I honestly have tried to be a decent person my whole life. I take care of others, I dont steal, lie or cheat people. I am caring and compassionate and have ALWAYS put my kids before everyone...
Once again my son has screwed up and is going to be "violated" because the social workers are tired of his game.
This will eb the third time in a year that they are going to send him away. This time it is until he is 18. That is in september!
I just wonder what the heck I ever did in this life to deserve this and to go through this pain.

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GO TONY!!!!!!!!!!! # 20!!!

you had nothing to do with it. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. God does not punish you for someone else's mistakes. I feel if you know someone that has messed up that is their fault and there isn't much you can do about it. You do of course have to deal with the pain. That stinks.

I'm sorry that you are going through this pain. No, sometimes life doesn't seem fair at all. I just keep telling myself that God gives people free will. That's why some of this bad stuff just happens. It's not your fault. I'll keep you and your son in my prayers. ~Lisa

If you have done everything possible to raise your child to have moral, ethics and to be a responsible member of society you did not bring this on yourself. ALWAYS putting your children before everyone else is not necessarily the best or right thing depending on the circumstances.

You need therapy/counseling. You need to determine what are your issues vs. what are your son's issues. I have read your previous posts where you blame the mess your son is in on everyone but who is really responsible--YOUR SON.
I would also think that some tough love is in order for you son. He has to realize that his actions have consequences.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I don't understand your statement about how your son is going to be "violated". If he screwed up again, are you really saying he's innocent? If someone is violated, it means they were innocent.

You post has limited information, however if it's his third time in a year of him being sent away, obviously whatever that is, isn't working. Neither is your support. I think, as hard as this may sound, that you need to cut him off. Tough it out and not let him dominate what is going on in your life.

It doesn't mean you deserved this or the pain. It means you have done what you could do and now you are quite possibly allowing yourself to be a victim. Make some harsh decisions now so that hopefully when he gets out of wherever at 18, he will be on the right track with his whole life ahead of him.

dl

I think she means that he may have violated a term of his probation. Like they are giving him a probation violation(?)

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@@@
l/ l/ l/
Dont go through life,
GROW through life

Real eyes...realize...real lies.

That was my understanding. If a person is on probation or parole and violates the terms of said probation or parole--they are termed "violated" and probation/parole is revoked and they go back to jail/dentention.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Thank you. I didn't think that a minor could be on parole. Nor did I think that being on parole meant you had social workers instead of parole officers.

Maybe the op can clarify.

dl

Here, at least, social workers often double as juvenile probation officers. Of course, that may not be the case every where.

Anyone who has been convicted of a crime(felony or misdeamenor) can be on probation.
Parole is usually reserved for those that have been convicted of a felony, spent time and jail and are released early...

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I dont know anything about your situation, but I pray for your family

My best friend is going through something very similar right now w/ her son. She is one of the best people I know, and a really great mom. I wish I could help her more-she is in great pain over this. She has done so many things right, but he continues to make bad decisions. The thing is, I really like the kid-he is compassionate and kind. He unfortunately has just not made the right decisions. Like for my friend, I have no words of wisdom, but just hope the best for your family.

I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel.I went through the same crap and am severely paying for it to this day.
A big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} for you.

All I can say is "Ditto"! Well said.

Agree 100%.

At the risk of being flamed, there have been multiple previous threads on this issue with lots of good suggestions, but never any indication that any action is being taken on that (or any other) advice. Dr. Phil's quip "How's that working for you?" is ringing in my ears. If you aren't part of the solution, you are likely part of the problem. Tough love time, Julie.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

{{{HUGS}}} just want you to know your family are in my thoughts and prayers

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Brenda

GO #24 JEFF GORDON

Thanks. I have tried many times over the past year to help him change his behavior. It is just a losing battle and I feel like I am just beating my head against a wall...
It is time for tough love...

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GO TONY!!!!!!!!!!! # 20!!!

You are so not alone. I am going through the same thing with my son since he was 17 and it is killing me that today is his 30th birthday and I wont give in and call him. Its been so long that He has done money things to me. you are not alone.

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When you don`t know what to do-Walk fast and look worried.

It has nothing to do with being good and who deserves what. If you are looking for meaning in what happens then the meaning lies more in "what lesson am I supposed to learn from this" or "what can I be doing/learning/studying to deal with this effectively and in a positive manner".
I don't want to sound mean but it's a waste of time to worry about why something happened. Time and energy would be better spent figuring out how to make the best of a bad situation and what can be done to change things.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

Julie yes indeed like I have said before when you were stressed beyond belief Tough Love time, girl it hurts trust me I have been there. I screamed, cried banged my head and finally put my foot down. My dis-owned now 20 yr old son even after all the help, couseling, drug rehab offers even court orders for it went his own way physically striking out at those who were trying to help him. He got violated twice on probation at 18 as an adult and found guilty has outstanding warrants for probation violations here in VA and other things and he couldnt man upand ran away to KS where he thought things would be better and his life has continually went to hell in a handbasket, he has been sitting in jail on a class 5 felony charge for aggrevated assault with great bodily injury since November 28th with a $10,000 bond and not a soul will bail him out, he "got off" on these charges in May 07 or so he said but truth is he was given a sentence of stay away from the victim and be good and released on a $20,000 bond with those restrictions and he violated it and he became one of KS most wanted. He goes to trial Feb 20th and based on my talk with the DA more than likely he will be found guilty based on his own statements to the police, because of his history here in Va he is facing prison time of no less than 42 months to a max of 76 months they determine based on how many misdemeanors he has in his background and they have assured me once he serves his time there they will get him back here to face his charges here, so finally I believe rock bottom has happened.

Julie I sure hope that my son's story will help you and maybe you can use it as a guide or an example to your son of what can happen to someone who continues down this path of failure to follow through on court orders, remember you never ever stop loving your child, everyone thinks I am a total "B" for dis-owning my son, but for me it is easier to do, but I love him and always will and if he can ever straighten his act out and apologize for the physical and emotional damage he did to me and his little brother I may allow him back into the family fold, but until then tough love no help from Mom, Dad, Uncle, Grandma or Pa-Paw we have all washed our hands of him. Step away but get counseling please and I have said it more than once my PM box is open to you.

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~ Christine ~
Grammie to Trinity Lorayne Jean Keens Born June 9, 2011 Loving my awesome guitar picking 100% Country Boy boyfriend Kenny !
RIP Daddy~ 01/24/1930-06/01/2007 I miss you !
Dont Think you Can .. know you can ~ Jeff Hardy