My daughter turned 3 in December. For the last year I've had to fight her every night to sleep. I've tried night lights, music, staying wit her until she falls asleep, and countless other ideas. I've talked to her Dr about it. She says to be firm when she gets up, put her right back into bed. If she asks for the toilet let her go, once, and don't make it a fun experiance. I don't turn on the light I put her there until she goes, and then put back into bed. The problem is only at night. She naps just fine most days.

This is our evening routine.
7pm bath time depending on how long the bath is, we play a little in the living room
8pm brush teeth, go potty, crawl into bed read a semi-long book, turn on soothing music and night light and leave the room. That is when the trouble starts. She immediatly gets out of bed and says she need to go potty. So I take her. Put her back in bed and she starts saying she needs water. I tell her no more water for the night. (I don't want her to pee the bed). She screams, kicks the door, and hits the door. When she decides it hurts to do that she uses a toy to hit the door. I go in and take away the toy and all her toys and toy box. She screams and hits and kicks the door for about an hour. She gives up and passes out on the floor by the door. She wakes about about half hour later and it all starts again. We do this until about mid night when she finally falls asleep for good. Well, not good, she gets up again at about 4am and wants me or Daddy to get into bed with her. We tell her no and put her back in bed. Most the time she stays.

I really want to spend the last couple of hours of my day enjoying my husband, not fighting my daughter. I'm at my witts end and I'm tired. Too tired. Please help.

BTW here's the strange part. When we go out of town. There is less of a fight. What is going on?

I've asked my Mother and my MIL and they both have no idea because they never had to deal with difficult sleepers.

Help

Maybe she doesn't need that afternoon nap anymore.
If she only sees her daddy at night, maybe she needs more time with him.
It sounds like you are doing everything right!

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Your pediatrician has given you what I believe is good advice. The toys should not be returned the same day. If she throws it or uses it to smack the door, it stays gone for a week. When she shows improvement for her behavior, one toy of your choice may be returned. If it were me, I'd remove the door from her room and put up a gate.

If you aren't familiar with books by John Rosemond, I'd highly recommend you purchase one or see if your local library carries them. They address your issue as well as several others.

Patience and consistency are the key to your sleepy eye syndrome. Hang in there. She'll be a teenager before you know it and you won't be sleeping then, either! LOL!

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I don't put her down for a nap every day. She naps on days that I know are going to be extra tiring, i.e. big family events.

I've had some noghts like that and what helps is telling them that next day I will be reading you a nice short book that I will choose if you contiune to act like this. And if it happens then contiune it for a few days and if still no help then we lose story time for a time until we start behaving.

good luck and hope you get some sleep.

It's been a long time since I've had to deal with this issue, but this is what I remember-maybe from Dr. Ferber?

Do your normal routine of teeth, potty and book and then put her in bed. Pull up a chair near her bed and sit there. Tell her that if she stays in her bed, you will stay in the chair. If she gets out of bed, you need to leave. Each night, move your chair farther and farther away from her bed and towards the door. Don't talk to her or read to her from the chair-she needs to learn to put herself to sleep. Eventually you should be able to put her to bed and walk out.

Does she get much exercise during the day? It couldn't hurt to add in some outdoor activity-even a long walk around the block will help her to be tired at night but not so overtired that it causes other issues. Also, no tv near bedtime-studies show that it revs kids up.

Good luck, I know you are tired and frustrated!

She and Brother watch tv while I'm making dinner. Around 5:30. Is that too late?

I jsut finished this stage - I empathize!!!!

1. When does she have her last sugar? Think about it - does she get any juice, chocolate milk, dessert, piece of candy after 4 pm?

2. She doesn't do it as much when you travel, because she has learned that she can at home and hasn't fully tested it while traveling. (She will if it continues)

3. When you go into her room after she is put down do you talk to her or make eye contact? If so she wins. No talking, no eye contact, that is rewarding her for the behvior.

4. What music is she listening to? If it is something other than classical or instrumental I would strongly suggust a change.

5. When reading books do you do it in her room? If so, consider doing it some place other than her room. Think about it - she settles in ready for bed, you read, and then leave. Read somewhere else and then put her in bed.

6. Last - and this is the hard one - everytime she gets out of bed you go and put her back in. The second you hear her out. I had to pull three all nighters sitting two feet from her door to accomplish this, but REALLY it works. Again you can't talk. You go in, pick her up, put her in bed and leave. If she has covers she will need to do them.

Good luck!!!

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saraedawson@yahoo.com

Mommy to Jake, Alexis, Abigail and Joshua, Wife to Matt

I have birthed and raised my hoard of children, and TV has never kept them up or made them overstimulated. Yes, it may depend on the shows or movies(action etc...) they are watching . I had a son who wasn't a good sleeper. None at all during the day and he slept like a baby at night. I did the routine that you are doing now. Bath etc... It just seems like maybe she does not require that much sleep?? Sounds to me it is behavior modification ( I am still in teaching mode) sorry. I would leave the music off..... and maybe the night light unless she is afraid of the dark. My son who is now 17 has to have a white noise to sleep. Stupid ME, had a fan in his room as a baby, to drown the other kids noise. Guess what?? His wife will kill me some day!.lol He still has a fan in his room. I guess it is going to be trial and error for awhile ..... Good luck.




1,2 and 6 from SaraBeth is the best advise.

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"Madison AnnMarie " 6/13/2008

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I found with my 2 boys that a bath at night before bed revived them. I had to give them a bath in the am. Maybe that is part of the problem?
Judy

I agree with Sara Beth on this one. When your daughter gets out of bed, pick her up and put her back -- no eye contact and no talking to her. Ignore her when she throws things. (She's getting attention, even though it's negative). No water and no bathroom breaks once she's in bed. I saw this exact situation on one of the nanny shows. She suggested sitting a few feet from her bed and never make eye contact. Just pick her up and put her back in bed. Eventually she'll realize she's not getting attention. It may take many nights of doing this but it definitely will be worth it. Eventually like another poster said, move closer to the door.

She knows exactly what she's doing and knows how you're going to react. Even if it's negative attention, it keeps her from having to go to bed, she'll do it. You've just got to outsmart her.

Reading your post reminded me of my grandson. He has lived here with us since he was two. Getting him to sleep was not easy at times and I would just sit on the edge of the bed until he fell asleep. If he got up, he was put back in bed. He would try talking to me and I would not answer. There was a small light on until I was sure he was asleep and then I would mostly shut the door and leave the hall light on. He usually would get mad at me and pull the covers over his head so he wouldn't have to look at me and then I couldn't look at him either. But of course it was dark, quiet and warm under those covers, so it usually made him drift off faster. Like the others have said, be consistent.

Another thing you might try is good old bribery. Something she enjoys doing or having will be hers the next day if she is good and goes to sleep. It can be a certain TV show, a special toy, walk with Daddy or Mommy, snuggling and reading a favorite book. But no sleep, no treat and then stick to it.

Another thought, maybe your husband should be the one putting her to bed. Sometimes little girls respond better to what their Daddy wants them to do.

I had this problem with my DD and here is what I did.
It seemed to work.

I would take away all excuses before I ever left the room. I took her potty, gave her a drink of water and whatever else I thought might be something she would want.
If she has been pounding on the door with toys, I would take those out before you leave the room the first time.
I refused to go in there while she was screaming. I didnt go to the door and tell her to go to bed. I just did not go in or let her know she was interupting what I was doing.
I know it sounds mean, but I felt like my DD was trying to keep my attention all night. I was with her all day and she was getting plenty of time with me during the day and evening.
I also had a sticker chart and we kept it on the refrigerator and was rewarded for going to bed good.

I was also going to ask how long her afternoon nap was. It was around that age for my kids, when I stopped the afternoon nap so they were real tuckered out by the end of the day.

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Eileen

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Watch the "Supernanny" show. It will give you hope.

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Lyn Clarke

Thank You Everyone for all your super advise. I have a lot of new ideas. I'm so happy to hear that other parents have gone through this and that I'm not alone. Thank You. I got the ideas and lift I needed.

Just tossing this out here, but maybe let her stay up an extra hour more? My son will be three next month and he is a BIG night owl. He goes to bed at 9 PM...we've tried earlier and it just doesn't work. We've finally got his routine down and bedtime is much more pleasant. Good luck.

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Mommy Cracked

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! We have had two nights of easy put down. I put her in bed AND SHE STAYS!!!! Yaaaaaay!!! I could just jump for joy!!

Can I ask what you did that has worked?

That's great!!!

Kathie

This is our new bed time routine: after brushing teeth kids and I sit on the couch read 1 semi-long book. I go and put brother down, while I'm doing that, she's going potty. When I come back I give her about 1 oz. of water and we go to her room. I put her in bed, sit next to her and read one more book, while I'm reading I make her close her eyes and NOT fiddle with her hands. After I'm done reading I turn on her music and night light and leave the room. As I'm leaving she's asking for her usual, potty, and water. I remind her that we already did that. Now, this is the key. Lately she's been going on and on about what a good girl she is. So as I'm leaving I'm reminding her that good girls stay in bed and sleep through the night. I ask her if she wants to be a good girl. Her answer is always Yes. I then leave the room. She stays!!! Just little changes in the routine has helped. My hubby and I are so thankful. We are also on the same page about what to do now. It's nice. We've reclaimed the last few hours of our evening to spend quietly together. I could not be happier.

Thank You.

Congratulations!
We knew you could do it!

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"Madison AnnMarie " 6/13/2008

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The Good News is it doesn't last forever.

Judi

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Yeah sleep!

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