I offered to help my SIL out with her 2 kids if there was a snow day, and I didn't really think she would actually take me up on it since we haven't really been on the best terms for about 4 years. She' s having a hard time with her DH they are talking divorce and since that all happened we have started talking regularly again. Well she called at 6:00AM to see if she could drop them off and it really wasn't a problem this time, it gave my kids something to do.

I am afraid when the summer vacation gets here she'll ask me to watch them!? I really can't, it would be too much with my 2, but how can I say no!? I know last year her kids went to camp for most of the summer and then each of them took turns taking time off to stay home, but now that things aren't going well and there isn't any money to send them to camp, I don't know what they'll do!

Where do you kids stay when they are on vacation? Or when there's a snow day?

And how can I get out of this!?

If I had them all summer I don't even have a car big enough to fit everyone in, I couldn't even go to the store if I needed, I would be stuck home. My last summer was about the worst and I don't want another bad one in a row, my poor kids!

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

First off, you should not feel like you have no choice in this. It is EXTREMELY kind of you to offer to watch her kids on snow days. That DOESN'T imply you will watch them over the summer. If she asks, say NO. You do not have to have a reason or explanation...just say NO. If is not your problem that she is having marriage problems and may be short on cash. Sounds harsh but hey, why should you have to suffer because she's getting a divorce? You have already stated great reasons why you can't watch them over the summer but honestly, you don't have to feel like you have to justify wanting to have your summers *free* with your own kids. It would put a damper on any plans your family might have.

Now, to answer your question: I work at home so snow days and summer aren't issues. If I have business meetings I ask a family member to watch them. In the summer, each grandparent takes the kids for 2 weeks so DH and I can get away together to renew. Most people I know who both work hire a teenager to babysit during the summer or they do all day daycare.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you just want to vent. You shouldn't need to sacrifice your life to help someone out. Here and there (like snow days) *may* work out for you but I would NEVER assume that someone willing to watch my kids for a snow day would be willing to watch my kids.

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I wouldn't commit to watching the kids for the summer unless you really wanted to. I work part time as a merchandiser, so I work my own schedule, snow days and days off during the school year are not a problem, I just work around them. The summer I usually try to get her enrolled in some fun day camp type things she wants to do, like last year she was in softball camp, basketball camp, a science program, a pottery class, arts and crafts class, these usually are 4-5 hours long and will last 3-5 days and I just work during the time she is her programs. Then DH usually takes a couple of weeks off. If there is nothing available she wants to take in a certain week then I will work evenings or on the weekend. Ocasionally I will have to hire a sitter I think last year she went to a sitter about 4-5 times over the summer.

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I agree with everything above from sexysmurf! It is definitely not your responsibility.

If you are the kind of person (like me) who doesn't like to say 'no' - then you might want to start putting out vibes about how busy your summer will be this year. You can do this innocently enough, I think. Even - "Oh - I can't wait until the kids are out of school - we're already looking forward to our plans for the summer! Make things sound like they are already more or less set in stone. Any 'plans' you have could always magically disappear when the time comes - things are always more in flux than they might seem months away, so you wouldn't have to defend yourself at all.

I just don't even like the awkwardness when someone asks me something that is just way too imposing, or that I know I have strong feelings about, and if I can anticipate it all, it's good to deflect before it ever came to be!

Me either! I was surprised that she even called the other day, we hadn't discussed it other than a quick offer of if you need me, so I really didn't think she would!

And you are all right, my kids do have plans for the summer, bible school, science camp for a week and hopefully up to Maine for a few days. With my Dad being sick and here last summer we really didn;t do anything and I felt horrible that they had such a miserable time.

I figured if I could prepare for the question maybe with some ideas of who ELSE could watch them then I would be ahead of it a little. My FIL was on disability 2 summers ago and he had them ALL summer and all he did was complain to ME about it, I don't want that.

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"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

Normally my kids went to daycamp at our church, but this year I will be off in the summer.

I do have a snow delay plan with a sister in law, but have not had to use it. I work in a different school district than my kids attend, so I asked if she would watch my son for a couple of hours if his school is delayed and my school is not.
So far they have been the same. She would just watch him and then run him to school at the right time.

I would not worry about finding her a sitter, its her responsibility. I also don't think you should feel obligated to watch them. You only offered to help out on snow days. That is a lot different than an entire summer.

Being back-up for a day or two now and then is different from having the kids over every day for months at a time... Hopefully she would know this but plan your response ahead of time so that you'll feel good about saying 'no' and not feel guilty.

I'd encourage her to find a sitter but keep the emergency back-up 'a day now and then but not long term' option open. I have that with friends and it rarely happens but it is nice for them to know that the option is available.