 PM
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If you don't want her on the internet, ask her not to go on it while you're gone. It's your house and your rules. If the 'real' problem is that you want her to interact more with your kids then I wouldn't worry too much about her being on the internet -- she's probably just connecting with her friends. You may want to check with her parents to see if she's allowed 'free reign' of the internet at home, first, however. If you want her to interact more with your twins, have some activity prepared for them to do, like a craft or a game or something? If the twins want her to play with them more, you should say something to her when she arrives in the morning or have your twins ask her to play with them. Keep it positive and suggest some activities the three of them could do together. There is a big age difference between 7 & 16 and she may not know what to do with them or even to ask them if they want her to play with them. She can probably relate better with the 12 year old and his video games. Nine hours is a long time be home with kids (I know, I do it every day), especially if someone isn't used to doing that and this is her break from school too. Your kids are old enough that they don't need constant supervision (like a baby or toddler would), so I think being on the phone and even the internet is fine as long as your kids are safe. I think $40/day is fine, especially if your niece agreed to it. Sarah.......mom to Jason & Devin |
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12-29-2007, 05:40 PM
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So she is getting paid $1.45 or so an hour per child to babysit. That is not alot of money, to watch 3 kids, it's not even minimum wage. What is the going rate for babysitters to come into the home in your area and watch 3 kids per hour? She probably feels she is doing a favor for you by just being there, I certainly wouldn't expect her to do a whole lot for that amount of pay. When I used to babysit I didn'r really play with the kids, I heated meals and fed them, made sure they took a bath and got them to bed. I mostly watched tv, read, did homework or talked on the phone (this was before computers, LOL) I didn't consider it my job to come into someone else home and clean up, now the lady I babysat always paid EXTRA if I did the dishes after a meal (which she had already made, I would just have to heat and feed them) so I would always pick up the toys and wash the dishes, but not because she asked me to. Sounds like she is doing this as a favor to you because you either didn't have anyone else to do it or you would have used someone else. I would think about it before I said anything to her; I would think about: Am I going to need to use her again in an emergency? Am I going to have other options lined up for days of school, spring break, etc. Don't burn your bridges if you might need her again in the future. DH and I took alternating days off (vacation) over the holidays so we wouldn't have to pay child care. What other options do you have?
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12-29-2007, 07:29 PM
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Well, she seemed to want to do this (babysit), and since she doesn't want to work at a part time job, babysitting is her only way of earning $$. About the cleaning up, I wasn't asking her to clean the house from top to bottom, only wipe up after meals and such, and she isn't even doing that. Also, my kids are playing with each other, but I really don't want them to be ignored for most of the time. It's not much for my younger ones, who adore their older cousin. I don't plan on using her again, but unfortunately, I won't have the option of taking any days off in the near future, due the (new) job I have. It's seasonal, and from now until summer is the *busy* time, and there will be *no* days off from now until June, when the job ends. My 12 yr old took a Red Cross 6 hour babysitting class, so I'm crossing my fingers he can handle any future, sporadic days off. If it's a Workday, then the twins can go to afterschool, but on holidays, afterschool is not open. So that's why we were in a bind. Plus, DH started HIS job in June, and therefore, couldn't take additional time right now. That will change soon, though. My mistake about the history. I did not know it was able to be manipulated. I better look into that some more so I know what's going on around here....
__________________ Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like. - Lemony Snicket |
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12-29-2007, 08:02 PM
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I think $40 per day is plenty for a 16 yr old cousin to watch the kids. I think feeling as you do about how the sitting has played out, you should have set up clear expectations in the beginning, even writing them out. Some kids are just in one ear and out the other, like with the cleaning up after the light meals. If she had a a worksheet to go by, she may have met your expectations better. It's hard to treat a relative like the 'hired help' however, so I would not at this point make a big deal about it. I know you are new to the babysitting thing after being at home for many years. There are alot of babysitting lemons out there, and believe me, alot worse things could have happened under your roof this week. (My son was once slapped in the face while he was being babysat!!!!) The kids were safe, and happy for the most part. They had a less structured, more casual experience than you would have preferred. It was a learning experience with no casualties. Don't let the relationshuip with your niece/in-laws suffer over this.
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12-29-2007, 09:30 PM
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I don't know if it's just me or what, but I couldn't imagine going to someone's home to watch their children, then spend most of my time doing other things. When I babysat as a teen, I interacted with the kids I was watching, unless they wanted to play by themselves. But I was always available to play with them if they wanted, get their snacks, meals, whatnot. I never knew to do otherwise, my friends didn't either. The only time we were on the phone was AFTER the kids were in bed.
__________________ *~*~*~*~*~*~* *~* Ambrianna *~* *~*~*~*~*~*~* |
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12-29-2007, 10:08 PM
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 Hind sight is 20-20 |
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12-30-2007, 07:51 AM
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She's a teenager. That's exactly what I would have expected! I think it would be a great idea for the expectations to be written out in advance. I would not expect a babysitter to play with a couple of kids for hours on end, but a round or two of a board game would be reasonable. My only real expectation of a babysitter is that they ensure the child is fed and safe. Anything over that is gravy. |
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12-30-2007, 08:10 AM
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Jumping in here...  I babysat (or was it in-home daycare???) for an entire summer during parents' workday as a 16 year old. The kids were ages 6, 7, and 8. I played non-stop with the kids. Sometimes I really wanted for them to leave me alone but... I did not have the internet or a cell phone or a desire to talk all day with my friends on the landline phone and nothing on TV interested me either! LOL. I also, can't imagine what *my* kiddoes told their parents. Aren't kids sort of notorious for trying to get the babysitter in trouble? I don't know that I'd put a lot of stock in what the kids are saying. But that's me... LOL. I earned $1 an hour for 3 kids. This was in the 1970's -- my the times and pay scales have changed! |
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12-30-2007, 11:06 AM
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$40 a day is excellent for 3 kids.. my daughter babysits for a friend (7yr and 3 yr old) for $20.. but she is expected to play with them, let the dogs out, feed them, clean up.. IMO your neice isn't doing enough.. That is good money.. for a teenager, and lets be honest, if someone offered me $40 a day to babysit I would be all over it. I believe your expectations are realistic and here is what I would do. Turn off the computer totally, but first put on a password to even be able to surf the internet. Secondly have some boardgames/crafts already set up on the table for her to do with the kids.. (have they written their Christmas presents thank you's that is another thing she can do with them) Can you call a few times a day to 'check in'.. clue the kids in with a word like blue paint, if she isn't doing anything with them.. heck, I would even call her from work on her cell... and remind her of the unique opportunity to bond with her cousins. Have some laundry ready to be folded and put up (towels, sheets, etc) and ask her for a 'favor'... Now I babysit QUITE often even as a 40 year old and these are all things I do with my babes.... You aren't wrong in what you are asking for and $40 is great pay!@! |
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12-30-2007, 12:17 PM
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This is just my opinion but if she plays with the kids at all be happy. You obviously can't play with them all day since you work so they really shouldn't expect to be entertained by her all day long. Being honest, I can't play with mine all day. I need time to do chores and down time. As a 12 year old I was actually babysitting BUT I know I will never leave my son in charge when he is 12. My sisters are constantly telling me he is old enough to leave alone and in charge of his sister(because they leave their 11 year olds in charge) BUT he is not mature enough. He constantly annoys his sister so no way will he be baby sitting in this house. I don't think I would trust him to cook or make lunches either(don't know if that is the same in your house). Again, just my opinion but I think she is doing fine as long as you feel better about having her there don't sweat it!!!
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12-30-2007, 01:25 PM
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12-30-2007, 01:55 PM
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Yep.. she goes over at 6 am ... or like 615 am and I pick her up at 4 or the lady brings her home when she comes home around 3-330...
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12-30-2007, 01:57 PM
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__________________ Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003 |
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12-30-2007, 02:22 PM
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She's being seriously underpaid, IMO! I think $40.00 for a ten hour day is a bit low, but $20.00? My DD recently babysat for a couple's 3 year old (played with him, but didn't have to do any cleaning or pet care) and got $10.00 for a little over four hours and I told her she had my blessing to say "no" next time around or to tell them "my rate is $4.00/hour." When I needed babysitters, I always erred on the side of overpaying when I had a good one because they're darn hard to find. Obviously, it makes a difference where you live and what the going rate for babysitters is, but I'm in suburban Virginia and I can't imagine paying a dime less than $4.00/hour and that's for a teen doing childcare with no added responsibilities. |
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12-30-2007, 03:01 PM
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I agree with truble on this one. I can't imagine letting my child babysit someone elses children doing all that work for a measily 20 bucks. I wouldn't even allow her to as i think that is ripping her off completely. I don't think a babysitter should have to entertain children all day i feel they should make sure the kids are fed, not getting in to trouble, areas where they play are cleaned up by children and make sure they are safe. It is not up to a babysitter to entertain children all day long.
__________________ SAHM of Bailey 12, Tyler 10 , Emily Ann 6, and Ryan Matthew 4 yrs old. |
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12-31-2007, 11:47 AM
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i think $40 a day for 3 kids is a bargain where i live (Denver) the teenagers charge about $10 per hour for 3 or 4 kids prices start around $4-5/hr for just one child and go up depending on how many kids they are caring for as far as phone/internet, i wouldn't expect a sitter to spend a lot of time on the phone/internet but i also would not expect them to 'entertain' the kids kwim the main thing is that they are keeping an eye on the kids, know what they are doing, they're safe, etc but not that the sitter is a playmate to them and agree $20 a day is way way underpaid -i made more than that 25 years ago as a teenager |
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12-31-2007, 04:28 PM
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OP, you are paying this person to babysit your children. You are not paying her to play on the internet or talk excessively on the phone. The point others are making about they themselves not playing with their kids all day, because they have to do chores, etc are irrelevant to me because this girl was hired to take care of your kids. I think any reasonable person would assume that means engaging them, spending time with them, giving them attention, etc. If you had your 7 year old in a daycare how would you feel if the employees were on the internet all day and talking on the phone? I think you should plan some activities for them, etc and let her know what you expect.
__________________ Raising my baby RIGHT!!!!!! All the cool babies are wearing cloth! |
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12-31-2007, 04:49 PM
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Well, today was the last day for this so the issue is moot. DH and I talked it over (remember this is HIS niece), and he said he didn't feel like we should use her again. I babysat back in the 80's (I'm 38) and we didn't have the internet back then. BUT.. I would *never* have dreamed of talking for hours on the phone or sitting there vegging out in front of the TV or playing whatever games they might have had in the dark ages (Atari, etc). I was being paid to watch the kids and yes, even interact with them!!! And there were some pretty bratty kids I watched, all for like $2/hour! I do NOT expect any person I use to babysit my kids, to spend a good portion of their time on the PC or whatever. The college girl that I've used for years, whom the kids love and I would still be using except that she's now married and has a "real job," LOL, NEVER did any of those things!! She would bring a book to read AFTER the kids had gone to bed. Obviously many of us on this board have very different expectations of what babysitters should do. Thank you to those of you who agree with me! Happy New Year!
__________________ Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant, filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like. - Lemony Snicket |
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12-31-2007, 05:33 PM
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What sorts of activities did you set out for them to do today? Did your neice do them? What your expectations were are not relevant if you didn't specifically communicate that to your babysitter when you contracted with her to watch the kids. In the opinion of many (including your husband) she was underpaid. In the opinion of many, including you and your husband, you are letting it go and not planning on using her again. In the opinion of many here "baby sitting" is what a 16-year-old does to assure the kids are safe while the parents are away. "Child care", on the other hand, is the playing with and nurturing children, by a trained professional. Most here determined you were paying for a babysitter, not a child care specialist. Your previous babysitter was 1) college aged so presumably more mature than a 16 year old on holiday and 2) probably loved kids and was playing house. You were very lucky. Remember too, your kids were much younger then and required the attention. I had a sitter like that once and I treated her like gold. We paid her $8/hr (10 years ago) and the kids were pretty much fed and ready for bed. Since you have higher expectations, you should probably spell them out pretty clearly to future sitters so you won't become so upset in the future. And, again, I would advise against hiring family because it just complicates things. |
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12-31-2007, 06:04 PM
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12-31-2007, 06:20 PM
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12-31-2007, 06:36 PM
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Kind of OT, but it may have to do with your attitude toward your niece...why are your kids her cousins, but she is your husband's niece??? Isn't she your niece too? I know that my SIL's children are my niece and nephew and would never consider them DH's only? KWIM? As for the money and the job she is doing..I would be grateful to find any teenager willing to get out of bed during his/her break to work for so little money and no appreciation. I know...you don't think she is doing a good job. I have an almost 13 yo and an almost 14 yo and if they worked all day for $40, they would appreciate it, but also consider it a favor in a way. They would not figure it to be a fair wage, but would do it as a favor by them. They can make $25 shoveling a driveway in less than an hour. (yes, harder work, but it is possible for them to earn money). At 16, I know they would expect to make more. Does that make sense? |
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