I was listening to the Michael Baisden radio show the other day and they were arguing over whether or not its ok to serve your husband a plate or if he should come get it himself.

I personally don't mind serving him a plate. I think it's just a nice thing to do for him. My mother in law was NOT thrilled w/ me doing it when she was here at xmas and I got tons of dirty looks. However, if he's in the kitchen, he'll grab whatever *I* need also.

What do you think? Would you be willing to serve your husband his plate or no?

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It depends. If it is a situation where the husband is controlling and the wife gets the plate because it's demanded and expected or if the wife is demeaned or something then NO.
But I get my husband plates all the time. He does things for me too. If something is heavy or gross or whatever he takes care of it. On weekends he makes my breakfast and brings me a plate.

In my opinion in a healthy relationship both parties do for each other. So no there is nothing wrong I can see with bringing your husband a plate. I am sure he does things for you too!

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I agree with annadrose. I don't have any problem waiting on my husband (bringing him food and such), but he also does the same for me. I know there are some women that think bringing your husband a plate is being subservient, but I don't see a problem with it as long as he's willing to do the same for you.

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Don't dream it. Be it.

I always get DH his plate- I have never considered it that way. Our kitchen isn't very big so he justs gets in the way. He usually starts feeding my oldest her yogurt while I get the plates going and to the table. Reverse is true also though- when he cooks-he gets plates out and I start feeding Katie.

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Mom to Katie 1/95 and Sara 5/97

I agree with the others. If he is controlling..no. If he is just in the way, yes.

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Live, Love, Laugh

I do the same, but some" traditional women " will say, We (wives) should always get the plate for our bread winner!. Even though I bring home the bacon too.

I can bring home the bacon
Fry it up in a pan
'Cuz I'm a woman -- W-O-M-A-N!"

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Agreed.

I LOVE getting a plate for my husband. The only time I don't is when we're having something that needs to be put together or an "amount" matters. He sort of prefers doing it himself then.

Normally though, I'll get it for him, or if it's leftovers. He says leftovers taste better when *I* do it! LOL!! I know what he means though and it makes me happy to make things "taste better" for him.

He does a lot of sweet things for me, so it's the least I can do!

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Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. For our meals I usually bring all of the dishes to the table and everyone serves themselves at the table. When DH is working late I will make him up a plate so that I can get the table and kitchen cleaned.

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It just really depends on what is happening at the moment. My husband does most of the cooking so he is usually in the kitchen and makes his plate. I make the kids plates and then when I came back to make mine, we end up doing ours together.

There have been times that I have carried his plate to him and he has done the same. As long as it isn't a matter of you HAVE to bring me my plate, then I dont have an issue with it.

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Sell crazy some place else, we are all stocked up here.

Exactly!


We sort of work together to get dinner on the table.

My MIL gets my FIL's everything, like a waitress. If he forgot to get salt, he says "Carol where's the salt" and she runs and gets it. "Carol, where's the ketchup?", she goes and gets it. The only time he gets his own was when his mother was visiting, he wouldn't want her to see how demanding he was, it wouldn't look good. And he does expect to be waited on.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

I agree with everyone else. We both do things to help each other out. I don't mind at all, but he does things for me as well. It's just being considerate and thoughtful.

Lisa

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"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

We sit down at the table as a family for meals and the food is on the table-we pass it around and serve ourselves.

Otherwise, I have no problem doing anything for him, as he does for me. It's more of a "whoever's up" kind of thing at our house, and the kids are part of that, as well.

I make a plate for my husband as well. My biggest reason is that I like the "presentation"-I want the plates to look nice. I also do it for portion control for him-when he makes a plate, he kind of skips the veggies. When I make his plate, he gets a heavy dose of them.

of course you serve the plate, that's how you watch his weight

I do it to avoid the huge mess he will make trying to do it ,that I will end up having to clean up.The less he does the less mess for me.

I serve and he serves me when he cooks He is a TERRIFIC cook when I let him have the kitchen and don't get me started about the awesome things he can do on the grill.

What I'd be curious to know is how many families just serve from the kitchen and then take their plate to the dining room instead of bringing all the food to the table and passing it around, thus creating the need to "clear" the table after meal time. ???

X

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Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

For dinner, I bring the food to the table and everyone helps themselves. My 2 ds have to set the table and clean up after dinner as part of their chores. For breakfast and lunch, it's everyone for themselves. I will get hubby his if he asks, but usually he does it himself. He is a VERY picky eater. He will also do for me if I ask him too. We try to help each other out.
Judy

I cook and serve the dinner. He'll help if I ask but cooking is really not his thing. As I am dishing up the plates, he pours the milk, gets out butter, etc. When we are done, DH and DS clean up the kitchen, start the dishwasher and sweep the floor.

We all work as a team!!

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Donna

Ready for flames!!!


My JOB is the house, the kids etc. I cook and serve all dinners - to everyone. I feed the babies. My husband works long days with a hour commute each way - we eat the second he is in the door - I think it is only fair. (Note he also travels often) Now, to be fair - if he demanded this I would not be so kean on it. Likewise, he does things for me - I don't touch gross things and he will often watch the kids in the bath or family room so I can have some down time at night to. On weekends we usally eat out once and he makes lunches and breakfast - but I still do the dinner.

Sara

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saraedawson@yahoo.com

Mommy to Jake, Alexis, Abigail and Joshua, Wife to Matt

When DH is home I serve him.....not because I have to, but because I want to. When he cooks (which isn't very often, cause it can be scary!) he will make me a plate.....On nights when I'm running behind or the kids are occupying my time, he will help himself......

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"You can never really pay back. You can only pay forward."

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O-H-I-O

I thought I was the only one who cared about the "mess factor". My dh would have it splattered from one end of the counter to the other so I always dish him up a plate.


"My MIL gets my FIL's everything, like a waitress. If he forgot to get salt, he says "Carol where's the slt" and she runs and gets it. "Carol, where's the ketchup?", she goes and gets it. The only time he gets his own was when his mother was visiting, he wouldn't want her to see how demanding he was, it wouldn't look good. And he does expect to be waited on."

The above is from another poster but this is exactly how my FIL acted when he was alive - and my MIL is named Carole! And my MIL STILL waits on her adult children hand and foot!

I do not.. I never know how much of anything he wants, what he might not want at all, etc. And yes he does make a mess making his plate lol WHY IS THAT?? But if he's busy doing something when dinner's ready he might ask me to make his plate for him. I usually make the kids plates but sometimes (like when the baby is hungry and I just want to make our food and sit down and get her fed) I do not and then my 9 year old son wonders why I didn't make his... I'm trying to push him towards taking care of himself more and it's like he's scared of dishing up his own food But back to the husband.. sometimes he will cook and make MY plate so it's fairly even I'd guess... (now if only he'd clean the kitchen after cooking... lol)

I also put the food on the table and everyone passes the dishes and serves themselves.

I usually set all the plates up assembly line style. If I am serving up the plates I will get his too (I even got BILs plate ready when I was at their house). DS1 usually serves everyone their drinks.Its easier this was and everyone gets to eat at the same time, our kitchen is WAY too small for more then one person. (When the kids were smaller I would cut up DHs meat too , I would cut all the meat then get everything dished up.)

This is how my MIL is. She also serves up her adult sons plates. She tries to do mine but thats just weird to me.

This was my dad when i was a kid, mom started having enough and went through breaking his little habit he had. I'll ocassionally get my hubbys but not all the time. I have 4 kids and he's a big boy, my oldest <14> gets his own stuff. goes along with I'm not the only one in the house, other people can help out around the house so I'm not cleaing up after 6 people, 3 guinea pigs, a hamster and a dog alone

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Usually DH gets his dinner himself since I do 99% of the cooking. I do occasionally get his plate ready but he also does it for me. I just hate when he does it cuz he make such a mess in the kitchen. If he was controlling, I wouldn't do it. I'm afraid of what I would tell him to do with his plate!

He gets his own because hes picky about the how much and the whats touching what..

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"Never loan your car to someone you have given birth too"

Us, too. It's just how I was raised. I would have never thought to do it any other way. The idea of fixing a plate is quite foreign to me. Do you fix the plate and then eat at the table together? Or eat in front of the TV?

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

"Do you fix the plate and then eat at the table together? Or eat in front of the TV?"

We fix plates since most dishes are hot - our table is small and we have young (all 4 and under) children. We (me and DH) each take an end of the table so passing dishes (as the kids cant') also doesnt happen). Once they are older we will set dishes on the table. Also - the few times (Thanksgiving etc) that we do have dishes on the table I still serve my DH, as he is cutting meat etc for the young ones and I want to make sure he gets everything.

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saraedawson@yahoo.com

Mommy to Jake, Alexis, Abigail and Joshua, Wife to Matt

Sounds like we all have very good marriages!!!

As for eating at the table. During the week my husband works graveyard so I make him a dinner for his lunch. On his days off we sometimes eat at the table sometimes in the living room and sometimes in bed. I usually dish up the food from the kitchen. We only put the food on the table to be served when we are having company. With two of us it's just easier and neater that way. Not so many dishes and bowls.

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The political system is broke and it's a joke.

No reason to flame.

It's what works for you and it seems like you both feel good about it.

No ONE way for most things in a marriage is the BEST thing for everyone. As long as people are loving and good to each other in what they say and do - that's the key!

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Our schedule is different frommost people on this board, although it's typical for where we live. My DH 'lives' at work for 7 days, he doesn't come home at all. Then he's home 24/7 for 7 days. So the 7 days he's home, yes, I serve him his plate. I also run his bath water and set out his pajamas. He doesn't expect it, I enjoy doing it. He does plenty for me too. Since he's gone half the time, we make the most of his time home. We spend those 7 days spoiling one another.

For the poster that asked about putting the food on the table.....we're Cajun so most dishes have rice. I don't bring my rice cooker to the table. I serve everyone at the stove. The only thing on the table (besides dishes/glasses) is bread. But if it's something I've prepared on the GF or in the oven then all the food is put on the table.

Selena

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God is not Santa Claus

I remember right after my husband and I got married, (41 years ago), and we were visiting his parents. I was surprised to see his mom running and fetching at meal times. She was up, she was down, she was fussing over my father-in-law and it really gave me pause. But as I spent more time around them, I noticed that he did almost everything else in and around the house. I think she did kitchen duty and laundry and dusting. The rest was his. He cleaned the bathrooms, the floors, took care of the yard, the car, and since they had pine panels on their walls, he dusted and waxed them a couple times a year. He actually simonized the toilets.
They found what worked for them and it worked very well for many years.

In my childhood, my father did all the cooking and the food was put on the table for everyone to serve themselves and that's pretty much how it's been done in my house, at least while the kids were still home. Now, sometimes it's fill a plate at the counter and sometimes it's everything on the table. Just depends on the food and the mood. My husband never volunteers in the kitchen during meal prep, but he does whatever I ask him to do and he also does the dishes now that he's retired.

My BF gets his own and we usually are in front of the TV

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~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

my dh cooks 5 nites out the week,i only cook evry other sundy,he fixs my lunch for to take to work, and cooks my breakfast for me on the days i work,but when i cook i serve him,my kids they fix there own food,

I'd never even heard of serving someone "a plate!" I've heard of getting someone a plate of food, just never heard it phrased as serving a plate.

Anyway, we usually set the table and bring over serving bowls of whatever we're having and then we each serve ourself.