First off, I am thankful I have a husband who remembers my birthday and I already feel somewhat guilty for even feeling this way about the gift he got me.

My bday was today and DH has been asking all week what I want. I suggested gc for massage, new clothes, bird bath or bird feeder, books...

Opened the present today and it was a XM Satellite system for my car with cd player and a bunch of other gadgets. DH's new car came with Sirius and he loves it. I have told him several times that I hate how it doesn't work in storms, under overhangs, etc...and when he has asked in the past I let him know that there is a particular morning show I like to listen to on the way to work and I catch the local news on the way home and that is it.

Just looked it up online and he likely spent close to $200 on this, plus it will be $13 a month for the XM subscription. NOT how I want to spend that money. DH seemed clueless about my feelings, but I couldn't have hidden them that well cuz 8yr old DS said "you don't like your present, do you?"

So...do I ask him to return it, and risk hurting his feelings...or do I have the expensive "toy" in my car for him to use when he drives it...less than once a month.

Thanks in advance for your opinions.

I am generally the sort of person who says "Thank you, I love it!" regardless. I truly believe it's the thought that counts.

However, in this case, it seems like not a whole lot of thought was rendered. I firmly believe that your DH loves his XM radio so much that he thought you would too. I don't think he was being thoughtless on purpose.

I would generally just suck it up, but since this gift includes an ongoing expense, I really think I'd bite the bullet and tell him the truth.

To preserve peace, you might want to give it a month or two. Who knows, you may love it. If, after that time, you still don't love it, tell him it's just a wasted expense.

Gotta tell you, I bought DH XM radio last year for Xmas along with a bunch of gift cards to pay for it. After the GCs ran out, he told me it just wasn't worth it to him as he doesn't spend more than 10 minutes driving to work. I felt bad that I bought him a crappy present, but was happy he didn't feel the need to just suck it up.

Good luck!

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bite me and get a brain!

He meant well, you have to assume he meant well, but if there's any way to return this thing I think I'd very regretfully bring up the problem now, and ask for a specific CD, so your music needs are still being met. If you were only paying for the receiver, this might be a service you'd grow to like in time, but I think the subscription fee's going to continue to annoy you. DH did get me one gift I hated. I considered it, tactfully told him so, and we ended up selling it, and getting what I really wanted. Oddly enough, it did no damage at all.

Just wait till his birthday comes around and spend over $200 on a fancy new vacuum cleaner with a bunch of gadgets and thoughtfully give it to him.Or just buy something that you would love to have ,that he would rarely use and give him that for his birthday.

I think it's how you tell a person that the gift they bought really isn't your style. You can be kind, non-insulting, while letting them know that you appreciate VERY MUCH that they wanted to do something so nice for you.

I'm all about being truthful when gift-giving, at least for me as the giver. If I get someone something that isn't really "them", or they don't like...TELL ME! I don't get hurt or offended over that. Some people are GREAT at giving the perfect gift every time. I'm not and I know it. BUT - by letting me know what is and isn't your style, you HELP me, not HURT me. Of course if someone were to whine and moan and swear at me, that would be the LAST thing they ever got, hehe!

Other people are different though and very sensitive to being told things like this. You know your husband best. How do YOU think he would react?

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We have sirius and LOVE it. Perhaps if you give it a try, you will too. Ours usually works, and I am really not in the car much- but like always having music available.

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AKA: Airbornearmywife

My husband gives gifts like this...well, and things like toilet seats and car batteries......I guess the thing to keep in mind is that this kind of gift giver is looking at things that they really enjoy and wanting to bring that same joy to the recipient. Unfortunately, it's off the mark. As for how to deal with it, I have no advice on that....only empathy. But I do think the birthday girl should get something she would like!! Let us know how you handle the situation!

And HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, omahamom!!!

cj/

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I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code. -Emo Phillips

ITA with the others that said return it. I also agree that no thought went into this. It's not thoughtful to buy someone a gift you'd like instead of one they'd like. It would be like me buying my DH a new sewing machine . . . no matter and nice and expensive, it's worthless to him. In this case, to you.

Like you, I only listen to a few things in the radio. Don't give a rip about 40,000 music stations, that's for sure. I download podcasts of the news from the night before and listen to that on my ipod and I love it. In this case, you're out $200.00 up front plus another $150.00 or more each year. For something you don't want or like? No, you shouldn't do that to yourself. You can get a lot of stuff you actually like for that money.

Be kind, but be honest and tell him to return it.

Since the gift is from your DH I would tell him that you really do not want this type of thing for your car and you feel it is a waste of money for something that you would not use. The fact that there is an ongoing price would be another reason to tell him ASAP. I know some of said try it out and see if you like it. I think if you do this he may not be able to return it. If your DH has this in his car I am sure you can tell if you like it without trying it out a month or 2.
I dont know the relationship you have with your dh but I know if I got my dh something that cost this much with an ongoing cost on top. I would hope that he would tell me if he didnt like it so I could return it and get him something he would rather have. I also am sure he would want me to do the same thing.
It seems your dh would rather get you something you want since he had been asking all week what you would like. Maybe he figured that he likes his so much that he doesn't see how you could not want one too,

I understand how you feel. My husband gave me a tennis bracelet this past Christmas. I did not like it, it was not my style and I told him. Initially, I think he was hurt but later understood.

Yes, definitely ask that he return it. Tell him you know he gave it out of love and you appreciate the thought behind the gift, but this is something you know you will not enjoy.
Cost of the item + $13 a month is a lot when it's a gift you know you already don't care for.
Have him take it back and help him find something that you'll love.

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Shed already know if she liked it or not from being in his car. I agree I wouldnt care if it had 40,000 stations or not just like all these music stations on tv that I never listen to in fact out of the few hundred stations we get on tv I only watch like 5 if that. explain to him about it and get something you can use. my hubby is on a crystal figurine kick, I have a dozen of them, their not useful, we have 4 kids so not practical to display anywhere if their to survive. so their boxed up.

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I feel your pain! I HAD a husband like this until about the 10 the year of marriage I told him never to buy me anything to cook, clean, haircutting tools, for when we buy gifts for each other, that is not my choice
of items to recieve, but I will tell you that he said his mother loved those kinds of gifts when she got them
I told him everyone is different.

Ill tell you something funny, one year for my birthday, I was waiting for this great gift from my husband cause he was awful silent for that whole week and so I thought this must be good, so its my bday and he made me wait till he got home from work , after dinner he gave me it and I opened it and it was
"a shaver that I use to shave the back of the neck when I give haircuts" , I nearly died! I told him about 1 year later
never to get me this kind of stuff, we still joke to this day what a bad gift that was!


I hope that maybe you will end up likeing your gift, I love my sirius but I didnt get it for my bday.

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RIP Chibby my chinchilla 10/02/09

I thorough agree with everything you said. I've been married over 30 years and we have never had much money so maybe that's why I would definitely take it back and not hesitate.

I would tell him over and over how much I appreciated what he had done and I do actually believe he "thought" he was "thoughtful". He knew how much he enjoyed it and so he "thought" you would enjoy it. There are so many great books written about how men and women are different.
You can't judge his thinking by the way you think. "The 5 love languages" is a good book, "Men are from Mars" etc. My husband finds it hard to believe I don't enjoy all the things he enjoys. But after 30 years we have good communication and so just tell each other and "try" to say it in a loving way, lol.

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I do understand you. completely ! For Christmas this year, dh gave me some expensive "pod" type coffee maker. It only made a cup of coffee at a time, and the dang pods were seriously overpriced. I am so happy and content with my cheap-O Proctor Silex $12 coffee maker and $5 maxwell house.

well..I tried to return it to walmart and dh caught me ( came to the store while I was in the return line ). He got insulted and pouty. I tried very hard to explain my case but I still do not think he gets it.

Ended up he took the coffee maker to work with him.

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Live, Love, Laugh

My husband the does the same thing. I think I have mentioned a few times that DH is the worst gift giver I have ever know. Which is odd, cause in both his and my family I known as the best gift giver. With being on the receiving side of so many bad gifts, I have come up with ways to get around my bad gifts. A few weeks before birthdays, anniversary's, Christmas, etc. I buy myself a really large item, then when DH sayd he was surprised I spent XX amount of money, I tell him just consider it my "xxx" gift and you can get me something small or take me out to eat. I have also been known to buy my gifts in advance and he just wraps them. Then there is the ugly jewelry gift, I tell him I love it and if it has matching pieces.....if yes I am in luck, cause we go back to the jewelry store and I tend to find something I LOVE even more. If no I am stuck with it. Now if I tell him I want something and he messes up like buying me the Cheetah girls instead of the Gilmore girls, I just exchange it and he isn't the wiser. But for those times when there is no wiggle room, I just ask him if he bought me "XXX" gift cause he wanted it, and if he says yes, I just simply ask if he would mind if I get something I really want....or if he tells me no, that he thought I would like it...I would just tell him the truth, that I have no practical need for it and I would rather get something I would really enjoy or spend the money on a nice date. He has never been mad, but he also knows he has a handicap when buying gifts....But he sure is persistent.

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I am the recipient of many gifts that are not me...
one year I received a biography of not only Ronald Regan, BUT ALSO (can you handle the suspense??) Ben franklin!!! Not that I dont admire both gentlemen, it just wasnt my idea of the perfect birthday gift. For Christmas, my DH bought me an I-Home thing from Circuit City. I have only an Ipod shuffle (all I want, I just use it working out). Of course, it does not fit, (nor d I really even want something like this), and Circuit City would not return it, even though it was a christmas gift, and thier sales clerk told DH it would work with the shuffle (because the purchase was made more then 30 days before)...I told him several times I would LOVE a pair of large hoop earrings. Even showed him the earrings at Sam's club.
Another year, I got a Dirt Devil vacuum (worst vac I have ever owned), and yet nother year a digital camera (I am very low tech, still carry my cannon sureshot camera, and this was when digitals were much bigger, more complicated and expensive) that I never used.
So dont feel bad, you are not alone.
DH is a good man, and I would not purposely dis his gift, at the risk of making him feel bad.

First, let me say I have XM in my car and I love it. I don't listen to any of the local stations anymore. So maybe if you try it, you'll like it to. DH got it in his car first and when I got my new van, I got it too.

That being said, I would gently tell your DH that you'd like to return the gift and get something else -- maybe say you were really hoping for (whatever you really wanted).

Men really need to be told what women want -- they don't want to have to guess because they are just not good at it. I used to hope my DH would get me what I want, now I give him a list to pick from. I don't expect everything on the list and I would love for him to get me something thoughtful that wasn't on the list, but just having the list has helped him tremendously (he said so). Most men are just clueless about things like this so the more help you can give them the better. They really want to make us happy, they just don't know how <lol>.

Sarah........mom to Jason & Devin

I too am a March 6 baby - Happy Birthday to all of us!

I am torn about what to say here because I feel for you. My husband, for xmas bought me an HD radio for the house. He wanted it, not me. But, I did have something to open.

Yesterday, my birthday (48th) I got NOTHING! My husband hates to buy gifts, I know that, but, not even a card. He is a terrible planner and shopper. THe night before he took me to Costco to see if there was anything there I wanted. I found nothing. I guess it doesnt help that I cannot think of what I really want. I really do not need anything either. As we get older, we need or want for less.

I am upset because my day was no different than any other day and that hurts.

So, I am here to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my March 6 birthday buddies!!!

Well today's MY birthday I don't expect to get anything today. My husband had a couple coworkers over the day before yesterday, setting up their D&D characters, they're going to play online using Teamspeak or something.. heard them mention their first game was going to be Friday night.. so I said.. what exactly are you doing Friday night? "gaming... what about you?" I replied oh, probably take myself out to eat for my birthday... got his friends to rag on him about that lol (actually going to bed early sounds great to me). I did go to Lowes and got a few little plants and pots and stuff to put them in... lady was marking down the ones that I wanted plus got me some free gravel lol... guess that's my gift today!

wow he actually gave you something? he remembered? wow!

we should all be so lucky! i would keep it and be thankful but i understand how you feel though about the money he spent.

Yes, I would definitely ask him to return it, especially since you said you made a point of giving him suggestions about gifts that you WOULD like.

He's a grown man: hopefully, his ego isn't that fragile that his feelings would be hurt.

To be honest. I would be happy if my dh would put some thought into a gift. He used to get me a gc to the same store, year after year, until I finally said something about it and now he just tells me to go get what I want. Which is okay, but a nice surpise once in a while would be nice!

I would say something if it were my husband. In fact, my DH hinted several times about getting me Sirius because he loves his. I just am not a big radio person and I told him I would return it.

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Well, I think this is a tough one, and will depend on how honest you can be with your DH. A friend of mine had told me about a book called something like "The languages of love" or something to that effect. It tells how people give and receive love. I used to (Ok, sometimes still do) get upset with the extravagant gifts DH would get for me. But, after realizing that this is his way of showing love (gift giving) I eased up, and now we have come to an understanding about the price of the gift. That has gotten a lot better. I will tell you, for XMAS he got me a Garmin, which is a neat little gadget, but, I did NOT ask for one, hint about one, or ANYTHING, but, I got one. I know he spent a bunch more than I would have liked him to, but, I had to bite my tongue and accept that this is how he expresses love. He truly spoils me.

So, back to your dilemma......I think if it is going to cause a rift in your relationship with DH then you need to address it. Otherwise, enjoy it as much as possible..

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