I wanted to make some extra money, but still have the flexibility of doing things with my kids, and taking vacations without the hassle and stress of requesting time off at a new job, so a few months ago I started babysitting 2 children in my home. I really need to vent to someone about these kids!! (Besides my mom and my husband). The youngest is a year old, and has 4 teeth. Her mom feeds her corn and hot dogs. (other things too, but I have a problem with these) She has specifically told me that if she forgets to bring food for the baby, just give her a hot dog. Now, I don't think my kids had hot dogs until they were 3 or 4 yaers old. The older child goes to preschool part time, and occasionally the mom asks me to pick her up from preschool. However, I don't have a booster seat and it is a state law here. Everytime I have mentioned this to the mom, she says, oh don't worry, just buckle her in a seat belt, we do it all the time. Now I don't care how any one else raises their kids, but if I am responsible for the kids, then I want those kids to be safe in my home and car, which they aren't if I am feeding them foods they can choke on and putting a 4 year old in a seat belt when she should be in a booster seat. Some other little things, the baby walks, but never comes in shoes!! It was 0 degrees out, and no shoes, just a pair of socks on her feet. I know everyone raises their kids different, but come on, if your feet are cold, don't you think your baby's are too!! I know some of you are thinking maybe they don't have any money, but they do. Mom has a new car, and dad has an SUV, new also. They also wear name brand ski coats, but the kids wear fall type jackets (basically sweatshirts) and last week the older child came over (and does quite often, except it happened to be the 0 degree day I mentioned earlier) in jeans with large holes in the knees. I am just one of those pople who gets annoyed when parents don't put their kids needs before them. Don't know if there's much advice anyone can give, but like I said, I really needed to vent about this!! I am not a perfect parent, but a lot of this tuff IS common sense!! One other note about the situation, I am only going to babysit them until my kids are out of school for the summer, so I can spend more time doing things with my kids, but meanwhile, I am dealing with all this for 4 more months!! The deal was suppose to be that I provide food for the older child, and they provide food for the younger child. Like I said, they forget a lot, so I end up feeding the baby MY food. In all honesty, my pay is very low. (I watch them approx 45 hours a week, and pay is less than $175 a week) Okay, thanks everyone, I am done venting now. Cannot wait until the summer comes!!!

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If for no other reason but to protect yourself - you better make sure you're everything safely - whether the mother is an incompetent mother or not.

Strap the little kids into the seat without a carseat? You're better off picking up a carseat at a tag sale for $5 than following her advise. If you are not a licensed day-care provider and this child gets hurt on your watch, guess who will be charged?

I would also insist to the mother that hot dogs make you nervous, and in your home you'd feel safer providing ____. You don't have to apologize, or make excuses - you just want to be the best babysitter you can be. Period.

I think you're walking on thin ice with this lady. The best advice I can think of would be to do everything within your powers to keep those kids safe - even if it's obviously NOT their mom's priority.

As far as the baby showing up with just socks on the feet I can't say nothing because EVERY time my DD was a baby I put shoes on that child and she always and I mean always kicked them off until she got old enough to walk then she kept them on better.

I would go and buy a booster seat you can find them new for $10-15 if you don't want to go to a sale.

I wouldn't fee a child anything that I didn't feel comfortable with in my home. You have to live with the choices if something goes wrong. Use your best judgement.

I'm glad that the end is in sight for you... I would seriously think over if you want to start up again after the summer and let her know ASAP if you will not be watching them anymore. It will give her time to start looking for someone else.

If you decide to keep doing it, I'd really try to look for the roses amongst the thorns...

I've been in your position and it is VERY hard. I'll never do it again and favor substitute teaching at the school for a day at a time here and there ver the headaches of a babysitting in my home work week. Subbing can be extremely difficult but thank you for reminding me of how difficult babysitting was!!!! -- I needed a reminder.

Do you have a Freecycle group in your area? Post a wanted for a Booster Seat there or see if someone has one available.

I would be diplomatic and nice about telling her that it concerns you about hot-dogs for the baby, I dont know if you are licensed, but there is a USDA Food Program for Daycare providers that re-imburses you money for feeding the children, it maybe somehting worth looking into, but you have to be licensed to get into the program.

If they are constantly not sending food for the baby tell them its an added expense and you are going to charge them $3-$5 a day extra in daycare costs for providing food for the baby.

I think these people are in some ways neglecting the children if they are not putting the kdis needs before theirs I would much rather go around in clothes with holes in them myself than EVER let my child be seen in scraggly clothes, I have put my sons needs before mine many times skipping out on my meds for the month because he needed something.

just my .02 cents worth

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I would never ever put someone elses child or my own in a seat belt without a booster seat. If anything happens to these kids it is going to be your fault. Honestly i would put an end to the job if it was me as it doesn't seem worth it for what your being paid for all that your having to put out just to watch them. I have gone months without things i needed because my kids needs come first and unfortantely some people don't think the same way.

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Do you have anything in writing about them bringing their own food or you picking up the preschooler? If not, it may not be too late to get something written up so you can get paid for your time and gas/food bill. Also I think it's the mom's responsibility to provide the booster seat for the car, unless you agreed you would provide it.

Legally, you need to have the child in some kind of seat. Besides the safety issue, who is going to pay the ticket if you get pulled over?

And NEVER give a 1 year old a hot dog unless it is cut up in TINY little pieces, regardless of what the mom says. (But I bet you knew that)

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Mary

The no shoes and the clothes don't bother me much. Unless the baby is going to be walking outside, shoes really aren't necessary and they're just one more thing to keep track of. And they likely have some nicer clothes at home that they wear "out". I guess I'm just practical in that I'd not be apt to spend money on something that wasn't a big need if what we had was sufficient. For a school-aged child to have to go to school in tattered clothes would be a different thing to me than a small child who could care less about their jeans. So long as they're clean. Nasty filthy is different than simply used.

The car seat thing is different because she's put you in a position of having to break the law to do your job... besides the fact that there are dangers involved.

The food issue is simply irresponsible. The hot dog doesn't bother me as much as her assuming it's no big deal for you to always pick up the slack for her not bringing food. Hot dogs can be cut up small enough that they're not dangerous, and if she comes from a family where that is typical fare, I can understand why she'd think it over the top to act like it's a taboo food if in fact it's cut up small enough. I remember babysitting for a family that gave their babies FROZEN hot dogs (this was 30 years ago) because they were easy to chew on and cool in the summer. It always grossed me out - still does! But I can't say the girls were in danger from it. It was just an oddity of their family style.

I'd tell her you need a booster chair and ask if she'd like you to get one and bill her (and then it could be hers when you're through) or if she wanted to get one. I'd also ask if she'd like to remember food more consistently or be charged for food. Who knows - she might gladly pay you an extra $2 - $3/day not to have to think about getting food ready, and you could charge a bit more than the food actually cost for the service.

Around here, they would be in a booster seat for the older and a baby seat for the younger. My seven year old grandson is still in a seat. Missouri, 80 pounds and 57 inches tall, I think and at least age 7. My grandson is 7 but weighs nowhere near 80 pounds. I think about 55 pounds, so he will be in some sort of seat for a long while yet.

You need to tell those parents that they have to provide seats. I suspect they need you more than you need them and one of you has to act like an adult. I also would tell them that you are not going to feed them items that you think are dangerous and also that they need to pay more for food for the youngest.

As far as the lack of proper clothing, I would let that ride for now. Go to a thrift shop and pick up some things for them to wear while they are at your house and then remove them just before they are picked up. It will be warm soon, so they won't need much and for long.

If you do a search online, you can find the regulations for your state. Print them out and show them to the parents. Tell them your insurer will not abide by your breaking the law and that you must have proper seats for them. Give them a deadline for providing seats and refuse to put either child in a car until you have the seats. If anything happens while those kids are in your care, you could lose everything if you haven't protected them from injury and followed the law.

You sound like a very nice person, and the problem with that is that you want to be nice. But you are not "friends" with this family doing them an occasional "favor". This is a business proposition and they are taking advantage of you.

This is a business. As with ANY business, there are expenses if the people do not meet their agreements.
As another poster stated:
"If they are constantly not sending food for the baby tell them its an added expense and you are going to charge them $3-$5 a day extra in daycare costs for providing food for the baby." Then tack on the price at the end of the week and insist that they pay the additional fee.
That is what a business would charge.
PLUS:
As everyone has stated you MUST have car seats/booster seats. No exceptions, this is the rule, this is a BUSINESS.
Either you kindly purchase a second hand seat, get one free from Freecycle (they are wonderful, by the way) and then you MUST charge them the cost plus gas etc.
Or they MUST PROVIDE ONE/or more for their children.
That's it, it's a deal breaker.

Unfortunately, the clothes issue is not critical, just dumb, but perfectly within their rights to be foolish. The other issues however infringe upon YOUR Rights as an employee.

It is so hard to be confrontational it seems. But again, you are not "doing them a favor" but this is a contracted business dealing. Imagine pulling this kind of thing at a day care center, or dry cleaner or restaurant or any other kind of business. You can be polite, but you must be firm.

And those are just the few items you have mentioned so far. If these are the kind of people who take advantage, and then see you as someone weak, there WILL CERTAINLY be more things in the next 4 months that they will do if YOU DO NOT TAKE CHARGE NOW. Trust me, they will take as far as they can until you do something now.

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>>>If you do a search online, you can find the regulations for your state. Print them out and show them to the parents. Tell them your insurer will not abide by your breaking the law and that you must have proper seats for them. Give them a deadline for providing seats and refuse to put either child in a car until you have the seats.<<<

My sentiments exactly. You can try to diplomatically let mom know that you've run into a problem with your insurance that you only recently discovered and insist she leave a seat for the child the very next day or you will not be able to have the child in your car. You might wanna tell her you know it's a pain in the butt and you hate giving her such short notice of this change, but there's nothing you can do about it because it's the law. And because you never know when an emergency may crop up where you'd need to have her kids in the car, this is something that must be dealt with immediately, and it will be an everyday need.

*If* you decide to care for these 2 kids after the summer, and if you decide to care for any other kids, I can't stress strongly enough the need for having your expectations as the child minder and the parents' expectations of what they get for their money in writing. I know some home day cares that put in writing that one week's pay, as decided in the contract, be paid in advance. You can include in that week's pay X amt. of money per day for food you may have to provide as well as what you will charge per mile for for pre-school transport. And then you can also write into the contract that any unused portion of food and transportation charges may be applied towards the next week's food/transport charges.
If these folks are a bit flaky, this may work well for the 1st week, but not for subsequent weeks unless you have it all in writing and the weekly food & transport fees are to stay the same each week (ie: much be included in each pre-paid week, minus any unused portion from the previous week, not just pre-paying for one week's worth of hourly sitting fees).
It *is* a business, you are providing a service in order to earn an income.
If you worked anyplace outside of your home and an employer expected you to complete certain duties without the tools or resources to do so you would find that a very difficult situation to continue dealing with every day. You are providing one of the most highly responsible and least appreciated services possible. You may be able to live with the lack of appreciation for all you do, it's unfortunately one of the down sides of home day care. But you can not live with having the responsibilities for children's safety and well being being on your shoulders w/out the necessary tools (like a car seat).

You might also want to check your auto insurance and make sure you have a large enough rider to cover other kids.

You can point out to the parents where you have a fire extinquisher in the kitchen, where your smoke and CO2 detectors are, etc. and try to make them understand the seat for their child is just another safety requirement the law will not accept you being without if you are to watch any one else's kids.

If you can make the parents understand you are not just trying to make life harder for them, but this is what the law requires for you to watch *any* kids, that it has only recently come to your attention,it may go over better.

They do need you more than you need them,so you must be very firm on the safety issues and requirements. I know it may be awful to think about doing it, but if they show up without a seat you will have to grit your teeth, apologize profusely, and tell them you can't watch the kids that day without it, especially after you've already explained what an awkward position it would place you in to consider breaking the law.

Everything in writing is my motto.


Live and learn, eh?

Good luck!

MZ

The other day I noticed a booster seat in Target for less than $20. It would be worth it to me if I was you to just go ahead and get it, then tack that on to the weeks charge. Good luck!

It really depends on how large the child is (the 4 year old) whether or not he/she just needs a 'booster' seat. This child still needs to be in a 5 point harness regardless, not the booster seat that you just swing the lap belt over and latch (but of course you should be certain through the height and weight for the seat, height and weight of the child, etc.). Does that make sense? The one year old of course needs to be in a 5 point harness also (either convertible seat or booster seat depending again on height and weight, but it is highly recommended that up to 35 pounds and xyz height be positioned rear facing in a convertible seat; they may forward face on most seats at 1 year and xyz pounds, but again it depends on the seat and the weight of the child--I know it's all very confusing but I'm sure you've been there before and know what you're doing). I would not get a used seat/seats unless you know how old the seat is (most 'expire' after 6 years and should not be re-used), and if the seat has EVER been in a fender bender or any sort of accident at all, it is useless (car seat manufacturers say toss them if ever been in an accident as they can't guarantee the seat will work as it is supposed to afterwards; i.e. protect the child). Also, if you get a used seat and have an accident, I would think you are leaving yourself open for a serious lawsuit from the parents; if you go this route, see if you can get something in writing from the mom and dad stating it's acceptable to do so. Not sure if it would hold up in court but at least it might help. This is going to be a hard call as the seats need to fit your car, therefore you may have to chalk it up as a business expense (save receipts for taxes) and just purchase the seats, or get really good loaners from trusted individuals, etc. I can totally see though that the mom of these kids really should be paying for the seats or giving you back-up seats to use in your vehicle. She sounds very ignorant at the least on child safety regarding vehicles, and I agree that she doesn't seem to have her kids' safety at heart (I would NEVER just buckle andy of my kids in that needed to be in a seat). It may just be a case of 'she doesn't know the laws' though. You'd be surprised at how many people don't know the car seat laws. Go to your state's website and print off your child safety laws and show them to her, tell her that if you are going to be picking up/transporting her children at all, you WILL be obeying the law. It will be a rather hefty fine for you and a mark on your driving record and insurance bills if you are stopped and found guilty of breaking the law. Not to even mention what would happen to those kids if you have any sort of wreck at all (and if it's just a minor accident and no one is hurt, you are STILL going to be ticketed for disobeying the law regarding child safety seats, etc.). I used to be a case manager for DHS, and I know that there are several programs out there through them and the police dept. that provide low cost seats. Call them and see if they can help you if the mom doesn't or won't get them or pay for them and you are unable to do so as a business expense. If all else fails, tell the parents that you are trying to get licensed (or are thinking about getting licensed) for daycare in your home, and there is a checklist and there will be a DHS case worker out at some point to make sure that you are complying with the 'rules' and all state laws. I bet that would do it if she really wants to keep you as a babysitter. If not, she has probably done you a HUGE favor as this could be looked at as a 'red flag' of sorts for issues on down the line and you could give them notice that you aren't going to continue sitting for them. Sorry this is so long, can you tell I'm very passionate about car seat safety?!

I wouldn't be concerned about the child coming to your house in 'old' clothes. I didn't put my daughter's best on her when she went to the babysitter either (I have 4 kids but only one went to an in-home sitter when I worked). I knew my child's sitter didn't have time to keep every single child 'spot free' (as I rarely do at home so they play in old clothes). I buy my kids nicer clothes (they pass them down to the younger ones over the years and have to hold up) and I take good care of them; maybe the mom doesn't want to have to worry about a 'good' outfit getting ruined? Probably less stress on you that she sends them in old clothes truly; now the holes in the knees I would probably throw them away or certainly not let them wear them in cold weather, but... If you need the coats to transport the kids to/from the car, see if she'll start bringing them one or just use a blanket to wrap the baby up for sure (you could do this for the 4 year old too if needed I guess). Same deal with the shoes. I have a 16 month old and he is just now to the point (over past two months) that he will actually let me put and keep shoes on him. Some kids just hate them. About the hotdogs, they can be cut up in small pieces. All of my kids ate some table food by 9 or 10 months, and certainly that is what they were eating at one year and up. Of course it all has to be cut up very small, etc. I would worry more about the child's nutrition if it is only getting hot dogs as the protein supply every day, kwim? Can you just do leftovers for the child from the previous night maybe? I know you had an agreement about the mom bringing food for the baby, but if everything else is working out, and the car seat thing gets fixed, I might just let this one go if you need the extra income and want to keep watching the kids. I know you said both parents are driving nice new cars and wear nice clothes, but who knows maybe they are still having money issues? Especially since they have a 'new addition' in the baby; sometimes a second child throws curves into the budget; maybe the nice clothes and newer cars were purchased before they realized how much of a 'curve' ya know? Sometimes things aren't really as they appear, kwim? Honestly, they may just be clueless as it seems a lot of parents are these days. But I do agree with the other posters, if you had an agreement with the parents to bring the baby's food, then they should be bringing it. It's up to you if you want to terminate the situation over this if they don't start complying with your agreement. It is a business that's for sure. You might just ask her nicely one day about it, stating that you know in the beginning you both agreed that they would provide the baby food, but you realize that things are hectic at home with a baby and the mom trying to get to work, another child there, etc., and would they just at this point accept an added $10 (or whatever) per week increase and you would start taking care of that? I bet she might even be relieved not to have to worry about it (but maybe not since she isn't doing it anyway, so maybe she is taking advantage of you?).

You sound like you really do care for these two kids' well being. I have babysat also and I have also taught a mother's day out program and I KNOW watching other peoples' kids is certainly one of the hardest jobs on the earth! I also know that there are parents out there that will take serious advantage of you if you don't speak up, but a lot of the time it's just an oversight on the parents' part or some sort of ignorance (hopefully when mom sees the state laws on carseats she'll get a wake-up call). I hope everything works out. Please keep us posted as to what happens.

I'm with devinmom, you need to insist that she bring a safety seat for the preschooler. If you get pulled over, or in an accident, it is you that will get in trouble, not the mom, and her saying its OK to put the child in a safety seat isn't going to remove any liability if the child gets injured in an accident.

As far as feeding the 1yo, maybe you can boost your fee a few bucks and provide meals so you are more comfortable with what the child is eating? I know I wouldn't be too comfortable with feeding a 1 yo with few teeth things like hotdogs. Even older children choke on things like that.

I definitely don't blame you for venting.

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If I ever catch Not-Me he's grounded!!

Well, here is an update. The mom will not pay more for food for the baby. (not surprising, since I watch the kids for two full weeks BEFORE I even get paid!!) She said just give her whatever I have if she forgets to bring food. She said she will try to avoid calling me last minute to pickup the oldest at preschool, since she said she won't leave carseats everyday. My husband said I am not spending a dime on the kids, especially since money is so tight with us right now, and as he reminds me, I get paid "crap". So I am just not going to take the kids anywhere, if she calls to p/u the 4 year old, I will just say I can't do it. (She's not my daughter, so I guess I really shouldn't reel guilty about this, and I know you are all right, she is not going to pay for the ticket I get!!) So I am definitely going to stop watching them the end of May, so not even 3 months left. Some of you asked if I am certified, the answer is no, so I don't qualify for the food program the government runs for home daycares. One more thing, the other day, the 4 year old told me now that the baby has 5 teeth, she is old enough for fruit snacks!! The mom gives them to the baby after dinner!! I don't know, kids eat such junk growing up, why would you want to rush that!! And no, that baby will not be getting fruit snacks from me.

__________________
Together They Fell
Together We Stand
Never Forget:
2/26/93
6/25/96
9/11/01
God Bless USA and our Troops!

I noticed in the target ad in today's paper that they have a booster seat on sale for $15. I know you said money is tight, but I'd pay $15 for peace of mind.

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

I babysat when my kids were little, and eventually got certified as a family day care home. I didn't last long. I couldn't believe how much people took advantage of me. I do admit that I was an easy target...but, geez. One woman was married to a doctor and she'd quibble about the number of hours her kids were with me. I kept a log and was always right. This same woman openly told me that she paid much more (hourly) to her housekeeper than she paid me to watch 3 kids! I could go on and on...but you get the point.

I think you really have to babysit as a "business" and have clear cut rules and documents. And a very strong backbone.

I agree OP with what freer said in this post above. If you want to continue sitting for pay (for a different person than the one you have now for sure), then you should sit down and type up a 'contract' that the parents must read and sign before you agree on sitting for them. I also think that the fact that you did not get paid for 2 weeks (yikes) in the beginning was a major red flag as to how this was going to go (I know you see that now though). I can't believe the mom told you that she wouldn't pay more for food, but if she forgot to 'bring' food for the baby, then you could just let her eat whatever YOU had available. What did you say to that? Wow, I would say this mom has some backbone (not really the word I want to use, but I probably can't type that word here!) to be so verbal about it like that (take advantage of you that is). I guess the only way to look at this situation is maybe a learning experience, but I KNOW that there are people out there that are seriously in need of a good babysitter and will treat you right, you just have to find the right one. You really need to go into the babysitting game with the mindset of "is this going to work for me?/is this a good match for ME?". I know it's hard to turn away people though when you need the money. Sorry it's such a bad situation and I hope May gets here before you know it!

may check freecycle, might find a booster someone doesnt need anymore or a regular car seat

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