One of my nieces is getting married. We don't know when, we just heard that she is. She is s very nice girl. However, we don't really speak to her parents or her. It's a little difficult to explain, but, thru different events, we have just come to not really speak to them. If we are in the same place, yes, of course we do. But, neithe side goes out of their way to keep in touch. Actually, we have not heard from her or her parents directly in over 2 years. I know they have come to town, but, did not stop by or call.

She is getting married, so we have heard. I'm sure we'll get an invitation, if for no other reason than for appearances, so they can say they sent one. We won't go, but, should we send a gift?

Going off of the details in your post, if I were in your spot, I would send a gift.

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There doesnt seem to be any discord so i would send a card with money

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"Never loan your car to someone you have given birth too"

I would send a card with a check or a $25 or so gift off the registry ($50 if you are feeling that is more appropriate).

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Proud to say I haven't shopped at a Wal-Mart since Sept 2003

I'll be rude. I say no - if they can't be bothered to say hi when your in town then don't invite me to a wedding so you can get my money or gift. Oh and yes I do practice this. My brother got married in Vegas and had a reception back home later and I did not get a gift for them.

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Laura
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I would send a card and check or a gift.
My FIL (is that the correct letters, lol) had a falling out with his sister. It was still my DH's aunt and he had fond childhood memories. We decided to remain friends with the aunt and were glad we did. Eventually (many many years later, before his death, my FIL reconciled with his sister and we helped with that).
I guess I think family is forever (unless there is something horrible like abuse).

I always think it is better to be kind than vindictive. I would rather live my life with no regrets regardless of other people's behavior and response. Have I gotten burned, oooooo many many times. But that was their decision. I want to live knowing I did the right thing. I do believe that "what goes around comes around."

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I may be the odd man out here, but if it's not too far away, I'd go to the wedding and take a gift.

You say the niece herself is very nice. You don't know if the parents sent the invitations or if she chose to include you. If she did, it'd be a shame to disassociate yourself from her because of some strain among the adults.

There were some relatives I invited to our wedding that I hadn't seen for years, simply because it was the right thing to do. Families get together for weddings and funerals, and some who lived over two hours away that I hadn't seen in ages did come. They were delighted to see relatives that, because of distance, they rarely had opportunity to visit with anymore, and they all hung around and visited until late in the night.

I realize that geographically things may be different for you, but in our area, they don't have sit-down catered meals. We tend to do the cake/punch /nuts/mints receptions, and sometimes a table of finger foods, so it wasn't as though expanding the guest list to accommodate rarely-seen relatives was a costly proposition.

ETA: This may be a pollyanna way to look at things, but I don't feel like an invitation is a request for a gift. I never sent them out hoping for gifts. I just wanted people in my circle to know that I considered them important enough to want them at an event. Some were family, some were friends, some were my family's business associates.... and for different reasons, they were significant enough to want to see them there.

I would say that since there does not seem to be any discord or disharmony regarding your relationships, were I in your position I would definitely send a gift (value depending on you), and, if invited and if you are geographically close enough to attend the wedding, I would feel comfortable attending the ceremonies. Think of it as a chance to spend time with those you don't always get to see and build stronger relationships.

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