I have posted before about my BF's neices and nephews so I will try and make this as short as possible. His 10 year old neice is heading for trouble, she has gone to school and made up lies about her father making the kids sleep on the floor, her having no winter coat or shoes (she went to school in flip flops and a tank top, (she left the house and changed in the school bathroom) she said she did it so she can go live with her mom, but since CPS is involved with her mom due to past allegations and another case, that isnt an option and the child knows that. she has this attitude that since she recently got her monthly friend that she is a "teen" and can dress and act like a 16 yr old. We try and help his brother out by doing things with the kids since they cant depend on their mother (long story) and I know I am not their mother and I don't want them to think I am trying to take over her place. we took them into the City over the weekend to look at dresses for her 6th grade dance, she wants a "prom " dress so i said we can look and see what they have out there for girls. She threw a fit because I said no to a halter dress that imo was way too short. She said that her mom said to show what she has. sorry I dont think that way and I have 2 daughters (7&13) who without me having to tell them those dresses are inappropriate already know, my 7 yr old wont even play with Bratz dolls because of their outfits she said mommy they have hardly any clothes on and his neice proceeded to argue with me and my 13yr old who told her "Only 10 yr old tramps dress like that" ok maybe my daugher was out of line, but she likes to say things as they are His neice went on to say how she is 10 and that makes her a pre-teen so my daughter told her again that she was just a 10 year old little girl who is trying to grow up fast. so she went on and on of how her grandmother (my stbmil) said she would buy her the dress she wants and thats the dress she wants (sad news for her, I talked to my stbmil who said absolutely not) I have a feeling with the way this child is acting, trying to dress etc, that she is going to end up pregnant at a very young age. In fact my daughter asked her if she wanted to end up like Jamie Lynn Spears and be pregnant at 16 and she said why not if she can handle it anyone can. Do any of you know of any sites or any places I can take her/show her basically what she is heading for if she doesnt start straightening out her behavior?

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

Just seems like she is acting out. Does she see her mom at all? Maybe that could be the culprit? I hope things get better, maybe she just needs another female to talk to. Say a counselor ? I bet she sees the other kids at school dress like that also. No its not right for her, but she doesn't know the difference.

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"Madison AnnMarie " 6/13/2008

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/g...t=8652d1ea.pbr

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/g...t=adbcb309.pbr

She doesn't see her mother by her mother's choosing. She goes in and out of the kids lives as she wants to. The last they saw her was thanksgiving. The kids called her on Christmas and she told them she forgot to go shopping and would see them soon (Christmas is the same day every year, you can't miss the decorated stores so I don't know how she came up with that excuse) The kids call her and she doesnt answer and when they finally get her on the phone she has an excuse of why weeks/months have gone by with no contact from her

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

It's a lot easier to love a not-so-awesome parent when you don't have to live with them. You're dealing with a little girl who wants to be with a mum she's imagined, rather than the one she's actually got. You're not what she's looking for, because she can't idealize you so well.

I'd agree that she needs more positive female role-models in her life. Getting to spend time with responsible teen girls wold probably help a lot, as would actually getting to feel responsible for a younger kid. I don't know what's available in your area, but it might be worth spending time with friends with daughters. Not ones who are her age, ones who've survived being ten, and seem to be doing okay as teens, or kids young enough that she can help care for them, so gets to feel like a good kid, not a troublemaker.

Don't judge her mother openly, and don't let your daughter do it either, since 13 seems old and wise to a 10 year old. You don't need to add any glamour to a woman who's probably better being politely ignored. Just try to show her love and kindness, and let her see some examples of girls who have gotten through being her age, and are happy now. When I was in my late teens I tended to have younger girls attach themselves to me, and I only realise now that they wanted to spend time with someone who might understand what they were going through who was less intimidating than an adult.

Wow, the mother sounds like my EX. My youngest son will be 17 in 2 weeks and his father is just like that. He lives about 20 min from us. He has his own life now, remarried and couldn't be happier without his kids. when we first were separated 5 years ago, he didn't see his kids for 8 months because he said " he needs to have a life". My kids acted out just like this little girl is. Its not anything you have done. You can be the most loving, caring person in the world, but she wants her mom. even thou the mom doesn't want her. I cant imagine how she feels. but I know how my kids felt .

This Christmas my ex was remarried, he told me that he wasn't getting his kids anything for Christmas because he has to pay for his wedding .I know my son is almost 17, but how would you feel ?
. My son and his Dad do not get along all that much.I see him kissing his butt for his dad to show some kind of love to him. I DO NOT like that at all. But I cant stop it. He is self centered and a just plain old mean person. But he loves his dad. There are times I shake my head and I do cry for him. but I know that wont help him.

I think my son wants to be accepted , but his dad will never in my lifetime ever show his love for his son. He will not call my son, he says he has to call him. Its all head games. I hope one day, my son opens his eyes and sees the person his dad is, but that will not happen for a long time.

Just be the best role model for this young girl , show her that there are other people in this world who do care and love her. She may not want that, but one day she will understand. Good luck and keep us posted !

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"Madison AnnMarie " 6/13/2008

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/g...t=8652d1ea.pbr

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/g...t=adbcb309.pbr

10 years old in 6th grade? Did she skip a grade?

I agree, be a role model and show her love. It can be a difficult age and especially for a little girl lost.

The dance is meant for the 6th graders but according to my stbbil, 4&5th graders are allowed to attend.

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

I would have the girl's father talk to a guidance counselor at her school and see what kinds of programs or assistance is available. I think the earlier something is done, the better, because it sounds like this girls is unfortunately headed for real trouble if she continues on the way she is.

If the school is no help, maybe her pediatrician would be able to recommend some kind of program or at least a place to get helpful information.

Sarah..........mom to Jason & Devin

I'm not sure what a stbbil is , but what about him stepping up and setting some boundaries? Kids really need - and want - parents to set and enforce rules and boundaries...really they do. Perhaps he can allow her to attend the 6th grade dance when she gets into the 6th grade, then the question of what she'll wear will be moot. I know it's hard to be the bad guy, but that's what parents have to do, ya know?

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips