Well I will try to make this brief as I am very upset.
My Daughter dated a boy for almost 3 yrs and then after she got fed up with him treating her subpar she broke off the relationsip.
He apparantly complained to a friend of his who had even been to my house with his girlfriend. And this fellow used to call my daughter even when they were still together at all hours asking her to be his so called "Friend" This was odd enough as he was living with this steady girlfriend.
Well here is the troubling part of the story. He posted on Facebook wishing her dead and that may she rest in peace along with some very vulgar names on her ex-boyfriends site. This was about a month ago.
Yesterday he posted that he should have gotten the 2 girls that he wanted to Rough her up and what a ho and skank she is etc etc. And again may she"Rest In Peace" He works in town where we live and I would like to pay him a visit or should I approach the ex boyfriend to put an end to this. Should I go to the police although she is 19yrs old. I have printed the pages. Advice please!!

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

She should go to the police--ASAP! Of course, you should accompany her.

Good Lord--do not approach either of these individuals! You do not know what they are capable of you. This may just be sour grapes on the boy's part. Or he could truly be an individual who would have no problem hurting your DD or someone she loves....

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I would run to the police. Telling someone to RIP, almost sounds like a death threat to me. Hopefully he is just being an idiot and trying to make her miserable, but he needs to know that some things are not acceptable, and he needs to be held accountable!

I agree with everyone else - that's threat. Go to the Police.

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Mary

That is my thought also but the smartass hasn't actually mentioned her name on the wall so will that pose a problem with the police? I am just so crazy I can't think today

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

I'm assuming you have some indication that he is talking about your daughter?

Regardless of whether you do or not, I would still file a report. Let the cops and possibly the district attorney sort the mess out. A lot of police departments have at least one officer who does internet/computer based crimes.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

I agree. Sometimes a threat is just a threat but many times, they mean it. I'd head to the police department and let them handle it.

Oh yes it's definitly about her because it was in response to my daughter wishing him a Happy 21st birthday and he was pissed at her exboyfriend for even allowing her to blog on his sight. I guess he feels betrayed. What scares me is that he knows where we live and wants to set up a couple of friends to rough house her and then say "May she one day rest in peace" I think there is a lot of jealousy also because she is a very focused student who does very well and he thinks she has her head up in the air which couldn't be farther from the truth. He is approx 25 or 26 with a dead end job so he has the need to ransack my daughter for what I don't know. I am very scared though.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

Then why don't you do something about it? You've come on a public message board and told people that a 25 or 26 year old man is making death threats against your daughter and has posted said death threats on Facebook. If you've got time to keep explaining the man's psychological motivations to strangers, you've got time to try and stop his murder threats from becoming a reality.

Print out the evidence, get dressed and head to the police department. To keep repeating how scared you are does nothing and frankly, is a bit irritating. The only thing that the people on a coupons message board can do in this situation is advise you. We've done that already. Take our advice or don't take it but if you're really as scared as you claim to be, then get off the computer and report the man to the authorities.

Wow, I am dressed and in work and I came here because sometimes you need a neutral response from people who are not emotionally involved. Why are you being so blunt as I will do what is right for my daughter. Why are you so irritated? And the evidence is printed already and I wish I could just leave work right now but I can't with my job. Also what do you mean if I am as scared as I claim to be? What do you think I am faking or something? What a dissapointing post!

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

Couldn't agree more! Well said.

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cmemaloy@yahoo.com


I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

Life! is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

You going to the police will do nothing. Your daughter is of legal age, so she will have to go to the authorities herself. Although cyber-bullying is taken more seriously than it used to be, don't be surprised if they blow you off. Have her ask if they have a cyber-crimes unit to look into her concerns.

That was my point...her DD is 19. She needs to file a complaint herself. Of course, I think the OP should (and probably will) accompany her DD.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Best advice yet... Good Luck

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"Never loan your car to someone you have given birth too"

I don't have anything to add, you have been given some good advice. I too would a freakin out.
Good Luck.

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Sometimes the elevator often the shaft

I have no idea if you're faking or not. I've seen this type of post made so many times here and most of them were fake. All I know is that you keep posting to say how scared and crazy with fear you are and have asked for advice that no adult should have needed to ask. You say you needed 'a neutral response'? Come on, what did you think people would say? Contact the police. What else could they say?

I could understand this a bit better if it were a 12 or 13 year old boy making these death threats and you weren't sure whether that type of thing was common in boys of that age and just bluster. However, you've claimed that a 25 or 26 year old man is doing it and that he has written death threats on a public board! Anybody can see that's a threat that needs to be taken seriously. And remember, you didn't ask for emotional support. You asked "How should I handle this situation?" and for advise. Do you really need validation from a coupon board before you can act on a murder threat? That's a bit hard to believe.

As the other posters have pointed out, your daughter will need to be the one to press charges but she DOES NOT have to be the only one to report this crime. If you have time to write all this (while at work, lol), then you have time (at work), to pick up a phone and make an appointment with a detective. Or you did if you hadn't spent all your time here. Now, you'll have to wait until tomorrow because most cities don't have a detective available 24 hours. Police, sure but the person who'll be handling the case may work during the day.

I'm being blunt because if true, you or your daughter (preferably both) need to take action! Nobody can help if you don't. If the facts are as you portrayed them, then this man is a danger to your daughter. I don't know why any adult would need a coupon board to tell them that a 25 or 26 year old man's public death threats should be reported but now that you've been told, you can proceed. (And in answer to your other question, that's what I find irritating!)

Excellent advice!

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Nicole

Is there anyway you can contact facebook to have this removed? I would go to the police ASAP but if you have time to write on the computer I would research it .......

I happen to agree with Cougarskies. If I had a daughter and she were getting these type of threats, I would have taken time OFF from work and picked up my daughter and went to the police station.

The way I'm seeing the time line from here is (1) you made the original post, then (2) a little over an hour later, made another post, then (3) an hour later made another post and (4) about 45 minutes later, made another post. So in that length of time, you could have at least made some phone calls to the police to find out what you needed to do, ask for time off to do what you needed to do. I would think in this case, missed time off from work would be the last thing I would be worried about.

Facebook could close the account of the person making the threats, but that doesn't actually stop a person from carrying out the threat. Probably would only make them madder.

First I think OP wanted some objective opinions. I know that when it comes to my kids I have a tendency to be a protective Mama Bear type. Also, I tend to think differently of children that I don't particularly care for...

Second, it's real simple what the cops are going to tell her to do: "If your daughter wants to file a complaint she needs to contact us, and we will investigate".

Third, if her daughter doesn't want to pursue filing a complaint then there isn't a whole lot the OP can do since the daughter is an adult! So, maybe the OP was wanting some opinions and needs to discuss with her DD.
I think since none of us are privy to all the details, thus some of us should back off the OP and stop insinuating that she doesn't care about her DD.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

WOW, doesn't take much for these posts to go downhill. I do remember the posts from the "old days" when people came on with far out stories and sucked everyone in. If you don't believe the poster, then suck it up and drive on. I can see mentioning how odd it is that she takes the time to post here, but then again, I am not in her shoes.

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Sometimes the elevator often the shaft

I don't think anyone here has insinuated she doesn't care about her DD. I think people are trying to tell her to stop talking and do something. We're all aware her daughter is over 18. But girls who are OP's daughter's age tend to think 'nothing will happen to me'. OP let a lot of time pass today when she could have at least called the police to find out what the police could do for her daughter. Right now, they may not can do anything since it's mere threats and nothing physical has actually happened. It's a shame our justice system makes a victim wait until something has happened before they'll actually do something.

Is there a stalking law in the state she's from? Perhaps it would fall under stalking. If that's the case, they would arrest the person for that. At least the OP has made copies of the threats and if they're deleted from Facebook, she has the copies to prove it. That shows that OP wants to actually do something.

I think the concern is that the OP is doing more hand-wringing and not doing anything active about it. In these situations, time is everything. This guy may be like a ticking timebomb. However, he could be just all mouth. She did come here asking for opinions. She got opinions but obviously they were not the opinions she wanted to hear. Obviously she has already talked to her daughter or she wouldn't have had knowledge of the Facebook threats to start with.

well, call me crazy (and many do!) but, why would the OP have to have talked to her DD just because she knew about the facebook threats? Could the OP have been on Facebook without her DD's knowledge?

And I'm not being snarky--I don't "do" Facebook(and thank the Good Lord above, my kids have not hit teenage yet!), haven't a clue how it works, so I'm asking in all seriousness.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Possibly but unlikely. The OP said that My Daughter dated a boy for almost 3 yrs and then after she got fed up with him treating her subpar she broke off the relationsip. He apparantly complained to a friend of his who had even been to my house with his girlfriend. And this fellow used to call my daughter even when they were still together at all hours asking her to be his so called "Friend" This was odd enough as he was living with this steady girlfriend.

Oh yes it's definitly about her because it was in response to my daughter wishing him a Happy 21st birthday and he was pissed at her exboyfriend for even allowing her to blog on his sight. I guess he feels betrayed. What scares me is that he knows where we live and wants to set up a couple of friends to rough house her and then say "May she one day rest in peace" I think there is a lot of jealousy also because she is a very focused student who does very well and he thinks she has her head up in the air which couldn't be farther from the truth.

Well here is the troubling part of the story. He posted on Facebook wishing her dead and that may she rest in peace along with some very vulgar names on her ex-boyfriends site. This was about a month ago.

Yesterday he posted that he should have gotten the 2 girls that he wanted to Rough her up and what a ho and skank she is etc etc. And again may she"Rest In Peace.

It's impossible to believe that the OP has been crazed with fear for a whole month so she had to have just learned about this. (I would hope so, anyway). The background details that the OP gave didn't come from Facebook, the daughter had to tell her these things. What difference does that make, anyway? No matter who told her, she knows now.

No one insinuated that the OP didn't care about her daughter and we're only privy to the details that the OP chose to share. So far, the details that the OP has shared only include the death threats and many statements of how frightened she is.

It's understandable to be frightened but there comes a point when action is what's needed. How is returning to a coupons site every hour on the hour to say how scared you are going to help? She asked for opinions and she got them. Whether she chooses to follow the advice is up to her but the hourly emoting isn't going to help much. Her time would be better spent talking to the police.

It's not a given that the police can't/won't help, either. If this was a private threat, that might be true enough but these were death threats on a message board. That opens the man up to various federal charges and though they probably won't pursue them, they will at least pay the man a visit. Any homicide detective will tell you that they'd rather prevent a murder than solve one and the police can arrange for someone to check him out. Maybe a police visit by uniformed officers will scare him into leaving the daughter alone. Maybe not, but it's better than just posting how scared you are over and over. If you have time to do that, you have time to make a phone call and the phone call might help the daughter. Repeated posting your fear on a coupons board sure won't.

I'm in the same boat....WHAT is FaceBook??? I even asked my kids, and they didn't know. I'm thinking I'm glad of that, too.

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Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

Facebook is just like Myspace. Anything goes!

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"Madison AnnMarie " 6/13/2008

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My bestfriend was 18 when she was shot and killed by a idiot who thought he would rule her life in the beginning and the end of the relationship!


Maybe this boy doesnt really mean these things he is saying but who are we to decide that he is making
threats that he either is trying to scare her or not, I know if it were my DD I would do something.
Good Luck!

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RIP Chibby my chinchilla 10/02/09

She is 19 and he is 25-26? The OP said that they dated for almost 3 years? So she was 16-17 and he was 22-23 when they started dating? Maybe something should have been done 3 years ago.


Rebecca

I read the story as the ex-boyfriend JUST turned 21, and it was a friend of the ex-boyfriend who was harassing. And it's the friend who is 25-26.

Thus, if the way I read was correct then, OP's DD would have been 16ish when they started dating and the boyfried would have been 18ish...

Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong...that's just the way I understood the OP's tale.

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Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Any updates? What did you end up doing? What was the result? Did you get a restraining order? Please let us know.

oops posted twice

The Police are now involved and my Daughter is 19 soon to be 20 and her ex has just turned 21. The person making threats is approx 25 and was also a co-worker of hers when she started working a resgister at 16 where her ex also worked at the time and thats how they all met. I would never allow a 16 yr old to date someone in their 20's.

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Without Health you have no Wealth!

I wish you luck in this. I know my ex 20 years ago use to call my house and threaten me, death threats etc.. I would call the police and make reports. I even recorded the calls with me telling him I was doing it. He was drunk and would always call at 2:30am on Friday and Saturday nights. I could not change my phone number because I had a baby by him and he was allowed to have it. The police made it there one night while I was on the phone with him. The police even talked to him. And heard him threaten me.
They told me that would make a report but until he acted on his threats there was nothing they could do.
And advised me to file phone harrassment charges on him. So I did do that. And in court he was told to stop calling me at all hours and stop threatening me. That was it.

I hope the police take this situation more seriously with your daughter. I know how scarey it can be.
You would think someone that is 25 or so would have better things to do.
Good luck.

Thank you so much for the update! I hope that they can resolve this, and your daughter will remain safe.

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Nicole