This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph... PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best web mail-award-winning letter....

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of run ning up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills. Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. There fore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.

You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants..



Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to Slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

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Mary

So funny I just sent this to my dd at college who is in the "throes of cramping"! She will get quite a laugh.
Thanks.

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My step daughter got stickers in the mail "HAHP" from always...took us a while to figure out the have a happy period slogan. Again - what exactly whould YOU put these stickers on? Letters to friends? School notebooks?

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saraedawson@yahoo.com

Mommy to Jake, Alexis, Abigail and Joshua, Wife to Matt

Now there's a thought.........use those things for notes to the teacher for excused absences. Can you imagine? Send it in with, "Susie missed school yesterday because she didn't HAHP."

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I want to keep ALL of my paycheck and eliminate the pyramid scheme known as Social Security (there is no lockbox ). Do you want the same thing? www.fairtax.org

I love the letter...thank you so much for posting

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Omg, that is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. Lynne

Use them, love that! I haven't boycotted but oh boy have I said an aweful lot of snide and nasty things to the packaging during that ad campaign. I do however really like what they're doing now with donating supplies to school girls in other countries so they don't miss school because of their period.

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Meddle ye not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crispy, and taste good with Ketchup!

OMG...I just had to pick myself up off the floor!

I was laughing pretty good with the letter and following posts but your comment sent me over the edge!!

Too funny!!!!!!

Maybe they should have warnings for men on the removable sticker paper part that you could stick on a wall warning them what they're in for? Things like, "get out of the house", "Run for your life!", "Hide the sharp objects", or "here we go again."

OMG!! That was a hoot!! Written from the heart!!! Or rather, the uterus.

Okay, I now have tears running down my face from reading this thread!! lol

I absolutely love that letter since I wince every time I see an Always commercial on TV, and they
say Have A Happy Period! You've got to be kidding me. I have a 14 year old daughter, and she
thinks it's hilarious, too. She also got those stickers in the mail. She took one look at them,
laughed, and threw them in the garbage can! So much for a happy period, I guess.

I am searching for stickers for men. Perhaps some that say "SUCGIU" for Viagra.

Thanks for the great laugh!!