While I understand why everyone would love to ideally have a Fairy Tale Princess wedding why?

After the wedding day is over and the days, months, & years go by what is the difference? On your six month, one year, five year, ten year, etc anniversary will it/did it matter what kind of wedding you had?

Those of you who are still paying off wedding debt was it worth it? Or if you are paying of a child's wedding was it worth it?

We did our backyard wedding for around $1000 with food being most of the budget. While I am not saying everyone should have the "budget" wedding we did, would it not be better to buy a home or pay down debt with the money?

Am I cuckoo?

The reason this came up is that I am watching "Whose Wedding is it..." on Style and the man is saying $60 thousand that is more than double but the woman and wedding planner are saying they are doing it and getting some great deals so he says to her well you are the one who will work two jobs and she laughs.

Excuse me but to work two jobs and pay for years for one day that is foggy in the bride's memory anyway? I must be cuckoo because that sounds outlandish to me.

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I had a pretty decent sized wedding, not the size by any means of what you are talking about seeing on that show, but a really nice sized wedding.
For me personally, I am glad we did that. Not everyone wants the whole big wedding thing, but for some girls it really is a dream come true.

This is not the main reason I had a big wedding, but an added bonus was that my Grandma spent a year helping plan the wedding and she loves to do that kind of thing, so that was nice to give her something to focus on.

I think it really is an individual thing as to whether or not it is worth it to each person.

One day when my DD was like 3 or 4 she was looking at pictures and she said, "mommy, why were you being a princess?" It was a wedding picture.

DH and I spent $5,000 on everything fourteen years ago. Since we were in our late 20's when we married and already had established households, we paid for it ourselves. FIL did pay for rehearsal dinner, though, but that was his choice; we didn't expect him to do it. We had a beautiful church wedding, opted for a reception in the church hall without music or DJ, etc. Our friends and attendants were all older and mostly married. They did most of the decorating and leg work for us.

Six months before we got hitched, some friends of ours spent $30,000 on their wedding. The groom was pulling out his credit card and still settling up when the limo was ready for them to leave the reception.

I think many young people today see glitz and glamour in the media and believe they need to do it up big, too. They have no concept of saving and planning. Everything is bought on credit and I also think a lot of people have a sense of entitlement to that sort of thing.

Agree w/ the OP wholeheartedly. It's better to go small and use any extra money for first home, pay down debt, etc.

__________________
I want to keep ALL of my paycheck and eliminate the pyramid scheme known as Social Security (there is no lockbox ). Do you want the same thing? www.fairtax.org

We spend about $1200 in 1990 and had a nice wedding... the reception was what cost money and I am not counting the honeymoon which was about $800. Announcements donated by my uncle who is a graphic artist, cake inexpensive made by a dear elderly friend, beautiful gown from JCPenney for $80 (several people have borrowed my gown since!), food catered by a local restaurant in a relative's back yard, etc.

My personal thinking is that it is not about the wedding, it is about the marriage.

I guess we all have a different view on it maybe based on how we were raised, etc. I do not think that you are cuckoo in feeling this way!

Ours was cheap, married in my grand parents living room and only close friends and family <and some unwanted family> think the biggest expence was the preacher. He was my Sunday school preachers years and years before. Unfortunatly he passed away last year, but he always told my grandparents he was happy to have married us <15 years ago> and have us still married and have had 5 kids since he's seen so many marry and divorce like returning an item to the store to trade for something new

__________________
Books just wanna be FREE! See what I mean at:
http://bookcrossing.com

My other favorites
www.paperbackswap.com
www.wheresgeorge.com
www.geocaching.com

Our priest was $250.

I agree. I think it's silly to spend big bucks. We got married very inexpensively...and I still look back and think we spent too much. If I had it all to to again, I'd elope.

I think it's insane to spend all that money on something like a wedding. I would much rather buy a house or do something useful with it. But...that's me. 11 years ago DH and I spend $5K on our wedding and it was small. Most of that was food and beer/wine and the DJ. We did do a church as well so decorating took up a nice chunk. I would have prefered the beach or no church but MIL *insisted* it "at least" be a church since it wasn't going to be a Catholic church LOL I compromised...it wasn't that big an issue for me and I wanted her to at least be appeased since we'll be *family* for some time

My SIL on the other hand, *just* got married in Oct in Vail (where she lives) and from what I gather, her wedding was over $25K and that doesn't include her dress (which MIL bought). It costs a fortune to get married up there. Just the church and priest was over $1K for 45 minutes and we were *rushed* out because of a christening coming in. The reception hall was very expensive...but it's really the only nice place to have one and it was beautiful She thinks it was worth it. I think it was a waste...

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

Some people are more in love with the idea of the "wedding" than the marriage. If I had it to do over, DH and I would spend even less than we did.

DH's cousin got married 10 years ago, and it was a HUGE to do.....HUGE, and sadly, the only things most people remember was her brother getting drunk and saying lots of "stuff" and how inappropriate she and her DH were at taking off the garter (think When Harry met Sally dinner scene). But, her parents payed, and did so gladly, as she clearly walks on water to them. To each there own, but, I hope when the time comes my children will remember it is the marriage you should invest so much in, not the wedding.

__________________
Doing the right thing isn't always the same as doing the easy thing.

If you are, that would make two (at least).

cj/

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Would make three of us
;-)

When hubby and I got married, we went downtown to the court house, got the paperwork, had our parents and one friend. The wedding was done within one hour and cost us less than $100. Later that evening, we went out for dinner, and celebrated with all.

That was 13 years ago, and we are still married today...the wedding does not make the marriage...and I really think some are stuck on that thought.

No flames please, just giving my opinion

__________________
Think about helping out with cancer...
Join the Relay for Life

10 years ago we went to Vegas and paid $200 for everything including a video. Noone was there with us but neither my husband or I wanted a big wedding. I personally did not want to pressure of the planning. We had fun and it was a nice little wedding.

18 1/2 years ago my parents spent $2500 on my wedding. FIL paid for the rehearsal dinner & reception, we paid for the honeymoon. It was very pretty, very basic and has lasted.

Some of our close friends thought we didn't have an elegant enough wedding. They had a harp player, ice sculptures, the whole she-bang. They are now divorced and married to other people.

I think the weddings I hear about today that in the tens of thousands of dollars with a bridzilla on top of it all are just selfish and over-the-top. It may be the brides big day, but that doesn't give her the right to treat others like crap.

Just my opinion!

Lisa

__________________
"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

Dh & I just went and got married... All we had to do was pay the Justice of the Peace. Someday we will probably get remarried so all of our family can see (perhaps our 10th anniversary?? That is summer 09)

__________________
AKA: Airbornearmywife

My first wedding we did it BIG.
My second a year an half ago, well it could have been on "my Redneck wedding " on T.V. ..lol

We got married in our yard, had everything we needed, flowers, arch and music. I wore a nice beige dress, he wore his black jeans, dress shirt and black cowboy hat. Our preacher wore his cowboy hat also.

My boys gave me away. We asked all guests to come in "casual attire". to me that meant Jeans, and they did!
I have a septic tank, so we rented a nice porta john, I didn't want everyone in the house and using the toilet. Had the canopy's with lights, and even had fires for at night. the DJ rocked! We let our neighbors below us know that we were having a party and they were invited. Most of them are detectives and cops. They had a great time . We really do not have neighbors but wanted to include them also.

Also had a few kegs of beer, champagne, more food then we could eat, and 4 cakes!. Our yard was in full bloom it looked so pretty. The pond was flowing and the fish swimming.
Everyone had a great time, I think we went through about 5 gallons of Crown Royal, I really do not remember lol

It was the best time, everyone wants to do it again for our anniversary. We spent in all about 500.00 $

We have a nice yard so I figured its the last time I am getting married and I wanted casual and I got it!

__________________
"Madison AnnMarie " 6/13/2008

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/g...t=8652d1ea.pbr

http://s244.photobucket.com/albums/g...t=adbcb309.pbr

You hit the nail right on the head. Why are so many brides these days so mean and nasty?

Anyway, that said, I did have an expensive (25K) wedding 12 years ago that was fabulous, but not over the top. I have unbelievably happy memories of that day and still get many compliments about my wedding day. I wouldn't have done it any differently.

I can understand a nice wedding I just can't understand going into debt (or making your parents go into debt) to do it.

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

While lots of you are telling stores of what you did years ago, keep in mind that the brides the OP is talking about are from the gneration that had fancy birthday parties and formals during their freshman year in high school so they wouldn't have to wait until they were juniors or seniors to get a formal gown and rent the limo etc.

It is a new generation...and one that is pretty self centered and superficial......to a degree.

PLEASE don't write and tell me how your child is nothing like that. Of course generalities are not always true....but that is the reputation of the generation

__________________
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

E. Roosevelt

My daughter got married a year and a half ago. We live in a very rural area (I grew up in a very wealthy area). The expectations are not high here but my daughters expectations were high. We set her bugdet for $5000. and we did it very frugally. Till it was over it did cost $9000. We put a lot of hard work into it and it really was VERY beautiful. She got a discontinued wedding gown at 75% off(big name designer but I forget who). We had a local caterer who was wonderful. Very detailed oriented and it looked georgous. Did amazing things to make the food look fancy. We bought little lights(white strand) at target 90% off. I mean a zillion of them. She wanted the ceiling of the room done with little lights and up until 2 weeks before the wedding my dh said there was no way. But the week before he came up with a way to make it work and he made a drop ceiling with the little lights. with tulle over them. I found candelabras on 90% at target . they are georgous. Now we didnt' have alcohol(groom family reason). But I was just looking at a magazine with fancy rental places and I thought wow ours looked even better then that. It was a LOT of hard work but it was beautiful. The thing that bothered me was that we paid by the person for the reception and I was astounded by how many said they were coming and then didn't. To me that is very rude. that was the biggest waste and we didnt' get the leftovers so it was wasted money for us.

Yep, us too (well...almost 11 years ago). And the $5,000 included our honeymoon to Cancun! We got engaged a year before we tied the knot, so every month I would pay for one thing for the wedding....one month it was the invitations, the next the caterer, next was the cake lady.....etc. It was nice not having to drop a huge chunk of cash at one time....spreading it out month by month worked very well for us. We had an awesome reception, with an appetizer tower that people who came are STILL talking about! Oh and I almost forgot...we also got a live Jazz band to play during dinner, then had a DJ for the rest of it.

__________________

Friends are like butt cheeks.
Crap might separate them,
But they always come back together.

We spent 25 dollars....we eloped. The minister who married us in his front yard wouldn't except anything from us, so the only money we paid was the 25 dollars for the marriage certificate. We upset a lot of people doing this (long story)
but in 13 years I have never regretted. I know that I got married because I wanted to get married, not because I wanted a wedding......DH always said for our 10th wedding anniversary he wanted to "get married" again and do it right...He was in Iraq at the time so we didn't do it, now he say we'll do it on our 15th......It's important to him, but I don't really care. I do think a lot of time people get caught up in the idea of the wedding and not the marriage

__________________
Nicole

I agree. If I could do ours over again, we would eloped. I'll encourage my kids to either elope or have a small family wedding and then have a big party with everyone after the honeymoon

__________________
Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I always wanted to have the big fairy tale wedding, but I know I wont be. We can't afford it and neither can our parents. We are planning something Halloweenish and it is going to be small but fun I was watching platnium weddings and getting ideas and I'd call my dad and he would just laugh at me. Then I told my dad I wanted it in a castle and he said "sure white castle it is LOL " My dad and BF also told me to stop watching Platnium weddings and watch my big redneck wedding because those weddings fit more into our budget. BTW the one they had on the other day about the couple married at a flea market was by my dad's. I would like to meet those people and thank them because now my dad is trying to convince us that its a great place for my wedding

__________________
~~~~**Maryann**~~~~

I just got a firm grip on reality....
Now I can strangle it

This issue just raised it's head in our family as my nephew is getting married in June. My brother in law is very comfortable financially and the brides mother sees this as her ticket to having an over the top wedding. She actually stated "I don't like the idea of having a budget for the wedding, of putting a number on the dollars spent" He reminded her that he would only be paying for the rehearsal dinner and all of a sudden her song changed.

__________________

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning to dance in the rain.

David and I got married this past June, and it was a small wedding...but it was perfect. I saved for over a year and spent around $8000. Two YOUNGER friends got married the same month and both spent (or their parents spent) over $30,000. I thought mine was just as nice, and we had a lot of real personal touches. I would not have done anything different!

__________________
If you're not living on the edge, you're wasting space.

a tuscan wedding in the spring is what any proper woman should have

You had to pay the minister????
I thought that was what a priest's job was: to tend to the needs of his "flock".

My Daddy has performed NUMEROUS weddings and never charges. If the couple insists on paying Daddy asks that they donate it to the church. No minister I have known charges to perform a wedding ceremony....

And the same is true of my Mom (yes, my mother is an ordained minister as well...)

Good Grief! Do the ministers that charge to perform weddings also charge to perform Christenings/Baby Blessings, Funerals or Visiting the sick?

Sorry to hi-jack the post....

__________________
Mental that one, I'm telling you. ---Ron Weasley, "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

We spent over $25K on our wedding a little over a year ago. We paid for most of it ourselves. I do have buyers remorse, but I still don't know if I would change anything. I loved our wedding. It was beautiful and everyone had a great time. I have a funny video (which we've watched a few times) and a nice photo album. Was that worth $25K? I doubt it.... There are plenty of times that I sure wish that money was in the bank.

We had to pay our minister - a Presbyterian minister - 18 1/2 years ago - I believe it was $50.

Lisa

__________________
"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

I think this is pretty much expected anymore. If memory serves me correctly, fourteen years ago we paid $100 - $125 and it was mandatory. Using the church was sort of a package deal. They provided a breakdown of services, (i.e., rental, clean up using their janitorial staff, wedding coordinator, etc.), but there was a detailed charge for the minister. We would have given him money had that not been the case.

My brother is a minister and I believe he also charges what I call "flock fees". Sickies get a pass, though.

__________________
I want to keep ALL of my paycheck and eliminate the pyramid scheme known as Social Security (there is no lockbox ). Do you want the same thing? www.fairtax.org

Yes, long story... we asked him early on during the counselling phase if we would be charged anything... he said 'no'. We did agree to pay for him for two nights in a motel and his meals and gas (and some other things!!!) since he was from out of town (he visited our local small church each week but was coming up two nights early because of our wedding). So, about 30 minutes before the ceremony was to start, he pulled me into his office and told me that it is customary for the bride to pay the priest $250. I looked for my purse... shaking all over and wrote the check. He cashed it. My FIL was the church treasurer and was livid... also said that I should have written the check to the church and they could have paid him so that I could have taken it as a tax writeoff. He really was mad at the priest. We didn't make a big deal about it... but it really said something to me about the trustworthiness of priests. We were willing to pay... it was just the way that it was done. Sorry to those who have good ones; just my take on it.

That whole story was the worst thing about my wedding day. It really did put a damper on things.

I'm happily married... though. What can I say?

We weren't required to pay our minister (Lutheran) since I am a member of the church. BUT we still gave him $100 for all he did for us.

__________________

Friends are like butt cheeks.
Crap might separate them,
But they always come back together.

I guess people can do whatever they want. We went small for a couple of reasons...we didn't have much money and I, personally, don't like to be the center of attention. LOL
It cost $300 for the church, which my dad offered to pay for and then my MIL thought it would be cool to have a harpist instead of the organ so she paid for that (and it actually was pretty neat). My dad also bought my dress, which was from a regular clothing store and my husband wore a suit he already had. I had a bouquet of flowers, a small boquet for my sister (maid of honor) and we got a carnation for DH & his best man. Afterwards we went to a restraunt and everyone paid for their own food. LOL We didn't have a honeymoon. We got married on a Monday evening and DH had to go back to work a couple of days later.

The only regret I have is not hiring someone to video and take pictures. We have some pictures that were mostly taken by my dad with a regular handheld film camera. They're not the greatest but at least we have something.
We have no video. My MIL didn't set the cameras up right and all you can see is from our neck down. LOL! She had a friend in the audience who was supposed to be taping but she forgot to turn the camera on. She gave us the tape and we saw it was blank but we never told her. We didn't know the lady (my MIL invited her friends that we'd never met before - LOL).

We were married in a catholic church and I believe it's customary to "tip" (for lack of a better word!) the altar servers and priest. As far as I know, the money given to the priest goes to the church.

ETA: We really loved our wedding. Even though it wasn't lavish and didn't have all the bells and whistles, it was beautiful and DH & I enjoyed it. Everyone commented on how nice it was even though it was very simple.

peapie

We also had to pay the organist, the janitor and a couple other people but I can't remember who. I was told they were "suggested" amounts. I just remember being suprised because I thought that was all a part of what they did, but I was young and naive I guess. Who knows...like Cuthie said, we're happily married, so "whatever"....!

Lisa

__________________
"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"

We were broke when we got married, and didn't want to ask for help, so we got married in Vegas. Originally, we were going to go alone, but two friends showed up as guests, which was great, since they helped us figure it all out. Don't remember the cost, but even with what it cost to drive there, it was definitely under $1000. My parents approved, because a no-family wedding saved my grandmother having to travel. His parents only found out afterwards, and apparently his step-mother was thrilled that we'd married at all. I think his dad was just happy not to have to pay for it.

This was five years ago, which isn't that long, but I know a lot of couple who've married since we did, who are now divorced. When I keep hearing about the stress and debt from their weddings, I figure after that I might be too.

We also paid a (small) fee to the pastor and a (small) fee to the church some 20 years ago. We gave the pastor a thank-you card and a tip on top of that.

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

Are you for real or do you just go around saying the most stupid ignorant possible thing you can imagine? I have a feeling they would kick you out of Tuscany.

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

I didn't understand the proper woman/tuscan spring comment either?????

I agree with another poster who said this is a different generation and the way the proms are now with the expensive dresses, limos, etc., these girls expect an expensive wedding.

In our newspaper the other day, there was a full page article about girls in the area getting ready for the prom. It said girls have been shopping since before Christmas and that if you didn't shop early, you were out of luck because -- and I couldn't believe this -- a lot of shops in the area WILL NOT sell the same dress to two girls if they go to the same school!! So if you really like a dress, go to buy it, the shop will not sell you the dress if another girl from your school has already bought the dress. Plus they were showing the girls trying on their little tiaria to go with their dresses and talking about renting the limos and everything.

If these girls have this much expense in just going to the Prom, of course they're going to expect these expensive weddings!

I think you can have a nice wedding and not have to go so overboard that mom and dad are broke for the rest of their lives! But I honestly don't think a lot of girls think of the expense this causes mom and dad. And then mom and dad give in to them, too, so it's not all the girl's fault. Maybe if they'd put the brakes on during Prom season, things wouldn't be so crazy when it came to the wedding.

My dd just go married in Aug. of 06 and we spent about 5,000. We are not at all well off and we scrimped. I had friends that did all the cooking and serving of the meal. THey handled everything and it was wonderful. Another friend took the pics and they were equally as wonderful. I agree that weddings have gotten out of hand, but as a mom, I wish we could have done a bit more. But it was fabulous nonetheless!! We had many ppl tell us the ceremony was the most beautiful they had seen, and I have to agree. And really that is the part that matters, right.

Decorating for the reception was crazy. I had everything organized and labled in boxes. But we had LOTS of help lol and at one point, I turned around and they were being emptied willy nilly and ppl were asking, me "what do I do with this"?? At that poiint I said,." whatever you want" lol. I gave some direction, but it wasn't like I'd planned. However it turned out perfect!

That's the second time I've seen the weird "proper woman" term used! All I can say is...Thank God I AM NOT PROPER! David appreciates it, too!

__________________
If you're not living on the edge, you're wasting space.

Ignore the trolls, folks....responding is feeding the fire....giving him/her an orgasm.....think about it that way. LOL

cj/

__________________
I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

For one thing I forgot to mention how do people keep their sanity planning and pulling this off? I went crazy looking for a dress and planning I thought I was going to cancel it a few times LOL. I can't even imagine how one would feel when tens of thousands of dollars are on the line and it depends on so many different people coming through as they have promised.

What about mistakes and horror stories? Should wes start a new thread or just discuss it here?

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.

We paid for our minister and organist. Both were employees of the church which I grew up in. I think it was worded more as a 'suggested donation', but they really made it more like a 'requirement' than a 'donation'. The organist offered to do it for free since he had been my chior director since I was 5 or 6 years old, but my parents paid him anyway. Since a wedding normally takes place when the church would be 'closed', there are costs involved -- utilities, maintance, etc., plus the minister & organist's time becuase they normally would not be working at that time.

My wedding, 12 1/2 years ago cost around $10,000 (not including the honeymoon), which my parents paid for. I would have liked for it to be a lot more fancy, but my dad put me on a strict budget (which started at $5,000 and my mom & I talked him up from there because he was really being 'cheap'). The reception for 150 guests cost the most and after that I think it was the photographer.

Sarah.......mom to Jason & Devin

My only regret to my wedding was that I didn't make my own wedding cake. Everyone talked me out of it saying I'd have too much to deal with without having to deal with a 4 tier cake. Well, for as much as I was disappointed in my cake, I would have gladly welcomed the added stress, cuz at least the cake would have been what I wanted.

__________________

Friends are like butt cheeks.
Crap might separate them,
But they always come back together.

I guess if the cake was the worst thing that went wrong then God Bless you! LOL

__________________
The political system is broke and it's a joke.